hold you in my arms tonight

When An Xiaoqian found Xie Yuan, he had been sitting on the bench opposite the food street in University Town for a day.

"What are you doing here?" An Xiaoqian asked.

Xie Yuanmin glanced at her, moved away, and looked at the pastry shop in the distance.

"He used to work there," he said.

"How long have you been watching?"

"do not know."

An Xiaoqian neither cried nor laughed, she clenched her handbag tightly, and asked Xie Yuan through gritted teeth: "Do you love him that much?"

Xie Yuan said: "I am willing to exchange my life for his. I would rather be the one who died in the earthquake. Do you think I love him or not?"

Xie Yuan and Jiang Xun have stopped talking about love many years ago. They regard each other as the only lighthouse in their lives. Only by the company of that person can they find their way home.

As early as many years ago in Lanlin Lane, Xie Yuan and Jiang Xun had been integrated into each other's bones. If they were separated, every inch of skin would be shattered, every bone would be smashed, bloody and bloody, and the pain would be overwhelmed.

An Xiaoqian truly understood at this moment that the most whimsical decision in her life was to try to win Xie Yuan's heart.

It's not that he has no heart, his heart is Jiang Xun, and if Jiang Xun is dead, his heart won't beat anymore.

"I'm going abroad, Xie Yuan," An Xiaoqian said, "I will never come back again."

Xie Yuan said: "You go, I never want to see you again."

"You are so cruel, Xie Yuan," An Xiaoqian said.

Xie Yuan said: "I'm not ruthless, I really hate you. If it wasn't for you, Jiang Xun and I would never be separated. He won't go to Minchuan alone. I will accompany him, even if there is no way to save him. If you have him, you can also die with him."

An Xiaoqian froze in place.

Xie Yuan said: "I hate you, but I don't want to take revenge anymore, I don't have the strength anymore."

An Xiaoqian felt a love-hate entanglement in her heart in vain. If she hadn't met Xie Yuan, she would still be that woman who was beyond the reach of everyone in the imperial capital, standing at the top of the pyramid forever.

Xie Yuan pulled her off the altar and stepped into the dust, and then turned his eyebrows coldly.

An Xiaoqian stood in front of Xie Yuan, and for the first time looked down at the man she had loved for many years. Love and hatred coexisted in her heart, and her pride and hatred were pulled by reason.

She looked down at Xie Yuan, and said softly: "Xie Yuan, if you love someone badly, you can't accept that you are insignificant in his life."

"It turns out that I won after all," An Xiaoqian said, "At least, you hate me."

She is so crazy, but there is nothing she can do.

Xie Yuan raised his eyes to look at An Xiaoqian, his eyes couldn't focus for a few times, he finally lowered his eyes slowly, and she was no longer in his eyes.

In November, the weather started to turn cold, Xie Yuan returned to Liucheng with Jiang Xun's ashes.

He took Jiang Xun back to the Angel Orphanage. When Uncle Zhang saw Jiang Xun's urn, the man who was over half a year old shed tears.

Uncle Zhang said to Xie Yuan: "He was fine the last time we met, why did he become like this?"

The girl who eloped with her lover many years ago in the Angel Orphanage came back. She seemed to be abandoned later, gave birth to a dead baby, and her mental state was not very good.

Xie Yuan can't remember Su Qing clearly, this woman has grown old and haggard by now.

Su Qing said to Xie Yuan: "I'm sorry, back then, I slandered you..."

There was no ripple in Xie Yuan's heart, he had already let go of the gossip he said to those people when he was young.

Xie Yuan didn't stay long, he brought Jiang Xun back here to say goodbye.

He returned to Blue Forest Lane again after many years.

This place is already dilapidated, and many buildings are written with demolition characters in red paint. There are people from the demolition team busy, and it is written that no one is allowed to enter.

Xie Yuan didn't go in, he just looked at the deep alley from a distance. When he was a child, he felt that the alley seemed endless, but now it seems that it is nothing more than that.There are too many bad memories in Lanlin Lane, and now Xie Yuan has actually let it go.

Here are his childhood playmates, and memories of him and Jiang Xun.

The years have been dark and shallow, and the old streets are filled with damp and salty air. Xie Yuan saw Jiang Xun many years ago through the mottled light.

He greedily looked at that face, wanting to remember his appearance more firmly, using the years as a carving knife to carve him into the depths of his soul.

That night, Xie Yuan bought a lot of fireworks, and he came to the winding mountain road near the No. [-] Middle School by himself.

He lit the fireworks in the box and set off a beautiful fireworks display for the people in Liucheng.

The fireworks are constantly blooming and never stop.

Xie Yuan was sitting by the road, playing with a lighter, looking at the brilliant colors in the night sky, his eyes were blurred and he couldn't see clearly.

He remembered that that year, he and Jiang Xun saw a couple setting off fireworks here, and he told him that fireworks would be set off for him on June [-]rd every year.

At that time, none of them took it seriously, but at this moment, Xie Yuan wanted to fulfill this promise once and for all.

It wasn't June third, but he couldn't wait.

He was afraid that he would not be able to wait until June [-]rd of the next year.

This night, the fireworks never stopped.

The next day, Xie Yuan came to Min'an Road again according to his memory.

He walked into the nunnery and came in front of Song Yin, his face was as pale as paper, without any extra emotion.

He clasped his hands together, and said to Song Yin with Buddhist rituals: "I came this time, just to tell you that I forgive you, forgive you for giving birth to me, forgive you for not loving me, forgive you for abandoning me, and I forgive you. Forgive you for everything."

Song Yin burst into tears, she didn't feel that she was relieved at the moment, she looked at Xie Yuan anxiously, because she found that there was no light in her son's eyes.

"Yuan'er, don't scare mom..." Song Yin cried.

Xie Yuan said: "I came here because I hope you know that I have forgiven you. I wish you a happy life in the future."

Song Yin looked at the back of Xie Yuan leaving, lonely and lonely.

She actually wanted to ask the young man who came with him last time, but she still didn't ask.

She knelt in front of the Bodhisattva statue, not knowing for a moment whether she had been redeemed and liberated in her life.

But it's not important anymore.

She has been pursuing love all her life, and she loved Xie Huaisheng when she was young, and this love made her lose herself.Later, she fell in love with Zhou Boan, and this love disqualified her from being a mother.When she saw through all the long companions, she spent the rest of her life waiting for Xie Yuan's forgiveness in order to be relieved.

After waiting for half a lifetime, she finally understood at this moment that in the summer of [-], when she turned around, her son had already gone with time and would never return.

Half of life is absurd, like a dream.

Xie Yuan directly bought a plane ticket to Chong'an City in Liucheng.

The moment the plane took off, he murmured, "Liu Cheng, goodbye."

Goodbye, Liucheng.

Goodbye, Blue Forest Lane.

On November [-], [-], Xie Yuan set foot on the land of Chong'an for the first time.

This city, which suffered a great deal 19 years ago, can no longer see the traces of that time.It has built a new airport, and when you go out from the airport, there are still high-rise buildings, the streets are full of traffic, and people on the sidewalks are in a hurry.

Xie Yuan walked out of the airport with Jiang Xun's urn in his arms. He bowed his head and said to Jiang Xun tenderly, "Do you feel familiar? Jiang Xiaoxun."

Xie Yuan didn't know where he was going, he really wanted to visit Jiang Xun's former home, even if it was a newly built building.But he couldn't find it, maybe even Jiang Xun himself didn't remember it.

Xie Yuan was walking aimlessly on the street with the urn in his arms.

He kept whispering: "Jiang Xun, I'll take you back to Chong'an. Jiang Xun, I'll take you... home..."

Xie Yuan asked someone to find out where the martyrs in Chong'an were buried.The man gave him an extra look and said to him, "I'll take you there."

The car drove to the outskirts of the city and stopped in front of a cemetery.

Xie Yuan got out of the car and saw this large garden tomb with an iron gate and a monument next to it, with a lot of information about the Chong'an earthquake engraved on it.

There is a sentence in the lower right corner of the monument: I would like to commemorate the martyrs who died in the 6.27 earthquake.

Xie Yuan kissed the urn, and said gently: "Jiang Xun, let's go in and see if we can find your family."

In fact, Jiang Xun mentioned before that he wanted to visit Chong'an, but he was busy with his studies and work, so he never had the chance.Later, he finally resigned, and before he could return to Chong'an, he died in the Minchuan earthquake.

After 19 years, Jiang Xun finally returned to Chong'an.

Returned to Chong'an in this form.

Xie Yuan walked and searched for a long time in the cemetery, but the cemetery was too big, and he found nothing.His body did not allow him to continue walking, and he fell to the ground weakly, afraid of knocking the box, so he subconsciously protected it in his arms.

It was getting dark, Xie Yuan had no choice but to leave.

Finally, he stood at the gate of the cemetery and said to Jiang Xun, "I'm really useless, but forget it, Jiang Xun, you can reunite with them below."

He didn't finish talking, he still wanted to say, wait for me.

Xie Yuan took a taxi and asked the driver to go to a hotel at random.

He was holding an urn in his arms, and the receptionist didn't dare to approach him, so he quickly gave him the room card.

"Thank you," Xie Yuan said.

Xie Yuan got on the elevator, he was dizzy, and sat down against the wall in the elevator, and other people in the elevator looked at him one after another.

"Sir, are you all right?"

Xie Yuan shook his head and said, "It's okay, just sit for a while and you'll be fine."

His voice was so hoarse, it seemed to be torn apart.

The elevator door opened, Xie Yuan got up with difficulty, and staggered out under the eyes of a group of elevator people looking at him.

Holding the urn in his arms, he said to Jiang Xun weakly, "Jiang Xun, I'm really...a bit ashamed."

Back in the room, Xie Yuan sat on the sofa holding Jiang Xun's urn, and he didn't want to let go for a moment.

Xie Yuan just sat like this, he didn't know how long he sat there, the sky outside the window completely darkened, and then brightened up again.

Finally, darkness returned.

Xie Yuan just kept hugging Jiang Xun.

He suddenly said: "Jiang Xun, I'm sorry, I always listen to you, but this time, I don't want to listen to you."

"Just this time..."

"If you are angry, hit me later."

"I really... have no choice."

"There is no way to live a good life like you said..."

Xie Yuan held Jiang Xun's urn and turned to go to the bathroom. He turned on the faucet of the bathtub and listened to the sound of splashing water.

Xie Yuan returned to the living room and picked up the knife from the fruit plate.

He was really exhausted, he didn't even have the energy to take off his clothes, he stepped over the bathtub, and lay down in the bathtub with his clothes on.

The water spread little by little, and he hugged Jiang Xun's urn into his arms, held it carefully, and kissed it lightly.

"It's so cold underground, how can I be willing to leave you alone."

Xie Yuan grasped the knife and cut his wrist hard. As if he was afraid that it would not cut through, he cut it again and again, each knife was heavier than the next knife, until he saw the bone.

A gentle smile appeared on Xie Yuan's face.

He hugged the urn in his arms tightly, wanting to hug him into his body, integrate him into one body, and never separate him again.

"Finally, you returned to my arms."

The water in the bathtub gradually turned red, staining Xie Yuan's white shirt red.

He closed his eyes, with a smile on his face from beginning to end.

"Jiang Xun, wait for me to go home."

The author has something to say: The next three chapters are extras from Meng Yan’s perspective. This article was written too fast, and I know it’s too immature. Please give me a chance to improve slowly.First of all, Chapter 35 of the article mentions a little bit of Xu Jiayang, because everyone in "Infatuation" said that the timeline is confusing, I am here to explain that Xu Jiayang's high school years in "Infatuation" are my own high school years, and the time is only around 2014-2017 The time of 11 years in it should be pushed back, so QQ and WeChat appeared. The protagonist in "Tonight" is much bigger than the protagonist in "Infatuation".Then, everyone is welcome to make corrections and suggestions. I am an off-the-wall author, and the writing and plot brain circuits are not very good. You can give suggestions and scold the characters.Finally, although this article was written quickly and urgently, I didn’t make any mistakes. When I wrote the Chong’an earthquake at the beginning, I had already thought about the Minchuan earthquake at the end, so this story line has an outline of.Although I am a rookie hahahaha.Finally, thank you to every friend who read my article.You can pay attention to the author's column and the author's Weibo, mainly because I will probably slowly polish other works in the future.I'm Ding'er, thank you for meeting me.