Totem

You love her more than you love me?asked the girlfriend.Wang Maoyun sat in the dark without answering.

I thought you were going to take revenge on her.girlfriend said.

I won't.Wang Maoyun said.

Maybe you have thought about it too.girlfriend said.

Wang Maoyun shook his head with a wry smile.you know me well.

Why do we do this?asked the girlfriend.

Because... Wang Maoyun paused, unable to find the right words.The girlfriend also smiled wryly.

Because we are all stupid.We are all the same, Vast Cloud.girlfriend said.

Coming out of the airport, Wang Maoyun confirmed the address again and prepared to take a taxi to Cao Mingzi's house.Passing the Sylviahotel far away on the road, looking at the masonry exterior wall, she remembered the conversation with Cao Mingzi when she came last time.

"How is it?" Wang Maoyun and Cao Mingzi sat in the bar on the west side of the hotel, facing English Bay together, not facing each other.

"Very good. The weather in Vancouver is pleasant, and it's comfortable to live in."

"Where's the child?" Wang Maoyun realized that he had forgotten the child's name when he was about to say it.

"She's fine." Cao Mingzi didn't mention it, as if refusing an intervention. "You're still young, just be healthy."

"Ah."

"When I go to Canada, I can relax and spend more time with her."

Wang Maoyun laughed when he thought of this, "Yes, you can be half a farmer here, and most of the rest can be left to those who stay in Beijing."

"Yeah, otherwise why would I go to such great lengths to set up the team? I want them so that I can properly let go of them." Cao Mingzi picked up the wine glass, didn't drink, just held it in his hand.

"Try to let go of it as much as possible." Wang Maoyun corrected.

"Well, try to let go of it as much as possible. I have to thank you for these." When speaking, Cao Mingzi stared directly at the bay.

"Thank you for what I'm doing." Wang Maoyun said, "If I knew that was your intention at the time, I shouldn't have helped you."

Cao Mingzi looked at her helplessly, smiled and shook his head.The two toasted together, but did not clink glasses.

If I knew at the time that you had such an idea, I should not have helped you.Although first of all you can still succeed without my help, it just takes longer; secondly, I can't stand on the sidelines.

You must not think that I mind if you save Lao Wu—you are so smart, you certainly don’t think so—you are saving yourself, but what I mind is that in all considerations, I am in your heart The rankings are getting backward little by little, never moving forward.I never asked the question of who is important in your heart compared to others, nor did I ask why you made such a decision at that time and at that time.When you were away, I thought about it, and I even thought about the words and sentences to ask, but when I saw you again, I decided not to ask anything.

The fact is so, does your reason change, will the fact change?Or do I forgive you for needing your confession?

Just forgiving you is hard, a war I have with myself.

"I'm sorry about that." Wang Maoyun said.

"which one?"

"That call."

"Oh, oh." Cao Mingzi woke up like a dream, and said, "Don't do this. It's not your fault. We can't completely control other people's behavior. What's more—" Cao Mingzi put down his wine glass, shook his head and laughed : "She has the qualifications to do this, isn't she? Her girlfriend cheated on her. She knows who that person is, but she is not convinced. It is actually a blameless thing to call and accuse him. Wrong, but not disrespectful. She did the right thing."

"When she told me, I didn't know whether I should be angry or not."

"Who is angry with?" Cao Mingzi said, and then did not give Wang Maoyun a chance to answer, "There is no need to be angry with anyone. We just made a choice and hurt others."

Others have hurt us too, Wang Maoyun thought, this cycle returned to the starting point and ended because of the complaint call made by his girlfriend to Cao Mingzi, even though the starting point was somewhat skewed.But she didn't say that. "She did it so rightly that I feel ashamed."

"En." Cao Mingzi didn't even open his mouth, but approved through his nose.Wang Maoyun turned his head to look at her side face, looked at it, it hurt too much, then turned to look at the blue bay.The two looked together for a long time, looked at, and thought about similar but diametrically opposed things.

There are many colors of bays in the world, and the color of sea water actually depends on the composition of the seabed.If white sand or other light-colored sand is used as the bottom, the sea water will be light blue; if it is deeper, it will be dark blue; if there are plants growing on the bottom of the sea, it will be green; if there are stones, it may be gray; If there are still fish living in the crevices, the sea water will be red.Be careful in the red bay, it is best not to boat or swim, there are fish that can prey, and there are fish that can prey.

Of course, there are also black ones - in Alaska, because the seabed is the stone left after the volcanic eruption, and the sea water is too clear, visible and open.So strictly speaking, only light blue is the safest and most comfortable.

So it is with love, which has only one way to be happy, but a thousand ways to be unhappy.

Wang Maoyun never rejects new things, technologies, methods, and buzzwords, he seems to be a person who doesn't care much about the past.Even for nostalgic songs, she is not very interested, what she hears is nothing.In fact, she also misses the past, and the core of her nostalgia is Cao Mingzi.When leaving Liz, Wang Maoyun didn't ask what happened to Cao Mingzi, but went out tacitly and went back to their respective lives.He also didn't take the initiative to invite, and waited for Cao Mingzi's call.A few days later, Cao Mingzi really invited her to dinner again, but the voice on the phone was as calm and reserved as before, so Wang Maoyun knew it was not the same as last time.

The two were talking about work.When she returned to the company the next day, she conveyed various intentions to her partner, and the partner chatted with her about the couple.As she talked, she couldn't help but want to inquire about gossip.

What happened, what happened, what did Wu Shi do to Mingzi, what should I do...

Then she began to think about a very important question: It's my business, or it's not my business.This struggle didn't last long, and before he got the answer from others, Cao Mingzi asked her to drink again.

If when we meet again, the eyes can really become indifferent, the strange is no longer familiar, maybe we can really say goodbye to the past, right?But Wang Maoyun's heart softens every time he sees Cao Mingzi's lonely and sad eyes.Cao Mingzi is so strong, she doesn't want to let Wang Maoyun share the sad things, she can't ask, she can't ask, she can only wait on the sidelines, waiting for this wall to collapse, she can prop it up .

So the two met often, often.If dating is counted in this way, then in terms of frequency, it is the period of time when the two dated the most.

"During that time, were you happy?" Wang Maoyun asked without looking at Cao Mingzi.

"Happy." Cao Mingzi answered neatly. "very happy."

"You made this choice, chose this, and made another choice, chose that."

"Well. We all make choices because of something. Because of loneliness, because of nostalgia, because of sadness, because of something else. Then we walk for a while and make the next choice. Feelings are true, choices are true, and time is also true Yes. Isn't it cruel?"

Cao Mingzi looked at Wang Maoyun's profile, maybe he noticed that Wang Maoyun had lost weight again, maybe he didn't.

"It's not time that is cruel, but people, and people need to grow." Wang Maoyun lowered his eyes.

"Yes. People want to grow up, and people will choose to live as long as possible out of biological instinct." Cao Mingzi still looked at her, "Why are you thin again?" But Wang Maoyun didn't listen.

Happy?Just be happy.During those days, Wang Maoyun used her busy schedule as an excuse to stay home and hang around when Cao Mingzi needed her.Did she not love her girlfriend at the time?Not quite, if there is no appearance like Cao Mingzi, she may live happily with each other until the accumulated love can overcome the past.Did she have no more love for Cao Mingzi?Not quite, because she didn't have a strong desire to win Cao Mingzi back from her marriage to Wu Shi in the first place.She didn't want to, and she felt that she couldn't. Most importantly, she didn't know where she and Cao Mingzi could go, or if they were fine now.Each has a career that cannot be separated for a while, and Cao Mingzi's divorce involves complicated equity distribution. I even feel that if I go back to the world of two people, Cao Mingzi and myself, this world that I can't forget will suddenly die due to excessive busyness. Collapse—love too deeply at once, the gravity is too strong, and destroy each other; if the love is not deep, the gravity is right, and it will last for a long time.

No one knew about the two of them.Walk around before and after meals, to places where few people know them from afar, and when there are few people, the car is parked far away.Wang Maoyun has passed the stage of being called "too emotional", she knows that is not the worst crime - the worst crime is obsession and recklessness.

She has some scruples, but she has to thank Wu Shi for this - otherwise she would not have the opportunity, and she would not be so unscrupulous. Cao Mingzi is evenly matched with Wu Shi at this moment, and they are evenly matched.

"Old Wu's matter has been dealt with?" Wang Maoyun asked, forgetting Cao Mingzi's question just now. "Completely dealt with?"

"I don't know. It should be said that when I left, it was dealt with. Did it happen again later?"

"No. I'm just asking."

I don't know if there are more agreements between you, how can I know if there are still things?

"Anyway, it's the other side of the ocean for you now." Wang Maoyun said, "It's all in the past."

"Start again. Live your own life well." Cao Mingzi took a sip of his wine, and the ice cubes crashed against the glass wall.

"Is this the life you want?" Wang Maoyun turned his head and asked, "Children, equity, freedom, family?"

Adorable children who belong almost entirely to you, unshakable ownership with a say, almost total freedom from interference, a satisfying "family" that exists in name only.

"It was the beginning of the life I wanted."

"Always?" Since when we met?

"No. Before...not, but then. Until now."

"Until the future."

"Until the future."

Wang Maoyun knew that Cao Mingzi was probably looking at her because he was worried about whether he would ask a question about changing his mind, so he turned back and looked at the sea——I will not ask this question again, never again, I know that in the end What works for me.

People always mistakenly think that they can choose and have choices.For example, when Wu Shi's company was in crisis, Cao Mingzi took on the big responsibility alone, and Wang Maoyun naturally tried his best to help her.It was at that time that she began to feel that she had hope of winning Cao Mingzi back, and she began to want to do so.But she needs a plan, and she doesn't want to hurt her incumbent.

The result was that the plan was not as comprehensive as the plan, and the girlfriend found out about it.At the beginning, Wang Maoyun wanted to control the influence, so as not to affect Cao Mingzi, who was already in the eye of the public opinion storm, which made his girlfriend even more angry.The girlfriend was straightforward, and after calling Cao Mingzi, she had a showdown with Wang Maoyun, and then broke up peacefully. When she left, she just sighed.

Vast cloud, take care of yourself.

There are many forms of love—looking at the closed door again, Wang Maoyun remembered that Cao Mingzi discussed this topic with her once—this is also a form, like snuffing out a candle, but not caring about the last touch blue smoke.But what is extinguished is extinguished.There will be no resurgence.

Perhaps this is also a warning.But she doesn't believe it.

Wang Maoyun started to work feverishly again, very busy.Cao Mingzi is also very busy, but the number of times the two of them meet is getting less and less. Wang Maoyun is worried that it is caused by a phone call from his girlfriend, so he wants to make up for it. .Perhaps it was at that time—Wang Maoyun guessed—that Wu Shi discovered that his wife had long known about his cheating while he was busy fighting the fire.Thinking that his wife had never complained, let alone stabbed him, and was still saving him, he was so moved that the prodigal son turned back.

It turned out that I was still one step away.And there is no way to trace back which step is missing in time.Cannot be patched.

Not long after, the husband-and-wife store that had survived the crisis re-IPOed smoothly.Wang Maoyun found out that Cao Mingzi had cashed out, but the proportion of equity held was still so high. She was a little surprised. There were various speculations in her doubts. She wanted to ask Cao Mingzi—maybe she had to build this step for herself. Only when she is good can she go up, and Cao Mingzi can't let her take care of her like she did many years ago.However, Cao Mingzi asked her out first, and then told her, yes, I have cashed out, and I am pregnant, and I am going to Canada to have a baby.

Not a word of invitation.It has nothing to do with her, she knows it very well.From beginning to end, there is no part of her in it.

Wang Maoyun chose to send Cao Mingzi off.Now she felt dignified, because the flame in her heart was completely extinguished.She didn't ask Cao Mingzi what agreement he had reached with his husband, she couldn't say it out, she could only ask with difficulty how all the arrangements of Cao Mingzi were in Vancouver.Cao Mingzi told her carefully, as if to appease her.

"I'm leaving." Cao Mingzi said at the security checkpoint.

"Ah."

"You have to take care of yourself."

"You too."

Then Cao Mingzi turned around and went to line up, before disappearing into the crowd.And Wang Maoyun returned to the car, sat in the driver's seat, looked at the steering wheel, and looked at the wall of the parking lot not far away, thinking about how to kill him.

Of course, she knows better that wanting to die is a dream at this moment, but having to live, whether it is for Cao Mingzi or for partners, colleagues, subordinates, and investors, is the reality at this moment.Between dream and reality at this moment, I don't exist, not even my tears.

"When I left, I asked you to take care of yourself. Look at you. Why are you so thin?"

Cao Mingzi continued to ask.Hearing about caring, Wang Maoyun knew that she had reassured Cao Mingzi.I have no other purpose for this trip, don't worry, I just want to see you.

"Too busy. Really."

"Not listed yet?"

"Come on, I didn't come to see you first, now there is a quiet period, and I will go directly to New York from Vancouver."

"That's good. Let's take a rest after finishing it. Have a good vacation."

"Well. I'm going to Tibet."

When Wang Maoyun got out of the taxi, Cao Mingzi stood at the door to welcome her. His figure was still the same, at 39 years old, and he was still Wang Maoyun's favorite type.