ninety-nine twelve

When my mother was taking a shower, my doorbell rang. It was the doorbell of the downstairs door that would not ring once in 80 years.

I was a little surprised. It stands to reason that the downstairs door is always open on weekdays. If you want someone to go upstairs and knock on the door, how come... I suddenly realized something, and immediately ran over to pick it up. After saying "Hello", There was no sound from the other side.

"Wait for me." Guessing that my mother would not be able to come out for a while, I secretly took the key and went out quietly.

In the corridor on the first floor, I saw Zhang Tianle standing outside.He half-raised his head to look at the street lamp, and the collar at the back of his neck was turned up in disobedience. I walked up to him and turned up the collar for him, "Why are you here?"

He didn't look very good, but when he saw me, he smiled silently, and pretended to say briskly: "I will change to the farthest seat, I will write a review, and I will never say a word to you before the college entrance examination, and I will never talk to you." contact you."

I was confused, and noticed that Zhang Tianle put his hands behind his back, and his teeth chattered a little when he spoke.

"You're shaking," I said.

"I haven't." He shook his head vigorously, "Ayu, I will listen to whatever the school arranges, and I will accept any punishment. I will never cause trouble again in these 20 days, and I will not disturb your review. You must Take the exam well, I will deal with the problems on my side, you have to wait for me."

I looked at him suspiciously, "What happened?"

"It's okay, really, it's okay. Ayu, let me give you a hug, okay?"

Zhang Tianle hesitantly stretched out his arms to hug me, and then slowly tightened his grip on my shoulders. He rested his chin on my shoulders. He seemed to be exerting all his strength when hugging me. After a while, he suddenly withdrew his strength and let me go. When he faced me again, he didn't look as depressed as before. He smiled at me as if nothing had happened, said "see you tomorrow" as usual, and turned to leave.

"Hey——" I grabbed him, but I didn't think about what to say, I just felt that I couldn't just let him go like this, I paused for a second or two, and then said again: "Do you know, How much I love you."

"Do you know how I came here before? I used to always think, let's take another day, let's take another day. When today is over, I won't like you tomorrow. I see you are working so hard to cooperate with me, be careful To maintain our relationship, I feel that I am really bad, and I will drag you into the water after messing up things. Every time you try to get close to me to make me happy, I want to just end it like this, but in the end I still haven’t let you go, I really like you so much that even if I know that I am making you angry and afraid of embarrassing you, I will continue to like you. Did I tell you that I am actually quite pessimistic, and I always feel sorry for you, you know? , I always feel that if it weren't for me, you would have a better way to go, better people to choose, I'm afraid you'd be a little bit reluctant to be with me, but sometimes I have confidence, but it's very contradictory, Can you understand, I have the confidence to be with you, but I don't want to expect too much, because only I know how I am, I can like you even in the dark like this, but you... how could you Like me, how can I be worthy of your liking, so I think you may not like me that much, I thought that until now, I have been with you anyway, even if it ends here, there will be no regrets, but I found that I still haven't changed, I'm still so bad, I still want to hit the south wall and take the dark road, and I still want to pull you with me."

"I don't want to give up." Zhang Tianle didn't look back, I leaned forward, hugged him from behind like he used to hug me, leaned on his neck and said to him: "I finally fell in love with you, I won't give up .”

I can't see Zhang Tianle's expression, but I think he must be worried now, otherwise why can't he hold back a word for a long time.

"I know that is the game you really want to participate in. I know its importance. I just want to help you and say a word for you. I don't want to give up on you, let alone use us for your chance to play. We No one can make sacrifices, I will catch you, and you have to go to the game. I will not give up, I will not give up on you, and I will not give up on us. You have to believe in me. I liked you first. If you still avoid me, you forget But now I believe in you, I believe that we can get through this, so you also have to believe in me, don't doubt that I will let you go, I didn't doubt you who didn't like me at the beginning, why did you doubt me first? "

Zhang Tianle still didn't speak, I pulled him upright to face me, this person really looked disappointed, I smiled quietly, and said to him for the first time the three words he often said to me: " I love you."

The weight and meaning of love may be different for everyone. Perhaps for Zhang Tianle, I love you and you love me can be easily said, but for me it is a bit difficult, difficult, and embarrassing, not that I don’t love now He may not love him enough, but I want to tell him more solemnly, seriously, and sincerely that I love him, not the kind of "I love you" that can be said casually anytime, anywhere.

Love is very precious, if you talk about it too much, it may not be so precious.

Zhang Tianle didn't answer me directly, but said hoarsely: "I miss you."

"I know." I seldom heard Zhang Tianle's voice. The last time was when he broke up in love, the light downstairs was too dark, and I could only vaguely see his expression, "Did I talk to you at night?" What Dad said misunderstood you?"

Zhang Tianle didn't say anything, just shook his head.

"Don't worry, it's okay. After talking about the school this time, it will definitely be over here. It's no fun to hold on to it endlessly, right? From tomorrow onwards, you can concentrate on training, and I will also review well. I really don't care about this." In the last month, don't fight with anyone anymore, whether it's your father, your teacher, or your classmates, let's go along with the flow and treat it as an act. If others want to ask, you should pretend you didn't hear it It’s over, isn’t it difficult?”

He pouted, still seemingly reluctant.

"Mingxiu plank road secretly hides Chencang for a reason. The battle line is very long. Don't accept death. Let's be smarter and more flexible. We will deal with the school first. It will take more than 20 days. After the exam, we will graduate and leave. We will never listen to their lessons again. , I will give you a make-up birthday at that time, okay?"

"En." Zhang Tianle responded sullenly.

"I know you want to be together with confidence, but it's not the time yet, society is like this, if you can't understand it, you can be lenient, don't be angry, huh?"

Zhang Tianle finally nodded, and I also heaved a sigh of relief.

"I have to go back. I came out while my mother was taking a bath. If I don't go back, she should find out."

"okay, see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow." I turned around and went back to the corridor, and when I turned around and saw Zhang Tianle was still standing outside, I urged him: "Go back quickly, it's getting late."

"I see you go upstairs, I'll be leaving in five minutes."

"Okay, then you should pay attention to your safety and go back early." I couldn't help him, so I waved to him one last time, turned around and ran upstairs.

There was a big-character poster posted in the school, and there was a notice to criticize this matter. The language was just right, without describing any details, and only named and criticized the two of us for seriously violating the school rules, but ended with leniency, for the sake of graduating from the college entrance examination. , "Report criticism to show vigilance, and no demerit will be given."

My mother began to pick me up every day, either to live here or go back to our house, in short, just don’t let me have the opportunity to be alone. I haven’t touched my mobile phone for many days. I’m not used to it. Fortunately, I called Zhang Tianle in advance. Say hello to reassure him.

My mother didn't tell my father in the end, but the house just me and her was full of wind and rain, and it didn't feel like home.I'm just a piece of dead elm. No matter what my mother says, I go in my left ear and out of my right ear. I don't eat the hard ones. I still don't understand why it's so bitter and bitter. She's bothered about it every day. I also feel helpless.

It was a different situation at school. Zhang Tianle and I began to be strictly monitored. He was transferred to the front row next to the podium. He was in class right under the nose of the teacher. He couldn’t do any small tricks. From time to time, I have to report to her what Zhang Tianle and I are doing in the class. Occasionally, the old class will come to the classroom in person during recess. I go home for lunch break at noon, and Zhang Tianle stays at school. I don’t go anymore, and it’s not common for him to practice on the playground after school. I don’t know where he went. My mother will come to pick me up from school on time after the evening self-study, so often at the end of the day, I have a word with Zhang Tianle Can't tell.

The class is better, but the ranks in the grades are immediately separated. The men usually look at them deliberately. When they are chatting normally, once they get close to them, their voices disappear, as if this thing can be contagious. Yes, I can hear a few discussions after passing by.The girls were much gentler, they didn't have any hurtful reactions, and there were people in the class who came to comfort me.

I don't really need comfort, isn't it good now.

One time I went to the canteen to buy food, and I met Liang Shuyun. Anyway, we stopped by, and we walked back together. We were chatting nonsense, but she suddenly said, "So it's you."

"What?" I don't know why.

"The person with Zhang Tianle turned out to be you."

I was a little embarrassed, thought about it, and didn't respond.

"What's the matter, isn't it you?" Liang Shuyun stared at me.

I also stared back at her, "Ask the question knowingly."

"Then you just admit it openly, what's the matter." She turned her head deliberately, gave me a look, and said to herself: "At that time he said that he didn't want to fall in love, didn't want to like people , it turns out that they just don’t like me.”

As soon as she changed the subject, I became even more embarrassed. The boy she liked ended up with me. No matter how I thought about it, it was not a problem, but I also want to say that when Zhang Tianle rejected her, he did not talk to me. Together, nothing happened at that time, and he and I were really just friends, but it's meaningless to talk about it now, the fact in front of me is indeed me, if she is angry, then I have to bear it too.

"I didn't expect it to be you, it would be a boy, I was still wondering what kind of girl he would like, but forget it, in fact, I think about it, if Zhang Tianle likes other girls, it seems that if he likes you I don't feel that unhappy."

A question mark slowly rose in my heart. She said so much, and I couldn't answer a single sentence. I especially didn't know how to understand the last sentence.

Liang Shuyun seemed to suddenly realize that what she said was ambiguous, she covered her mouth and smiled embarrassedly, and quickly explained: "I don't mean anything else, you are very good, but if it were you, I have nothing to compare with, and he might as well." It's not that I don't like me, it's just that I like you."

The logic behind Liang Shuyun's words is not correct, and he may not dislike me. From a common sense point of view, shouldn't it be followed by "I just like boys"?

"Do you like boys?" Before I could answer, Liang Shuyun continued to ask.

Since this incident was exposed, countless people have asked me this question, do you like boys, do you like boys, are you gay, do you have feelings for boys.

"No."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean any harm, I just asked out of curiosity."

"I know, it's okay."

"Actually, I don't think you look like you, nor does Zhang Tianle, but it's not surprising that you are together."

"Isn't it strange that two men are together?"

"It's not surprising, I envy you very much, if I were a man, I would also be with him!"

I laughed, "Didn't you just say that Zhang Tianle doesn't like a man who likes men? Even if you are a man, then he can like you?"

"Wu Haoyu, you are very annoying, you know he only likes you, okay? Show off shamelessly!"

I was stunned again, I didn't expect her to think like this, so I had no choice but to say: "That's not what I meant..."

"Oh, whatever you want," Liang Shuyun said first, "If you want to show off, you can show off. I also want to fall in love with such a well-known person in the whole school. How face-saving and cool it is."

"Hey—" I waved my hands again and again, "I don't agree, I don't agree."

Liang Shuyun giggled and patted me, "Don't tell Zhang Tianle, I just think he is very nice and I won't rob you."

"Well, he's fine." I silently repeated these three words, like honey.

"However, there is a saying that is true. Sure enough, only good-looking people have youth."

"What do you mean?"

"As long as you are in a romantic relationship, everyone else is sneaking in. Only Zhang Tianle dares to be with you in broad daylight, and everyone knows it."

"...you don't use good words here."

"Hahaha, I know, but I'm only expressing praise, can't you hear it?"

"I can tell that there is nothing yin and yang in it." I raised my eyebrows speechlessly, and said to her: "You are because he is good-looking!"

"That's not it, it's not just because he's good-looking, but also because I like him...haha, what kind of expression do you have! These are all complementary, well, I just think he is very good, super good, and brave Ah, don’t be afraid of anything, our school is super strict about puppy love, and those who get caught are very miserable, especially if you are caught, it will be miserable, but Zhang Tianle is super handsome, he dares.”

"Don't you think it's really stupid, it's okay to sneak in to cover people's eyes and ears."

"Stupidity is stupid. In high school, eh, if you don't seize the opportunity to be stupid, you will lose your youth. Now it's called youth, and it will be really stupid in the future."

"I've convinced you girls, how come there are so many sour theories."

"Isn't that right! Just keep it hidden? You weren't moved when Zhang Tianle defended you? It's over if you said 'no' or 'no', but he didn't, and you weren't moved? Really, be content!"

"All right, all right... You're right in whatever you say." I'm moved, but I still think he's too impulsive, just like what Liang Shuyun said, he can't fool the past by making up a lie from the beginning, but he doesn't. I don't know why I have to be stubborn.

"But don't be sad when you get to this point, you'll be graduating soon, and who can control you then."

"I'm not sad."

"cut."

Regarding the theory of youth, I inexplicably want to ask: "Yunyun, what month is your birthday?"

"My birthday is too early, in February, I am an adult."

"Oh, then I'm earlier than you, I was in October last year."

"Then you are almost 19 years old, where is Zhang Tianle?"

"He, he is still seventeen, he will soon, at the end of this month."

"Wow, then you didn't miss his underage."

"What's the point?"

"It's nothing special, it's just a psychological feeling. After becoming an adult, you will be an adult. In the future, others will not be able to see his previous appearance. You are the last one, so it is even more enviable. Seeing a person who has never grown into an adult, Childish, silly, crazy, all grown up."

"...It sounds weird, I'm not his mother."

Almost back to the classroom, Liang Shuyun entered through the front door, and I entered through the back door, closer to their respective seats, she said: "Anyway, you go hard, Haoyu."

Ok.

grow up.

The author has something to say: the feelings that girls understand, Ayu, he doesn’t understand