cross me with love

Lin Jingyu followed He Tangxi into the door.

He wanted to help He Tangxi, but He Tangxi avoided him: "It's okay, I can go by myself."

Lin Jingyu withdrew his hand and followed He Tangxi obediently. His eyes were fixed on He Tangxi all the time, and his hands were weak to protect He Tangxi's waist. If He Tangxi fell, he would be able to support him immediately.

He Tangxi dug out a brand new set of toiletries and took Lin Jingyu to the bathroom to wash up. He specifically asked Lin Jingyu to keep his voice down so that Zhou Yiming wouldn't notice.

He Tangxi wanted to go to the room first, but for some reason, he couldn't move a step, and stood blankly at the door watching Lin Jingyu brush his teeth and wash his hands.

When he was young, he often slept at Lin Jingyu's house, and every morning he couldn't get up and stayed in bed. He moaned and said that he needed to sleep for 5 minutes, and when the 5 minutes were up, he would sleep for another 5 minutes. Lin Jingyu finished washing every time. After that, he was lifted out of the quilt before he could fully wake up.At that time, he was brushing his teeth and washing his hands in the bathroom, while Lin Jingyu was leaning against the door and watching.Now it's the other way around.

He Tangxi looked at Lin Jingyu's back in a daze, and he thought of Byron's poem, If we meet again someday, how will I congratulate you—with tears?to silence?

In fact, they haven't been separated for a long time, but this reunion mentality is not substantially different from what Byron said, but now he has no tears, some silence, and embarrassment and embarrassment.

Lin Jingyu saw He Tangxi's expression in the mirror. He lowered his eyes to cover up the expressions in his eyes, then turned his head and said to him as if nothing happened: "I'm fine."

"Well, then I'll take you up." He Tangxi turned around immediately, he didn't want to and didn't dare to look at Lin Jingyu more, it was too difficult for him.

Lin Jingyu followed He Tangxi to the attic, and he frowned as soon as he came in. Lin Jingyu looked around and said in disbelief, "You live here?"

He Tangxi was the most squeamish before, and he had never endured hardship. He never imagined that he could endure this kind of environment.

"Actually, it's pretty good here." He Tangxi opened the closet to find the bedding, "I'll sleep on the floor, you can sleep on the bed."

"No, I'll just sleep on the floor."

He Tangxi searched the closet for a long time and only found a quilt, but it was only enough to cover, and there was no extra sheet or quilt for the floor. He Tangxi bit his lips, and said very discouraged: "Forget it, we should all sleep on the bed. Bar."

Lin Jingyu had no objection either, and said in a deep voice, "Okay."

The bed is more than enough for He Tangxi alone, but it will be crowded if one more person is added.

He Tangxi lay on his back on the bed, not daring to turn over or move, as long as he moved a little, he could touch the heat source next to him.But the more he couldn't move, the more he wanted to move. He Tangxi felt very uncomfortable all over his body. He felt that he had grown up for so many years, and there was nothing more difficult than tonight.

He finally couldn't help moving his feet, and Lin Jingyu who was beside him immediately noticed He Tangxi's movements, and he whispered, "Not asleep yet?"

He Tangxi paused for two seconds, then replied in a muffled voice, "No."

"Or I'd better sleep on the floor."

"No," this time the answer was much faster than the last sentence, but the voice was still muffled, and Lin Jingyu's heart froze when he heard it, and he panicked.

"you……"

Just as he was about to speak, He Tangxi said. "Did my father ask you to come to me and take me back?"

Lin Jingyu was silent for a while, and then replied: "Yes, and no."

"Oh……"

There was another long silence after speaking.

The dark night stretched the heavy atmosphere for a long time, Lin Jingyu felt as if there was a thin thread hanging from his heart, and the apex of his heart could not be pulled down.

"Uncle He just asked me to help you find you. He didn't know you were here, and I haven't told him yet." Lin Jingyu explained softly.

"Is it because of guilt?" He Tangxi said suddenly.

"what?"

"Did you come to me because you felt guilty for forcing me away? Afraid that I would do something stupid?" He Tangxi said slowly.

He seemed to be extraordinarily courageous tonight, maybe it was because everything had been revealed and he had nothing to pretend or hide. He Tangxi took a deep breath and said all the words he kept in his heart.

"I admit, I still like you. I liked you before and I still like you now. I don't know and dare not promise you in the future." After saying this, He Tangxi breathed a sigh of relief. This was the first time he said it in front of Lin Jingyu. own favorite.

In fact, it is nothing more than that, and it is not as difficult as imagined.

He continued: "It's true that I left because of you...but it's not all because of you, I just, just..."

"...Before I was just too scared. I was afraid that if you said it, you would not be able to accept it, you would alienate me, and you would lose you, so I kept hiding myself. I didn't want to be seen by others, but I was still seen by them. "He Tangxi smiled lightly, recalling before, he also felt that what he did was pretty stupid.

"In order to hide this secret, I have done a lot of stupid things over the years, a lot of low-level things, and I gradually became no longer like myself. I studied majors I didn't like, did things I didn't like, and was mediocre all day long. I'm not happy at all, and fake love in order to hide my sexual orientation."

"I don't know what to do, how to love someone, I can't find myself, I don't know what He Tangxi should be like, the previous He Tangxi felt unfamiliar to me, are you disappointed in me too? "

"I..." Lin Jingyu's voice was dry, he turned his head to look at He Tangxi, and He Tangxi turned his back to him, leaving only the back of his head.

Lin Jingyu's heart was full of emotions, those heavy emotions weighed on his heart, his breathing was a little difficult, "I have never disappointed you, I just..."

I just don't know how to face you.

When He Tangxi was in junior high school and high school, they were still very close, but when he went to college and had his first girlfriend, Lin Jingyu began to lose track of his emotions.

He felt that he had always been a patriarchal discipline to He Tangxi, if he was really He Tangxi's own brother, he could have used his brother's identity to discipline him, and told him not to fall in love when he was in college.But he is not He Tangxi's real brother, and even though they are close, there is always a layer of estrangement. He has no position and power to discipline He Tangxi and demand He Tangxi.

In fact, he is also afraid, afraid that he cares and disciplines He Tangxi too much, afraid that he will be inexplicably angry and jealous because of He Tangxi's love, and will not be able to control his emotions, afraid that because of his "problematic" He Tangxi will Hate him...he didn't dare to think about it or admit it, that's why he chose to distance himself.

Tan Yuwei was right, he was quite cowardly.Not only cowardly, but also confused.

"Why do you like me?" Lin Jingyu asked, "I may not be as good as you think, I actually have many shortcomings, but I don't show them in front of you, if you really understand everything about me, maybe you will be disappointed. "

"What do you mean?" He Tangxi's voice trembled, "Are you persuading me? I have already said that I will not disturb you and will not burden you. You can act as if you don't know anything. If you really mind us In the future, you can also..."

He Tangxi choked up, and there was a bit of crying in his words: "You can also stop seeing each other."

"But you have no right to persuade me not to like you. This is my own business and has nothing to do with you."

"That's not what I meant!" Lin Jingyu's tone became flustered, "I'm not trying to persuade you either, actually I'm not engaged to Zhou Changyin."

He Tangxi wanted to look back at Lin Jingyu's expression, wanting to see if he was lying, but he didn't dare to turn his head. His eyes were full of tears now, and a tear fell in the blink of an eye. He didn't want Lin Jingyu to see him cry .

He Tangxi sniffed and tried to keep his voice steady: "Are you... pity me? You came to me because you were afraid that I would do something stupid if I got hit, and that's why you said that?"

Lin Jingyu could hear the sadness in He Tangxi's tone, he softened his voice: "No, it's not because I feel sorry for you."

"Then what kind of feelings do you have for me? It's just brother's liking for younger brother?" He Tangxi continued to ask.

Lin Jingyu was silent, he did not answer for a long time.

Like these two words are too important for him, for him, this is not a word that can be blurted out on a whim, if he wants to say it, he must plan the future with the other party.

It's not easy for two men to be together. In fact, he still can't figure out whether his feelings for He Tangxi are from his elder brother to his younger brother, whether it is a sense of responsibility and possessiveness that he has cultivated since he was a child, or it is mixed with pure liking. Or maybe there are all three, but he can't figure out which one is the subject.

"You don't even know what's going on in your heart now," He Tangxi suddenly felt bored, he didn't want to talk to Lin Jingyu any more, "If you pity me and barely stay together, you will get bored after a long time, and you will There is a burden, what do you do at this time? If you say you like me, but later find out that it is wrong, what should you do?"

"There are only these three situations in the future of the two of us, lovers, friends, or never being in touch with each other. I'd rather you think it through and give me a correct answer, than you will regret it after a moment of soft-heartedness."

"Brother, I'm not that fragile, I can bear it, bear all the possible consequences, so I ask you," He Tangxi said with tears in his voice, "So I ask you to think clearly, please? Don't, don't. …”

He didn't continue talking, and Lin Jingyu was also silent.

In the room, the sound of He Tangxi's deliberately suppressed rapid breathing intertwined with Lin Jingyu's dull panting, the two of them were trapped from top to bottom, and no one could escape.

He Tangxi thought, he doesn't know how to be brave and how to love, but Lin Jingyu doesn't know his own thoughts and thoughts.

They don't understand anything.

Two fools.

After a long time, He Tangxi spoke, his voice was as ethereal as a wisp of green smoke, and it disappeared in the air in a blink of an eye: "Go back brother, I need time, and you need time too, let's think about each other clearly, shall we?"

"But I can't worry about you."

"It's okay, I can do it alone, I'm not a child anymore."

Lin Jingyu paused, and asked again: "If, if I had clearly supported you during your college entrance examination, would you be happier than you are now?"

"It has nothing to do with you, my father...he is used to being authoritarian. Even if you support me, it probably won't change anything. At that time, you said you want me to think and say that I am happy. In fact, you are supporting me. It’s because I don’t have the courage to fight to the end.”

He Tangxi's voice was very soft, but his tone was firm: "This time I have made up my mind."

"Okay, I'll help with Uncle He's side."

Lin Jingyu reached out and tucked the quilt towards He Tangxi, "Go to sleep."

He Tangxi closed his eyes and said to Lin Jingyu, "Good night."