ninety-nine twelve

"you."

Wu Haoyu's one word blew up the whole room into silence.

In fact, this answer did not surprise me too much. It was very small, but it accounted for the largest proportion of all the clues I noticed.

But there is room for everything.

"Damn, don't be joking, I'm asking you seriously." I pretended to be nonchalant, with a relaxed tone, and I only hoped that Wu Haoyu could get down this step.

"No kidding, it's you."

I was dumbfounded, not knowing how to react for a while.I was a little scared, but I still hoped that I just misunderstood, so I stumbled and asked, "What do you mean?"

"That's right..." Wu Haoyu paused, as if after a huge struggle, he said slowly, "I like what you mean."

No matter how rough my nerves are, I think I can understand what he is talking about at this time.The two thoughts of this night were all asked by myself.

Wu Haoyu didn't make another sound. After a while, I opened my mouth again: "Are you crazy?"

"No."

Conversation seems to be particularly difficult right now. The destructive force formed between questions and answers made me unable to think carefully. I was silent for a while, and suddenly asked: "Are you gay?"

Wu Haoyu frowned slightly, looking a little dazed, as if he was also thinking about this question, and finally said "no", but his calm and peaceful appearance made it difficult for me to tell the truth from what he said, so I asked again :"How long?"

Wu Haoyu shook his head and replied, "I don't know."

I stared at him, speechless, speechless.The feeling of powerlessness flooded my whole body from head to toe, and my mind was very chaotic. Ten thousand feelings were mixed together, but it seemed that there was no feeling.

But I still hope that he has some unspeakable difficulties, and I also want to find him an unspeakable difficulty. As long as he cooperates, I can accept any reason.

It can be recovered, and there is still room for it.

I tidied up my confused thoughts and continued to ask: "How do you know?"

Wu Haoyu looked at my eyes with bottomless eyes, "Is it necessary to be so clear, what can we know through?" He hit me word by word: "I have always known."

I closed my eyes, and my mood plummeted to the bottom.

Human emotions are probably all extremes, and when things are extremely bad, they are relaxed. I laughed out loud. My dear buddy said he liked me. Can there be anything worse than this.

I changed my posture, sat on the bed, tilted my head to look at Wu Haoyu, and asked him with a puzzled smile, "Wu Haoyu, do you know what you are talking about? What do you mean by telling me these things now, confession ?"

Wu Haoyu pursed his lips, looked away, let out a heavy breath but didn't say anything.

I stopped laughing, turned my neck, and stopped looking at him.Wu Haoyu's lack of explanation and inaction aroused an unknown anger in me, and I sneered in a low voice, "It's disgusting."

I threw the towel around my neck aside, lay down with my back to Wu Haoyu, and covered my head with the quilt.

Wu Haoyu didn't make a sound again. He studied until late at night, and the room was so quiet that only the sound of breathing remained.I kept my back to him without changing my position, but I kept my eyes open and stared at the wall without any sleepiness.

The next day I woke up early, or I stayed up all night, maybe I slept for two hours in a daze at most.I put on my clothes, quickly brushed my teeth, washed my face, put my bag on my back and left. I don't know if Wu Haoyu fell asleep or woke up. I didn't want to look at him from the time I got up to the time I went out.

The winter vacation has officially begun, but the make-up classes for the third year of high school are still going on.Wu Haoyu came late as usual, I pulled the table back to give him enough space, so that we could go to class in peace, I didn't talk to him, and he didn't turn around anymore come.

As soon as school was over at noon, I left the classroom through the back door first. After eating, I didn’t want to go back for lunch break, and I was not allowed to wander around the campus. I was wearing a school uniform, and I couldn’t even enter the Internet cafe. But no matter where I went, it was better than staying with Wu Haoyu Be strong in a quiet classroom.

I haven't drank carbonated drinks for a long time, so I made an exception for myself today, bought a can of iced Coke, and held it in my hand until my fingers turned red.I sat on the seat at the bus station all afternoon, drinking that can of iced Coke sip by sip, the pedestrians and vehicles making noise in front of my eyes, and I ran out of Coke, but it was useless at all.

Except for the teacher of the third-level cultural class, all the other teachers were on vacation with the students, so the track and field team naturally stopped training, and I could only stay in the classroom for the self-study class.I was absent-mindedly doing my homework, and finally looked up and stared at the back of the head of the person in front of me in a daze.

Wu Haoyu said that he knew it all along.

He looked sad when he said that last night.

I scolded myself and shook my head vigorously, trying to get rid of this inexplicable worry.

He said he knew it all the time, so how should I understand that he stays with me with a mind that is not common among men, but restrains himself just right?I regard him as a good buddy, not to make him misunderstand and have illusions.

He's sad, what's so sad about him, what position does he have to be sad about, I'm not sad yet, what can he be sad about, isn't he the one who shows his cards with confidence, isn't he the one who is tempted by his brother, take a ten thousand step back He said, since he was able to restrain himself just right, why didn't he continue to restrain himself, why did he have to speak out to make the relationship so embarrassing.

But while I don't understand Wu Haoyu, I also don't understand myself. I have inexplicable thoughts, associations, and doubts that I finally asked. In fact, I don't have anything that I have to know. Now it's good. But I dug a hole by myself and jumped, and Wu Haoyu and Wu Haoyu stretched out a hand and slapped each other.

I thought about it all night, I didn't think about anything, I just let go of my anger, the rest was helpless, no matter how I thought about it, I felt annoyed, it was obviously the direction I didn't want to develop, but I went around and around, around to In the end, I went in the direction I least wanted to go.

Regarding Wu Haoyu's showdown, I have nothing to say, and I don't even know whether I need to tell him to refuse.

The person in front is holding his head with one hand, writing and drawing without interruption with the other hand, keeping his back straight all the time, as if he is effortless, it seems that everything he said last night has nothing to do with him, and it doesn’t matter what the relationship with me becomes. He didn't have much influence, and in the end I was the only one who was depressed, scared and angry, but he still didn't explain anything.

So to say that sadness is fake, how could Wu Haoyu be sad.

The whole day of Sunday was fully arranged by me. I ran [-] kilometers in the morning, then went to my grandparents’ house for dinner, and then went to my mother’s place for a while in the afternoon. After eating one meal after another, in the evening When I got home, my dad asked me if I had eaten, and I specifically said no, so that he could take me out to eat something, even though I was so full that I was about to vomit.

If the coach knew how I practiced this day, or how I ate it, he would punish me to death, but I can't help it, I can't stay alone, as long as I spend some time with myself, I will think of Wu Haoyu , Several times I wanted to send him a message, asking him what he was doing like usual, but I held back every time, the relationship has become like this, I don't want to be the one who speaks first.

One minute and one second lasted until Monday morning, I got up earlier than usual, and couldn't help but want to go to school, until I was looking forward to seeing Wu Haoyu nervously and anxiously, and he looked at me lightly but didn't speak, I went to school again. After being poured a chill, the whole person was instantly gloomy to the extreme.

Just like that, Wu Haoyu and I lost contact within a short distance.We went to our own schools, went back to our own homes, and there was no interaction. After a few days, anyone with a discerning eye could see that something was wrong between us.

I went out between classes, and when I came back, I always saw someone talking to Wu Haoyu, and when I entered the classroom, they always had the same reaction-subconsciously shut their mouths, and went back to their own seats embarrassingly.And Wu Haoyu often didn't respond, he glanced at me unhurriedly, and then looked away unhurriedly.

Every time I see such a scene, the gloom in my heart will deepen. I really underestimated the skill of this person who is alone. He threw a bomb at random and shattered the balance between us, but he didn’t care about the aftermath. He didn't even pretend to be guilty.

In the last round of exams before the holidays, Wu Haoyu was wrongly filled in the student number column of the English answer sheet, which caused the entire answer sheet to be invalid, and caused the average score of the English class to drop to the bottom four in the grade. The teacher was heartbroken, and the students booed and talked. There was a bit of blame inside and out, Wu Haoyu offered to cancel his grades, and after getting a negative answer from the teacher, there was a second round of boos in the class.

I watched this scene with cold eyes at the end, and didn't intend to react. Anyway, I was never a hindrance in English, and it had nothing to do with me.Wu Haoyu kept apologizing to the teacher and the people around him, as if he didn't realize that he was being accused by thousands of people.I stared at the back of his head, almost looking through it, to see what's inside, to see what this man was thinking.

There were too many faces turned around, and the noisy classroom was really annoying, I took my eyes away from Wu Haoyu, glanced at one of them, and there was an immediate silence.

That's right, maybe my gloomy look is too bluffing. If it were normal, no matter whether he is a teacher or a classmate, how could I bear Wu Haoyu being blamed endlessly like this, but now he himself is not embarrassed or awkward with me. , and why should I go out for him again.

Afterwards, even people from other classes came to me to insinuate, curious about the problems between me and Wu Haoyu.

After school on Monday, I was still holding on to the last sliver of luck. I felt that after the calmness of the weekend, Wu Haoyu should have realized something was wrong, but he didn’t dare to talk to me in the morning because of face, and the running training in the afternoon was a good opportunity. Take it easy, it's okay to let this matter be uncovered in such a muddle. I waited while running, and my attention was mostly concentrated on the students coming and going by the playground, but none of them was Wu Haoyu from the beginning to the end.

So for a whole week, every day I ran by myself, timed myself, and recorded myself.On Thursday, before evening self-study, I was called to play together. During the break, someone beside me specifically asked me: "Where is your friend? I haven't seen him recently."

I was taken aback for a moment, not knowing who he was talking about, but the next second I realized immediately, I deliberately asked back in a dull manner, "Who is it?"

"Wow, no, are you really breaking up?"

I said nothing.

"Yesterday, someone in our class asked me, what's going on with you?"

"Your class?" I frowned slightly. This person is also on the track and field team, and he has a good relationship with me, but he is in the liberal arts class, two floors away from me, and usually has no chance to contact them except for training. The people in the class inquired about my gossip with Wu Haoyu.

"It's not just our class, everyone is talking about you two these days."

"...Fuck me crazy." I was taken aback, I didn't expect that my awkwardness with Wu Haoyu would be so well known to everyone, why people would be so boring.

"Then why, you really broke up? Why? He dug your corner?"

I frowned even deeper, and glanced at him, "Where the hell did you hear the rumors?"

"There are only so few people in the school now, don't you usually do everything together, but these days there are you without him, he without you, it's too obvious, and it's almost spread throughout the whole class, so are you breaking up or not? ?”

Impatiently, I turned my head to the other side, not wanting to talk nonsense with him anymore. The more I talked, the more outrageous I said, "It's okay." I hesitated, squinted my eyes, and added an explanation: "I had a quarrel recently. It's okay, nothing."

The first and second grades of senior high school are on vacation. Although the campus is usually not empty, it is indeed deserted. In the past, you have to fight for courts to play, but now there are several empty courts to choose from. Every day is like a Saturday. treatment.

It was already dark, and there were no lights on the court, so it could only be illuminated by the surrounding trails and the lights at the other end of the teaching building. Everyone on the court would rather discredit and continue playing than go back to study at night.I looked back at the direction of the classroom. The entire teaching building was brightly lit, and there were groups of students frolicking with each other in the corridors of each floor, which was very lively.There were a dozen or so people on the court, and it was lively, but compared with the teaching building, it felt very deserted.

The temperature in winter here is becoming more and more unbearable for me. When it is cold and windy, just breathing makes my nasal cavity and trachea hurt.There was a heavy weight of iron in my heart, and I was blocked by a big rock that couldn't be pushed or moved, and it took effort just to breathe.

What should I do with Wu Haoyu?

There was a shadow in the teaching building, and he was stuck in the crowd, but I always recognized him first when I glanced casually.He was lying on the railing, facing the direction of the playground, he couldn't really see what he looked like, he just felt that he was laughing and talking to someone.

Within 2 minutes of playing, I threw the ball back to them, went down to the side of the court to drink water, and stared at the figure upstairs in the distance while drinking.

Maybe Wu Haoyu was never what I imagined.He can stand the cold wind blowing in the open-air corridor, and he can also face the playground with me openly, smiling and making noise, with an indestructible body.

I stared at him intently, this man is amazing, from such a distance, doing nothing, can make my mood messed up.

If there was warmth in his gaze, Wu Haoyu would have been stared at a hole by me long ago. He seemed to have sensed something, and finally turned his head to look at me. It stands to reason that I was hidden in the absolute shadow under the basketball hoop, black and white. It was dark, and if he didn't wear glasses, it would be impossible for him to see so far, but I am sure that he saw me and knew that I was looking at him.

After so many days, I finally met Wu Haoyu's eyes boldly and confidently. We were frank and upright with each other, and neither of them was embarrassed or dodged.If you really want to count, the straight-line distance between me and him is only separated by air, but this thin air is like an insurmountable mountain, river and sea of ​​people. In the end, I was defeated. No matter how much I resisted, I tried again The moment I saw this man, I knew I still cared about him.

And simply cared too much.

I also figured it out in a flash, I think Wu Haoyu and I may be too close, resulting in excessive habit and dependence on each other, I can tell the difference, so I understand that we are just buddies, Wu Haoyu can't tell the difference, That's why he felt that it was a different kind of feeling.It's understandable when I think about it this way, although it's still quite embarrassing, but as long as I make it clear, it's fine, and even...even if Wu Haoyu really likes men, it's okay, after all, the man I have the most contact with at this stage is me, Misconceptions are unavoidable, and it is understandable. Anyway, it is still the same sentence. As long as the misunderstanding is cleared up, we will still be the same as before. We will get along as we want to get along for a long time.

The more you care, the more you care. If I didn't really treat him as a brother, I wouldn't bother him for so many days. As for him saying that he likes me, maybe I didn't mind so much at the beginning, maybe I didn't imagine I don't mind so much, maybe I don't mind anymore.

All the bad moods and bad things don't matter, he's my best buddy.

I put down the water bottle, took one last look at the man, and sighed for no reason, but felt a rare sense of relief in my heart.

I see each other every day, but I haven't seen Wu Haoyu for a long time. I think I need a reunion after a long absence. I can't let the relationship become like this, and I can't lose this friend because of such a trivial matter. I should make some efforts , I want to say everything that I didn't finish and didn't say clearly.

After the evening self-study and school, I procrastinated until the end before I left the school gate, walked slowly in the opposite direction of going home, and finally came to Wu Haoyu's house.I hold the key to his house in my hand, I want to see him, I want to see him, whatever, I need to see him.

The author has something to say: prepare to die