I meet a lot of people in my life, keep a distance from anyone in my life, but only want to meet you

Can not go back!No more confidence!I want to jump off the building!I used to think that I couldn't hold on... I tortured you countless times, abused you [-] times, and pissed you off!Coax you again, but now I will never mess with you again, just like I will never say make up again... make up or not, I will use all my tricks just for me to lose control again.And you vowed to let me recover, and you have never been soft on me. All my cognitions have been reversed like this... You will only care about me if I behave well. I have to correct and behave well every time.Where are you?On which side of the globe?In London, Beijing, or somewhere else, I remembered that you once told me that you like water. In winter, I asked you if your head was broken and why you wore a vest.It turns out that I have forgotten all those things... Now I have really become another person.I became the person I was three years ago, and then everything disappeared in the past four years...