Jiang Hao

Confused, "What is my hexagram, what's wrong with my brother?"

"Didn't I say that?" He said without thinking, "You look a lot like the old Yuan Rui..."

He does not mean that.

It took me three seconds to realize who 'Yuan Rui' was, and another two seconds to comprehend the meaning expressed by the three words 'before', and finally fell silent because of 'very similar'.I don't know what to say, and I can't organize any words in my brain to describe the current mood.

Once, I felt that my interest in men was only for Jiang Hao.

Now it seems that is a very ridiculous idea.The development of Cai Xia and I did not exceed my expectations, and I didn't even have much energy for mental construction.

In my opinion, Xiao Cai's appearance is always feminine, which is probably the first impression of Jiang Hao's appearance. I subconsciously think: instead of being with a man who is full of softness, it is better to go directly to a woman.

Cai Xia's innocence makes people involuntarily have a protective desire in their hearts, but it is completely different from the possessive desire for Jiang Hao.

I am willing to look Jiang Hao at the same level, while Xiao Cai is more likely to stand behind me.I attribute most of this difference to the age difference, after all, for Xiao Cai, I am in a more advantageous angle.

For a long time during my freshman year, I thought that if I really slept with a man someday in the future, that person must be Jiang Hao.

This may also be the biggest reason for my resistance to Jiang Hao. In the final analysis, my subconscious still hopes that I can remain 'normal'.

Xiao Cai is very active in narrowing the distance between the two of us. He always moves closer to me when we get along.

"Why don't I go to your school..." The semester was coming to an end, and Xiao Cai was faced with the problem of choosing a school. He asked my opinion with a little flattery.

"Don't go to our school." I said to him reflexively, "What's good about our school is not the best in this city."

Cai Xia frowned, "At least it's the second best." His voice became quieter, and I looked up at him, the hurt in my eyes made me regret my attitude for a while.

"If you can go better, why waste your future..." I softened.

This feeling is very complicated. I remembered that I was unwilling to compromise in front of Jiang Hao before, and sometimes I even deliberately made him feel uncomfortable when I said something.Facing Xiao Cai, I couldn't do this.Cai Xia overcomes rigidity with softness, and I can't get up after tidying up.Of course, my attitude didn't last too long, but it worked very well at the beginning of our relationship.

"I want to be with you." Xiao Cai responded with a half-smile.

I froze, he had never said anything like that before.Of course, I didn't express words such as confirming the relationship. I haven't crossed the hurdle in my heart when two men get along like this.

"Then you can't come to our school anymore." I was surprised for a moment, and my mood improved because of Xiao Cai's words, "No matter what, you are more promising than I was in high school." I also complimented him inadvertently during the words.

"Then go to the best one in our city, anyway, I don't want to be in a different place with you." Xiao Cai looked into my eyes and smiled, becoming more and more fair.At that moment, I felt that I had forgotten Jiang Hao's smile.

Xiao Cai came up to kiss me and put his hand into my clothes.

His hands were cold, and I shivered involuntarily.But excitement suddenly surged in my heart, and the excitement rushed down the spine to the lower abdomen.Compared to the commotion towards Jiang Hao at that time, this is truly an irrepressible lust.

I'm sure I'm 'abnormal' in my bones.It might be genetics, or it might be my upbringing. My desire for men has nothing to do with Jiang Hao.

This fact shocked me, but it was also somewhat of a relief.

I'd rather have a problem myself for someone to be 'abnormal'.When I met Jiang Hao, everything went well.

Xiao Cai's hands were very gentle. He lay on my body, his lips lingering on my neck and face.

"This is your first time." Xiao Cai asked in my ear.

"Does it count as being with a woman?" I acquiesced, using a rhetorical question to cover up my embarrassment.

He looked up at me, smiling at me with red eyes.I thought he wanted to cry, but he said, "I like you so much, Brother Kun."

Whether male or female, my first time was them sitting on me, and there was a weird irony in the resemblance.

Xiao Cai is very shy, I don't think he pretended on purpose, his arm is very close to me, much more important than Gao Siyan, it seems that the pain is really unbearable or he wants to strangle me, afraid that I will escape.

After it was over, he nestled in my arms and asked, "You won't like women again later, will you?"

When did I say I like you? According to my personality, I should respond like this.The words were already on my lips, but the anxious look in his eyes made me unable to speak. "You're girly enough, I can't stand anything more girly than you." I wasn't completely lying, I just wasn't sure what the truth was.

"That's good." He rubbed against me again.

15

Having slept with Xiao Cai, we are considered to be together, I prefer to hang out with Lu Zhengyang than Jason.

This feeling is complicated, the me who hangs out with Jason is still the me in the past, and the me who is with Lu Zhengyang is the most real me at the moment.

I don't know what Jason will think of my 'change' in sexuality, and I don't plan to talk to him about it, after all, I don't know how to deal with it.

As for Lu Zhengyang, we eat, drink and play, not friends.I don't intend to be friends with him, the word 'friend' becomes heavier with age.The hours of utter devotion, now I can only laugh and laugh, that's all.

Jiang Hao told me that when he came back, it was the first week of school in September of his junior year.At that time, I was sitting in the cafeteria with Lu Zhengyang having dinner.

The phone caller ID was Jiang Hao, and I was stunned.

"Jiang Hao is back?" Lu Zhengyang looked at my phone with a complicated tone.

"I don't know either." After finishing speaking, I pressed answer.

Jiang Hao's voice seemed to be laughing, "What are you doing?"

"Dinner," I replied blankly, "Are you back?" The second half of the question was a bit excited, mixed with embarrassment.

"I came back in August, and some procedures after returning from abroad were not completed." He also sounded happy.

"When do you come to school?"

"Already in school," Jiang Hao said lightly, and then explained, "You forgot, our college has moved back to the old campus for juniors and seniors."

I just remembered this.Many experimental equipments of Jianghao College are located in the old campus. After the completion of the new campus, it is difficult to move the equipment in a large area, so they will go back in the next two years.This is good, I'm afraid I will see less in the future, "I forgot."

"Today is Thursday, are you coming back this week? Have a meal together."

I originally planned to take the last school bus back after finishing my professional classes tonight.I made an agreement with Xiao Cai last weekend, and I will accompany him to buy some sports equipment for training tomorrow, "Come back, I will contact you on the weekend."

After hanging up the phone, Lu Zhengyang casually said to me, "Do you still remember the first time we met?"

I frowned and looked up at him, not sure what he meant.

"It was when I made things difficult for Jiang Hao." The unfriendly expression in his eyes was surprising, "At that time I thought you were another person who fell into his hands."

"Jiang Hao is not as badass as you think..." I never defended Jiang Hao in front of Lu Zhengyang, not even when he first mentioned Yuan Rui.At this moment, after hearing Jiang Hao’s voice, the inexplicable feelings that filled my heart in the freshman year once again attacked my consciousness, and I almost reflexively said, “I didn’t feel that I liked it at that time. A man." The cover-up in the second half of the sentence was for myself, it was regarded as my protection at that time, and there was no face to talk about.

Lu Zhengyang put away his aggressiveness, smiled and stopped talking.

I'm not sure if it was because of the strange tone in my voice when I said the word 'Jiang Hao'; or, what Lu Zhengyang said to Xiao Cai, he was a little unhappy that I was going to see Jiang Hao on Saturday.

I told him about it, just to explain not meeting on Saturday.His reaction made me feel like I was caught and raped in bed.

In the process of shopping with Xiaocai on Friday, I was always distracted.

Like a slide show in my mind, I went through every meeting with Jiang Hao.This is also the case, and I realized: excluding the holidays, the number of times I met Jiang Hao was very small.But during those few times, we got along with disharmony.

In my impression, Jiang Hao likes to wear monochromatic and simple clothes, and his hair is always neatly trimmed.

On Saturday, I stood at the door of the restaurant I had an appointment with, and he walked towards me from a distance. His hair, which was about to reach the ear, was a little messy, and the hairpin casually pinned the hair in front of him to the back.

He was wearing red and black short sleeves, and his basketball shoes were much more fancy than before.

Jiang Hao has changed a lot, the only thing that hasn't changed is his smile, which is still so tough and good-looking.

Jiang Hao told me to go drink.

"Drinking in broad daylight?" I responded jokingly at first.

"I haven't been able to find anyone to drink with me since I came back..." He poured it for me as he spoke.

I followed his words and said, "Why, did many people drink with you outside this year?" After I said it, I was surprised that there was sarcasm in my tone.I raised my eyes to look at him, carefully observing his reaction.

"When I'm abroad, I want to find someone to talk to, but it's too easy to find a drinking buddy." Jiang Hao has become more mature.Those previous sensitivities were covered up, and this year made him stronger and more decisive, speaking with full confidence.

I shrugged and picked up my glass.

Jiang Hao became more drinkable than before.

When he drank alcohol, his eyes would turn slightly red.I knew this before, whenever I look at him at this time, I feel