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Chapter 32 turns our broken hearts into art

After dinner, it was already dark, and Mark's mother stopped Eduardo and told him that the second bedroom upstairs was Mark's bedroom, which had been tidied up.

Edward nodded.

Mark's mother brought him another blanket in case they were cold in the living room.

The living room was dimly lit, and Mark was still sitting in the armchair reading the old poetry book.

Eduardo is sitting on the rug next to the armchair, his head resting on the armrest.It was already late, everyone had gone upstairs, the house was very quiet, only the crackling of the fire could be heard.

"You like Lermontov?"

"Ann likes it—I want to know why she likes it."

"Oh." Eduardo answered him, but he didn't expect him to answer himself.

"Are you feeling better, Mark?"

"Getting better, but still not great."

"Oh, so—" Eduardo lowered his voice, as if addressing a timid kitten, "do you want to talk?"

"Hmm—" Mark made a long, unintentional sound, and then he said, "I want to, but don't know what to say."

"Then let me say something first, I think you might want to know something about FB."

"It's a bit tricky, messy on the outside, messy on the inside—to be irresponsible, I really don't know how it works, the whole of America knows."

"The public relations have been clarifying, saying that they haven't found out yet, but everyone doesn't listen. I think there are still many people who can tell the difference, but they don't speak up, so the whole world hates us."

"Just reading the comments, I thought we were making a Marvel movie, and I thought FB was some kind of cosmic villain company, just like that Lex technology."

"I didn't handle it well either, I didn't have the experience of running a big internet company and the executives trust you more — I think I handled it terribly."

"At noon, I squinted on the table for a while, and had a dream. I dreamed that the earth was occupied by aliens. The aliens had excellent eyesight, and they were very sensitive to moving things. They had to keep still—get up. My whole body froze."

"After I woke up, I realized that dealing with this matter really put a lot of pressure on me. I was tense all the time, so I had such a dream, because I was afraid of showing timidity in front of your executives, and I was also afraid of taking The plan was wrong."

"After realizing this, things became much easier to handle, and my thinking became much clearer after I was relieved of anxiety—I think this is the same as the MS before. It's a series, and it's a means of capital."

The sound insulation in the house is not very good, and Eduardo felt it after staying here for an afternoon, so his voice was very low, it sounded like a whisper.

After talking about the bad things, he said something interesting, "Then I held a meeting and shared my ideas. They still disagreed, but they were all suppressed by my capital. Ah, you can do whatever you want if you have money. .”

"Then I gave them a sweet date, and I said let them do it according to my method first, and I'll take you back—you should really look at their expressions, and almost made me laugh."

"Then they think I'm super cool and they like me very much."

"No one will dislike you," Mark answered him.

Mark's sudden opening startled Eduardo, and he said embarrassingly, "I thought you wouldn't talk tonight."

"I was just thinking about things."

"The past?" Eduardo said after he opened his mouth and realized that Mark might be thinking about the past with his grandma, so he shut up and didn't mention it.

But Mark said something else, "Eduardo, do you remember what happened in 03? Caribbean night."

It's been so long that Eduardo can't remember clearly, he thinks about that day, but he's not sure if he remembers the night Mark said.

Mark went on to say: "You were playing with Dustin and Chris and they were talking about Asian girls."

"—"

"Then I showed up and I said I wanted to tell you something, and I called you outside when the snow had just finished."

"—"

"That night was the night when I sought investment from you, and it was the beginning of everything."

"Uh, Mark, do you want to talk about our lawsuit? I don't think it's the right time for you to talk about it."

"Don't interrupt me, Wardo, I want to talk about an event that happened before we went out, before it all started."

"—"

"I wanted to tell you about fb. I said we went out to talk, but just a few seconds before we went out, you stopped and told me that you were invited by the Order of the Phoenix."

"I'm a little lost."

"It doesn't matter, no one can remember."

But you yourself remember clearly, even the sequence of every detail.Eduardo complained in his heart.

"But you don't know, before that, I met the Winklevoss Book Brothers and they invited me to help them build their website, and right after the campus inquiry they gave me a sandwich in the foyer of their club entertain me here."

"They told me the background of their creation - stupid and arrogant and hypocritical, bytheway, Billy's idea of ​​hooking up girls is much smarter than them."

"You may know this, but you must not know what I'm going to say next. These contents are not easy to accept. I hope you don't interrupt me."

“Before that, when Erica and I were dating, shortly after we started school, the two of us were in a bar discussing college life and the ultimate club. Back then, I wanted to be Part of it, I still don't feel embarrassed talking about it now, when I was young, I didn't have many friends, and no one could understand what I said, and getting along with other people was boring and low-level, I think, since the ultimate The club is the most elite group of people at Harvard, so they should understand what I say, and I might be able to make friends."

"I really wanted to join because I felt like I could be understood and recognized."

"Sometimes I hear you talk to me about this, and I know you have a goal too, you want to get into an investment club. Things are normal up to here, until the Winklevoss brothers invited me, I didn't realize They are all a group of hypocritical fish, all of them are, believe in elite education, eyes can only see the future half a meter away."

"Now I still sincerely feel that I was an idiot for having fantasies about the ultimate club at the time - narcissism, hierarchy, arrogance, these so-called elite clubs will not change in 100 years."

"Then I came up with the idea of ​​FB, I was so excited, I can't wait to tell you - we can build a cooler club ourselves, invite people who are really cool and can change the world, as if we are the chairman ourselves."

"But before I tell you, you first talked about the Order of the Phoenix, you are so happy, I think, you got what you wanted, I don't want to tell you about FB."

"In the end, I decided to tell you that even if you didn't realize it was an invitation, I think it's an invitation to the coolest club in the world, I still want you to decide for yourself."

"Wardo, last time we went to Troy Miller's opening night, you were so drunk that you recited natural logarithms almost ten times to me."

"I asked you something after you were drunk, and you definitely don't remember it—you said that after the lawsuit was over, you deleted all the calls, text messages, and emails I sent you, and you didn't read them. Because you are afraid, you dare not read what I sent you."

"Well, now, let me tell you what I wanted to tell you. I just wanted to tell you this, this whole club thing, that's all."

"When we were suing, your lawyer said that I was jealous that you were invited by the Order of the Phoenix. I was so angry that I lost all logic. I also said that my money could buy the whole street for Ping Pong The club's stupid talk - it's not really stupid. I'm tempted to buy their club and use it as a ping pong room, even though ping pong is the sport I hate the most. I'm so angry that I didn't explain this to your lawyer, I thought you Understand."

"Actually, although I don't want to admit it, I'm really jealous. I'm jealous of the Order of the Phoenix. You chose the Order of the Phoenix instead of FB. I'm actually quite hurt. This matter has always been in my heart."

"I'm also very angry when your lawyer said that. She didn't know anything about our past, so why should she define it like that?"

"This is all I want to tell you. Compared with our dispute, this is just a trivial matter. I don't know why I want to tell you so persistently."

The night was quiet, his words were so calm, but the content was so heartbreaking.

"That's it—" Eduardo made a single sound, he didn't know what to say, he felt that he had to say at least one thing, he was a little flustered, he took out a piece of candy from his trousers pocket and stuffed it into the mouth to cover up.That's what Riley put in his pocket, and after the three-hour drive there were only two dollars left.

"So today is Confession Night?" He said with sugar in his mouth, a little vaguely. Before Mark could speak, he continued with his own words, "Since you said what you said earlier, there is one more thing I want to tell you."

"—"

"Similarly, the following content is not very acceptable, I hope you don't interrupt me."

"it is good."

"Do you remember that we had a big fight before you went to California, because of Sean? At that time, you always praised Sean, and you were going to lift him up to the sky, but I said his bad every time, do you think I'm mean."

"We may have quarreled several times because of Sean. If there were too many times, I would feel that I was making trouble for no reason."

"Although we quarreled for a long time, we didn't find out why. You always asked me why I rejected Sean so much. I never told you."

"Well, now I want to tell you that the fact that he's a genius and you guys are one of a kind makes me both envious and frustrated."

"99% of the people in this world are ordinary people, and I want to be that 1%. This is my only wish. I want to be someone who can change the world, because it is so cool."

"So I became friends with you, and I have been hanging out with you, because you and special, I always thought we were more compatible, until Sean appeared. I didn't understand what that special temperament is, it is a change, a new life, It's leadership, it's the energy to change the world. Sean is just like you. I thought I was just enjoying playing with you, but I was worshiping you and I didn't even know it."

"I thought I would be friends with you and try to understand what you said. I thought I could overcome the 1% barrier, but the appearance of Sean broke everything. Just like when you are doing research, you study hard, From morning to night, you know you lack a little talent, you work hard for many years, you start to believe that God rewards hard work, and suddenly a young man appears, he doesn't have to do anything, he gets a big breakthrough easily, 'touch' - all The world only pays attention to him."

"Wardo, hard work is always respectable—" Mark told him.

"Don't interrupt me, Mark," Eduardo said softly, there was only a little bit of candy left, but his mouth was a little bitter, "If you interrupt me, I may never have the courage to continue."

"--you say."

"I should know these truths - just the appearance of Sean, I have to face the fact that it has nothing to do with hard work, you just don't have the ability to do what you want to do - this feeling is too bad."

"The first time I went to the California villa, Sean was there, and you were talking to me, and you took out a beer from the refrigerator, and you still gave me and Sean, and I didn't pick it up. I didn't pick it up. .”

"Seeing that I didn't catch it, you threw me another bottle. I still didn't catch it. Even if I caught it, I couldn't just knock the bottle cap on the table like you guys. I would subconsciously look for it. device."

"That's when I realized that we think differently, sean is like you, he can even see the prospect of FB before you - picking up the beer is just a small thing, I know."

"Perhaps, some things, no matter how hard you try, can only be regrets."

"In fact, it is still the case now. I don't think I deserve those good lives. Ten years have passed, and I have nothing, no career, and no ideals. In these ten years, I have come out to use my IQ and deformed social rules to enjoy a super There are so many things, I haven’t done a single thing to change the world, my existence is only to consume the good things in this world, but it brings nothing.”

Eduardo licked his lips. There was only a little bit of candy left after he ate it, and his mouth was a little bitter. He said, "That's it, it's gone."

There was a little Chen Dun among them, and then Mark spoke up, asking him, "Wardo, do you remember who the first invited user of Thefacebook was?"

"Dustin?"

"It's Thefacebook, not FB."

"Who?"

"It's [email protected], Wardo, your Order of the Phoenix email address you gave me."

"—"

"They know a lot of people and are high-quality seed users-wardo, you are part of FB, don't underestimate yourself."

Yeah, he's part of FB, and that's something he'd really wanted to hear.

In order to hide his emotions, he stuffed another piece of candy into his mouth, organized his words, and said to Mark: "Are you feeling better?"

"Fortunately, talking too much, a little headache."

"Actually, I want to say, I know that you and grandma are very close. At this moment, it seems too thin to say anything. I can only say 'sorry' to you."

"—"

"I don't have any elders, so I can't understand your feelings, and I don't know how to comfort you."

"—"

"But I think, if I had, I would be very sad. This is not something that can be resolved by consolation."

"—"

"I have read a book, which says that saying goodbye is the normal state of life. Life is made up of leaving again and again. When leaving is inevitable, all we can do is say goodbye well. Although it is sad to say goodbye , but it will only be sad for a while, if you really can't get out, just eat some candy, eating candy will make you sweeter."

Hearing what he said, Mark smiled slightly. The living room was not well lit, and Ed Flower didn't see it, so he continued to ask him, "So, do you want a piece of candy?"

Mark nodded.

Eduardo cheered a little in his heart—Mark should be much better if he is willing to talk so much and eat candy.Then he touched his pocket.

Damn.

The sugar was gone, the last one had just been stuffed into his mouth.

Eduardo Savarin, body reading machine, can count in his sleep, 10 years in Singapore turned into an idiot.

Eduardo licked his lips without doing anything, and stood up abruptly from the side of Mark's armchair, pressed both hands on the handle of the armchair, and bent down to give Mark a chair bump.

"Open your mouth." Eduardo bowed his head and said to Mark.

"what?"

"takeout."

After speaking, Eduardo kissed him suddenly, and the dear Mark was a little caught off guard.They exchanged a healing kiss filled with salty lemon-flavored fruit candy, and in between kisses Eduardo stuffed the fruit candy into Mark's mouth—the last piece he'd just put in his mouth and hadn't eaten yet.

"Gross, wardo."

"Shut up and kiss—besides, you tricked me into using a toothbrush with you ten years ago."

"I haven't used that toothbrush much, it's like new."

"I didn't eat much of this candy, as if I just opened the bag."

"Why are you always able to take revenge on me?"

"Didn't I say that? I hate you more than I like myself."

After the kiss, Eduardo got up domineeringly and asked Mark if he was tired and if he wanted to rest.After getting an affirmative answer, they went upstairs to rest, drawing a perfect end to the evening.

But he failed to do so, and he still maintained the posture of chair bumping Mark.

"Are you tired? Shall I take you upstairs to rest?" Mark asked him.

Damn, stole my lines.

Eduardo thought so, and answered him: "A little bit, I worked for a long time today."

"Then shall we go upstairs?"

"Ok."

"Why are you still not moving?"

"——The feet are numb, and I can't stand up." He said this very aggrieved.

Mark almost chuckled, but coughed to cover it up.

"I'll carry you up," Mark told him.

He looked up at him, under the moonlight, his eyes were bright and full of gentle water.

This guy is always like this, messing up other people's still water without knowing it.

Eduardo has long arms and legs, and because he is afraid of making noise, he wraps around Mark like a koala.

"It's also sitting, why don't you feel numb." Eduardo asked Mark depressed.

"Because I have experience — I haven't done anything for the past ten years, just sit around."

"—You won." Eduardo buried his face on Mark's shoulder, and his voice was muffled.

"What's the sound, it's tinkling."

"Oh—the chain you gave me, I was afraid of losing it, so I added a metal clip to it."

"Why did you add metal clips to it?"

"Because there's a GPS in the metal clip."

"Why are you still wearing it—didn't I tell you it wasn't on your hand?"

"Because—" Edward was speechless, and he couldn't figure out the reason. He could only kick Mark and said, "Where do you have so many problems?"

Because he was so tired, Eduardo fell asleep quickly. He lay on his side beside Mark, with the lines of his shoulders, waist, and hips connecting a perfect valley.

Mark looked one last time at the old volume of poetry, Lermontov, A Lonely Ship, before turning off the lights.

A ship sails alone on the sea,

It seeks neither happiness,

nor escape from happiness,

It just sails forward,

Beneath the calm blue sea,

And overhead is a golden sun.

will face,

with the past,

Compared with what is buried deep in its heart, it is all microfoam.

A good life is not trying to be calm, not trying to be strong, being able to face one's own heart, and being able to say goodbye well, whether it is a person or a past event.

As Eduardo said, when leaving is inevitable, all you can do is say goodbye.

He thought, he finally had the courage to face the farewell, to ann, and to a past event.

He can also finally admit that he loves Eduardo Savarin, he loves his vulgar and hypocritical mannerisms, his sweet and addictive smile, and his fragile and sensitive soul.

From the first time they met, all the college years, to their lawsuit, to his years in Singapore.

He avoided and resisted for many years, and kept this matter in the deep sea of ​​consciousness day after day.Today I finally admitted this, like the sailor in a fairy tale who was bewitched by the sea monster, finally gave up resistance, and willingly indulged in the cold and sweet vortex of the sea monster.

His body was smashed to pieces, and he loved it like a sugarcane.