he lived

When I woke up this morning and saw the sun, I thought I was hallucinating again. I fell asleep last night. Everything was so incredible and so real.I opened the curtains, felt the slight tingling of the sun on my body, and had the first positive emotions in my heart in the past few months: I am alive, and I am pretty good.

I looked at the "person" standing beside me, he was still smiling at me.I have always understood that in fact all his performances are sketched out according to my inner emotions, his joy, his sorrow, his tension, his concern, everything about him is just what I expected Just looking forward to it.

I walked towards him, he was still standing there smiling at me, I stretched out my hand, wanting to touch him, but in the next second, it spread out and he just disappeared.No need to look, I also know that my expression at this moment must be very strange, I feel like I am crying, but I can't suppress the slight joy in my heart, the thought in my mind is: I finally got rid of him.After persisting for a few minutes, the silence produced by forced suppression was finally shattered. I couldn't help kneeling on the ground and crying loudly.

I don't know how long I cried, but I finally stopped this kind of self-harm mourning. My face and sleeves were covered with snot and tears.Because I was kneeling on the ground for too long, I finally managed to stand up after falling several times.I stumbled into the bathroom, turned on the faucet, and threw myself into the bathtub. Under the stimulation of cold water, I finally calmed down.

I struggled to keep my emotions in check so I wouldn't drown in the tub crying exhausted.I don't know if it's because of the emotional excitement or the stimulation of the cold water. I was shaking all over, but I didn't care. I lay in the bathtub and looked at the ceiling of the bathroom. There was only one thought in my mind, that I still lost him.

As human beings grow older, they will always lose some people, but what I lose is a phantom created by myself, it is really, very ridiculous.