Scumbag, wait for me!

When Chen Fan returned to the bedroom, Meng Xin was lying on the bed wrapped in a quilt, with his eyes slightly closed.

He glanced at it from a distance and didn't go back into the bedroom. He turned around and went into the kitchen to bring a pot of water to boil.

After the water boils, put in a small handful of cornmeal that has been distilled in cold water.

The more it boiled in the pot, the thicker it became, and the yellow was mixed together, and the corn paste was steaming "beep".

Chen Fan opened a bag of small pickles, chopped green onions, poured vinegar on them, mixed them with chopsticks, and put them on the other side.

He shook his head helplessly, and muttered: "Obviously I'm the one who lost love..."

Chen Fan turned off the fire, took out the corn paste, picked it up with pickles, and walked into the bedroom lightly.

He put the things in his hand on the bedside table and pushed Meng Xin lightly.Meng Xin shook her body, but did not wake up.

Meng Xin usually felt light, and it was rare for him to sleep like this. Now, Chen Fan was a bit reluctant to wake him up.

Chen Fan climbed onto the bed cautiously, leaned his body, moved to a position where he could see Meng Xin's face, he saw a pale face with a trace of tears hanging on it.

Meng Xin's long eyelashes were still trembling, his eyelids moved slightly, the corners of his mouth were tightly pursed, his arms were tightly wrapped around each other, as if he was desperately enduring something...

Chen Fan hesitated: Meng Xin...what did he dream about?Why is the expression so ugly?

He raised his hand and stroked Meng Xin's forehead, it was even hotter than before.

Why is this person so stubborn?

His hand ran along Meng Xin's forehead to his face, and gently rubbed the palm of his hand to wipe off the sweat from his face.

Sensing the strangeness on his face, Meng Xin finally opened his eyes slowly.

Looking at each other, Chen Fan withdrew his hands in embarrassment, and said, "I'll make you a bowl of soup, get up and eat a little, drink the medicine before going to bed."

Meng Xin remained motionless, looking at Chen Fan without looking away, his eyes were focused like never before.

Chen Fan said, "Why are you so dazed? You don't even want to take medicine." As he spoke, he was about to get out of bed.

Meng Xin grabbed Chen Fan's wrist. Chen Fan was puzzled and turned to look at Meng Xin.

Meng Xin's arms were trembling slightly all the time. He half-opened his eyes and said in a hoarse voice, "You...where are you going..."

Sick people are really... hypocritical...

Chen Fan raised his hand to caress the back of Meng Xin's hand, and said, "I'll bring you some soup, it's on the bedside table, get up and eat a little, and you'll have the strength to recuperate after eating."

As he spoke, he reached out to help Meng Xin.

Comparing the strength in Chen Fan's hands, Meng Xin sat up slowly.

Chen Fan picked up the cushion, put Meng Xin behind him, turned around and picked up the bowl on the bedside table, took a mouthful of soup with a spoon, brought it to Meng Xin's mouth, and said, "Open your mouth."

Meng Xin muttered feebly: "Hot..."

"It's been out of the pot for a long time, and it's not hot."

Meng Xin hesitated and said, "I can feel the heat..."

"……………………"

Chen Fan brought the spoon to his mouth, blew it lightly, passed it to Meng Xin again, and said, "It's not hot now..."

Only then did Meng Xin open his mouth, took a sip, swallowed, and said, "It's so bad to drink, it doesn't taste at all..."

"Patients have to eat this." Chen Fan scooped up another mouthful along the side of the bowl, blew it and handed it to Meng Xin.

Meng Xin opened his mouth, swallowed it, lowered his eyes slightly, and said apologetically, "Tonight...to trouble you..."

"Trouble me?"

"Yeah." Meng Xin nodded, paused, and said, "And..."

"Don't mention the past..." Chen Fan interrupted Meng Xin, took another spoonful of soup, and said, "Open your mouth..."

Meng Xin sighed, opened her mouth obediently, swallowed it, and said after a while, "You didn't blow it..."

Chen Fan: "??????"

He stirred the bowl with a spoon, vented the heat, and asked, "Does your head still hurt?"

"Um……"

Chen Fan scooped up another spoonful and continued to bring it to Meng Xin's mouth, saying, "You really just have a wind? No cough, no runny nose, just a fever. Did you eat something unclean yesterday? What do I think? You don't seem to have a cold? You can't take medicine indiscriminately. "

Meng Xin's hand that was hiding under the quilt tightened a little, and suddenly put away the expression on his face, pulled up the quilt and lay down on the bed, saying, "I'm full, I don't want to eat..."

Chen Fan felt a little baffled, looked at the bowl in his hand, and said patiently, "You drink more, if you don't eat something, you can't drink medicine."

"I won't drink anymore, I don't need to take medicine, I'll be fine after a night of sleep..."

Chen Fan had no choice but to put the bowl on the bedside table, opened the drawer and took out the medicine box, and said, "You don't need to take other medicines, but you have to take one of the antipyretics, you promised me... otherwise, I will..."

"One..." Meng Xin spat out two words awkwardly.

"Ah."

He sat up again, swallowed a pill, took a sip of water from the cup, swallowed it with his head up, and then lay back on the bed, whispering: "I'm so tired..."

Chen Fan helped Meng Xin tuck the corner of the quilt, and said, "Go to bed when you're tired, it's getting late..."

After he finished speaking, he stood up and went to deliver the bowl.

The moment he turned around, Meng Xin raised his hand suddenly, grabbed the corner of Chen Fan's clothes, and said, "You...where are you going...here..."

Chen Fan turned around and glanced at Meng Xin.

This person is really strange today, he tentatively said: "Meng Xin, did something happen to you? Or... just had a bad dream..."

Meng Xin's face changed slightly, he hesitated for a moment, let go of his hand, and said, "I...I'm fine..."

Chen Fan took a closer look at Meng Xin. Although this man has a baby face, when he doesn't talk or smile, he always feels a bit arrogant and stern, but today...he has an unprecedented expression on his face. Depressed...or rather...depressed...

What happened to Meng Xin?

Chen Fan was full of doubts, but this was not the time to ask.He breathed a sigh of relief, put down the bowl, climbed onto the bed and lay down with Meng Xin, held Meng Xin's hand, and said, "Go to sleep when you're tired..."

Meng Xin grabbed Chen Fan a little harder, and after a while, he lowered his head and leaned closer to Chen Fan, and said in a low voice, "You...can you give me a hug?"

Chen Fan's arm trembled slightly, he turned around and put his hand on Meng Xin's shoulder, and said, "What are you afraid of? Can you tell me..."

Meng Xin closed her eyes tightly, gritted her teeth, and said, "I...I'm afraid of being alone..."

"one person?"

"die……"

After Meng Xin said this word, he felt pain from the temples to the eye sockets, nose, and even the roots of the teeth. He held Chen Fan's hand tightly and said intermittently: "I walked a long distance by myself. It's really good." tired……"

Chen Fan frowned, held Meng Xin's hand tightly, and said, "Meng Xin, you are not alone, tell me, what happened?"

Meng Xin panted heavily, and said, "I... I'm afraid I won't be able to wake up after falling asleep, you know? This time I had a fever, and it lasted for twelve days..."

Chen Fan's whole body immediately stiffened. He clenched his hands tightly behind Meng Xin's back, clenched his teeth, and tried to control his tone. It sounded as if it was the same as before, and said, "How could it be? You eat Take the medicine, take the medicine and sleep, tomorrow will be fine..."

After a long time, he heard Meng Xin say in a low voice, "It's no good... taking medicine won't help..." The man's voice was very calm, with insignificant despair and indifference.

Chen Fan had an answer in his heart, but he couldn't believe it, and he couldn't believe it...

He hugged Meng Xin's hand more and more tightly, and said, "No, the fever-reducing medicine will work soon..."

Meng Xin raised his head, leaned close to Chen Fan's ear, paused every word, sobbed vaguely, and said in a trembling voice: "No medicine can cure my disease, Chen Fan. In this world, there is no The medicine can cure me..."

Chen Fan's brain began to spin uncontrollably.

Many points, the city-connecting line, have become visible together.

At this moment, he suddenly understood why Meng Xin was so sunny but always full of distance?

Why does he like to share his life so much and record every moment of happiness and experience?

Why is Meng Xin obviously emotional every time I get close, but is so cautiously afraid?

Why does this person refuse again and again, always with a sadness that seems to see through the world...

No, this is not sorrow, but despair that sees through life.

Chen Fan's voice finally trembled uncontrollably, and said, "You... don't scare me, Meng Xin, what's wrong with you?"

Meng Xin slowly opened his eyes, looked at Chen Fan, and whispered, "Guess?"

Chen Fan hesitated: "You..."

Meng Xin answered: "I'm an HIV carrier..."

As Meng Xin's voice fell, Chen Fan's mind went blank for an instant.

He looked at Meng Xin motionlessly, trying his best to suppress all the fear, uneasiness, and surprise in his heart.

He is Meng Xin!How could this be……

After a moment, all the complicated feelings turned into reluctance, sadness and distress.He wanted to engrave this person's eyes, nose, and eyebrows in his mind, forever and ever, without leaving a trace.

An inexplicable sadness rose from the bottom of my heart, and then gradually evolved into a huge torrent, submerging Chen Fan in an instant.

He felt his eye sockets getting hotter and hotter. Tears flowed out from the corners of his eyes like uncontrollable gates and fell on the pillow.

Meng Xin raised his hand, rubbed Chen Fan's face and nose with his thumb, and said, "Don't cry..."

As a result, the more he wiped, the more Chen Fan cried, and the feeling of grievance became stronger and stronger until he couldn't control it anymore.

He tightly grasped Meng Xin's hand, put it on his chest, and said, "Why...why did this happen?"

Meng Xin, 28 years old, is cheerful and kind...

He is so warm, no matter who it is, as long as they stand by his side, it is like standing in the sun, next to a big heater.

He always treats life with the same simplicity, when it comes to fitness, he will be serious, he will pour down the wine in a sip, and he will get black face when he makes a stab at it, but when he turns around, he immediately forgets it.

Compared with himself, he is obviously a big kid?Such a person should always stand in the sun, smiling heartlessly, why...

"Don't cry, Chen Fan, I..." Before Meng Xin finished speaking, she couldn't help crying together, but still pursed the corners of her mouth, forced a bitter and embarrassing smile, and said, "I... I don't feel bad, after drinking your soup, I feel much better...really..."

With such a brave sentence from Meng Xin, Chen Fan couldn't stop crying.

This man is simply too stupid!When is it, obviously...you are so sad, why do you still want to comfort yourself?

When Meng Xin was in a hurry, his mouth became very stupid. He put his hand on Chen Fan's face and stammered, "I...I'm really fine, you...don't cry..."

Chen Fan really didn't feel that he wanted to cry, but a feeling of suffocation surrounded him all the time. He felt that if he smoked twice, he might lose his breath the next moment, so he could only say intermittently: "I...I just want to hug you……"

Meng Xin smiled helplessly, raised his hand to hold Chen Fan in his arms, and said in a hoarse voice: "In the incubation period, no one can die..."

Chen Fan held Meng Xin's clothes tightly, and said incoherently, "I...I can't bear you...I can't bear you...Meng Xin, I love you..."

Meng Xin's body trembled, and he held Chen Fan's hand tightly. After a long time, he finally said: "Chen Fan, thank you..."

Thank you...for not despising me...

Chen Fan suddenly pushed Meng Xin away and said, "I'm not lying, Meng Xin, I love you, I can risk my life, as long as... as long as you are willing... I will always be with you...until..."

"I don't want to..." Meng Xin regained his senses and interrupted Chen Fan.

Chen Fan raised his face, and quickly moved closer to Meng Xin's pale lips.

The extremely gentle touch made Meng Xin back away in fright, pushed Chen Fan away vigorously and said, "Are you crazy?"

"I didn't lie, nor did I comfort you, I would like to..."

"I don't want to..." Meng Xin repeated loudly. As soon as he finished saying this, he coughed violently. The tears in his eyes grew more and more, and it took him a long time to get over the breath...

Meng Xin opened his mouth again, slamming every word: "Chen Fan, I don't want to...I don't love you...really..."

Chen Fan hesitated and said, "You're lying..."

"Did I lie, you know...don't forget, I have a partner..."

"But...you..." Chen Fan hesitated and asked, "Does he know..."

"This is my business..." Meng Xin interrupted coldly.

He sighed, raised his hand to wipe away the tears on Chen Fan's face, and said, "This is my life too, Chen Fan, you don't need to feel sorry for me, and don't be affected by my affairs... ……that is……"

"Meng Xin..."

Meng Xin didn't finish his sentence, lowered his eyes, lay down again and said, "I'm tired, Chen Fan, go to sleep..."

The same sentence is the beginning and the end.

Chen Fan hesitated, and lay down with him.

Meng Xin curled up sideways, leaned her head on Chen Fan's shoulder, and said, "When I got the inspection report, I was only a senior in college, and I walked alone on the road to the school gate for a long time crying. The wind was as mild as usual, but cold..."

Chen Fan held Meng Xin's hand tightly.

"I asked myself over and over again in my heart, why me?"

Why...is it me...

There are so many people in this world, so many people fall in love, I only loved one person, why me...

That night, Meng Xin repeated this sentence many times in Chen Fan's ear: "Tell me, why me?"

It seemed that everything had returned to that road, and he was still the helpless crying little boy in his memory.

Chen Fan was full of doubts, but didn't say a word.

He hugged Meng Xin tightly, and rubbed his chin against the man's forehead, feeling the temperature that gradually dropped, but then rose faintly.

Hearing this man's nonsensical whispers in his ears: "Chen Fan...why...it's me?"

Is there a trace of life?Where is it pushing people somewhere?

It's just a journey with no return, so do those things that you sincerely believe in really exist?

what is love?What is freedom?What is dignity?

Life is only a few decades, but it needs to experience many complex emotions, and accept every evolution of life meekly.

Even if there are countless answers, but after searching hard, it is more clear that the "self" is always completely ignorant.

Are you scared?Countless times I was afraid...

Afraid that the choice will have no result, wasting time...

Do you regret it?regret loving...

But... if you love, you won't regret it, if you don't love, you will regret it...

So what else can't let go?just keep believing...

Thinking of this, Meng Xin finally fell asleep...

The author has something to say: don't worry, it's not be, and... there will be sugar, love will come when it should come...