【Kaiyuan】Shewu Blurred

[To be honest, I have insomnia. To be honest, I miss you. 】

In Beijing at the end of August, it was so hot that even the air seemed to be steaming.

The moment he got out of the car, stepping into the scorching sun from the air-conditioned car, Wang Yuan felt his breathing was stagnant, and he almost wanted to escape back to the car.

Of course he didn't, he didn't even have a chance to turn around, he was surrounded by fans, the shutters and screams were repeated, almost piercing the eardrums.

And these sounds will haunt him until he boards the plane.

The door of the car closed behind him quickly the moment he got out of the car, as if afraid that he would turn around and run back.

He has no chance to turn back, he can only go forward.

But he could feel that the person in the car was looking at him intently through the car window and the turbulent crowd, which made him more or less relieved—fortunately, fortunately, that person was not too awkward deliberately do not look at him.

Now he really needs the company of that person's gaze, after all, he is the only one this time.

This time, only he returned to Chongqing alone.

On the way from the hotel to the airport, Wang Junkai and Wang Yuan were silent.

Wang Yuan glanced at Wang Junkai, and saw him wearing earphones and looking out of the window intently, not knowing what to see in the old residential buildings outside the Fourth Ring Road.

Seeing that he was about to arrive at the airport, Wang Yuan couldn't help but said, "Actually, you don't need to see me off."

His voice was not loud, but Wang Junkai quickly took off the earphones and turned his head, as if waiting for him to speak.

But Wang Junkai didn't speak, just looked at him.

Wang Yuan felt a little embarrassed, so he said again: "You shouldn't have come to see me off, what should you do if you are seen by fans?"

This time Wang Junkai smiled and said, "No."

Then there was silence again.

This see-saw silence between the two is like stars flowing in the Milky Way, silent and silent, but they cannot untangle the thousands of threads involved.

"Wang Junkai..." Wang Yuan called him again, but he didn't seem to know what to say, so he let the atmosphere fall silent again.

Wang Junkai looked at him, waited for a long time without waiting for the next sentence, then turned his head out of the window again, and said: "Wang Yuaner, you are angry, you should say it."

"I'm not angry." Wang Yuan retorted subconsciously—in fact, he didn't know if he was angry, or in other words, he didn't know whether he should be angry.

The surrounding staff felt that the two of them were arguing, as usual, and the quarreling was not serious. Apart from not being as joyful as usual, it did not affect work and training, and the level of tacit understanding was not even reduced, so no one was in a hurry. Busy, who has time to really worry about the two children's small fights.

"You're just angry," Wang Junkai has always been stubborn about what he believes. He stared at the scenery passing by the car window, knowing that if he didn't say something now, he might be pressed in his heart. "I know why you are angry. , because I didn’t choose Yangyin, right? You think I don’t count. You said before that you hate dishonest people the most, so you have been like this for the past two months. Don’t be angry, don’t be awkward Twist, just to make me uncomfortable."

Wang Yuan stared at his figure with his back turned to him, opened his mouth, but didn't say a word - he admitted that he had emotions, but this emotion was not directly related to Wang Junkai's final abandonment of Yangyin.

In fact, he thought a long time ago that Wang Junkai's choice would not be Yangyin, because no matter from the perspective of future development or current planning, whether as a singer or an artist, Yangyin is not the most suitable choice.

Thinking about it now, the sentence "Central Conservatory of Music" and "I am also the Central Conservatory of Music" at that time were a bit like a child's "Tsinghua University and Peking University" - when you don't know what you want, what you can want, what you are suitable for When, blurting out the ideal that sounds the most beautiful seems to be a conditioned reflex, in fact, how many people can take your ideal to heart and worry that you will accidentally miss it?

Therefore, he understands Wang Junkai's choice.

But unfortunately, Wang Junkai didn't understand him.

Just like before the college entrance examination, when he wanted to hear Wang Junkai's true feelings and share a little pressure for him, Wang Junkai always laughed it off, saying that he didn't have to worry about it.

Just like when filling out the application form, he hoped that Karry Wang would tell himself his considerations and choices frankly, but Karry Wang kept hiding it and did not tell him the result until the dust settled.

Just like now, Wang Junkai thought that he was brooding over Yangyin's affairs, that he was making trouble, and maybe even thought it was a cold war, but he didn't want to say it, and he wouldn't say it. In fact, he was just afraid of leaving alone. .

The older they get, the less the grudge between the two of them, and the way the two of them get along gradually changes from playing around together to doing their own things. This kind of subtle alienation makes him uneasy, Wang Junkai His unawareness disturbed him too.

And now, something that makes him even more uneasy is about to happen——

Wang Junkai will stay in Beijing to study at university, and he will return to Chongqing alone.

Fortunately, when the vehicle got off the highway, Wang Junkai still turned his head and started nagging as usual, which somewhat comforted Wang Yuan.

"Eat on time and eat less snacks."

"Ah."

"Take a good class, train hard, and rest well."

"Ah."

"Don't keep playing games."

"Ah."

"Contact anytime."

"Ah."

"It's okay to contact."

"Oh."

"Don't miss me, we'll meet again in twenty days or so."

"...Cut, who rarely sees you."

Wang Junkai looked at Wang Yuan who was playing with his mobile phone and only knew to nod, because his last sentence deliberately showed a small expression of disdain, which was really cute, and couldn't help reaching out and snorting his head—it seemed that he hadn't done this for a long time Yes, the feel is still the same, fluffy, like a small animal.

Wang Yuan lowered his head again and ignored Wang Junkai. He didn't speak a word in a low voice until the car stopped at the entrance of the departure hall and Brother Xiaoma got out of the car and opened the door.

Wang Junkai was stunned for a moment, before he had time to react, Wang Yuan got out of the car.

Seeing the thin figure getting out of the car and being submerged by the crowd, Wang Junkai suddenly had a strong urge to go back to Chongqing together with him.

If he is not here, will that kid be staggered by the fans?Will he foolishly help others pick things up regardless of his own danger?Will you fall asleep in the lounge and forget to cover your cute expression?

In his absence, will that little fool forget the dance moves and not know who to ask?Will you sing hoarsely and forget to protect your throat?Will you not eat well while playing games?

All kinds of strange thoughts came to my mind, all of which were worrying.

It's not that she hasn't acted alone or separated before, but this time, it's really different.

The focus of his life is no longer Chongqing, it is no longer the place that carries the complete memories of his and Wang Yuan's acquaintance so far, and is where they feel most at ease.

This was his own choice, but unfortunately it was not Congxin's choice.

Just looking at the frequency of their visits to Beijing in the past two years, he knew that he would not have many opportunities to return to Chongqing.

He can no longer train, sing, or sneak around with Wang Yuan in Chongqing.

Those ordinary bits and pieces that are so precious in an artist's life are hard to have anymore.

It's still sad when things that were expected early in the morning actually happen.

Since then, he has added a few more worries, caring about a mountain, a city, and a person.

So since before the college entrance examination, he has been avoiding this matter. No matter who asks him about the exam and volunteering, he will be perfunctory, especially for Wang Yuan. He is afraid that Wang Yuan only needs a reluctant look or an unhappy expression. It can make him question his own decisions.

So he didn't dare to bring up the fact that the two would be separated, even if he knew that Wang Yuan was feeling awkward about it, he didn't dare to mention it, he used lame reasons to change the subject, he was afraid that Wang Yuan would just say that he didn't like it or didn't want to , the calmness and composure he had been pretending all along would be shattered.

For Wang Yuan's silence during this period, he was uneasy, especially before the two separated.Fortunately, although Wang Yuan looked naughty and sometimes awkward, he was a very gentle person in his heart, so he said that sentence before getting out of the car, which gave him a little comfort.

At that moment just now, Wang Yuan said to him: "You have to be good, college student Wang Junkai."

After returning to Chongqing, Wang Yuan resumed his daily life of "school-company-home".

He did have contact with Wang Junkai, but it was just sending WeChat or something, what he said about training, what new things happened in school, what new songs he listened to and other innocuous topics, he couldn't say much every time The sentence is over.

He never called Wang Junkai, not at all, not even after Wang Junkai entered the university campus.

He is afraid of knowing Wang Junkai's college life, because he will be unhappy no matter the answer is good or bad.

He was afraid that Wang Junkai would ask him how he was doing, because such a question was clearly forcing him to lie.

It is a bit unreasonable not to contact by phone all the time, Wang Yuan had to pretend that he was very busy, and whenever he had time, he went to make up lessons or went to the company for additional training.

Many new trainees came to the company, about the same age as they were back then.

There are two children who are very close. They have to stand together in vocal music class, they have to press each other's legs in physical fitness class, and they have to get together during breaks.

Hearing that people in the company said they were Xiao Junkai and Xiao Wang Yuan, Wang Yuan ran to watch curiously.

The voices of the two children are in perfect harmony, and the chorus timbre is even more beautiful than the solo singing. They also like to sing together.

One of the little children was crying in a mess while his legs were pressed, and the other secretly poured water to comfort him, and he didn't care if he was scolded by the teacher.

At the end of the training, they didn't have fun like other trainees. The two little furry heads got together, giggling and laughing.

Went there once, never again.

It was obviously a very cute scene, but he felt uncomfortable watching it.

It's not because of envy, he and Wang Junkai also have similar experiences and memories, and they are more intimate and even more inseparable from each other.

It's just that those sweet burdens that used to be their dream-chasing journey have long been torn to pieces by the calculations about gains and losses.

What is difficult is never not being able to return to the beautiful past, but not being able to look forward to a commensurate future.

never again—

In this city that belongs to two people, laughing and making noise, they see each other in their eyes and the dawn in their hearts.

After school started, Wang Junkai still lived in the company's dormitory.

He didn't call Wang Yuan, and he was glad that Wang Yuan didn't, because if Wang Yuan asked him how his college life was, he didn't know how to answer.

The status of a popular artist makes it impossible for him to live in a student dormitory and be an ordinary college student.He has just started school and is a freshman, and the company didn't arrange a tight schedule for him, so except for showing up outside the classroom on time during class, he spent the rest of the time training in the company, and the colorful university life was abruptly turned into a classroom by him The boring combination of a corner + a student union job is a bit like white water with bread.

However, Wang Junkai feels that he has been quite energetic recently. It can be seen that he can exceed the training every time. He is too tired to open his eyelids. He takes a shower and throws himself on the bed. A fulfilling day is over. good.

Unexpectedly, a stunned young man appeared on the way.

That Saturday, after training all morning, he and his teammates were preparing to have lunch, when a new staff member suddenly spoke to him: "Xiao Kai, have you been too tired from training recently?"

"Ah? No, what's the matter?" Wang Junkai was a little puzzled.

"Look at you, it's just you and your teammates eating, what are you doing with three bowls?" The staff laughed.

Wang Junkai was taken aback for a moment, then put down the spoon embarrassingly.

"Don't work too hard on the training, I think you are always distracted by accident, pay attention to rest." The man expressed his concern and left contentedly, leaving Wang Junkai in a mess.

He always thought that he performed very well. He was serious in class, trained hard, devoted himself to study and work, never let up at all, and looked like a perfect idol.

But this deliberate way of expression seems to be easily punctured by a passerby.

That night, as expected, he suffered from insomnia again, which made him suddenly feel powerless——

It's really tiring to support yourself like this, trying to ignore an established fact.

Loneliness is loneliness, missing is missing, and it will not be reduced by not facing it.

Wang Yuan was startled by the phone call at one o'clock in the morning, he answered it quickly for fear of waking up his parents.

The moment he said "Hello", he remembered that he hadn't checked the caller ID, but it didn't matter, there was only one person who would call him at this time——

"Wang Junkai, why are you making phone calls when you're not sleeping?!"

Wang Junkai on the other end of the phone was taken aback by his instant answering, and he was stunned for a long time before he realized: "Wang Yuaner! You don't go to bed at midnight! Did you agree to stay up late?!"

"People who call in the middle of the night have no position to blame me," Wang Yuan shrank into the bed, "Why did you call at this time? What's wrong?"

Wang Junkai was at a loss for words - just now he lay on the bed thinking wildly for a long time without falling asleep, and he called Wang Yuan for some reason, now that he was asked this question, he didn't know what to say at all, he thought for a long time before he could come up with a sentence Say: "This, isn't it almost my birthday, I want to ask you what gift you bought for me?"

As soon as the words came out of his mouth, he realized how strange the words were, and as expected, Wang Yuan's voice through the microphone seemed to have rolled his eyes: "Wang Junkai, are you sick?"

But Wang Yuan didn't really treat him as an idiot, but asked again: "What's the matter?"

"I have insomnia." Wang Junkai finally decided to tell the truth.

Wang Yuan didn't seem surprised, as if he himself was suffering from insomnia, he asked calmly, "What? The school is not going well?"

"No..." Wang Junkai sighed lightly, not knowing what to say.

The other end of the phone was quiet for a few minutes, and suddenly Wang Yuan's agitated voice came: "Wang Junkai, I really don't like you hiding it like this. Can't you just tell me if you have something to say? Why do you always do this?"

"So," Wang Junkai asked without answering, "Is it because you think I don't tell you anything, that's why you're having trouble?"

Silence again.

After a long time, Wang Junkai heard Wang Yuan's voice said softly:

"Why do you all think I'm fighting over these things? Even you, Wang Junkai."

"I'm not happy, can't it be because I don't want to be separated from you?"