hot fire

五

"Really, children are messing around, why don't you join them in messing around." Before getting into the car, Xi turned her head and said to Qi.

"Don't make a fuss, they won't let me go, besides..."

"Forget it, let's get in the car." Xi didn't let Qi finish, and got into the car directly.

Qi sighed, Xi always avoided.

Looking up to meet Kate's gaze, Kate shook his head slightly at her.

"Where are you going now?" Xi volunteered to ask Soren.

"Let's go home first! The kids just said they want to go skiing this afternoon, what about you?" Soren asked.

"Oh, good! I haven't played for many years." Xi agreed, looking very happy.

"It's not snowing today..." Qi said looking out the window.

"Haha! Fool, it's winter now, and there will be snow if you go up the mountain!" Xi said with a playful smile.

"Oh, that's right." It doesn't snow in Taiwan, so naturally Qi is unfamiliar with this "country where it snows".

"Yuxi is very good at skiing! In the past, she took the two little ghosts to play, and we all rested at the foot of the mountain." Soren said looking at Xi from the rearview mirror.

"You should try it too!" Xi said to Qi with a smile.

"It feels so cold..." Qi was afraid of the cold.

"Try it once, maybe it's not as cold as you imagined!"

"Oh, okay." Qi saw Xi's expectant expression like a child for the first time, so he could only agree foolishly.

After going home for lunch, Soren and Kate drove another car, and the six of them set off for the nearest ski resort.

"It's so cold..." Qi rubbed his hands and said as soon as he got out of the car.

"Let's go!" Sophia pulled Xi and ran towards the cable car.

Soren and Nathaniel followed with ski gear.

"Let's go, or we won't be able to keep up." Kate patted Qi on the shoulder, and the two walked behind.

"This is for you." Xi handed Qi a set of equipment that she was completely unfamiliar with, and patiently told Qi how to "put it on".

Then he was pulled by Sophia to the cable car.

Kate and Qi are the queens again.

"Can you still get used to it?" On the cable car, Kate asked Qi beside her.

"Probably..." In fact, Qi is not used to it at all, but thinking of Xi's expectations, she still bites the bullet.

After Qi reluctantly "finished" once, she decided to obediently wait for Xi at the foot of the mountain, because it was too cold for her to bear.

"Then I'll accompany you." Xi said after knowing that Qi wanted to hide under the mountain to avoid the cold.

"You went up to play, it's rare to come back, spend more time with Sophia and the others." Qi motioned Sophia to pull Xi away quickly.

"Yuxi, go, I'll just stay here with Kaiqi." Kate walked to her side and looked at Xixi and said.

After Xi looked at them thoughtfully, she was reluctantly pulled away by Sophia.

"It's a bit deliberate..." Qi took the hot drink from Kate.

"It's okay! I just have a chance to chat with you." Kate and Qi sat down at a table.

"Is there a purpose?" Facing Kate's friendliness, Qi didn't appreciate it.

"Is it tiring to be with Yuxi?" Kate ignored Qi's defense and asked straightforwardly.

Qi shrugged, still not planning to say anything more.

"Kaiqi, I don't want to know anything about Yuxi from you, and I don't want to hurt Yuxi... When you were taken for a walk by your father in the morning, I also talked to Yuxi...I told her Said, she was never wrong, it was us who were wrong, we didn't support her when she needed, let her fight alone; didn't protect her by her side, let her heal after she was hurt... the past was right for her The injury is so deep that, I believe you can feel it too, she lives in a "semi-dissociated" state. I believe that many times she looks at herself alive like a bystander, as if everything It has nothing to do with her... With her like this, I believe that no matter how much you love her and tolerate her, sometimes you will feel powerless... I just hope you don't give up, Yu Xi pushed everyone away , just keep you by my side, it’s not that she doesn’t know how good you are to Yuxi, it’s just that the hurt in the past was too strong, and in that current situation of being alone and helpless…”

"When I'm with Xi, I feel alive." Qi didn't let Kate finish her sentence, and spoke by herself.

Kate was stunned for a few seconds, then quietly waited for her to speak.

"I'm an orphan, wandering the world like a wandering spirit... at least until I met Xi. Living alone, I tried my best to dress up as a gorgeous, eye-catching peacock, covering up the past with beautiful feathers I enjoy being noticed, that sense of pride, but I never get close to anyone, because no one let me know that even if I am not beautiful, I can be accepted, until I met Xi." Kate held out her hand Holding Qi's hand, Qi didn't dodge, and accepted Kate's support through the temperature of her palm.

"Xi's appearance, just like her name, is like a ray of light, letting me know that my past is not dark at all, "Little cat, you are not dirty at all, I washed you very clean", Xi always does Said, when I was unconsciously caught by the past again, she always told me like this. I know that there is always someone in Xi's heart, and I don't know what the other party has done. It doesn't matter... For me, I will always be by Xi's side, because it's not that she needs me, I need her more, but if one day she no longer needs me, or doesn't want me to stay by her side, I will I will leave obediently. I believe Xi knows what she wants, and I will give her everything she wants." Qi looked at Kate calmly and finished.

"Kaiqi, what do you want? What do you want?" Kate asked back.

"What I want is to spend every day peacefully with Xi like this." Qi said with a slight smile on his face.

"Then I beg you, take this as Yuxi's need. You are the one who is truly qualified to be by Yuxi's side... It's not so much that Yuxi doesn't believe in people, but what she doesn't believe in is herself. She doesn't believe in herself. I can meet someone who won't leave her behind, so..."

"If you don't start, there will be no end; if you don't own, you won't lose. I know, this is Xi's idea, and it is also a kind of silent balance that I and she have been unwilling to destroy... We both know it, don't say it What came out does not mean it does not exist, but Xi would rather believe like an ostrich, maybe, this is her way of protecting herself, so that when the same situation happens again one day, she will have a way to let herself continue to live... Even if It has no soul." Qi's gaze stayed on the cup in his hand.

Qi knew that it wasn't that he didn't care, but that he couldn't care.

Once, she boldly tried to cross the line, and then she lost.

She asked herself more than once, if she had only told Xi that she was going abroad, but had not asked Xi to go with her, had not broken Xi's "no relationship" rule, how would things have developed between them?Will Xi keep in touch with her?What will happen to their relationship when she returns?

I don't know, and I can't think of it.

All she knows is that if there hadn't been that "violation", she would not cherish every minute and second with Xi so much now; she would not understand the way Xi expresses her vulnerability, need, and care; Yu Xi gave her everything.

Emily always said that the relationship between Qi and Xi was not equal at all, and Qi seemed to be sticking to Xi herself.No matter what Xi says or asks Qi to do, Qi will do it... Sometimes Qi also thinks, is it because of his subconscious dissatisfaction, so he conveys that feeling to the people around him invisibly?

But the truth is, apart from the fact that Xi asked Qi to accompany her back to England this time, Xi never asked Qi to do anything, everything was her own will.

"Will you let 'the same situation' happen again?" Kate's question was as direct as Emily's.

"I won't, but I don't have the right to choose. If there is Tianxi who doesn't want all of this, it will be useless for me to insist." Qi is right.

"Yuxi will never voluntarily give up on a person or a relationship. She is just so persistent, to the point of being determined." Kate responded with her understanding of Xi.

"I won't either, that's enough, isn't it?" Qi's response was equally absolute.

"Thank you for being willing to take care of Yuxi for us." As if satisfied with Qi's response, Kate looked at Qi and said.

"Thank you, if you hadn't given up on her, I wouldn't have met her." Qi's response was a little sarcastic, but also sincere.

After an unknown amount of time, the four people who had enjoyed themselves on the mountain came back dragging a lot of equipment while panting.

"Have you enjoyed it?" Kate said, looking at the two children.

"I'm exhausted!" Sophia put the equipment on the ground, and then sat down in the empty seat beside Qi.

Xi was panting with flushed face because of the exercise, "Are you okay?" Qi asked while looking at Xi.

"It's okay." Xi was still panting.

Xi put her equipment against the wall, and then came back to pick up Sophia and threw the skis on the ground, "I'll do it." Qi took the skis from Xi before Nathaniel was about to step forward to take over, and put it neatly with Xi put together.

"I'm going to the toilet." Xi said, pulling Qi to the toilet together.

After turning away from everyone's sight, Xi pulled Qi to a corner where no one passed by.

"Kitten." Xi turned around and said with her arms around Qi's neck.

"Huh?" Qi put his arms around Xi's waist, and pressed his forehead against Xi's.

"It's nothing, I want to hug you." Xi leaned on Qi and said.

"Tired?" Qi felt Xi's tiredness and said distressedly.

"I want to go home and rest."

"Then go back and rest!"

"Sophia wants me to go shopping with her." Xi said helplessly.

"I can't refuse, right? Thanks for your hard work." Qi reluctantly kissed Xi's forehead.

"Let's go, don't make them wait too long." Xi squeezed out a forced smile.

"Xi." Qi suddenly called Xi who was about to turn around.

Then when Xi turned his head to respond to her, he quickly kissed Xi's lips.

"Come on! I'll be with you." Then she said.

Xi smiled.

At that moment, Qi understood that what she cared about was not the "relationship" between her and Xi, nor "love or not", nor "equity issues". What she cared about was whether she could protect Xi's smile, that is, so simple.

Many times, people always say "the authorities are obsessed, the bystanders are clear", but it does not seem to be applicable to every situation; and in those "not applicable" situations, these eight characters have become those enthusiastic bystanders. And the self-consolation of wanting to have a sense of participation.

The relationship between Qi and Xi is the situation that does not apply, and Emily and Kate are probably the ones who will say those eight words to them.

"The authorities are obsessed, but the bystanders are clear." For Qi, she knows what she is doing, and she also understands that sooner or later she will be completely injured by this relationship, just like a moth to a flame, rushing towards Xi without hesitation. The bright fire in life; what about Xi?

For Qi, Xi's heart is always a mystery that she can't fathom or understand.It always gives her the feeling of being far and near, half understanding.The only thing she could be sure of was that Xi knew what she was doing, so she didn't need to think too much about it. She will remember what Kate told her, but in the end, she will let Xi decide everything.

I have always been a kitten raised by Xi with tenderness, and Xi has never tied me up with a rope.If she didn't send me away, I wouldn't leave; if she asked me to leave, I wouldn't stay.This is what Xi taught me, the pride of being a cat.Looking at Xi's back in the crowd, Qi came to a conclusion for himself.

That day they were busy until after dinner, and then they went home exhausted to rest.

"Okay, Sophia, auntie is very tired, let her go back to rest first." When Sophia was about to enter the room with Xi, Angelina stopped her behind her.

"Oh..." Sophia turned and walked to her room unwillingly.

"Yuxi, thank you for your hard work. You have been with them all day." Angelina stood at the door of the room and said to Xi.

"No, it's rare to come back, so it's good to accompany them." Xi looked at Sophia's back as she returned to her room with a smile.

"They are really happy today, and we are also very happy that you are back. Come back and see everyone when you have free time! Take Kai Qi with you." Angelina looked at Qi beside Xi and said.

"Thank you, sister-in-law." Xi responded with a smile, with tiredness that could not be hidden in her voice.

"Okay, go to bed early, I think you haven't fully adjusted the jet lag, thanks for your hard work." Angelina said good night to them and left.

"Your sister-in-law's Chinese is really good too." Qi said to Xi after closing the door.

"She has always been interested in Chinese. After she got married, she always spoke Chinese with her grandparents and parents. After so many years, her Chinese has naturally improved." Xi said lying on the bed.

"Your family is so outstanding." Sitting next to Xi Xi, Qi said.

"If they are really as good as you think, then you should be better than them all." Xi looked at Qi and said.

Qi didn't understand.

"Little cat, it only took you one day to make the whole family agree and even like you." Xi said, caressing Qi's face.

"Maybe...but how do you know they don't like me because of you?" Qi asked back.

"I know my family, they don't like others for who they are. And I think, Dad didn't like you in the first place." Xi said, standing up and getting clothes from the closet to take a shower.

"Well, he really wanted to drive me away at first...Xi, I think your father has always loved you, but..." Qi said looking at Xi's back.

"I have never doubted that he loves me. Many times, parents are the contradictory characters who love us the most and hurt us the most. Not only do they not know how to love, but sometimes their perception and definition of love are very different from ours. .So, I don't blame them." Xi turned and looked at Qi and said.

"You are right, but you shouldn't take all the responsibility on yourself and blame yourself." Qi stood up and wrapped Xi in his hands.

"Little cat, thank you." Xi kissed Qi's cheek lightly, and then went into the bathroom to take a bath.

When Qi tidied herself up and lay back on the bed, Xi had already fallen asleep under the quilt.

"Thank you for your hard work, today." Qi looked at Xi with distress, gently smoothed Shun Xi's hair, and lay down beside Xi.

Feeling Qi's breath, Xi naturally leaned towards Qi, nestling beside Qi like a docile cat.Qi smiled, she likes the subconscious dependence of Xi Zong.

Holding Xi's hand and falling asleep is the greatest happiness for Qi.

The next day, Xi got up early again due to jet lag. Although she was too tired to sleep on the pillow the day before, Xi was very used to waking up at the "should get up" time.

Looking at Qi who is still sleeping beside him, this is happiness.

Every time she wakes up by Qi's side during the holidays, she has a stable sense of belonging. Qi's focus on her is something she has never felt before.

It seems that Qi's world only needs her to be enough... In fact, she is afraid and uneasy about this situation, as if she has let herself fall into another constant cycle-warmth, dependence, habit, and finally loss.In order to resist, she chooses to be indifferent, and still thinks that if she doesn't speak out and think clearly, she doesn't exist like before.

Perhaps because Qi is the one who understands her rules and voluntarily chooses to return to her "game", she is silent, obedient, and plays the role of "kitten" perfectly, never asking her for anything, just right , Qi is a cat raised by her.But she herself didn't know, what exactly did she use to feed Qi?

She, it should be said, refused to find out.

"I'm so bad, why are you always so kind to me?" Xi asked softly, brushing aside the hair scattered on Qi's forehead.

"What?" Qi opened his eyes, and it was obvious from his expression that she was woken up.

"It's nothing, I'm asking why you are so nice to me." Xi asked with a smile.

"Oh, because..." Qi rubbed his eyes and sat up to answer Xi's question.

"Shh, I know." Xi didn't let Qi finish, and kissed Qi's lips.

The answer is very clear to Xi, it is three words that she has never dared to face.too heavy.

"You know, and this won't change." Qi said as if he was completely awake, looking at Xi firmly.

Xi dodged Qi's eyes, that kind of firmness reminded her of Xiao Rong, and what Xiao Rong brought was a flash in the pan.

It must have been about those relationships with Kate yesterday... She really hasn't thought of Xiaorong for many years.As if she had really erased Xiao Rong from her life, she erased all the memories related to Xiao Rong.

Knowing Xi's evasion, Qi didn't say anything, just quietly leaned against Xi, remembering what Kate told her yesterday, she wanted to be closer to Xi, wanted to enter Xi's heart, she let Xi know, Xi let her no longer Lonely, she will never let Xi be lonely.

"How on earth did you get my dad over?" The scene of Qi talking and laughing with Xia Lei is probably the memory that surprised Xi the most.

"Well... probably, he wanted to drive me away, but I wouldn't leave; he wanted to bully you, so I got angry and grabbed him... Then he knew that I was a vicious kitten who could protect you... probably that's it Right." Qi replied with "cat language and cat language" that only Xi could understand.

Xi couldn't help laughing, "It's so vicious, even Dad dared to catch it." She lay back beside Qi, and looked at her with her head resting on her hands.

"But I said thank you to him later." Qi looked at Xi with innocent eyes like a kitten.

"Thank you after catching someone? Thank you for what?" Xi looked at the kitten in front of her with doting eyes.

"Thank you for keeping you in Taiwan, so that I can meet you." When Qi said this, the shadow of "kitten" was no longer on his body.

"What and what..." Xi rolled her eyes helplessly, but it was actually to avoid Qi's serious eyes.

"It's true, I told Kate the same." Qi was still serious, as if he didn't notice that Xi was escaping.

"Really, I will be defeated by you...I want to sleep again." Xi said, then lay down and covered the quilt and turned her back to Qi.

"Don't you need to have breakfast with everyone?" Qi looked at the clock on the wall, it was seven fifteen.

"I don't have anything to do today, and I was so tired yesterday. It's okay. Soren will tell everyone that he knows I like to stay in bed." Xi said while yawning.

"Then count me in this time." After Qi finished speaking, he hugged her from behind Xi.

"You, mischievous." Xi turned around and pinched Qi's nose lightly.

They both knew that it was the other's way of being coquettish. Those hypocritical feelings and words seemed unnecessary to be expressed between the two of them. Some things just need to be tacit to each other.

After a week in the UK, the two finally returned to Taiwan.

"I'm exhausted..." Xi lay down on the bed as soon as she entered the house, leaving her luggage aside without any intention of opening it.

"Let's take a shower and go to bed first, and you can pack your luggage slowly." Qi put the two suitcases by the wall.

Xi nodded, took her clothes and went into the bathroom.

While Xi was taking a bath, Qi made the bed and opened the bedspread to let the air puff up the duvet, which she knew Xi liked.

"Okay, it's you." When Xi came out of the bathroom, she saw Qi sleeping on the desk.

"Why are you sleeping here? Why don't you go back to bed and sleep?" Xi walked to Qi and asked softly.

"I haven't showered yet, I don't want to dirty the bed..." Qi rubbed his eyes, and stood up to get his clothes.

"Go to sleep when you're tired, and wash tomorrow morning." Xi said distressedly.

"You like to go back to bed clean..." Despite being tired, Kei got up and went to the bathroom to take a shower.

Xi watched Qi close the bathroom door, and felt warm in her heart. No matter what time, Qi always put her first, and she always accepted everything silently. It seemed irrefutable that she became the selfish party.

"Xi, I'm so tired, I won't blow-dry my hair today..." Qi came out of the bathroom, dried his hair with a towel, and went to bed.

"Then go to sleep, I'll blow it for you." After Xi finished speaking, she went to the bathroom to get the hair dryer and came back.

"Thank you..." Qi said with a smile, and soon fell asleep.

After confirming that Qi's hair was dry, Xi quietly looked at Qi's sleeping face, Xia Yuxi, how could you meet someone who understands you so much and takes you as the most important thing, what are you still afraid of?Selfish what?

This question was suddenly so familiar, Xi remembered that she had asked herself this way many years ago... That time she chose to give it a go, but in the end she lost her truest soul. Now she has no bets to gamble again .She can't even define what she feels in her heart every time she calls Qi "kitten".

"I am like this, am I still qualified to talk about all kinds of love?" Xi murmured.

At night when she should be sleeping soundly, Xi suffers from insomnia.Almost all night, she looked at Qi who was sleeping soundly beside her pillow, and countless thoughts circled in her mind. The pain of the past and the happiness of the present pulled each other. Xi was surprised to find that the two were evenly matched, as if hurt. The pain is not so painful.

Do you really not care?Is it really over?Or... it's just because you are not yet tired of me, disheartened, and still yearn for the warmth of two people cuddling each other... Can this kind of happiness really last forever?Will it, in the end, also become an anesthetic for pain?After the effect of the medicine wears off, the pain will be more severe than before... I'm sorry, I can't trust you, and I can't trust myself either.Xi's hand gently slid across Qi's cheek, as if she wanted to convey her silent apology.

Xi has long been familiar with everything about Qi, just as Qi is familiar with everything about her.It's just that Xi doesn't allow herself to face herself as frankly and honestly as Qi, because she is afraid that when the feelings silently stored in her heart are expressed and spoken out, it will also be the beginning of her losing Qi.

The more sure you can have it all the time, the more you will lose it when you are caught off guard, accompanied by unforgettable pain.This seems to be a theorem in the world that no one can clearly explain.

Kitten, do you blame me?So selfish of me.Before falling asleep, Xi asked this question in her heart, which she was still unable to say.

Then, life went back to the days before, filled with medical records, reports, and research projects.

Nothing has changed, and also, nothing has changed.