Reluctant

"

"Ah."

"Su..."

"Stop shouting." Su She finally turned around to interrupt Bai Huan, frowning slightly, a little helpless and a little angry.

Bai Huan smiled, "Didn't you really want me to call you by your name?"

Su She looked at him and remained silent.

Bai Huan didn't care too much, sat up and patted the quilt on his thigh, and said casually, "You forgot one thing."

Su She blinked, "Huh?"

"Today's day." Bai Huan frowned slightly.

Su She thought about it, April [-]th... what day... Qingming Festival, April [-]th... Bai Huan's birthday, July...

After thinking about it for a long time, Su She frowned.

Bai Huan looked at him for a long time, then suddenly sighed.

"Fool."

Su She lowered her eyes and remained silent.

Seeing Su She standing in the corner with low eyebrows, Bai Huan suddenly wanted to hug him.

"Happy birthday." But he couldn't, he could only wish him softly.

For a moment, Su She's pupils shrank slightly, looking extremely shocked.

There was an uncontrollable feeling in my heart.

"Happy birthday...?" he murmured.

"...So, did I forget myself?"

he remembered.

remember my birthday...

I remember... Ha... But, so what...

so what……

It's just Xiaoen Xiaohui...but I want to cry...

You don't like me, why do you act like you like me...

"They'll come tomorrow, you go to the company and stay." Seeing that he didn't speak for a long time, Bai Huan didn't continue the topic.

At this moment, Su She came back to her senses, realized that Bai Huan was talking about Lin Xiu and Bai's father, and then she lightly responded and lowered her head to make a picture.

The company recently had a new project, a new large-scale playground... He is the chief designer, although he cannot be named... But he really wants to do this thing well.

After all, it might well be the last thing he has in this world.

The doctor kept sending him to the hospital for chemotherapy, but the matching bone marrow hadn't been found yet. If Xiao Lin found out, he would definitely be beaten again.

However, he did, at all, did not want to die on the hospital bed.

Alone, alone.

Maybe Lin An was there, Xie Yang was there.

Even, Bai Huan is here.

Looking at myself, the breath was annihilated bit by bit.

Looking at myself, bit by bit the rot disappears.

Probably, it will be disgusting.

A person like him must be ugly when he dies...a frame supported by a pile of bones, only a layer of skin is left to wrap the flesh and blood.

Then, slowly, die.

On the night when Bai Huan said he didn't know, he had a very strange dream.

I dreamed that I became a small shiitake mushroom growing in front of the mountain temple, absorbing the sun and rain all day long. Although I am not very tall, my eyesight is getting better and better. In the past, I could only see things a hundred meters away, but now I can’t. Can see things thousands of miles away.

Then it would often see a young man in black fetching water from the well in front of the temple. He fetched a lot each time and distributed it to the surrounding flowers and plants.

Although it felt that a shiitake mushroom was not worthy of a human being, it still fell in love with that boy.

After a long time, it found that the boy was very kind to every flower and plant around him, except for him.

Even, looking at it with disgust.

The original clear blue sky is not as good as it used to be. It feels, it doesn't know why, the summer is so hot, it only feels the cold.

A mushroom trembling?

It's ridiculous.

However, it just likes the boy who always ignores it.

It wants to take a closer look at him.

It wants to touch him.

It wants to tell him its likes.

Go ask him why he hates it.

But it can't move, it's embedded in the soil.

It can't speak either, and it can't even make the sound it likes....

Let alone touch him.

It can't help it, it can't do anything.

It can only wait for him to come and see it.

So, it waited and waited, and waited for a whole spring, summer, autumn and winter.

After waiting, many lives decayed.

He still didn't glance at it.

It's probably getting old...everything I can see is starting to blur.

That boy was still the same, cold and cheerless, but his smile could keep him warm throughout the winter.

The spring, summer, autumn and winter it waits for is a lifetime, but to him, it is just a year.

It asked the gods to give it a chance to touch him.

So, it traded its remaining lifespan for one day.

"Why do you...hate me?" When it found him, he was reading a book.

His brows and eyes are indifferent, his youthful face is elegant and handsome, and he is very good-looking.

After seeing it coming in, he just glanced at it, and then said coldly, "Go out."

Replying to its answer is nothing but a cold stare.

It still doesn't understand...why he hates it.

Why, can't try to like it.

Even if it's just for a while, just for a while.

Is it because it is a shiitake mushroom, a useless shiitake mushroom.

"The lowly plants clinging to the foot of the big tree are so ugly that it's disgusting... What kind of belief do you have... that you want me to... like you?" the boy said again.

It blinked, a little bewildered.

"By the way, you are going to die... remember not to die in front of my door." He chuckled lightly, and then added, "I think it's dirty."

The rotting corpse is disgusting.

……

Mushrooms thought, it's really sad.

Why is it... a shiitake mushroom.

A shiitake mushroom that is not worthy of that person.

In my own next life... don't... fall in love with him again.

Too cruel.

The shiitake mushroom has no heart, but it feels that the body is empty.

nothing left.

(29)

In the middle of the night, Su She went to the doctor to get some medicine and tucked Bai Huan under the blanket.

Then I left the hospital and walked to the company.

He didn't like to ride a car, because when he was a child, his neighbors said that his father was gay and died in a car accident.

As for why his father was gay, it was probably to make things different.

Gays always deserve what they deserve when they get into a car accident.

A sincere tone, a sympathetic look.

His dad is gay, don't get too close to him, you see his mom doesn't like him either.

I don't know if the children born of homosexuality will also be homosexual.

Deserved to be hit by a car.

When I heard people say that when I was young, I always felt that the way they looked at me was like looking at dirty things.

My mother looked at me as if she wanted to kill me.

She was called a male prostitute by her classmates, and she was only suitable for men.

To refute that I am not gay, to refute...

Now, how to refute.

It's falling in love with a man, falling in love with a man who doesn't like himself.

Living in the mud, unable to get up, covered in bruises.

I want to say it's okay, it's okay, I don't hurt.

You will only get Su She's answer, why don't you die.

Why don't you like riding in a car... Is it because you are afraid that you will die suddenly.

Suddenly, it disappeared without a trace.

It's really hypocritical... I'm about to die now.

Some strange habits still can't be changed.

Even if I send a text message to the only person on the phone, although it will not be sent, but every time I get used to the first option of the two-character input method, it will change to the second word I like.

Time is really a bad thing, even the input method has been thoroughly grasped, I like it, like it, after a long time, it becomes a habit.

Nothing can change it.

Lin An always asks me what I like about Bai Huan, he treats me so badly, what do I like about him.

What do I like about him?

A ray of light penetrated into the darkness and started a heavy rain.

The rain washes away all the filth and blackness, gradually revealing its original appearance, and that ray of light becomes the sun again, giving the only remaining warmth in winter.

Bai Huan is like that ray of light, from the first time he saw him.

He is low in the dust, and he sits high in the clouds.

She wanted to touch him so much that she couldn't control herself.

I couldn't even draw stick figures before, let alone sketches, gouache, and him.

When Lin An saw my paintings in the past, he would always ask Bai Huan what he was doing...

Now that I think about it, it’s really impossible to love someone.

I don't have his picture, and I can't even touch his hand... When I want to see him, I only dare to look at him secretly, and secretly like him.

If you draw it, it can be regarded as a photo in disguise.

Draw his smile to others, it can be regarded as his smile to himself.

Love is too humble, it is not love.

It has all deteriorated and turned into a forced liking.

If he doesn't like it, there's nothing he can do about it.

……

Halfway through the completion of the design drawings, people from the company came to work one after another.

Liuliu was taken care of by Lin An, Su She always felt strange, Lin An took care of it very carefully, but Liuliu always didn't cooperate, Bai Huan just hugged it for nothing, but it always clings to him.

Those who didn't know thought it was Bai Huan's puppy.

"Morning, Director Su." Not long after he lost his mind, someone came forward to say hello.

Su She turned her head and smiled at him, "Morning."

Then turned to look out the window.

The east is white with wisps of light.

Bai Huan didn't know what he was thinking at the beginning, let him, a disgraced designer, go back to his old job, and even give him the position of design director of a big company that depends on his reputation.

Although, no one said he was bad.

However, this kind of charity in disguise, is Bai Huan trying to make up for the sympathy that did not save his reputation?

"...It's fine if you don't accept it." Su She sighed softly, got up and went downstairs to drink porridge.

His stomach seemed to be getting worse and worse along with his life.

It always hurts like a fire if I don't eat.

He's still...afraid of pain.

As a result, before sitting down at the porridge shop for 10 minutes, Lin An's phone call came.

"Call me early in the morning, you don't have sex." Su She frowned as she spat out the unknown object she ate.

"I am the end of intoxication and desire, alas