Crush Diary

43.

Li Ranxing asked me to practice basketball well, and he told me about the next time.

He also smiled at me.

I don't know if what he said at the time was a relief for me or if he really thought so.

Afterwards, I calmly thought about what happened last time. I think there is a high probability that those people wanted to tease me, but they didn't realize that I liked him.

Homosexuality is rare in this era, it is a shameful thing, and few people would make fun of it.

Besides, it was still in front of Li Ranxing.

Few people dare to provoke Li Ranxing, although he seems to be a very good-tempered person.

I began to think again whether my actions at that time were too weird and too nervous, would it make people think too much?

Later, I thought about it again, even if I was nervous and shy, it didn't mean I liked Li Ranxing, it might just be that I was shy and shy.

After sorting out these things, I felt a lot more at ease.

But then I would start to think about the meaning of the last sentence that Li Ranxing left me.

I held the ball and thought about it all night, but finally realized that it might just be a polite remark.

It doesn't make much sense.

44.

But no matter what, he said let me practice basketball well, and I still took his illusory next time as real.

I started to practice basketball seriously.

But I dare not go to the basketball court to practice, I am afraid of meeting them again, and I also start to restrain my eyes, I try to hide that love deeper.

45.

My mother fell in love with a married man, and I fell in love with a man.

Our mother and son are probably doomed to have a bumpy relationship.

The man my mother fell in love with, after she had me, he told her that he was married and my mother was cheated, but even so she couldn't bear to leave him, so she broke up with her family and desperately wanted to marry him. together with him.

It's hard for me to tell who is more difficult, me or her.

But fortunately, I never had too many expectations for this secret love, and I didn't expect it to really bear fruit.

It's really good that he can let me look at him.

But this incident did arouse such a secret point in my heart. I can't deny that if my crush can get a little response from the other party, I will be happier than now.

in case……

I mean, if... Li Ranxing likes me a little one day, I will probably wake up laughing from my dreams for the rest of my life.

If Li Ranxing can tell me in front of me one day that he likes me...he wants to be with me.

gosh...

I really can't imagine having this picture...

My face suddenly turned red.

But if... If there is really a possibility between us, I am willing to pay any price to fight for this possibility.

I dare not imagine whether I can really get that kind of happiness, but if there is such a day, I will die without regret in my life.

46.

I can't help myself in this life, but if he wants me, he is willing to like me a little bit, and I am willing to die for him.

I will fight mountains of swords and seas of fire, I will endure storms and hail, I am willing to give everything for him, I am willing to put my heart in his hands, no matter how he treats it, I am willing to take pain and happiness.

47.

It turns out that I am the same person as my mother.

I obviously don't want to be someone like her, but I still can't escape my fate.

48.

In order to prove the one-in-a-million possibility, I thought for the first time whether Li Ranxing would like men, and whether he was gay?

But soon I thought that when Li Ranxing treats girls, he always has a gentler attitude. When other boys look at beautiful girls, he occasionally looks more. Thinking of this, I immediately became depressed again.

Although I don't think there is much difference between liking a man or a woman, in fact I don't like any man or woman, except Li Ranxing.If Li Ranxing was a girl, I think I would like "her" too.

According to the information I checked on the Internet later, most people in the world are heterosexual.The vast majority of people are very anti-homosexual, and I accidentally became that small group of people in the marginal zone of society.

Some posts say that homosexuality is perverted and abnormal. Although there are objective statements, most people still reject it.

I thought of the way Li Ranxing looked at girls. I thought about it, he must not be gay.

49.

The one-in-a-million possibility between me and Li Ranxing became one in a billion in an instant.

50.

Let me confirm again that Li Ranxing is not gay, it is the gossip I heard from some girls.The girls chirped and said that someone had sent a love letter to Li Ranxing again. It was said that it was a class girl from a certain class, and Li Ranxing even sent her home.

The figure of that girl appeared in my mind instantly. On the day she and Li Ranxing went home, I was depressed all night.And even I had to admit it was a pretty girl.

But soon the girl next to me was refuting another girl. She said: "Li Ranxing already has a girlfriend! That person is his childhood sweetheart. The two grew up together. His girlfriend is now in England. Li Ranxing Xing University has already thought about going abroad to be with his girlfriend, and the two elders have said that they will marry them when they are old."

"real or fake?"

"Everyone says that, so it shouldn't be a lie."

These words are not easy A thunder rang in my ears, and my face turned pale instantly.

It was as if someone hit the head with a blow, and my mind went blank. The pain was not the most important thing, I just felt a little numb.

While I was still pondering the one-in-a-billion possibility, he was already out of possibility with me...

In fact, he has already thought about his future...

Is his future destined to be without me...

He will go abroad and live in a place where I will never see him again...

At this moment, I don't know whether he has a girlfriend or he will leave the country, which one makes me more painful.

I can no longer pretend to be comfortable saying that I never expected my crush to blossom.

I felt a spasm in my heart at the thought that he would eventually leave me and live in a place where I could not see him.

I immediately left my seat, and when I got up, the stool made a loud, piercing sound.

The girls looked at me slightly annoyed and said something, but I couldn't hear it at all.

There is only one thing on my mind, Li Ranxing will leave, he will leave...

And where am I going to find him?

51.

I ran out, it was lunch break, and I didn't see Li Ranxing in his classroom, so I turned around and ran to the basketball court.

Li Ranxing practiced on the basketball court.

Maybe it was lunch break, and there was no one on the basketball court.

He is now in place, the basketball in his hand falling into the net in a perfect arc.

The moment I saw him, my heart suddenly relaxed.

He's still there, he's still where I can see him.

I just stood there looking at him, my eyes seemed to burn him.

It was autumn, and he only wore short sleeves for the convenience of playing. As soon as he raised his hand, he could see a small section of his lean waist, and his tight and beautiful abdominal muscles were looming through the layer of T-shirt. I stood far away and felt how beautiful and flexible the muscle lines on that body were.

I looked at him, and suddenly felt sour in my heart.

For a moment, I wanted to run over and tell him that I really liked him.

I would do anything for him, I almost want to rip out my heart and show him how much I love him.

I want him to like me too, I want to be with him.

I hope it works out with him.

I will use every means I can think of, whether it is ethical or not.

At that moment, I suddenly felt that my liking for him had reached a point of madness.

I have never discovered that I have such a possessive desire for him before. For a moment, I felt that my love was so deformed. I was actually willing to do some bad things just to make him love me.

I despise myself.

He obviously didn't do anything, but I liked him more and more.

It's not his problem at all, but I can't help myself.

Maybe I'm just as crazy as my mother is in my bones.

The author has something to say: am I on a stand-alone qaq