lovelorn too little

Ordinary people believe that at least one should be true to oneself and that betrayal is the act of a fool.

"Those who escape from the village unscathed will reveal the secrets of the village", and the villagers have followed this principle unswervingly for many years.

The day Vera gave birth to Ivan's eldest daughter, Lu Xinyi was released from the cellar by the villagers.

Ivan was waiting for him at the door of the cellar. Like the few people guarding the side, his body exuded an almost stench of marijuana.

"Vera has a daughter," Ivan said. "I'm going to make you her godfather. What do you think?"

As he said that, his eye sockets showed a kind of deep red that most Russian boys despise. Huge teardrops slid between the upper and lower eyelids, and they didn't fall down because he stared hard.

Lu Xinyi couldn't adapt to the sudden departure from the oxygen-deficient cellar environment, and at first he just stood there absentmindedly.Someone pushed him, and his body staggered forward. He half leaned against Ivan's side, grabbed Ivan's wrist, and felt Ivan's tears hit the back of his hand.

"I'm fine." Lu Xinyi said slowly, "I'm just too sleepy."

He was not beaten, but for an unknown number of days, he was exposed to strong light for 24 hours and 24 hours, and he was not allowed to rest for a second.

There was a deep exhaustion on his face, no one in the world had seen such profound exhaustion.

Ivan squeezed his shoulders tightly and led him out: "I will definitely kill him."

Lu Xinyi didn't speak.

After only two steps, Ivan picked him up, because he was completely unable to control any part of his body, and every cell was infinitely tending to go into shock and sleep.

Lu Xinyi felt that she had slept for a long time, waking up intermittently, she seemed to be sleeping when she was sitting at the table eating, she seemed to be sleeping when she was cleaning the snow in front of the door, she was sleeping when attending the baptism of Ivan's daughter, from the cedar forest Walking around at the end to look for the bamboo shoots after the rain also seems to be sleeping.

When he finally woke up from the endless sleep, spring has already come.

Spring on the border is the best time of the year in Russia. In previous years, he would go into the mountains to hunt some small animals that did not require much effort, and he could buy a large number of seedlings with only a small part of the money. , planted strawberries and raspberries before April, and if there was a little more rain in those months, it would be a sweet fall for him and Jay.

During the strawberry harvest season, one day Lu Xinyi passed by the Happy Burrito House.

"Andre!" The fat waiter rushed out to stop him, "Andre, are you okay?"

Lu Xinyi backed away a little ashamed, opened the distance between them, nodded and said, "I'm fine, how about you?"

The fat waiter looked at him with a look that Lu Xinyi couldn't understand, as if he was about to cry.

For a long time, it seemed that everyone around him looked at him like this. Sometimes Lu Xinyi felt uncontrollably irritable and sometimes uneasy.

The fat waiter told him to wait, rushed back to the restaurant and rushed out quickly, stuffing some food into Lu Xinyi's hands: "You haven't been here for a long time, take these burritos back, Jay likes them. And your beloved Caesar salad."

"Thank you." Lu Xinyi said, "But Jay eats very little recently, and I'm afraid most of them will go bad."

"It's okay," said the fat waiter, "it's okay."

"Then I will thank you for him." Lu Xinyi said sincerely.

After a moment of silence, the fat waiter suddenly grabbed his hand tightly, his plump lower lip trembled slightly like a twitch, and there was unrestrained pity in his dark blue eyes. "Oh, my child, my child," she whispered bitterly.

Lu Xinyi took his hand out of her hand and said politely, "Goodbye, Anna."

He didn't have much money in his hand, he was busy between the black market and his home, one day a person who sold deer antler came up to chat, and after Lu Xinyi's precautionary politeness, he asked him: "You didn't leave?"

He was not a tall man, but a very strong man, such features are often seen in people of Germanic blood.Most of them have lush body hair, firm eyes, and even the neck, which is probably the most vulnerable part of the human body, is full of muscles.

Lu Xinyi had never seen him, but he had seen Lu Xinyi's photo.

"I helped you with the exit permit last winter. Andrei Ivanov. Ivanovich." The man's tone was full of confidence, as if he was very sure of his memory, "There is another old man."

"You didn't leave, is there a problem with the certificate?" Then he denied, "It's impossible. The certificate is true from beginning to end. How could there be a problem with the real certificate?"

Lu Xinyi said: "Yes, there is no problem with the documents. The person who took me away has repented."

The German breathed a sigh of relief and seemed satisfied that his business was in order.

Then he muttered in his heavily accented Russian: "It happens all the time," he said. "It happens all the time."

"It's very common to be let go after you've reached the threshold." After a while, he patted Lu Xinyi's shoulder unsurprisingly, "Next time, find a reliable agent."

He had already turned around to leave, but Lu Xinyi called him back again.

"What did the person who asked you to do the paperwork say?" he asked.

"That was a long time ago." The German said in a rough voice.

Lu Xinyi said, "But you still remember my name."

"That's because you have a Chinese face but a Russian name."

"What else?" Lu Xinyi said persistently, "How much money did he give you, how did you discuss the delivery date and location? He said, what is the relationship between me and him?"

"Listen," said the German, "that man lied to you, not me. You'd better find out."

Lu Xinyi said, "I know very well."

The Germanic man seemed to see that he didn't know what the purpose was. He just wanted to hear more details, and finally said patiently: "Very good. He said 'this kid may have a trip'."

Lu Xinyi stood quietly, and the German asked him, "Any other questions?"

Lu Xinyi said, "No more, thank you."

"Wait," said the German, "he's not your surrogate... More than your surrogate, is he? There's love on your pretty face when you mention him."

Lu Xinyi said, "Goodbye."

He returned home before sunset and walked on the road, thinking about that sentence all the time in his head: This kid may have to go on a trip.

He lay on the bed, spreading the fawn bracelet and windmill necklace beside the pillow.

Ivan's daughter started to walk when she was eight months old. Vera took her to Lu Xinyi's house as a guest, and carefully explored the house while leaning on the wall.

Ivan visited Jay in the house and stayed with him quietly for a while.Vera is cooking in the kitchen.

After a while, Ivan came out of Jay's room, lay on the armchair by the fireplace, and raised his calf at Lu Xinyi: "Hey."

Lu Xinyi said, "What, are you hungry?"

Ivan said: "In a few days, Friendship Harbor will smash the ice to collect fish, you go with me and help Vera's father."

Lu Xinyi shook his head: "Forget it, you can help me bring him a few cans of strawberry jam."

"Hey!" Ivan said again, "Winter is here, cheer up."

Ivan's daughter staggered into Lu Xinyi's arms, yelling vaguely, "Baby..."

That was Vera's affectionate name for Ivan, Vanya.

Everyone in the room showed comfortable smiles on their faces, and Ivan teased her to say more.

But he lost his temper again at the dinner table, threw the silver spoon on the table forcefully, frowned and shouted angrily at Lu Xinyi: "Andre! Can you cheer yourself up! Could it be that your world won't turn around again? Are you up?!"

Vera looked at the two of them worriedly, Lu Xinyi smiled at her comfortingly, and then asked Ivan helplessly: "When do you think I'm not energetic?"

Ivan stared at him with both eyes, and his words were stuck in his throat, and his flushed face became even redder with anxiety.

Lu Xinyi said, "Okay, let's eat."

Ivan shaved his hair a few times in frustration, propped his chin and turned his face to the other side. Vera called him in a low voice: "Vanya..."

His daughter immediately called out, "Baby!"

Lu Xinyi smiled. The laughter triggered something that made Ivan unbearable anymore. He turned his head abruptly, pushed the tableware in front of him, stood up and lowered his head, saying, "It's been almost a year, you Do you know that you have an ugly smile, every time you smile, it seems to say that you are dying?"

The room was suddenly quiet, and the smile on Lu Xinyi's face froze. After a long time, he gradually retracted the corners of his mouth, blinked, and moved his gaze away from Ivan.

"Ivan." Vera said seriously, "You're going too far."

They finally finished their meal in silence. Lu Xinyi held the little girl on his lap and fed her soup spoon by spoon.

But after eating, Ivan found a reason to leave in a hurry, leaving Vera and Lu Xinyi to clean up in an orderly manner in the kitchen.

"He's just worried about you," Vera said. "We're all worried about you."

There was concern without a trace of pity on her face, and her expression was as relaxed as treating a good friend who just had a mild cold.

Lu Xinyi said, "Yes, I know."

Vera put the kitchen utensils into the empty cabinet, and said to Lu Xinyi in a cheerful collision: "You just still love him, we all know that. You, it's not a big deal, but Russian men don't have this kind of love, He can't understand that Ivan hates you for loving someone who betrayed you, and he hates you for being hurt."

"Speak out, Andre." Vera said again, "Maybe it will make you feel better if you say it, love is noble and priceless, no one is qualified to judge you, not even Ivan."

After Zhou Ping left, another round of four seasons had passed on the border, and it was the first time that Lu Xinyi mentioned him to others.

"Yes, I still love him, I have always loved him." Lu Xinyi stood there straight, looking straight ahead, "It's the same as any other day before."

He was embraced by Vera, the faint smell of marijuana and the thick smell of breast milk rushed into his nostrils, tears gushed out for the first time in a year, the pain of the whole heart was paralyzed, spreading to all limbs, the pain was so painful that he could not stand Hold your feet.

Lu Xinyi only went to school for a few years, but he has read many books.But when he was a child, he didn't like to write Chinese, and would rather learn the twists and turns of Russian. Jay still had a lot of dissatisfaction with this.

It was the first snowfall in the town this winter. In the afternoon, Ivan brought people to buy most of the firewood piled outside the house, leaving enough for Lu Xinyi to burn this winter, as well as a few large banknotes. The firewood was crackling in the fireplace, and Lu Xinyi was nestled in the recliner, writing slowly and with difficulty in Chinese characters on the yellowed paper with the pen in his hand:

"Ed, it is said in a book that saying goodbye means dying a little bit. But why do I often think of being separated from you without saying goodbye, and every time I think about it, I feel a little bit dead?"

Does farewell mean loneliness and irretrievability, does cheating mean meanness and pity, and does love mean stupidity and pathetic?

There are a lot of Lu Xinyi in Zhou Ping Church. The shell casings that should have been scrapped can be shot again with some sand and some tricks. The soap made of goat milk has a miraculous effect on mosquito bites. The question he wants to know the most can no longer be asked. arrive.

Lu Xinyi can easily admit that he will never be as free and easy as Zhou Ping, and even now he can't stop thinking about the most vulgar question over and over in his head: "Have you ever loved me like I love you?" ?”