hot fire

六

"Xia Yuxi!!" Jun You's voice came from the hands-free in the car, which really startled Xi.

Today is the day when Qi is on duty and Xi goes home by herself.

"Fang Junyou, what are you doing?! You're going to scare people to death! Fortunately, it's a red light now." Xi responded angrily.

"It's been a long time since I contacted you, I miss you." Jun Yoo replied in a tone that made Xi's skin crawl.

"Oh, we got in touch, bye bye." Xi said.

"Hey, why are you so heartless, do you have time to eat? Now." Jun Yoo asked directly.

"You are very good at choosing time. You are just free today. Where can you make an appointment?" Xi glanced at the electronic clock on the car and asked with raised eyebrows.

The two quickly decided on the location, and not long after, Xi's car arrived at the MRT station, and Jun Yoo opened the door to get on the car.

"Xia Yuxi, why are you so straight all the time? Can I chase you?" Jun Yoo became serious as soon as he got into the car.

"You idiot." Xi gave her a white look, and the car continued to move forward.

"Oh, I forgot, you have a beautiful kitten, you can be regarded as a famous woman." Jun Yoo teased Xi.

"Fang Junyou, if you don't want to be thrown out of the car before you reach the restaurant, you'd better shut up." Xi gritted her teeth, but she knew she wouldn't do that.

Jun Yoo was her best friend in college and is now a psychiatrist, and she is in a different hospital from Xi.

About the matter between Xi and Xiao Rong, besides the two parties involved, probably only Jun You knows best.When Xi was most distressed, she was the only person who was by Xi's side, the only one who was briefly "allowed" by Xi to enter her world.

"I said, when are you going to let me see your kitten?" Jun Yoo unceremoniously reclined the back of the chair and adjusted a comfortable posture for himself.

"Firstly, she is not 'my' kitten; secondly, cats will not be taken out for people to see." Xi replied, which could be regarded as a rejection of Jun Yoo.

"You are terrible! I don't think about the time when the kitten went abroad..." Jun Yoo deliberately mentioned the past.

"Okay, okay, I see, I'll ask her." As if unwilling to bring up the past, Xi interrupted Jun Yoo.

"Xi, being weak is not something to be ashamed of. Why can't you accept this? Thanks to you being a psychiatrist..." Jun You's words were distressed, lectured, blamed, and reluctance.

"Haven't you heard that those who become psychiatrists are sick or crazy." Xi glanced at Jun Yoo.

"But I'm normal!" Jun Yoo replied confidently.

"It would be best if there are two people in this car, one is sick and the other is crazy. I am sick and you are crazy." Xi quickly and directly made an irresponsible "diagnosis".

"Oh, forget it... I can't talk about you, the No.1 graduate in our class." Jun Yoo spread his hands, expressing his abandonment.

After more than ten minutes, Xi parked the car "precisely" in the parking space, and the two got out of the car together.

"Following you, I, who usually thinks she's beautiful, pales in comparison." Jun Yoo got out of the car and was not serious.

"Fang Junyou, will you die if you don't talk?" Xi glared at Junyou.

"Hey, I'm trying to be funny because I see you are always like an ice cube! Anyway, I'm also a red card psychiatrist in our hospital." Jun Yoo said in a helpless tone.

"You can decorate your temperament a little bit, when you walk next to me, please." Xi really couldn't stand Jun Yoo.

"Okay, okay, I understand." As if sensing Xi's impatience, Jun Yoo responded half-perfunctorily, but also obediently quieted down.

With great difficulty, Xi won a moment of peace for herself, and the two sat down in a high-end restaurant.

"Fang Junyou, let me tell you, the place we are in is very high-end, so please show your temperament." As soon as the two sat down, Xi gave Junyou a "warning".

"I know, you don't need to tell me about it." When Jun Yoo sat down, he had put away his previous smirk.

The waiter skillfully filled the water glasses for the two of them, and then introduced the meals in detail.Not long after, the order was completed.

Xi took a sip of water as if relieved, and finally felt relaxed.

"Do you know why I always pretend to be crazy when I'm with you?" Looking at Xi's relaxed shoulders, Jun Yoo asked.

Xi didn't answer, just nodded slightly.

How could Xi not know?Jun Yoo may know her better than Qi, or it should be said that only Jun Yoo knows Xi in the past and present at the same time.

Why Jun Yoo always pretends to be crazy when he is with Xi?Because she didn't want Xi to forget that Xi was once so cheerful and sunny.

When Xi's world has not disintegrated and she still has a soul.

"Xi, how long are you going to torture yourself?" Jun You really put away the indecency just now, and looked at Xi seriously.

"Hey, can we stop talking about this while eating?" Xi asked as if begging.

"It's been almost ten years, and you still avoid it." The topic became serious and serious.

"Facing it, so what? Can it change anything?" Xi asked back.

"It can change you now." Jun Yoo answered without hesitation as if he had memorized his lines.

"I like myself now, there's nothing wrong with it." Xi also responded with another "line".

"No wonder, you are just an empty shell, without emotion, living out of the real world." When Jun Yoo said these things to Xi, he was always merciless.

"Well, only in this way can I live well until now, you know that, don't you?" Xi asked with a smile, sarcastically

"Where are you 'well', you just 'live till now'." Jun Yoo didn't agree with Xi's statement at all.

"No matter how you say it, I'm alive." An indifferent smile appeared on Xi's face again.

"It's because you promised Xiaorong, otherwise I think you would have committed suicide with your head broken on impulse." Chang Junyou gritted his teeth.

"Maybe." Xi shrugged, noncommittal.

"This is the only thing I'm grateful for Xiaorong, if you just promise her that you will 'live well'." Jun Yoo said in a helpless tone.

The meal for the two was delivered, and the conversation came to an end for the time being.

"Give me a bite." Jun Yoo's knife and fork attacked Xi's plate rudely.

Xi didn't say anything, Ren Junyou silently exchanged part of the food with each other.

At this moment, Xi's cell phone rang, and it was Qi's line.

Kei∣Did you eat?Every time I am on duty, I feel that the bento is really unpalatable.

Xi looked at it and couldn't help laughing.

Yes, with Jun Yoo.

Xi returned with a smile.

"From the kitten?" Jun Yoo caught Xi's smile.

Xi nodded, put the phone back in the bag, and continued to concentrate on eating.

"Next time you must let me know the little cat. The person who can make you laugh like this, besides me, is probably her." Jun Yoo said, implying to put himself and Qi on the same "level" ".

"You're not so pretty." Xi replied, smiling again.

"Look, I'll just say it." Seeing Xi's smile, Jun Yoo was proud.

"Don't be an idiot anymore. How are you and your family?" Suddenly Chang Xi "concerned" Jun Yoo.

"It's the same, the four elders have been urging us to get married, but none of us want to get married... What's the point of getting married? It's a waste of money." Jun Yoo began to complain.

"Well, maybe it's because you think there's 'safety'?" Xi said while biting her fork.

"Isn't it possible to divorce after getting married? I think divorce is as easy as breaking up now..." Jun You didn't care.

"That requires both of you to agree, breaking up is not necessarily easy." Xi seemed to have remembered something.

"I just want to express that marriage has nothing to do with security. It's enough for two people to be together stably. Why do you have to get married?" Jun Yoo said, putting a piece of beef into his mouth.

"That's right, there's nothing wrong with you guys... how long have you been together? Eight years? Nine years?"

"Eight and a half years. It's also thanks to you and Xiaorong's "cock mother-in-law" at that time, otherwise I would look at his piece of wood and wouldn't know how to chase girls!" Thinking of the past, the atmosphere between the two became much more relaxed .

Once the memory is opened, sometimes it is like Pandora's box, all the good, bad, and things that I thought the sky was about to fall, all flew out.Even though some things have been said many times, I still repeat them tirelessly when I think of them; or, when I think I have no feeling, I find that the memory is still clear when I talk about it.

"Are you still not in touch with your family?" Jun Yoo suddenly asked this question after a round of playfulness, silence, emotion, helplessness, comfort...all kinds of emotions appeared.

This seems to be one of the problems that two people can't escape when they meet.

"During Chinese New Year, I went back to England with Kitty," Xi said.

"Are you taking the kitten? Back to England?" There was great surprise in Jun Yoo's words.

"Well, before Chinese New Year, Kate called and said that my dad wanted me to go back for Chinese New Year, so I went back." As usual, Xi simply mentioned everything about herself.

"Oh my god! This... this... I need time to digest this message." Jun Yoo was obviously still in the state of "shock".

"Why? Is it necessary to be so surprised?" Xi seemed not to understand Jun Yoo's reaction.

"Nonsense! First, your dad wants you to go back to celebrate the New Year? Does it mean he accepts that you like girls? Second, you took the kitten back, didn't you almost admit your relationship? Third, you didn't take the initiative to talk to me Talk about this matter! This should be said immediately after putting down the bag!" Jun Yoo said with a clatter.

"I don't know what to say about this..." Xi said innocently.

"Xia Yuxi, sometimes I really want to strangle you." Jun Yoo rolled his eyes.

Xi just shrugged slightly and didn't respond.

"You really want me to see the kitten, I want to see how divine this little guy you 'brought home' is." Jun Yoo stared at Xi seriously.

"Okay, I get it. I'll take her back... Maybe it's because, sometimes, I'm also a cat, and I need human warmth." Xi put her hands on the table, her blurred eyes drifted to the people passing by the window car.

"Xi, don't give up your ability to love again just because of one heartbreak." Jun Yoo said.

This time Huanxi looked at her in surprise.

"Why? Did I say something?" Huan Junyou looked puzzled.

"Kate, Kate said the same thing to me in England."

"You ostrich...why don't you want to face your own heart?" Probably only Jun Yoo dared to speak directly to Xi like this.

"Because it's not necessary. It will only expose myself to the risk of injury again." Facing Jun Yoo, Xi seemed to have no scruples, and honestly expressed her feelings.

"Xi, everything in life is a battle. It is impossible for a soldier in the battlefield to be without scars on his body. Why don't you regard "injury" as an honor that you have truly worked hard, worked hard, and lived? ?” Jun Yoo held Xi’s hand.

"Soldiers also have times when they want to surrender and abandon the battle, especially when their injuries are so severe that they cannot heal themselves." Xi's voice in reply was as erratic as a puff of smoke.

"No one wants you to "heal yourself"! Xi, we have never been alone, but we have chosen to "want" someone. It is not wrong to not believe in people, or to be afraid of being discarded again, but if you miss someone willing because of this The pain of someone who takes care of your heart and heals with you is definitely no less than being injured again.”

Xi was silent, she knew what Jun Yoo was referring to.

"You know that, don't you?" Jun Yoo asked in a soft voice.

Xi can't deny that she understands what Jun Yoo said.

She will never forget the pain she felt when she received the package from Qi before going abroad many years ago.The pain was not because Qi left her, but because she herself, by pushing away Qi's indifference, froze another new wound in her heart.

"Xi, you brought her back to England, why, you refuse to face yourself seriously?" Jun You looked at Xi with distressed eyes.

"I don't know... Maybe, I'm too used to protecting myself, too afraid of taking risks, too untrusting of people's belief in love..." Xi avoided Jun Yoo's eyes, too warm for her to bear.

"The one you don't believe is yourself..." Jun Yoo interrupted Xi.

"Yes," Xi admitted, "I don't believe it's always been me." Xi looked at Jun Yoo without evasion.

"Hey, every time I see you like this, I don't understand how she has the ability to destroy your confidence and expression..." Jun You always sighed indescribably when facing Xi in front of him.

"When the faith you believe, cherish, and protect with your life is instantly ruthlessly destroyed by the person who gave you the faith, and even asks you not to miss it anymore, you will start to doubt everything about yourself... If the person you believe in the most says, Everything given is a flash in the pan, so what else can I have and is worth having?" Xi said with a misty look, with despair in it.

"Xi, it's only for one person..." Jun You was still puzzled.

"Yes, it's stupid, and I know it too. Do you know how much I hate myself like this? I never hated her, but myself. Why hate yourself so stubbornly; hate yourself why you can't let go; hate yourself why you trust her so much; hate yourself Why did I give her my heart naked and unreservedly; I hated myself for being so cowardly, timid, and devastated; I hated myself for not being willing to trust the kitten; The cat is tied to my side... Whenever I see the kitten looking at me with the firmness that Xiao Rong once had, everything in the past comes back again, as if I am going to fall into another same circle again, as if I saw a day The kitten will also leave me... because I can't keep anything, people who treat me well, people who love me... I can't keep anything, and I am doomed to lose in the end... Instead of this, I would rather choose Continue to be selfish..." At the end, Xi trembled slightly with excitement.

"It's okay, Xi, it's okay..." Sensing Xi's reaction, Jun Yoo hurriedly comforted Xi.

"I'm sorry." Xi said, picked up the cup at hand, took a sip of water, and then took a deep breath to calm down.

The two were silent for a while, "Is it better to say it?" Jun Yoo spoke first.

Xi nodded.

"You know, sometimes, when I look at those interns and psychologists who come to practice, I always think of you and Xiao Rong unconsciously... that is young, I always believe that my world can be controlled by myself, and I don't need to care about others I focus on doing what I want to do and being with the person I love, but in the end I find a question that I can’t even answer: Do I really care? Or have I never seriously thought about it? And this question, in the end, often But I hurt the person who may be the one I love the most in my life." Jun Yoo said.

"Well, young people's conceit, isn't it? Simple and stupid at the same time." Xi commented.

"But that's the mark of your life! The past made you who you are now... Although I think you are like a ghost now, I can't deny your excellence and professionalism. Perhaps, that's what you bought with your soul , even if I don’t agree, I have to admit that I admire, even a little bit envious.” Jun Yoo expressed his feelings.

"Then should I thank her for using that method to make me achieve what I am now?" Xi said, with a sarcastic smile on her lips.

"If you ask me, I will tell you that you should thank her, but it is not for you to have such an achievement, but for you to find the kitten." Jun Yoo replied decisively.

"You don't know kittens at all, why do you say that." Xi raised her eyebrows disapprovingly.

"Because she made you lose control again many years ago." Jun Yoo's answer pierced Xi's heart straight to the point.

Xi was silent again, yes.

"Xi, don't let yourself lose the kitten again. It may be the luckiest thing for you to get her back; don't let yourself be the one who abandoned the other party." Jun You said earnestly.

"I never thought of 'abandoning' her." Xi retorted.

"Yes, you didn't think about it. Similarly, you didn't think about throwing away the past..." There was something in Jun Yoo's words.

"Yeah, I didn't abandon the past, the past abandoned me." Xi lowered her eyes.

"Then what should you do if your past suddenly appeared?" This should be the question Jun Yoo wanted to ask.

"Impossible." Xi said without thinking, because she knew it couldn't happen.

"Why?" Jun Yoo asked back.

"Because I know Xiaorong, and I know very well that the past will never come back." Xi said firmly

"If the past doesn't come back, it doesn't mean it won't reappear... If the past reappears, what are you going to do with the present?" Jun Yoo asked unwillingly.

"Fang Junyou, what exactly are you trying to say?" Suddenly, Xi felt something was wrong.

"Oh," Jun You sighed, "I really don't know how to tell you, but I also know that it is impossible to hide it from you...Xi, I suddenly received an e-mail from Xiaorong a few days ago."

"Oh, then what?" Xi didn't understand why she needed to hide this from her.

"She asked me about you." Jun Yoo confessed.

"Ask me what?" Xi was a little surprised.

"Ask you how you are, is there anyone around...Xi, I think she wants to come back to you." Jun Yoo honestly expressed his feelings.

"You're overthinking. She would ask this question, but I would only think that she was doing it out of guilt, or she just wanted to know if I'm 'well' or not." Almost immediately, Xi directly denied Jun Yoo's thoughts.

"Xi, actually, do you blame her?" Jun You could hear a little resentment in Xi's words.

"Maybe. But it doesn't matter now, and it doesn't matter anymore... So, how do you answer her?" Although it didn't matter, Xi still asked curiously.

"I only reply to her. If she wants to know something about you, please ask her to ask you. I think she should also know that I am upset with her, so she didn't write back to me afterwards." Jun Yoo shrugged.

"Why are you upset with her?" Xi smiled.

"Nonsense! She hurt you like that, how could I give her a good look? What did you give up for her? For you at that time, what you gave up was everything! If it weren't for your second brother, you wouldn't have You don't even know how to live! You have the courage, why can't she? And to put it bluntly, she has nothing to worry about except her family when she is with you. Besides, when she broke up with you, there was nothing at all It happened, it was just a precautionary measure." Jun Yoo was unconsciously excited.

"'What I saw was that sooner or later I will give up on you for my family' that's what she said at the time." Xi looked at Jun Yoo and said.

"Then has she ever thought that you have given up your family because of her, and at that time, you are the only one left; but she can be so cruel...Xia Yuxi, why are you still speaking for her?" Jun You Seems a little annoyed.

"What I pay is all voluntary. No one forces me, and I have no right to force the other party to pay the same price... Love is never an exchange of equal value. This is how feelings are. As long as one person wants to give up, the other No matter how hard you try, it's useless, it will only make the relationship more and more broken when it ends, that's all. It's better to help the other party and admit defeat obediently." Xi said calmly, as if this was a word she had thought about long ago.

"But..." Jun Yoo wanted to say something else.

"What's more, in a love like ours, there are more uncertain factors than ordinary people's feelings. You, your family, and even the society... who do you blame? Who can you blame? In my opinion, just blame the sky." Xi Xi After speaking, a sarcastic smile appeared on his face.

"Xi..." Looking at Xi's smile, Jun You felt a surge of sadness in his heart.

"That's enough, don't look at me with that look. Also, it's been so long, I don't understand why we still discuss it?" Xi interrupted what Jun Yoo wanted to say, she didn't want to hear it.

"Because it has never been the 'past' to you." Jun Yoo said looking at Xi.

Xi was speechless, Jun You was right, that was not the past, but her chains, wrapped around her body, carried by her, until now.

"I just don't want you to get hurt, and I don't want the kitten to get hurt. Although I don't know the kitten at all, since you told me about the relationship between you and you brought her back to England, even if you don't want to Admit it, face it, I still have to say, Xi, sometimes, we are always clinging to the proofs and promises we can see and hear, and we don’t want to believe those intangible feelings that have already been deeply imprinted in our hearts. You can't avoid it all the time, the kitten is the one who is qualified to be by your side." Jun Yoo stared at Xi seriously.

Xi remembered what Qi said in tears before going abroad: "I love you, and I know you love me too."

"Maybe... But let me escape until I have to face it... I have long since lost the bet on love, and I don't know how to gamble again..." Xi looked at Jun Yoo's eyes with Grief and despair.

"The kitten will tell you, I believe." Jun Yoo said with a smile, maybe Xi didn't realize it, but she knew that Xi's words revealed the message of "she wanted".

For the moment, that's enough.

"So, you haven't contacted her all these years?" Jun Yoo asked again.

"No, after being awakened by your words, I decided that unless she took the initiative, I would not take the initiative either." Xi said indifferently.

"Which sentence?" Jun Yoo couldn't remember what he said.

"Don't let your concern become unnecessary waste." Xi said this sentence softly, which made her sober.

"Oh, so you really listened." Jun Yoo said with amusement.

Xi shrugged, noncommittal.

"What about you? Have you ever thought about whether you would give the kitten the same feeling?" Jun Yoo asked again.

"I don't know..." Xi didn't want to think about this question.

"If you care about the kitten, you should let her know at the right time." Jun Yoo said seriously.

Xi nodded and didn't respond to this topic anymore, she felt that enough was enough.

The two chatted until the store was about to close before getting up and leaving together.

Xi sent Jun Yoo home first, "Remember to ask the cat to eat with me, otherwise I will keep calling and harassing you." Jun Yoo threw this sentence to Xi before getting off the car.

"Okay, I understand, but the kitten must be willing." Xi said.

"Just make an appointment, she won't be unwilling." Jun Yoo was quite sure.

"You know again?" Xi Bai gave Jun Yoo a look.

"I just know, remember, break!" After finishing speaking, Jun Yoo opened the door and got out of the car.

Xi watched Jun Yoo enter the house before driving away.

On the way home, Xi called Qi.

"Little cat, are you busy?" Qi asked Xi when he picked up the phone.

"I've never been very busy on duty..." Qi said, with helplessness in his voice.

"What's the matter? So helpless." Xi asked with a smile.

"You were helpless when you were on duty..." Qi said.

"Yes." Xi couldn't deny it.

"What did you do tonight?" Kei asked.

"Dinning with Jun Yoo. She wants to see you, do you want to see her?" Xi asked straight to the point.

"Oh, there's nothing wrong with it." Qi didn't refuse.

"Okay, then I'll ask her again to see when she wants to make an appointment." Now that Qi agreed, Xi didn't say anything more.

"Are you driving?" Qi asked when he heard the horn on the phone.

"Well, it's almost here." Xi turned into the community.

"Drive carefully, go home and go to bed early." Qi reminded her.

"Let's have dinner together after get off work tomorrow?" Xi volunteered.

"Okay." Qi happily agreed.

"Well, that's it for now, let's rest more if you have nothing to do."

"You too, go to bed early."

After saying goodnight to each other, they hung up the phone and Xi also parked the car.

Went upstairs to take a shower, didn't turn on the computer, and didn't take the report out of the bag, Xi just lay down on the bed and fell asleep.

But Qi hung up the phone but couldn't fall asleep.

Xi's friend wanted to see me, but Xi didn't refuse, what does that mean?Is this Xi's way of acknowledging our relationship?Why does Xi's friend want to see me?How did Xi tell the other party about me?

Qi recalled when Sophia and Nathaniel "looked at" him in England... It seemed that being by Xi's side, "being judged" was an inescapable...fate?Can you say that?

There are many "halo" on Xi's body, both tangible and intangible, which always hurt Qi unintentionally.Although Xi didn't care about that at all, what about the others?What would other people think of her relationship with Xi?

Also, Jun Yoo must know the person in Xi's heart, will Jun Yoo feel that he is not as good as the other party?Or, Jun Yoo will tell her that she is the one who should leave?

These questions appeared one by one in my heart, and Qi felt that he was so contradictory.

When Xi didn't do anything, she always wanted Xi to do something, and she still longed for Xi to "face up" to her existence and their relationship; and when Xi really did something, like, take her to see herself friend, but she was restless and cranky...

All kinds of pictures of getting along with Xi in England suddenly appeared in Qi's mind. Xi told her the definition of "home"; the kiss Xi gave her in the greenhouse; Xi introduced her pride to Sophia; The expression of admiration from time to time; Xi's blushing and panting appearance when she came back from skiing; Xi's smile that belongs only to her...

Luo Kaiqi, you have to trust Xi, she will never do anything to hurt you.Lying on the bed in the duty room, Qi said to himself.