[British and American] Jason Wayne's Struggle

Many things are actually my own choices, so no matter what I need to pay or bear for this choice, that is what I deserve. But sometimes, I feel unwilling and sad, but until the last moment of my life, I still have not regretted my choice.

Although I sometimes worry that if one day my family and I take different paths, it means that I will be away from them forever, but I cannot ignore the suffering of the victims because of these fears.

——JT

Because of an emergency case in Blüdhaven, Nightwing needed to rush back to protect his city. He didn't even have time to say a word to Jason before he hurriedly boarded the Batplane. In the end, he only had time to send a text message to Jason.

[Dickiebird: Jay, my feelings towards Barbara are just friendship now. We grew up together. Commissioner Gordon asked me to visit Barbara. The Joker shot her and she lost the ability to walk. She can only use a wheelchair. She needs help...]

Jason closed his phone, feeling a little bored. He was banned from night patrols, so he had nothing to do at night except studying and reading. He and Bruce had nothing else to talk about, and Alfred had to do logistics for Batman.

In the end, he could only return to his room alone.

A very spacious room, and there was always a fire burning in the fireplace whenever he wanted, and the firewood made a crackling sound as it burned.

Jason didn't like wearing shoes indoors, so he took off his shoes and walked barefoot on the fluffy Persian carpet. There was no light on, and besides the fireplace, there was only a lit berry-scented scented candle in the room.

He likes water, likes to wash himself clean, and can stay alone in the bathroom for hours to think about life.

What an expensive room this was! He had never dreamed that he could live in such a room. Everything in this room, including the fireplace, his favorite bookshelf with the rare edition books on it, and the hanging tires, was given to him by Bruce.

All along, what Jason longed for most was Bruce's trust and recognition, but as time went by, Jason became more and more aware that he and Bruce would eventually go on different paths, which made him painful, but when the pain reached its extreme, he began to feel relieved.

He is the luckiest beggar in Gotham. He went from being a penniless gangster in Crime Alley to a teenage superhero. If he continued to wear the cloak of "Robin", such days would probably continue. But he can no longer ignore the pain and anger that reach his ears.

No one stipulates that children must follow the same path as their father, right? What worries him most now is whether Bruce will still be willing to accept him as his son when he takes another path.

Jason really couldn't bear to leave this home, his father, his grandfather, and many, many other things, even though he didn't know whether these feelings could continue.

Wrapped in a bath towel, Jason walked to the mirror and looked at himself from top to bottom.

In fact, at first glance, he looks no different from a normal man. At most, the proportions of his waist and hips are closer to those of a woman, and he is thinner than other boys of the same age. However, it is still impossible for him to ignore his own peculiarities.

Jason is a person who often examines himself in the mirror. He is used to constantly analyzing himself, opening his heart in front of the mirror, and then criticizing and evaluating himself, because he always feels that he is not good enough and he needs to change himself in this way.

So he also knew that he had always had a deep inferiority complex in his heart, because of his background... because there were too many things about him that were not good enough.

Jason's biological father despised and hated him. The beatings and scolding he suffered in his childhood became an indelible shadow in Jason's heart. It was not until Bruce appeared that Jason realized what a father was.

His background brought him more vigilance and distrust. Just as Jason said, once theft or other bad things happened, he was always the number one suspect.

But Dick actually said that he trusted him and once said that he recognized that he was a qualified Robin. This was very important to Jason. Jason thought that he was really grateful for everything Dick had given him, but if he took another path, would Dick feel that he had failed his trust and look at him with disappointment? Jason was a little afraid of that day.

Everything that has happened recently has made Jason feel depressed and lonely, but ironically, the more pain he accumulates in his heart, the greater his achievements in figure skating will be.

The free skating program score of figure skating is divided into two parts: T score (technical score) and P score (performance score). When Jason first skated "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" on the figure skating arena, the judges gave him a P score of about 80 to 85. With the technical score of over , he became the first figure skater to have a total free skating score of over , breaking the world record.

However, when he participated in the Four Continents Championships, he not only completed the world's first quadruple lutz (4lz) in the program, but also achieved a P score of over 90.

The media praised him as "a genius beyond the current era" and ice fans said his performances "could touch the deepest pain in the heart."

After the game, Jason went to Bludhaven again.

It was February and the weather was still very cold. Jason squatted at the door of the police station with his knees hugged. When Dick came out, he stood up and smiled at him.

Dick was stunned and also showed a surprised expression.

He trotted over to Jason, looking a little bewildered: "You're here? How long have you been here? I thought you were going to say goodbye to me and that you didn't want to see me again."

Dick took Jason's hands and wrapped them in his own.

He whispered, "Your Hands Are Cold."

Jason was stunned for a moment, his eyes softened, and he answered the question irrelevantly: "Do you know? This sentence appeared in Pride and Prejudice. Mr. Darcy came in the early morning mist and walked towards Elizabeth, and then they walked together. That scene was super romantic."

Dick lowered his head and rested his forehead against Jason's. He said seriously, "The way you stood under the street light waiting for me was a hundred times more romantic than Mr. Darcy. Little Wing, when you stand here, winter becomes warm."

Jason responded by shaking his head and chuckling.

"I'm not the sun, Dickie Bird, don't be so exaggerated."

Dick's colleague walked by and smiled at them: "Dick, your brother is here to see you?"

Jason greeted the gentleman politely and obediently, and Dick nodded: "Yeah, my brother is cute, right?"

Then they left together, and sometimes Jason thought that even if Dick never truly understood his pain and struggle, just knowing that Dick still believed in him gave Jason strength.

Jason stared at Dick's handsome face and begged, "Take me to the amusement park, Dick. I haven't been there yet."

Dick agreed decisively. He bowed and said, "Brother Dick is willing to serve you, my dear little brother."

That night, the last snow of the winter fell in New Jersey. Dick took Jason over the wall into the amusement park and took him to ride the Ferris wheel and the carousel. With the lights and music, they were both very happy. The weather was cold, but as long as they were with each other, it seemed as if the ice and snow could melt.

When they got home, Dick hurriedly ran hot water and prepared clean clothes, wanting Jason to quickly change out of his snow-covered clothes and use the hot water to wash away the cold. Jason grabbed his hand and was unwilling to let go, standing there with his head down.

He said softly, "Thank you, Dick. Can you give me a hug?"

Dick was confused, but he leaned over and hugged him tenderly.

Jason leaned on Dick's shoulder, suddenly unable to hold back his sadness, and began to sob.

Dick was very flustered by him. He stroked Jason's face lovingly with his fingers and asked very gently, "What's wrong? Are you feeling uncomfortable?"

Jason kept shaking his head, leaning on Dick's shoulder, and whispered, "I don't want to leave you, maintumsepyarkartahoon (Indian)."

Dick laughed and replied in the same Indian language: "I won't leave you, shh, little wing, no one will leave you."

Not only did Jason learn Romani for Dick, Dick also learned Indian language for Jason. Jason was surprised, but then he smiled.

He knew he would be grateful to Dick for this for the rest of his life. Before he met Batman and Alfred, Dick hadn't had anyone speak his native language to him for a long time.

Later, Jason was coaxed into taking a hot shower. Dick was busy making cereal for him with hot milk. Jason didn't bring any spare clothes, so he had to put on Dick's clothes. He sat on the sofa and watched the movie Jason wanted to watch most with Dick. At the end, Dick joked and asked Jason to leave the T-shirt behind, and he would wrap Jason's clothes with his coat. Jason agreed.

They talked a lot.

Dick talked about his past as a child when he and his parents performed as "Flying Grayson" with the circus. He said that he was a Roma, who had no fixed home, wandered around and loved freedom.

"At that time we lived in an RV, me, my dad, my mom. Sometimes they would hold me to sleep together, sometimes they wouldn't, but those memories were really great, so I still can't get over their death to this day."

Jason leaned in Dick's arms and lowered his eyes. "That's great. You have parents you can't let go of. When my parents left me, although I was sad, I also felt relieved and liberated. Am I a bad person?"

"No, you are fine, from head to toe, inside and out, everything is fine."

Dick sang softly the song his mother had sung to him and patted Jason on the back.

Jason closed his eyes in peace.

"But now, if anything happens to you, Bruce, and Alfred, I will not be able to let it go, so you all have to be well. I don't believe in God, but every time I go to church to attend mass, I will pray to God, hoping that you will be safe."

Dick chuckled, his chest vibrating, and the clear sound tickled Jason's ears, causing his arms around him to tighten.

Later, Dick fell on Jason's lap like a spoiled child. Jason ran his fingers through Dick's black hair and hummed a song. He thought it was pretty good. He liked being with Dick in such a quiet way.

Later, Dick told Jason: "I will go on a long mission to an alien planet with the Teen Titans. When I come back, I will give you a gift."

Jason didn't know what the gift was, because he was already satisfied with what he had.

At the end of March, Jason stood on the podium of the World Championships, wearing a gold medal, holding a bouquet of flowers, and watching the national flag rise. Jason became the first male figure skater in history to collect all gold medals in adult A-level events except the Olympic gold medal at the age of 3, and also held the three world records in short program, free skating and total score. The age at which he won the World Championships is itself an unprecedented record.

At the post-match press conference, reporters kept rushing up to Jason to ask him questions.

A female reporter asked him: "How did you perform such a miraculous performance? What did the tears you shed at the end of the free skate mean? What made you so sad?"

Jason had a quiet smile on his face. He looked a little silent, but also like the night sea that could stir up a storm in the next second.

The boy replied gently and calmly: "I was just too immersed in the story behind this program. The Hunchback of Notre Dame is one of my favorite literary works. I did a lot of homework before deciding to skate this program."

He thought for a while and continued: "When Quasimodo was extremely thirsty, Esmeralda gave him clean water, and he fell in love with this kind and beautiful gypsy beauty, but he was a monster, so even if he tried his best to express his love, no one would ever think that he and Esmeralda were a match."