Am I being simulated by their love affair?

Apart from Haruka Mochizuki, Tomatsu Touka gritted her teeth when she thought of her.

Matsueda Jun stood by the guardrail again, the place where he and the girl almost committed suicide last time, "You are not wrong this time."

Tomatsu Tomoka raised her head.

"They say that boys rely on thick skin to pursue girls. There's no reason why girls can't use this method. I didn't say that I was troubled."

"But if you do this, not only will you fail to catch up with me, you will also lose your own life."

Let me get you used to my presence first. When I am the only one left by your side, you will have no choice but to accept me, and then you will become my life, Tomatsu Tomoka retorted him in her heart.

Jun Matsueda remained indifferent to her advances and even advised her to focus more on the club. The girl had her own pride and naturally felt a little resentful towards him.

"Let me tell you a story, a story about my first love." Without turning around, Jun Matsueda waved his right hand behind him, motioning her to come over.

"Wait a minute." Tomatsu Tomoka interrupted him with pretended calmness.

First love, when she heard this word, Tomatsu Tomoka's heart almost stopped.

He has been in love, he has had someone he likes, but his first hand-holding, first hug, and first kiss may all be gone.

Tomatsu Tomoka took a deep breath and calmed herself down.

His first sexual experience was probably also lost.

Thinking of this, Tomatsu Tomoka wanted to squat down and cry her heart out.

After preparing herself mentally, she asked, "How many times have you been in love?"

"Just once, two years ago."

"To what extent?"

"Why should I tell you?" Matsueda Jun frowned, feeling a little disgusted.

"Please, you must tell me."

If she doesn't figure it out, she'll go crazy.

"Kiss." Jun Matsueda didn't want to say more.

"Did you stick out your tongue?" Tomatsu Tomoka moved closer to Matsueda Jun and observed his expression closely.

"You really look a bit abnormal now." Matsueda Jun felt down.

"Have you stretched it? Have you stretched it?" Tomatsu Tomoka moved closer and closer.

"No!" Jun Matsueda held her shoulder.

"That's great!" She didn't stick out her tongue, and the first time was still there. Tomatsu Tomoka's happiness is so simple.

"Disgusting." Jun Matsueda said mercilessly.

Tomatsu Tomoka giggled.

Jun Matsueda finally told his story.

Once upon a time, a girl in the next class fell in love with him almost fanatically.

"So she was the one chasing you?"

The rhythm of his story was interrupted, and Matsueda Jun nodded impatiently. Tomatsu Tomoka was even happier.

The girl soon transferred to his class and confessed her love to him on the first day she became his deskmate, but of course he rejected her.

But the girl did not give up. Wherever there was Jun Matsueda, there she could be seen.

Girls would bring him water during physical education class, bring him lunch, do duty together after school, and throw away all the love letters in his locker.

Jun Matsueda rejected all of these, but the girl still persisted.

The girl even asked her parents to buy a house and move near the orphanage just so that she could be in touch with him when she was not at school.

When Jun Matsueda discovered that the girl appeared around the orphanage, his first reaction was anger, because the girl was secretly investigating him and might even disrupt the peaceful life of the orphanage.

The girl just stood outside the gate of the orphanage, looking at Jun Matsueda from afar. She said she would not disturb his life, and it was enough to just be able to watch him from afar.

Tomatsu Tomoka thought it was no big deal, she could have done the same if nothing had happened to her family.

The girls kept pestering him. Jun Matsueda could see the girls every day when he walked out of the orphanage. Then he would go to school, attend classes, get off classes, have lunch, go to clubs, and go back to the orphanage after school. The girls would stay by his side and no matter how he refused, it was useless. This went on for a month.

"And you agreed to her?"

"No, I told her that I have a girl I like."

Even though she knew that Matsueda Jun was not talking to her, Tomatsu Tomoka's heart still ached.

"and then?"

"At that time, the school organized a hike along the Tama River, next to which was Lake Okutama. She turned around and jumped into the lake."

Jun Matsueda's first love had to begin like this.

Tomatsu Tomoka glanced outside the railing and was noticed by Matsueda Jun.

"Don't even think about replicating her behavior. If you jump from here, you'll be dead. I won't fall for that kind of trick now."

If it happened again, Jun Matsueda would rather rescue the girl from the lake again and again than accept her love.

Matsueda Jun glanced at his phone and said, "Class is almost over. I can't finish today."

"Why is this? I want to continue listening!" Tomatsu Tomoka expressed her anger at his interruption.

"Let me tell you in advance that this story is a tragedy. I'm telling you this story not so you can learn from it, but to tell you that if you continue like this, there will be no good results."

Jun Matsueda asked the girl to concentrate on the after-school training of the wind band first. He would confirm with Yamami Maki, and would only continue telling the story if the band leader thought her performance was satisfactory.

Tomatsu Tomoka had no choice but to accept it.

Jun Matsueda said one last thing to the girl.

"Love is also a kind of desire."

It is just like appetite and sexual desire, there is no distinction between high and low.

Nothing good will ever happen if you let your desires take over.

Therefore, Jun Matsueda hates impulse and passion, and all boiling emotions will settle into clear air.

Chapter 17: In Dreams and Out of Dreams

Jun Matsueda parked his bicycle downstairs and walked into the apartment building.

It was seven in the evening, and he had just returned from the Mitaka Forest Convenience Store. High schools in Japan didn't allow students to work part-time at night, so Jun Matsueda was free at night.

Jun Matsueda lives in an old residential complex. His landlord is a friend of the director's grandmother, so the rent is relatively cheap. The monthly rent for 60 square meters is 28000 yen.

Even at the friendly rate, the monthly rent was incredibly cheap, around 1300 yuan. Because it was a two-bedroom, one-living-room apartment, the landlady had originally planned to find him a roommate, but hadn't found one yet.

Jun Matsueda first looked through the mailbox at the bottom of the building. The mailbox had a knob-type switch, and every time he opened it, he felt like he was facing a safe containing valuables. In fact, there was only -

"Payment notices, advertising flyers...supermarket discounts, these are quite useful."

Jun Matsueda kept the coupon and threw the other orders into the trash can next to him. The old house had no elevator, so he had to climb the stairs one floor at a time.

After saying hello to the residents going downstairs, Jun Matsueda went upstairs on the stairs that had experienced dozens of major earthquakes.

I've already had dinner in Mitaka Forest. I haven't seen Xiaohua today; I don't know where she went. Matsueda Jun has been working part-time in Mitaka Forest for over two months and has never met Xiaohua's parents.

He remembered that Mr. Kashida, who was in charge of the geology competition, should be related to Grandpa Kashida, but Jun Matsueda had never asked about it. His intuition told him that this was a topic that should not be touched upon.

I open the door and head home, change into slippers in the hallway, then open the refrigerator and sip a couple of sips of barley tea to cool off. Matsueda Jun only turns on the air conditioner before bed, saving on electricity.

Jun Matsueda sat down at his desk with a cup of barley tea. He would use the rest of the night to prepare for the final exam. As long as he ranked high enough, not only would his tuition be waived, but he would also receive bonuses and subsidies.

In order to save electricity, the space outside the bedroom was pitch black, with only the desk lamp in front of me still on. The crows could be heard outside the window.

When he first moved out, Jun Matsueda felt lonely, but now he has gotten used to it.

The phone rang and Jun Matsueda put down his pen.

"Hello? Brother Chun, can you hear me?" A girl's voice came from the phone.

"I can hear you~" He turned his head, clamped the phone, and continued writing.

"When will you come back to visit? Everyone misses you so much." In addition to the girl's voice, there were other boys and girls making noise on the other side.

"Hurry up, hurry up, I'll be back during summer vacation." Jun Matsueda stopped writing, closed his eyes, and imagined the scene on the other side of the microphone.

The girl was holding the phone receiver, and other people were gathered around her. They must have just finished dinner, and the children on duty were clearing the tableware, making crisp sounds of dishes colliding.

"Brother Chun said he would be back during summer vacation!" The girl relayed this to others, and cheers were heard.

"Ai-chan, remember to make sure everyone studies hard. I'll check when I get back."

The cheers turned into wails, but the girl didn't care: "Yes! I will go to Yugaoka next year too!"

The girl talked a lot to Jun Matsueda about things at the orphanage and school. A girl next to her timidly told her that it was time to change people, but the girl pretended not to hear.

When I hung up the phone, it was already past nine o'clock. The crows outside the window flew away and I could hear the faint sound of dogs barking.

Jun Matsueda closed the book and went to the bathroom to take a shower.

He recalled his savings figure, 203560 yen. After deducting this month's rent, he still had more than 17 yen left. At the current rate of progress, he would have no problem paying for tuition.

The cold water poured down from head to toe. He closed his eyes, and in the darkness, he saw the tender face of a young girl and the vegetable patch of the orphanage.

Tonight, Jun Matsueda had a dream he hadn't had in a long time. He dreamed of his childhood. He was playing on the grass with younger children, and the dean was smiling beside them.

At that time, the director's grandmother's hair was not completely white, and the crow's feet when she smiled were not very obvious.

In the cafeteria at noon, Jun Matsueda took a sip of kelp soup and looked at the message on his mobile phone.

The bookstore has lost its summer job. The manager said that due to business contraction, the plan to recruit summer job candidates has been cancelled and he apologized for it.

Matsueda Jun finished his soup with a frown on his face. Tsushima Kou beside him was curious: "Is this soup really that bad?"

"It's not because of the soup. I have to find a new part-time job for the summer vacation."

"I can recommend a job to you. My cousin works for a fashion magazine and they're in need of models."

Tsushima Kou was smiling, not noticing the gaze of Mochizuki Haruka not far away.

Matsueda Jun ignored him and looked to the left. "Who is that person who has been staring at me since I entered the cafeteria?"

"Sugisaki from Class 5, Grade 1 has a crush on Tomatsu from your class. He probably thinks he's an enemy."

A boring person, Jun Matsueda defined this man named Sugisaki in his mind and ignored him.

The next time Jun Matsueda saw Sugisaki was during the afternoon physical education class. He was wearing a sweat-absorbing headband and looked like a sporty boy. He ran to the boys in Class 2 who were playing basketball.

"Matsueda Jun, come and fight me one-on-one!" Sugisaki shouted to him from the sidelines.

Jun Matsueda waved to the boys around him, indicating that he could handle it, and walked out of the venue.

Sugisaki stared at him.

"What's the meaning?" asked Jun Matsueda.

Sugisaki looked confused and didn't understand Matsueda Jun's question.

"If you defeat me, will Tomatsu-san fall in love with you?"

"Are you provoking me?" Sugisaki waved his hands vigorously to express his anger. Matsueda Jun didn't know that Sugisaki had confessed his love to Tomatsu Yuka at noon and naturally failed.

"I asked around a bit, Sugisaki-san. You're an excellent person. 400-meter champion, a rising star on the basketball team, a versatile athlete with decent grades. You have a cheerful and straightforward personality and a lot of friends."

"Thank you, thank you..." Faced with the enemy's praise, Sugisaki didn't know how to vent his anger from the breakup and could only say thank you subconsciously.

"But what does this have to do with whether Tomatsu-san likes you? If she likes you, she'll still like you no matter how slow you run or how weak your health is. On the other hand, even if you can lead the basketball team to the national tournament, she won't like you because of that."

"The same goes for you challenging me to a duel. Even if you defeat me, Tomatsu-san won't like you. He might even dislike you more."

"What's the point?"

"Jun-kun!" Someone tipped off Tomatsu Tomoka, and the girl hurried to the sidelines. She faced Sugisaki, shielding Matsueda Jun behind her.

When Sugisaki saw his beloved girl, he was happy at first, but then he noticed her movements and his face turned as pale as a plaster statue.

After confirming that no conflict had occurred, Tomatsu Tomoka looked at Matsueda Jun and asked, "Jun-kun, you're not hurt, are you?"

Jun Matsueda shook his head.

The girl then looked across and saw that Sugisaki had disappeared.

"Jun-kun, don't care about him! He's just a person who behaved strangely after his confession failed. I have nothing to do with him!" Tomatsu Tomoka tried hard to prove her innocence.

Of course, Jun Matsueda knew that they had no relationship.