Fatal Desire

Chapter 130 She was seriously ill, and he was also terminally ill.
Zhao Yansen repeatedly reviewed Song Xi's medical records from those years.

She observed the differences between the information provided by the dozen or so psychologists he arranged and that provided by Fu Guanyue.

After the bombing, he was in a coma for six months. When he woke up, Song Xi had already gone abroad and was suffering from aftereffects.

The first doctor spoke with her and reached the following conclusion:

It's a good thing the patient left the site of the bombing. She is mentally sensitive and not suited to seeing people or things related to the bombing. Every time the bombing is mentioned, the patient recalls the disaster that happened that day, and her mental state is very poor. It is not recommended to meet with her.

Zhao Yansen didn't believe it. Although Song Xi had severed ties with him, it was unlikely that she didn't want to see him at all.

But she went through one doctor after another, and every time he was mentioned, she was in a bad mood.

It turns out that Song Xi's statement, "I'm actually better off without him," wasn't just a fit of pique.

He wanted to send her abroad, but she immediately changed her mind about being with him, which made him feel that sending her abroad was the right thing to do.

Song Xi doesn't understand the meaning of "cost"; she dares to sleep with him but is afraid of others finding out.

Given their ages, and considering she was still young, he couldn't be selfish and had to put her first.

Otherwise, she would only feel more regret and even resent him for not rejecting her back then.

As it turned out, he was right.

He raised her to be too healthy, too carefree. She didn't understand the inner torment he endured during the time he raised her and then pinned her down to kiss her.

They are not related by blood.

Once she came to her senses, the first person she abandoned was him. In her heart, no one was as important as Song Yunyu.

What can he do then?

He wouldn't even let her get hurt, so how could he bear to force her to choose him instead of Song Yunyu?

So in the end, her original identity was the safest option. He sent her abroad, and if she changed her mind, they could go back to the beginning.

In this way, she wouldn't have to make a choice, and no matter how far away he was, he would have a way to get to her side.

If she still wants to be with him then, he can quietly handle everything while sending her away from this troublesome place.

The old lady Zhao's angry scolding from that day still echoed in his ears. Zhao Yansen couldn't imagine how heartbroken and sad she would be if the accusation of seducing him were pinned on Song Xi.

She will definitely feel guilty, blaming herself for dragging her aunt down with her.

Various internal and external factors led him to arrange for her to go abroad in order to protect and support her.

But in the end, due to a series of uncontrollable events, they drifted further and further apart.

He held onto his original identity, thinking it was a get-out-of-jail-free card, but little did he know that stepping into a swamp would turn the card into a burden that would lead to his death.

Zhao Yansen never expected that he would have such a profound influence on Song Xi.

It wasn't the lab explosion that caused her aftereffects; it was him.

What about all these years of his silent suffering and not appearing in front of her because of her illness?
He even minded that she hadn't visited him once after his accident, that she didn't even want to hear his name because of the lab explosion, that she could date other men normally, that she hadn't thought of him once in the four years since she broke up with him, and that she could still return to where she was after realizing her mistakes... But he still couldn't let her go, and he couldn't bring himself to blame her.

She was the only thing holding him back in his life.

Zhao Yansen rarely loses control of his emotions like this.

The study was almost deathly silent, the air nearly frozen. Despite the comfortable temperature inside, he felt as if he had fallen into an ice cave, his whole body chilled.

It turns out he couldn't go back to a purely platonic relationship; he had deceived himself. He actually longed and desperately wanted to be with her.

Song Xi was seriously ill, and he too was terminally ill.
After the plane landed at JFK International Airport, Song Xi went directly to her apartment in Midtown Manhattan. This luxury apartment was bought for her by Zhao Yansen when he took her to New York for work. He saw that she liked it and let her choose her favorite floor.

Aside from disliking her, Zhao Yansen was perfect in every way.

Or rather, given the current situation, it's understandable that he doesn't like her.

Song Xi slept soundly and woke up the next day at noon. After getting ready, she was wondering what to eat when the president of the foreign pharmaceutical company, having heard that she was in the United States, invited her to lunch.

Foreign pharmaceutical companies mainly focus on innovative drug research and development and commercialization. Similar to Morningside, Song Xi had no other plans, so he agreed and took the opportunity to chat about work.

We chatted at the Western restaurant, filled our stomachs, and it was almost time to meet with Virginia.

Song Xi walked to the door of the doctor's office, and the secretary led her in, smiling in English: "Ms. Song, you look much better after returning to China."

"My roots are in my motherland, so I feel at peace when I go back," Song Xi replied with a smile.

As soon as the clinic door opened, Virginia saw her, smiled, and stood up to greet her: "You've come, please have a seat."

“Virginia.” Song Xi smiled politely and gently as she sat down on the soft sofa.

“You’re feeling much better now, and going back home has been a great help to you,” Virginia said.

“My greatest enemy is myself.” Song Xi rubbed the ruby ​​bracelet on her wrist with her fingertips, and the worry in her eyes transformed into a relaxed smile.

"Not everything has to be let go. If you can't let go, then don't. If you don't have something, then don't have it. If you're not attached to something and face loss with equanimity, life's burdens will be much lighter."

“What is the old Chinese saying, ‘If I gain it, I am fortunate; if I lose it, it is my fate’?” Virginia said.

“Yes,” Song Xi said confidently. “I didn’t expect you to know about this as well.”

"Now let's talk about the aftereffects. Will you still have nightmares when you go back?"

“Occasionally, but it’s gradually decreasing.” When she can let Zhao Yansen go and stop using his so-called identity to bind his freedom, she can also be reborn.

Normally, Virginia needs prompting before Song Xi will talk more, but today she only needs to be a quiet listener.

Near the end, Virginia tentatively asked, "The person who saved you, still doesn't want to see him?"

"We've already seen them."

Song Xi remained expressionless and said with a smile, "This is my last consultation, Virginia."

Virginia could see that the knot in her heart had been untied and that she had a brighter future ahead of her, so she smiled warmly and said goodbye.

Song Xi was all alone and not in a hurry to go back. She sat in the bar for two hours, watching the customers come and go, watching the chaotic dancing on the dance floor, watching heartbroken people drowning their sorrows in alcohol... The drinks she ordered were not strong enough to make her drunk, and she could soberly refuse anyone who came up to her.

After leaving the bar and returning to her apartment, Song Xi belatedly realized that she was not in her right mind.

The moment she stepped into the living room, she froze on the spot, as if she had been struck by lightning.

A stack of documents sat on the crystal coffee table, and a man sat on the U-shaped sofa, half of his face shrouded in shadow, making it difficult to discern his specific emotions.

His usually tall and upright figure now exuded dejection and loneliness.

Song Xi blinked her long eyelashes quickly, making sure it wasn't a hallucination, and called out, "Brother?"

It seems some people have questions.

1. The reasons for Song Xi's refusal have been mentioned several times in the previous text. She no longer trusts him; she came back not to be together, but to exhaust her love until she lets go; and she is worried that the world's opinion will hurt her aunt and him... She believes that she ruined their relationship and feels extremely guilty.

Moreover, she was a stubborn girl, persistent in her beliefs and disbeliefs.




(End of this chapter)