Mr. Xu's Sunny Boy

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"After my 31st birthday, Brother Xu sent me to the hospital for a physical examination the next day.

Brother Xu didn't accompany me to the hospital, but called Xiaoyue to come.That afternoon, I was lying on the bed, and I heard brother Xu talking to Xiaoyue about a lot of trifles outside, as if he would leave me in the next moment.

I was very disturbed, but I still couldn't ask.

Finally, he came in and kissed my forehead.Then his phone stopped working.

Until one night, he called me out of the blue and said 'Honey, I want to go back to my hometown'.I had lost contact with him for several days, and I was ecstatic, and I said 'I'll see you off tomorrow'.

I have never seen such a haggard Xu Zhidu, it seems that he has not slept for several days, and the stubble on his face has not been shaved for a few days.

I took him to the airport and I will always remember that.I hugged him and cried at the airport, and I said, "Brother Xu, how can I keep you."

He said he wasn't coming back...he said he wasn't coming back...

Then, he really never came back.

I never thought that he would leave me like this.

Later, he told me that he couldn’t take it anymore. He said that he had had enough of my childish temper in the past few years. For the first time on the other end of the phone, he scolded me for being childish and troublesome... saying that my illness was a drag over him.

Xiaoyue was listening to my phone call, yelling at Xu Zhidu for his heartlessness.

But he just smiled softly. He said that after he left me, he felt that the air he breathed was sweet.

In the end, he said: "Ling Yang, I don't love you anymore, forget about me after you recover from your illness."

And then there is no more then.

That was the last phone call I had with him.

It's not ridiculous, my boyfriend ran away and made up such a poor excuse to lie to others, I don't know if it was to lie to me or to lie to himself.

I was with him when I was 19, and started a business with him when I was 22; when my career improved at 25, we moved, and he said that we were both running outside, and the house was too deserted, so I was left at home, Wash your hands and make soup. When I was 29 years old, I knew I was sick, but I didn't dare to tell him, but he still found out. At the age of 31, he abandoned me and left. Not long after he left, I had a bone marrow transplant. I am 34 years old, and my disease is already cured. The doctor said that the probability of recurrence is very small. He said that he will not come back , but I can no longer wait for him to come back.

In fact, I'm not stupid, how could I not see that he had reasons for leaving.

But it's not that I don't want to wait, but I dare not wait.

I'm afraid that if I wait any longer, my love for him will be diluted by time. The years when I was just sick were the happiest years of my life. Brother Xu was with me every day.But after he left, gradually, he appeared in my dreams less and less often.

In the first few years of staying at home, I was wronged, cried, and regretted.I lost my job, stayed at home all day, and had no friends. Once we had a quarrel, and I rushed out in a fit of anger, but I didn't know where I should go.

At that time, I really didn't want to go out to meet friends, but those were not my friends.

So during those few years when Brother Xu stayed with me at home, he was unbelievably happy.For the first time, I felt that loving someone can be so happy, so happy that I can't wait to make people die the next moment.

He said he didn't love me anymore, but I knew he was in love when he left.He told me to forget him, how could I forget?How can I forget someone I love so fiercely?The one who only wanted to be nice to me...how could I forget?

After Brother Xu left, I locked myself up for a long time.

Later Xiao Nan told me that Xu Zhidu was married and had children.I still didn't believe it, until Xiaoyue and I went back to our hometown once and saw him holding a little girl in the park, about three or four years old, she looked very similar to him when he was a child, pink and tender.

That's fine, when we were first together, from the time I knew the pair of boys who jumped into the river to die in love, I knew that we had no future together.

fair enough.

... "

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Walking through the bustling crowd step by step, every step Ling Yang took seemed to be stepping on broken glass.This city is too familiar, even if he has been away for many years, it hasn't changed much.

Thinking of the people he saw in the park yesterday, Ling Yang twitched the corners of his mouth in a daze, his eyes were a little sour.

As if responding to his mood, the sky gradually sank, as if it was covered with a layer of tulle, and small raindrops mixed with fine snow fell from the sky.Ling Yang raised his head dully, a piece of ice crystals lightly fell on his face, and the people on the street were all wrapped in their clothes and ran home quickly.

He wanted to run too, but where could he go?

The first spring rain of this year fell on him, and it was icy cold.

Step by step in the cold water, it is difficult and slow to move forward.

His throat was dry and hoarse, as if it was covered with dust, and the river water surrounded him gently. Before he knew it, he had already stepped down from the river bed, and most of his body was soaked in the river.

The only thing he held in his hand was a utility knife. The cold raindrops fell on him, and he didn't feel any pain when he slashed his wrist open.

Ling Yang watched his blood bloom one after another on the river surface, and then was diluted by the river water. He let his body fall over and splashed a big splash on the river surface. I saw that always gentle face.

A voice in the bottom of his heart told him that this would be fine.

Choked by the bitter river water, Ling Yang spat out a few bubbles in pain.That's good...he said to himself, the voice overlapping with the previous voice.

In a daze, I felt like I was hugged by someone.He tried his best to open his eyes, and looked at Ling Yue who was kneeling on the ground holding him and crying into tears.

"Brother, why are you so stupid? After all these years, what's so good about that Xu Zhidu!"

"Don't cry." Ling Yang looked at his younger sister, it was the first time he saw her crying like this, and tried to smile at her, "It's not good looking."

He looked at the gray sky, there seemed to be no moisture in his eyes, and his voice was more like saying to himself, "The winters have been too hard these past few years. It's so cold that it's cold to the bone. In the past, every year In winter, Brother Xu and I would nest on the sofa, turn on the heater to the maximum, and watch those old toothless TV series together. When it was too cold, I would put my hand inside his collar.

Even if I'm still sick, the chestnuts fried in sugar at the downstairs corner of our community are the sweetest when I'm suffering the most.

I know I shouldn't leave you behind, but I really can't stand it anymore.

Xiaoyue, do you know?Winter without Xu Zhidu is too cold.

My brother has survived for three winters, and I really can't bear it any longer. "

Ling Yang's eyes gradually dimmed, "Xiaoyue...the winter without Xu Zhidu is really too cold..."

Ling Yue held him in her arms, gently stroking his hair and back, "Brother, it's okay, the ambulance is coming soon, you hold on for a while, Xu Zhidu is waiting for you in the car... elder brother..."

"Xiaoyue..." Ling Yang's voice was so soft that he could hardly hear it, "Don't blame brother...don't blame him...you must be well, brother bless you in heaven..."

Ling Yang closed his eyes slowly, a drop of hot water dripped down his cheek and into his hair from the corner of his eye.

"How can I work hard to let that person cherish my whole life..."

"elder brother!!!"

...

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