ninety-nine twelve

On the day of the art festival report performance, I was doing chores backstage on the stage. Through the curtain and under the stands, the entire hall was full of teachers and students of the school, and it was impossible to see where our class was.

Among the five programs selected in the third grade, there was a song singing program carefully prepared by our class. Although I didn't have to participate as I wished, as a class leader, I had to come backstage to be responsible for the logistics of the program, which was enough to make me complain.

I successfully sent the performance classmates to the stage to welcome them off, and I was finally able to return to the auditorium.Zhang Tianle took a seat for me, and I stooped over and sat down next to him. Seeing him playing a game, I asked, "Aren't the shows good?"

Zhang Tianle retreated the program to the background, stretched a little, "I'm so bored, when will it end?"

I checked the program list and comforted him: "Come on, there are four more, let's go to dinner directly after the end."

Zhang Tianle held the mobile phone in his hand, pressed it on and down it from time to time, and spoke absent-mindedly, with a preoccupied look.

While eating in the small noodle restaurant, Zhang Tianle finally received a call from him.

This phone call lasted more than ten minutes. Zhang Tianle spoke Cantonese, and I couldn't tell what they were talking about. During the conversation, they seemed to argue a few words. At that time, most of the people eating in the noodle restaurant were students. They knew that a student from Hong Kong had been transferred to the school.

After he hung up the phone, I tried to ask, "What happened?"

Zhang Tianle was still absent-mindedly lowering his head and stirring his face, when he heard my question, he raised his head and forced a smile, "It's all right."

I didn't ask any more questions, just chatted nonsense, and when I paid the bill and walked out of the noodle shop, I said to Zhang Tianle's back: "You can tell me, I will listen."

He turned to look at me and sighed, "There's a competition..."

Next year's Asian Youth Athletics Championships will hold sprint qualifying competitions in various countries and regions in the spring. Zhang Tianle's training team can nominate two people to compete as Hong Kong athletes. Just now his coach called to confirm his intention, and Zhang Tianle declined.

I looked at Zhang Tianle's expressionless face, wondering what he was thinking, "Don't you want to go?"

"I can not go."

"why?"

His gaze was erratic, and he shook his head vaguely, and said helplessly and impatiently, "I won't take the path of an athlete."

I was able to capture some information from his words, so I changed the question: "Then, let's put aside everything else, just in terms of your ability, to what stage do you think you can last?"

"...I don't know. I ran 10 meters in 8 seconds during the training camp last year, but the training has been interrupted for so long. Even if I catch it again now, the effect is hard to say."

"How likely is it to enter the preliminary round?"

"55 ten, so instead of letting me take a spot, it's better to recommend someone who is more confident."

"Well, it makes sense, then you really shouldn't go."

After I finished speaking, Zhang Tianle's expression was colorful and exaggerated, and I could even see a circle of question marks popping up on his head, "What are you talking about? You don't encourage me at this time, and you are still pouring fire on me." Oil?"

His reaction also made me wonder, "Didn't you say you can't go, can't go, can't go?"

Zhang Tianle glared at me, wanted to say something, but closed his mouth powerlessly, not even trying to speak quickly.

"Tianle," seeing that he didn't respond, I called again, "Tianle, look at me, listen to me, there shouldn't be anything in this world that hinders you from wanting to do another thing Of course, the premise is that what you want to do is not murder, arson, pornography, gambling and drugs. I am not an athlete, and I have never experienced such a professional game. What I am saying now may not hurt my back when I stand up and talk. I only know now The chance is given to you, the choice is up to you, isn’t it such a simple fact? Then if I were you, what I’m thinking at this time is not whether I can make it to the finals, whether I can get the ranking, whether anyone is optimistic about these issues , but the adjustment of my physical condition, the psychological quality of the game, the ability to withstand pressure and so on. In fact, what I want to say is that whether to seize or give up this opportunity depends on what you think. You should Go for your own 'want to go', not for the 'can't go' restricted by objective conditions."

Zhang Tianle opened his mouth, and was about to say something, when I interrupted him again: "I know the truth and you understand it, but the problem now is not your strength, but you have to figure out what you want, I don't know what you want What requirements and plans do you have for the future, but the result of any decision you make will still come back to you, it has nothing to do with others, you have to weigh it clearly and make up your own mind, do you understand?"

I stared at the front intently, hoping that it would be enough for me to be as sincere as I imagined in my heart, but Zhang Tianle just put his pockets in his pocket and continued to walk forward, saying in a muffled voice, "But it's not cool to go your own way."

"I know, not only do you have to overcome the original difficulties on the road, but you also have to deal with the hand that is constantly stretched out on the road to pull you back."

Seeing that Zhang Tianle was silent again, I seemed to be able to guess something, so I simply asked, "So why can't you go?"

Zhang Tianle turned his head and looked elsewhere, "My parents have never thought that this is a good thing, a great thing, or they think that running is useless in the big framework of life, you know, yes, It’s useless. That is, no matter what competitions I participate in or what awards I win, they will only say "very good". This "very good" does not mean that they have higher expectations for me, and I have not yet achieved it, so The compliments on me can only go to the level of 'very good', but they don't have any expectations for me to go running. When I was young, the coach said that if I focus on my qualifications, I can enter the Hong Kong team in the future. Aptitude? But who else but him I still care about my qualifications. My dad will only tell me not to think about other things. Running as a hobby and exercising is of course very good, but it cannot be my life. I am like most people. , I’m not special at all. I should follow the same path as the vast majority of people. I should concentrate on my studies. After graduation, I will go into politics and business, or whatever industry I do. That’s what I should do. In fact, I don’t need to come back at all. , My family is in Hong Kong, and my student status is in Hong Kong. My dad runs around every week. I usually take care of myself. What difference does it make if I don’t come back? But now I’m in the third year of high school. , I don't even have the chance to go to the team to practice on weekends. I don't have a choice at all. You know, I don't have a choice. Didn't you ask me before if I like running? I said I didn't know, but Let me answer you now, yes, I like it, this is the thing I like the longest in my life so far, but I can only be an amateur athlete, no matter how much I like running, no matter how good I run, I can’t say I've been running my whole life, I've been running for a living, you know what I mean?"

"What can't you do?"

Zhang Tianle choked on me and was speechless, so I continued to ask: "Why do you think you can't? Have you tried it? Do you know where the limit of your speed is?"

Zhang Tianle shook his head, seeming to find that it is useless to talk to me as a layman, and he is too lazy to explain more, "...Anyway, I can't. I don’t even have the confidence.” After saying this, he quickened his pace and walked in front of me in two or three steps.

"Hey—" I called to stop him, "Stop making excuses, I'll be your confidence."

Zhang Tianle stopped in front.

"Although my confidence doesn't matter, at least I don't think you are like most people. You are special. I hope you do what you like. Look, what you like happens to be what you are good at. How enviable, unlike me, I really don't know what I like and what I'm good at. I'm probably the group of "most people" that your dad said, but the number of "most people" is also limited , don’t force yourself to squeeze in.”

I walked up to Zhang Tianle and put my arm on Zhang Tianle's shoulders, "Tianle, go, run, I will be your confidence. Anyway, you have money, I know you can go back, sneaky on weekends Name, we will go to any stage we can reach, if we run well, we will show it to your parents, if we run poorly, we will pretend that nothing happened, even if you are the last one, I'll pick you up at the finish line too, just like the relay at the last sports meeting."

Zhang Tianle stared at me blankly, then suddenly lowered his head and smiled, took my arm off his shoulder, and threw two words at me: "Many things."

After a few seconds, he seemed to come back to his senses suddenly, turned around suddenly to block me, and raised his hand as if to beat me, "Who are you to call me Tianle!"

He seemed to be in a better mood, I raised my eyebrows, and said casually: "My mother said that Tianle is not allowed to eat this week..."

"All right, all right, call it whatever you like."

Two days later, Zhang Tianle walked up to me, looking left and right, I frowned at him, not knowing what song was singing, "Why, so much effort, what do you want to say?"

He tried to behave as usual, but his words were vague: "I, I will go back this weekend."

"Huh?" I didn't understand what he meant at first, but soon I understood, and didn't say anything more, just lowered my head and smiled, "Yeah."

Zhang Tianle coughed and touched his nose unnaturally, looking for something to say: "Do you have anything to bring?"

"What's the matter, you suddenly became a purchasing agent?"

"……Nevermind."

Zhang Tianle honestly sat back on the back seat, I turned around and looked at him, I couldn't help but reached out and rubbed his hair, "You don't need to bring anything, just come back happily."

Zhang Tianle acquiesced in my flirting with him, pursed his lips, and said seriously: "Wu Haoyu, thank you."

I raised my head and replied perfunctorily, "Oh, you're welcome."

But on Monday, Zhang Tianle did not come to school without warning. In fact, I lost contact with him since Sunday. I didn’t reply to the message, and I didn’t say hello in advance when I came back.It stands to reason that he finished his work smoothly and should be back on the weekend. When the old class saw his vacant seat, he asked, "Why didn't Zhang Tianle come?" It seemed that she hadn't received any leave from Zhang Tianle, even though it had been more than two months Zhang Tianle never skipped a day of class for no reason, but he always seemed to give people the impression that "truancy is normal". The old class said a few words to him in the air, and the class started as usual.

I don't know if Lao Ban tried to contact his parents later, but on Tuesday, Zhang Tianle was still nowhere to be seen. Instead, Lao Ban asked me if he knew where Zhang Tianle had gone.

He didn't respond to messages, didn't answer calls, and the only time he showed any signs of behavior was when he actively interrupted the call and then completely turned off the phone.

I'm a little worried that something happened to Zhang Tianle's move.

I couldn't help thinking about it. I went through all the processes I could think of, such as competitions, registration procedures, qualification certification, medical reports, etc., but I still couldn't think of any link that would go wrong, or It's not a problem with this matter at all. What about his travel and flight?Or have you been robbed and extorted?Or his parents...

And apart from constantly calling and sending messages to him, I have no other way to contact this person. Thinking about it carefully, I don't know where Zhang Tianle lives, I haven't met his parents, and we have nothing in common except the classmates in the class. My friend, such isolation makes me feel deeply powerless and uneasy.

When my thinking became more and more outrageous, after nine o'clock on Tuesday night, I finally saw Zhang Tianle sitting in the doorway of my house in the corridor home.

He buried his head in his arms and slowly raised his head when he heard the sound of me approaching. The corridor was dark. After we saw each other clearly, we each froze for a few days. With green stubble, he looks very haggard.

Probably his legs were numb from sitting for too long, he stood up with difficulty leaning against the wall, I silently went up to get the key to open the door, each of them agreed tacitly without opening a mouth, I didn't ask, he didn't say anything.

After entering the room, Zhang Tianle stretched his waist, scratched his hair, and pulled a smile from the corner of his mouth. He came up and locked my neck with his arms, and asked with a smile: "Miss me?"

"Fuck you." I broke free from his shackles, "Why didn't you just come in? Didn't I give you the key." I gave Zhang Tianle a pair of keys to this house in case he needed it.

"I didn't bring it."

"When did you come back?"

"It's around six o'clock."

"Then you've been waiting at the door?"

Zhang Tianle nodded slightly, and I used a reproachful tone unknowingly: "Don't you know to find me at school?"

I felt a little regretful when I said this, Zhang Tianle no longer dodged his gaze, turned around and gave me a fixed look, as if he wanted me to see his face clearly, but still said softly: "I don't want others to see me like this .”

I didn't speak anymore and didn't know what to say.

Zhang Tianle walked to the table, picked up the papers I had spread out on it, and asked casually, "What have you been talking about in class these two days?"

"What's wrong with you?" I pressed his hand and asked questions instead of answering. In just a few minutes, I could hardly control my emotional ups and downs. chaos.

"Why are you talking so aggressively? What's the matter? Who messed with you?"

"Zhang Tianle, let me ask you what's wrong?"

He paused for a second but smiled, and asked me with a puzzled look: "Why are you so angry all of a sudden, I'm only two days late, and it's not like I won't be back."

"Two days, isn't it short?"

"No, Ayu, as for it," said Zhang Tianle, who was about to reach out and touch my forehead, "Is there nothing wrong with me?"

I exerted a little effort to slap his hand away, "Yes, you're fine, how difficult is it for you to reply? Everyone is worried about you, and I am also worried about you. If you say it or not, it's okay." Come on, who the hell do you think you are?"

"Are you fucking sick?" Zhang Tianle frowned, came up and grabbed my arms, and said in a hoarse voice, "I warn you, don't make trouble with me now!"

In fact, I could vaguely feel that Zhang Tianle held his breath and suppressed his reluctance to send it to me, but I was too angry and lost my mind. I shook off his hand and sneered, "You are the only one who is sick." .”

He looked at me and didn't speak or move for a while. After we were silent for a few seconds, Zhang Tianle took a step back. He calmed down, but his tone was still firm, and he said to me word by word: "I broke up."

I met his eyes and frowned slightly to express my confusion, but a strange emotion rose in my heart because of this sentence.

"I want to see what's going on with my own eyes, and I want an explanation, okay?"

My anger subsided in a split second, from one extreme to the other, followed by shame and shame, it made me so uncomfortable, I needed a step down, "You don't have to explain to me, you go Explain to the old class."

"What do I explain to her, does she care?"

I was speechless, the old class really didn't care, Zhang Tianle really didn't need to care if Zhang Tianle came to class or not, and how many days a week he came to class, as long as Zhang Tianle was safe, but I could only use her as a cover.

Zhang Tianle's appearance was too strange to me, so strange that I couldn't tell whether it was a good thing or a bad thing.

"Ayu, I really...does she need company so much? Can't be alone? Yes, I can't see her every day, and I can't be with her when she needs it. These are all reasons, but just There is less than half a year left, it's only half a year, and I will go back after half a year, I can hold on, why can't she?"

Zhang Tianle was a little excited, I wanted to know the specific reasons but didn't want to know, and finally couldn't help asking: "What's wrong?" The same question, but the attitude was a hundred or eighty times slower than before.

But all I received was a long silence, so long that I thought I would not get any answer, Zhang Tianle said slowly: "Forget it, let's just pretend that there has never been this person."

Zhang Tianle took a shower, lay down on the bed with wet hair, and soon fell into a deep sleep.He must be very tired, unshaven, with wet beads on his bare arms.

I squatted down in front of the bed and wiped his head with a towel as lightly as possible.After thinking about it, I stretched out my hand and touched his chin lightly. The stubble was like a thorn, and it hurt my fingertips.

It ended well, and I was happy to hear it.

And the enthusiasm in my heart also made me ache.

During this period of time, how can I not know what emotions have arisen in my heart, or what changes have taken place in my emotions? On the contrary, I know better than anyone else, and I can realize it better than anyone else.

But this feeling is wrong, it shouldn't be.

I don't think I'm a person who is prone to emotional ups and downs, so whenever Zhang Tianle told me about the two or three things between him and his girlfriend, I didn't have too much resistance. I just need to compete with myself and digest these things. Some emotions, so that I can look like I always have.

Zhang Tianle's sleeping appearance in front of me made me feel distressed. What kind of a good girl is that, and what kind of bad things did she do to make this person care about being sad like this?

But when I closed my eyes, there was a voice in my heart that overwhelmed my rationality.

In fact, I am trying to ignore some other feelings.

I want to look righteous, feel sorry for my brother's experience, stand on his side, speak for my brother, it's not worth it for my brother.Those feelings that I hide are called ecstasy, fluke, and despicableness.

It wasn't until today that I realized that the self-control I was proud of was becoming less and less effective when facing Zhang Tianle. The anxiety caused by worrying about this person alone was enough to make me lose control.Fortunately, at this moment, Zhang Tianle's thoughts are all on another person. He is exhausted, and he will not find out what I am ashamed of, what I am afraid of. My thoughts can always be there dimly, as long as I don't say anything, it will always be there. is safe.

I don't know what the scariest thing in this world is, but it seems to me now that the scariest thing is that everything you fear will come true.

In this quiet and safe late night, uneasiness set off waves in my heart. This person in front of me made me feel dangerous. The comfort and discomfort he brought me will accumulate to the point that I can't digest it sooner or later.

"Don't be afraid." I stared at Zhang Tianle's face, not knowing who I was comforting.

It was like swallowing a thousand needles.

The author has something to say: the drama begins