when i become emperor

Cheng Feisheng disappeared.

Since Cheng Feisheng ran away from the private restaurant that day, Yu Mo has not heard from him for two weeks.

The phone is always turned off, the chat messages are not returned, the game is not available, and there is no one in the apartment. When I asked Xu Jingke, the other party also faltered and said that he had something to do at home and would be back in two days.

But Yu Mo knew that he was avoiding himself.

But why?

Yu Mo asked himself, he had never done anything to hurt him, before entering the box, he was normal, he would hug him, watch him smile, and kiss his forehead, just like all lovers in love in this world.

But after entering the box with Xu Huai, he disappeared. Before disappearing, he only said "I'm sorry, I'm in a hurry, so I'm leaving first", and then ran away regardless.

Xu Huai said that he told Cheng Feisheng that he was a depression patient, but he couldn't accept it, so he avoided him, but Yu Mo felt that it was not that simple.

Feeling suddenly depressed and irritable.

Every day, Yu Mo tirelessly dialed the phone number that was always turned off, sending messages continuously asking if something happened to him, and asking when he would come back.

At the end, he couldn't help asking, did he do something wrong, so he disappeared without a trace?

no answer.

He completely disappeared without a trace.

Gradually, Yu Mo gave up making that cold phone call, and gave up asking why he disappeared.

He guessed that maybe he really couldn't accept that he was a depression patient, so he used this kind of cold violence to force him to break up.

Thinking of breaking up, Yu Mo felt as if his heart had been cut in half with a knife. His scalp was numb from the pain, his whole body trembled, and he often made mistakes when playing games.

"Boss...are you alright?"

Tiance T in the game suddenly rushed out of the crowd inexplicably, causing the boss to be pulled away directly, and this was the fifth time Yu Mo made a mistake in challenging Huangxueluli today.

Jiang Lou was very worried about him, "If it doesn't work, let Yinyue come to T, you can use his account to output."

[Team Li Goudan: Sorry, I changed my number. 】

After changing the number, Yu Mo found that his hands were still shaking badly. When he called his second child, he was often too late to get out of the crowd, too late to avoid the circle on the ground. Because of his shaking hands, he often used the wrong skill to fly out, and his DPS was extremely low.

Fortunately, everyone else was very strong, and even the stumbling ones passed the challenge of the bloody road, and began to enter the auction process.

Yu Mo breathed a sigh of relief, and left the keyboard with both hands.

Jianglou asked Huaxian to take pictures of the boss's equipment, and then pulled Yu Mo into the small locked room below and said, "Are you okay? Dog help him... haven't you been in touch yet?"

Yu Mo was stunned for a moment, turned on the microphone and smiled bitterly: "Why, you also know that he is missing? Did Xiaolan say it?"

Jiang Lou said: "No, I found out about it in the bald gang group. Ever since the dog gang went offline, people in the group have been saying that he disappeared again. It seems that he would disappear from time to time before, and the phone can't be reached. I can't get in touch, but I'll be back in two days, so don't worry too much."

Yu Mo was silent for a moment, and said: "I hate this kind of disappearance without warning, as if I was abandoned."

Jiang Lou also muttered in his heart that Cheng Feisheng was too unreliable, even if something happened to disappear, he should at least tell Yu Mo, after all, he was his lover, not someone else.

But he couldn't say that, he could only comfort Yu Mo and said: "Don't think about it, Mr. Ke said he is safe? People in the group are also saying that the dog gang often disappears, this is normal, you also Don't pay too much attention to it, at most, after he comes back, you will punish him to kneel down on the durian, and he will not be allowed to get up when he is so angry."

"It's a good idea." Yu Mo was dumbfounded, but remembered the frequent mistakes in the game, and said apologetically, "I'm really sorry for the past two days. I'm not in the right shape, and I made too many mistakes."

Jiang Lou smiled and said: "It's okay, everyone can understand. But we are very worried about your state, otherwise you can stop for two days, take a good rest and come back to fight again?"

Yu Mo smiled and said, "Okay, I also want to rest for two days."

After chatting with Jiang Lou, Yu Mo couldn't maintain the exhaustion in his heart anymore, and collapsed on the bed.

His body trembled involuntarily, as if he was shivering from the cold without wearing enough clothes in winter, but even though the room temperature was 28 degrees, Yu Mo was still sweating profusely from the heat.

There seemed to be bugs crawling in the bones, and there was an indescribable itching, but I couldn't catch it no matter what.

Yu Mo wanted to lie down and rest for a while, but the indescribable itchiness in his bones made him unable to lie down flat. His chest was filled with inexplicable irritability. He wanted to vent but couldn't find a way. uncomfortable.

Yu Mo tossed and turned on the bed, unable to rest quietly, so he could only sit up and scroll through Weibo to divert his attention, but his irritability became more and more serious. When he got to the back, he had to get up and walk around the edge of the bed. Walk around slowly.

This feeling is very familiar, even, too familiar.

"Ding dong..."

Suddenly the phone beeped an incoming message.

Yu Mo immediately raised his phone to look, only to find that the person who sent him the message was Liushui Qushang, not Cheng Feisheng.

Feeling cold suddenly, Yu Mo pursed his lips and opened the chat dialog box with shaking hands.

[Flowing Water Music Cup: I heard that Ah Left is missing again? 】

[Li Goudan: Does it have anything to do with you? 】

[Liu Shui Qu Shang: Judging by your appearance, Ah Left must have not told you the reason for his disappearance, right? 】

[Li Goudan: Does it have anything to do with you? 】

[Flowing water music cup: yo?Are you still out of breath? 】

[Li Goudan: What exactly do you want to say? 】

[Liu Shui Qu Shang: It's nothing, I just came to see how miserable your lover is.Your boyfriend is missing, but you don't know anything, don't you think you are pitiful? 】

Yu Mo has a good temper, and he rarely blush with others since he was a child, but seeing Liu Shui's words, no matter how good-tempered he is, he can't help but want to scold Cao Nima.

[Li Goudan: Are you free?Apart from chasing men, your life is full of cynicism and ridicule?Or do you know nothing but these two?If so, then you are really superficial. 】

[Liu Shuiqu: Heh, did the dog jump over the wall in a hurry?Unexpectedly, you, a white lotus, can also curse people?You should really let Ah Left see how ugly you are with your teeth and claws. 】

[Li Goudan: That's our business too, does it have anything to do with you?How old are you?Need you to point fingers? 】

[Liu Shui Qu Shang: I just came to see what happened to your miserable appearance after being abandoned?Do you know how disgusted you were with the silly, sweet look of the white lotus before, and you even persuaded me to give up?Make it clear that I got to know A Leftover first, okay?Why should I give up, not you? 】

[Li Goudan: You are out of your mind, I am too lazy to talk nonsense with you, lowering my IQ. 】

Yu Mo directly blocked and deleted people in one go.

The phone stopped beeping, and the room returned to calm.Yu Mo watched the light of the phone screen gradually dim, and suddenly felt sad, and cried bitterly while covering his face.

-

Yu Mo's condition is getting worse and worse.

He couldn't sleep all night, he had no appetite and energy, and his whole body seemed to collapse.

Fortunately, when he was extremely sleepy during the day, he could barely close his eyes and sleep, but every time he woke up at three or four in the morning, he was so hungry that he was so tired that he didn't want to eat.

Han Qingge saw it in his eyes, anxious in his heart, and cooked different patterns for him every day, but every time, Yu Mo shook his head and said that he couldn't eat, and only had two mouthfuls of porridge when he was really hungry.

In order not to worry his sister, Yu Mo would take a few antidepressants every day after waking up, whenever he felt depressed, uncomfortable and tired, and soon he became happy.

Slowly under the influence of the drug, Yu Mo's hands stopped shaking, and he would not make any mistakes in playing games, which made Jiang Lou and others who cared about him involuntarily breathe a sigh of relief.

But Han Qingge knew that this situation was even worse.

"Sister, do you think life has any meaning?"

Yu Mo, who was eating with Han Qingge, suddenly said this sentence, which almost made Han Qingge jump up in fright.

She nervously looked up at Yu Mo, only to find that he was smiling like a normal person, discussing with an objective attitude.

"I think life is meaningless at all. You see, we have struggled to eat and sleep since we were born, but what is the point? People will die sooner or later, and when they die, there will be nothing. Then what is the point of our hard work? People live It’s so painful, and I’m going to die anyway, so it’s better to die sooner, with no worries, no need to be so sad.”

Hearing these words, Han Qingge knew something was going to go wrong.

She quickly put down the bowls and chopsticks, held Yu Mo's hand and said solemnly: "Brother, you are sick, shall we go find Uncle Xu?"

Yu Mo smiled and said: "Don't be so nervous, I just said that casually, I won't really commit suicide."

Han Qingge was a little suspicious, but seeing that his brother did not show the look of wanting to commit suicide, he paused and asked in a low voice: "Brother, has he still not contacted you?"

Yu Mo shook his head and said with a smile: "It's okay, if he doesn't contact me, it means he doesn't care about me anymore. Since he doesn't care about it, it's fine to break up. It doesn't matter if the phone is turned off. I can send a WeChat to break up with him. You don't have to worry about it."

Seeing Yu Mo's calm and breezy appearance, Han Qingge was even more worried, because she knew very well that it is very difficult for a depression patient to be cured in a short period of time.

She gritted her teeth, greeted Cheng Feisheng's eighteenth generation ancestors frantically in her heart, then turned the topic to Yu Mo's favorite game as much as possible, and observed his emotions.

It wasn't until Yu Mo felt sleepy that Han Qingge packed up the leftovers and left.

Back in the apartment, Han Qingge called Xu Jingke directly, and asked coldly, "Where is Cheng Feisheng?"

Xu Jingke smiled bitterly and said, "Don't ask, grandma, I really don't know where he is."

"Fart! You are his good friend. Don't you worry about him missing now, don't you want to know where he is?"

Xu Jingke said: "His mother called me. He is safe and nothing happened. I really don't know anything else."

Han Qingge keenly grasped the key information, "Is he at home? Well, you call and tell Cheng's mother, please tell her to tell her precious son that my brother is tortured out of shape because of his depression relapse! You If you are still a person, get the hell out and see my brother right away!!"

"What? Yu Mo has depression?" Xu Jingke was taken aback.

Han Qingge scolded: "Don't pretend to be innocent, your uncle is a psychiatrist, don't you know that my brother has depression?"

Xu Jingke smiled wryly and said, "Uncle protects the patient's privacy very well, how do I know he has depression?"

Han Qingge sneered and said, "In short, I don't care, please pass on my words to Cheng's mother, and then to Cheng Feisheng, a scumbag, thank you."

The phone was quickly hung up by Han Qingge, and Xu Jingke received a photo from her on WeChat shortly afterwards.

That's Yu Mo's photo, but the person in the photo has a pale face, dull eyes, and skinny. How does it look like the handsome boy I saw in the restaurant not long ago?

Thinking of Han Qingge saying that Yu Mo had depression, Xu Jingke was startled, and couldn't care less, so he called Cheng's mother.

"Auntie, I want to see Ah Sheng."

-

In the evening, Yu Mo played the game, went directly to the YY channel and turned on the mic and said, "What book are we playing tonight?"

Hearing his relaxed voice, Jiang Lou couldn't help laughing and said, "Hey, Mr. Dan is in a good mood today? Is there any happy event?"

Yu Mo smiled and said: "No, I just figured out one thing, I just sent a WeChat message to Cheng Feisheng to break up."

Huaxian excitedly said: "It's time to break up, this scumbag disappeared without a word, what the hell!"

Jiang Lou breathed a sigh of relief, "It's fine if we split up."

"That's right, what's so fun about being in a relationship? Is it because games aren't fun or movies aren't good?" Yinyue laughed loudly, "Congratulations to Mr. Dan for becoming single again. Let's go, let's come to Chengdu to celebrate."

Yu Mo laughed and said, "How do you want to celebrate?"

Yinyue said: "Originally, we should go to a KTV bar to drink and sing to celebrate, but isn't it too late for us to make an offline appointment? Let's blow up fireworks online to celebrate!"

He smiled again: "That's just right, didn't the government release fireworks for single dogs recently? Let's go, let's blow them up."

"Okay, wait for my 2-minute CD, I'll be right there!"

Yu Mo heard the noise from his relatives and friends. Because he took the medicine, he was always in a stable and happy mood. Even when he thought of Cheng Feisheng, he still felt that it was lucky that he had not been in contact for a long time and he could calm down in time. Torture half life?

The more he thought about it, the more he felt that he who was depressed and crying for Cheng Feisheng looked like an idiot.

It's good to be single, long live single.

Holding the water glass, Yu Mo looked at Chengdu, which was full of single dog fireworks, and felt that the sky was clear and the years were peaceful.

"Bang bang bang..."

There was a sudden knock on the door.

Yu Mo opened the door suspiciously, but saw standing at the door was Cheng Feisheng, who had been missing for a long time. He was wearing a black short-sleeved T-shirt, his face was pale, his lips were bloodless, his eye sockets were sunken, and he was even thinner than Yu Mo. exaggerate.

Seeing his haggard appearance, the antidepressants suddenly lost their effect, surging grief and anger poured into Yu Mo's chest, hitting him dizzy, his limbs felt cold, unconsciously, he Eye sockets are red.

Yu Mo looked at him and said softly, "What are you doing here?"

Cheng Feisheng lowered his head, his expression was unprecedentedly vulnerable, and he said hoarsely, "I miss you."

"But I don't want you." Yu Mo looked at him coldly, but his vision gradually blurred. He smiled and said, "After you left that day, you didn't answer the phone or reply to the message. I thought you were dead."

"I'm sorry." Cheng Feisheng stretched out his hand, wanting to hug him, but Yu Mo took half a step back as if seeing a virus.

Cheng Feisheng's hand froze in place, and after a while he let it go silently, and said helplessly, "I didn't mean to disappear on purpose, I really... have something urgent."

Yu Mo looked at his haggard look, the healed wound on his heart was torn open again, dripping with blood.

He was pinching his palms, he couldn't breathe from the pain, his chest was burning with anger, but looking at Cheng Feisheng, he couldn't say a word to blame him or scold him angrily.

Because...he was too haggard, really too haggard.

Yu Mo took a deep breath, but his voice was still trembling, and asked: "What urgent matter made you disappear for so long, and you didn't even return my calls and messages? Even if you are safe, I always ask Xu Jingke knew it from his mouth. Cheng Feisheng, am I so unimportant to you?"

"No! You are very important, very important!"

"Then why did you suddenly disappear! Why didn't you reply to my message! Do you know how much I worry about you?"

Yu Mo roared angrily, but his voice suddenly choked up.

In order to suppress the turbulent depression, Yu Mo took a lot of medicine, even to the point where he couldn't move normally without taking the medicine, his head began to become confused, his daily work and rest were irregular, and sometimes he would suddenly have nausea and vomiting.

This is a side effect of antidepressants, but if he doesn't take it, he will not be able to control his suicidal thoughts.

Tossing and turning in bed countless times, he wondered if what Xu Huai said was true. Could it be that Cheng Feisheng really left him because he couldn't accept that he was a depression patient?

"Uncle Xu said, you can't accept that I'm a depression patient. I know Uncle Xu won't lie to me, but I still can't believe that you disappeared without a trace because of this reason."

Yu Mo bit her lip and said with great difficulty: "Tell me, can you really, can't accept that I'm a depression patient?"

Yu Mo was waiting for his denial.

But what made his heart feel cold was that Cheng Feisheng admitted it, and suddenly lost his temper like a madman.

"Why do you insist on thinking that you are depressed! You are not sick! You are a normal person in my eyes! Why do you say you are sick when you are not sick!"

This was the first time Yu Mo saw Cheng Feisheng hysterical. His eyes were red and his fists were clenched tightly, like an extremely angry wolf. He was extremely ferocious and frightening.

Yu Mo's heart completely cooled down, he stared into Cheng Feisheng's eyes, and said word by word: "But I am a depression patient, this is a fact, whether you accept it or not!"

"I don't accept it, why should I accept it! Depression is a neurosis! Why do you admit that you are a neurosis? You are a normal person, you are normal, you are normal!"

"I'm not crazy, I'm just depressed."

Cheng Feisheng couldn't accept that Yu Mo was a depression patient.

He pulled Yu Mo's arm, cried and begged, "Please, tell me you don't have depression, okay?"

Yu Mo looked at him calmly, "But I am a depression patient. I have a six-year history of depression. Five years ago, the time you jumped into the river to save me was my third suicide."

Cheng Feisheng broke down and cried: "I just want to hear you say no, even if you lied to me, why don't you want to!"

"Because I'm depressed, that's a fact."

"I don't believe it! I don't want it!"

Cheng Feisheng suddenly became violent, rushed into Yu Mo's room, and smashed his desk, chair, bench and computer to pieces.

While hitting him, he roared: "I don't want you to be a depression patient! You are a normal person! You are normal!"

After smashing the computer, desks and chairs, Cheng Feisheng rushed towards Yu Mo again, waved his fist, and hit the wall behind Yu Mo.

In an instant, blood was dripping, and Cheng Feisheng looked down at Yu Mo, his eyes were red like hell ghosts, and said: "Tell me, you are not a depression patient, you are not!"

Seeing his crazy appearance, Yu Mo couldn't accept that the big boy he liked suddenly turned into this madman, and then looked at the debris all over the floor, fear gradually spread to his whole body.

After a while, he said softly, "Ah Sheng, let's break up."

The author has something to say: I am autistic in this chapter, I am really not suitable for abusive writing, I was wrong, I want to write sweet love love love

It was very uncomfortable when I wrote this chapter, because I remembered the eight years of depression, the feeling of anxiety, loss of appetite, and depressed mood was really terrible, and the side effects of antidepressants were also obvious. The state of hyperactivity after taking the medicine really became more and more terrifying the more I thought about it.

There are also sleeping pills... Impulsiveness is really bad, gastric lavage is too uncomfortable, and after tossing, memory has deteriorated.

Fortunately, I survived QAQ