lovelorn too little

For three days in a row, Lu Xinyi stayed by the side of the stall, with little business and neglected in front of the door.

There are few people who set up stalls, most of them are disabled women and children, and there are fewer buyers.

But two or three days later, after the village that produced large quantities of marijuana became history overnight, this border town also embarked on the same earth-shaking decline as other villages and towns as expected.

Arms and chaos left here in an instant, and prosperity and banknotes also went far away.

"100 yuan per piece" was written on the piece of paper at the front of his booth, just like all the old men around him who were warming up in the strong wind with a turban drinking strong wine.

The weather was not bad, the sky was blue, but it was too cold.

Last year, Lu Xinyi sold his most wind-resistant fox fur coat, so now he can only wear cotton-padded jackets that rely on cotton wool to support their volume.

He crouched behind the booth, his chin resting on his knees, shivering in the cold wind, thinking about many things in his head.What often appears in fantasy is when a person without a brain will come and buy everything on his stall.

"You don't want these anymore?" A pair of straight and slender legs wearing leather boots and military trousers appeared in front of Lu Xinyi's eyes, and the owner of those legs bent his knees and squatted down, his eyes were at the same level as Lu Xinyi's, "Help me wrap it up."

Lu Xinyi was holding a hot water bottle in his arms that had been replaced for an unknown number of times, his pupils dilated slightly uncontrollably, but in the end that was all.

After a while, he put the hot water bottle by his feet, moved his numb legs slightly, lowered his head and started packing.

He dragged his package and walked out, and the man chased after him unhurriedly: "How did you go?"

Lu Xinyi said, "I won't sell it anymore."

"Why?" He reached out to grab Lu Xinyi's arm.

Lu Xinyi waved his hands back, wanting to leave without looking back, but the fact is that he was easily dragged back: "I'll give you the money, didn't I write 100 yuan for each item?"

Zhou Ping took out a stack of thick banknotes from the large trouser pocket of his military uniform, and pressed them on Lu Xinyi's chest, his brows were frowned by Lu Xinyi's cold hands: "Lu Xinyi."

Lu Xinyi lowered his head and didn't speak, just shook his hands desperately as if he was being burned, Zhou Ping was irritated by his unwillingness to be touched by him for a second, and he moved the hand that was holding Lu Xinyi's wrist to Lu Xinyi's arm , Lu Xinyi rushed forward, and the things in the bag were scattered on the ground.

It was all cheap things, small wooden ornaments, homemade tobacco, goat's milk soap, and a few jewelry.

Zhou Ping's short hair was disheveled by the raging north wind, under his full forehead was a pair of calm and majestic eyes, deep in color, with a bit of impatience and tenderness, he wiped the tobacco leaf ash on Lu Xinyi's cheek with his palm: " do not move."

It wasn't very clean after wiping, but it was brought closer to the root of the ear, extending from the corner of the mouth, with those slightly round almond eyes, it looked like a messy cat for a moment.

Sure enough, Lu Xinyi stopped struggling, and Zhou Ping looked at his expression again before bending over, as if he was watching whether he would run away while he was picking things up.

He put Lu Xinyi's stall back into the tightly stitched blanket, and Lu Xinyi obediently waited by his side all the while.When he stood up with his things in hand, the two walked forward, one behind the other, half a step apart.

I have walked this road many times, countless times, leading to the small second floor at the end of the fir forest, passing by the Happy Burrito House in the middle.

In spring, summer, autumn and winter, both of them have measured step by step with their feet.

But he didn't go far, and at a fork in the road, Lu Xinyi stopped first.

He pursed his lips, his eyes fell on the second button of Zhou Ping's coat, he seemed to be thinking about his words, and after a while he whispered: "Let's stop here, I have to go somewhere else."

After speaking, he took out a few from the stack of large cash, tidied most of the rest and put them back into Zhou Ping's trouser pocket: "Those things don't cost so much money."

He stepped back and said, "I'm leaving, thank you, goodbye."

At first he walked very fast, Zhou Ping yelled, raised his hand and wanted to throw away the package in his hand, but after thinking about it, he clenched it tighter, dragging a big bag to chase someone, his posture seemed a bit ridiculous.

Lu Xinyi's eye circles were always red, as it had been the first time Zhou Ping saw him from a distance.

After leaving the bazaar, the red circle became more and more serious as he walked. He looked very tired, the kind of exhausted mental and mental fatigue. He couldn't tell the difference when he saw Zhou Ping, who suddenly disappeared from him more than a year ago and had no news from him. Putting too much energy into expressing emotions, I can only say in a low voice at intervals: "Don't follow me."

Zhou Ping hurriedly left a piece of banknotes in a small shop passing by as the fee for storing the package, and continued to follow Lu Xinyi silently. Zhang Qian ran a complete burial process for the three of them.

Before leaving the cemetery, Lu Xinyi took out a small cross from his arms and placed it in front of one of the tombstones. It was made of wood, and the details were rough and imprecise.

He didn't show too much emotion from the beginning to the end, and in the end he just touched the tombstone, put down the cross, turned and left, his steps were as light and steady as when he came, and he didn't look back once.

But Zhou Ping, who was standing a few steps away, felt his heart sinking like a cliff from that second.

He began to feel out of control, and gradually realized that this loss of control had already begun.

In the cold wind, Lu Xinyi's overly thin body was almost blown out of shape. He walked more and more slowly, and finally Zhou Ping hugged him into his arms.

Lu Xinyi was shaking uncontrollably, and Zhou Ping seemed to have lost the ability to speak at this moment. He became clumsy and couldn't think of a word of comfort.

In the end, he could only say in a low voice: "I'm late, I'm late."

-

In the 13 months since Zhou Ping left No. 20, the snow was raging and the visibility was extremely low. On a rare sunny day, on February [-]th, Lu Xinyi's [-]th birthday came just like that.

Although there is no such thing as "rejoice" on the border, the mentality of celebrating after bad luck will not make much difference due to differences in national borders.

Ivan was going to bring twenty candles. Vera looked at Lu Xinyihao after being puzzled, and finally came to a conclusion: "Chinese people will not grow old. They will be the same from now on."

Because Lu Xinyi also planned to go to the market on the border, the two families moved forward their birthday party and had brunch together.

Sitting in Ivan's arms, Aif held a silver spoon to look for her favorite food. The strawberry pieces from the cake were rare things, and they were all piled up in Aif's bowl, and she took another piece with the spoon. Divide the pieces among the adults.

There was only the occasional shattering sound of tableware on the table. Halfway through the meal, Ivan put down the teacup in his hand, wiped the corners of his mouth with a napkin, put his hands on his knees, and looked like he had something to say.

Vera was helping Aif put the soup into a bowl, smiling, but she immediately lost her expression when she saw this.

"The Czech Republic is good," Ivan said.

Lu Xinyi only responded for a short time, and asked in a low voice, "Can it be done?"

Ivan's face was serious, and he said in a deep voice for a while, "If it can't be done, it must be done."

Lu Xinyi looked at Ayifu, and several people fell silent again, but Vera said firmly: "Ayifu will grow up soon, I would rather die than let her stay in the village for the rest of her life .”

After a few more brief conversations, Ivan just wanted to know if Lu Xinyi was willing to leave together, and no one planned to elaborate on the details of the departure.

"Jay and I won't go." Finally Lu Xinyi said slowly, "He's getting old, I think..."

"Probably another month or so." Ivan got up and said, "You can think about it slowly."

He stopped at the door, looked back at the three people watching him at the dining table, and finally set his gaze on Lu Xinyi: "Come out."

Lu Xinyi didn't want to start a conflict, she just said, "We'll talk about it later."

Ivan's anger was suppressed in his chest and lungs, which made his face extremely calm.

"He won't come to pick you up." After a long time, he suppressed his voice and said, "Andre, no one will come."

This time, Vera did not stop Ivan when he mentioned Zhou Ping like any other time in the past.

She looked at Lu Xinyi and shook her head lightly and slowly at him.

Like repeating over and over again, no one will come, no one will come, no one will come.

Lu Xinyi just lowered his head.

Jay had already been eating liquid food for a few months, and he stayed in the room for a long time, not going to the dining table. Before leaving, Lu Xinyi soaked the cake in milk and mashed it up a little, and fed him half a bowl.

"Just pay attention to when he wants to go to the toilet in the afternoon. Give half a glass of water at five o'clock and seven o'clock. I'll be back before ten o'clock." Lu Xinyi said to Vera, "The temperature of the fireplace is a bit high, be careful when Ayef opens the door .”

Vera said: "Okay, pay attention to safety, go early and return early."

After that day, Ivan didn't come again, and Vera brought Aif to several times, but was rejected by Lu Xinyi every time.

For the last time, he hugged Aif on his lap, pinching her soft red cheeks: "You guys live well, and when Aif grows up, she can't make her forget me."

The Iwan family went smoothly. Lu Xinyi couldn't fall asleep that night. He opened the window and watched the stars hanging in the sky with the cold wind. He exhaled slowly, knowing that Ivan had left the cage as he wished, and took Vera and Aif to a better place.

What about yourself?Lu Xinyi has always been willing to admit frankly that he is still waiting, waiting for the truck at nine o'clock under the streetlight, waiting for a love liar who turns around.

In the morning, after drinking the milk, Jay held Lu Xinyi's hand and uttered a few short syllables.

"Yes, they're gone." Lu Xinyi couldn't help the smile from the corners of his eyes, "Grandpa, I gave the silver spoon to Ayifu and told her to take it away, so that she won't forget me."

Before he could finish his sentence, the village suddenly heard fierce gunshots that could be heard throughout the village.

Before noon, news came that the anti-narcotics police broke through the village, and all 165 people in the village were shot dead due to armed arrest.Everyone in the town who heard the news shed tears at the first moment, and the scalding liquid ran across the cold white skin that had been subjected to the north wind all year round.

Lu Xinyi pushed Jay to the window and watched him stare blankly at the armored cars whizzing by.

In the cedar forest, the pulsatilla fled up and down, and the next day, Lu Xinyi found the bodies of Ivan, Vera, and Ayef among the dead.

Different from the various death conditions of other people, the three of them, no matter adults or children, had no weapons on their bodies, and were all tightly bound by military ropes. There was a burst wound between the eyebrows, because Ayef's face was too small, so One bullet nearly ruined her entire face.

They escaped from the village in the dark, but immediately stepped into the hands of the anti-drug police ambushing around.

Everyone knows that the Ivan family died in a unilateral massacre.Everyone also knows that because the massacre was perpetrated by the one who brought justice, it becomes indefensible.

After all, just before they died, they still had a lot of marijuana residues on their hands. The products they had produced caused the disintegration of countless families and the termination of countless lives. In the court of justice, they will undoubtedly be sentenced to blame themselves , death is worthwhile.

-

"I'm late." Zhou Ping said intermittently in the howling north wind, "A week ago..."

"Ayifu still doesn't understand anything." Lu Xinyi stood dumbfounded, neither struggling nor moving. Zhou Ping pressed his face against his shoulder, only the hair on the top of his head was blown by the wind, tears kept streaming, and finally found A person who could speak opened his mouth, "Ivan never told her that she was going to leave. Three days ago, on the night of leaving, they gave Ayif sleeping pills, and she was taken out of the village while sleeping in a box. of."

"This is the best." He loosely grasped the material at the back waist of Zhou Ping's coat, tears streaming down his face, but Zhou Ping could not feel his dependence, and his voice was as steady as if he was out of touch with his emotions, "At least from now on. She wasn't scared the whole time. She was brave, but not to that extent."

The two sat in a leeward corner, Zhou Ping sat on the ground, and Lu Xinyi sat in his arms.

He had lost so much weight, Zhou Ping held him in his arms, took off his coat and wrapped it around him, tried his best to shield him from the wind, his heart tightened and hurt, thinking about how he had lost so much weight, and listening to the people below report him It has been too long since the mood when he was locked in the cellar, and Zhou Ping had the urge to kill himself for the second time.

Lu Xinyi cried for a long time, her face was swollen, and she lost her voice.

But he just cried, crying as if no one else was around, Zhou Ping didn't struggle when he hugged him tightly, and there was no more communication with Zhou Ping.

It seemed that it could be any stranger at this time. After Iwan's family was buried, as long as he allowed, Lu Xinyi could cry in his arms.But there will be no more, no more.

Putting the coat on top of Lu Xinyi's head, he started to hug Lu Xinyi and walk back, still facing each other with his buttocks in his arms, his two calves dangling by his side, much like many nights before.

Zhou Ping could only try his best to take every step steadily. Lu Xinyi was so light that he was afraid that he would not be able to grasp it.

He couldn't say a single word of the speeches he had prepared before coming, and the uneasiness that had begun to accumulate after hearing the news of the accident in Ivan's family on the road gathered to its peak. He hugged Lu Xinyi in his arms, but he couldn't feel his pain anyway. near.

In front of him is a distraught Lu Xinyi, but that distraught is not for him anymore, and it seems ridiculous to explain to Lu Xinyi that he left without saying goodbye more than a year ago: just to be cautious, he can only pick you up later and take away everything The thing is to let the villagers relax their suspicion of you to the greatest extent.

A lot of pain has gathered during the time of separation. When the questions are prolonged and diluted again and again, it seems that the answer will gradually become less important.

Zhou Ping didn't dare to admit that his liking was too cheap and directional at that time.He dare not admit that he understands too late, at this time.

After being let down at the door, Lu Xinyi blocked Zhou Ping from following.

He gently pressed Zhou Ping's chest with one hand and pushed him out of the door.

"Lu Xinyi..."

"Don't come again." Lu Xinyi said softly, "Thank you today, but don't come again in the future."

Zhou Ping put one hand on the door frame to prevent Lu Xinyi from closing the door. He clenched his teeth, his face was tense, his brows were furrowed, and his chest heaved and heaved.

The two confronted silently, but Lu Xinyi appeared calmer.

Because of excessive tiredness, his face showed an unhealthy whiteness. He seemed helpless to Zhou Ping's hand blocking the door, and said pleadingly, "Can you please? I'm going to sleep."

"Lu Xinyi, don't do this."

Zhou Ping tried his best to endure the violent heartbeat.There had never been such a moment of fear in his life, when all his instincts were yelling at him, say something!say something!You're losing him, say something!

But he couldn't speak a word.

How could he use the stalking trick on Lu Xinyi who had already broken his heart?

"Jay heard you speak Russian." Lu Xinyi suddenly broke the silence and said this without thinking.

He didn't use much strength in the first place, but at this moment, Zhou Ping squeezed his wrist and dragged him to him in a docile manner.

He said in a low voice: "One day you thought he was asleep and called at home."

In a few breaths, Zhou Ping's hand on the door frame gradually tightened.He remembered this incident very clearly, also out of caution, he only called once at Lu Xinyi's house.

That was not long after Lu Xinyi took him home.

Lu Xinyi didn't lower his head, his face had an expression that Zhou Ping had never seen before, it wasn't the one that was eager, full of love, shy and provocative at times, nor was it numb and unconscious in the afternoon.

He was much more awake, but he chose not to make too many expressions, his eyes drooped slightly, because he had cried, and there were one or two strands of messy forehead hair here and there.

He backed away slowly, leaving Zhou Ping's strong but suddenly released arm: "That night, he said to me...Andre, run."

Zhou Ping's eye sockets turned red.

With the closed door lying in front of him, he stood up straight, staring at the traces left by various reasons on the weather-beaten wooden door.

A simple, vulnerable lock separated him and Lu Xinyi on both sides of the board, and with the violent wind blowing on his face, he suddenly, too late, really understood the night of Ivan's wedding, What exactly was he missing.

Lu Xinyi brought him into all her imaginations about love, and didn't doubt the ridiculously obvious loopholes, not because she was innocent or stupid, but because she was willing to believe in his gift no matter what.

How sincere you want to marry him, how courageous you are when you say you want to go with him, how much you have persisted until the last moment, and you have given all your wealth with both hands, not at all because of his superb deception.

It's love, Zhou Ping kept rolling the words in his mind that made him tear his heart out, it was the precious love that Lu Xinyi gave him but was not cherished.

Cleaner, purer, without impurities, without distractions than what he gave, no one in this world can give the same love for the second time.

In the early morning of his departure, he was full of self-confidence, but also with his usual proud insouciance.Knowing that Lu Xinyi will suffer some hardships, he also feels reluctant, but he feels that everything can be tolerated.

Only now did he realize with unprecedented clarity that he had been walking on the road of falling in love for more than a year, and only then did he realize that falling in love, a word that sounds flimsy and rotten, can turn into such two heart-wrenching words in the end. Absolutely unbearable words, with unexpected and heart-wrenching consequences.

It was unexpected for him, and heartbreaking for Lu Xinyi who was left behind that day.

Lu Xinyi already had nothing, and there were so few things on the small stalls used to collect money. The deer bracelets and windmill necklaces were all messed up in inconspicuous places.

Zhou Ping knew that it meant that Lu Xinyi no longer imagined that there was a one in ten thousand chance that he could marry him abroad, and that he no longer worried that he would take another look at others.

I no longer think about going to the south of China where it has not snowed for several years.