[Xunsi]May Be a Dream

It's so quiet, you can feel the emptiness around you, and you can hear subtle noises.

The air inhaled into the nasal cavity is mixed with a strange smell, a cold smell that touches the strangeness in the heart, and a smell that pretends to be clean and mixed with various flavors.

There is light, white light, but there is no light on the other side, it is so dark.

There is a square thing in front of him, with a short rope hanging down.

lights?Not open.

His heart twitched suddenly, and his body instinctively sat up quickly. What Shinji saw was the darkness in the huge room.

There was no one in the surprisingly large room, the most familiar one, the glaring bed and sheets, the low cabinet shining with stainless steel metal light, after looking around the room, he stretched out his hands and looked down in disbelief.

The lines on the palms were clearly visible under the light that penetrated. His thin body was wearing a bulky and simple patient uniform, and he slowly pressed the palms of his hands to his face. The cold touch made him tremble all over.

He is alone.

What is a dream and what is real?

He returned to that world, to the destination of countless dreams - the hospital.

There is no bright sunshine outside the window, no light fragrance of flowers in the air, no crisp birdsong in my ears, no steady breath of that person, and the temperature in that person's arms is more ethereal than a wisp of smoke.

Because of fear, I unconsciously shouted desperately: "Hey... Kaoru, Kaoru!" I kept calling Kaoru again and again, until my eyes were blurred, until I heard something dripping, until I saw the two dots on the quilt Smeared with water stains until his throat hurts, Shinji didn't get any response, nor did the echo.

"It's just a dream, it's just a dream, it's just a dream, it's just a dream, it's just a dream, it's just a dream, it's just a dream, it's just a dream, it's just a dream..." murmured, He murmured, but found that he would no longer pray in his heart, and everything was peaceful.

"It's just a dream!" The loud shouting was also swallowed by the void, he beat his legs, and gradually curled up with his legs hugged.

He fell into silence, crying was useless, anger was useless, dreams were still dreams, and he couldn't sleep forever.

To fall into a deep sleep and never wake up is death.

If so, it is a sweet death too.

"I'm so stupid...Xun, I'm gone, I'm really gone...Why, so warm?" But he still clearly remembers every word, every love word of that person, every hug of that person, Every kiss is still vivid in my mind.

Last night, the body temperature that soothed his soul was still wrapped around his body, holding his hand tightly, even with his fingertips, he could still describe it.

"Dream?" The girl's thick and indifferent voice rang in his ears.

"Ayanami?!" Shinji turned his head abruptly, only to see Ayanami sitting on a small white round chair and looking at him indifferently.

"What's going on?! Where's Kaoru?! Why are we here?" He choked up and asked excitedly.

"No. 17 apostle, the annihilation is complete." Ayanami said indifferently.

His pupils contracted, and he glared angrily at the girl and yelled, "You're not Ayanami!"

"I'm Ayanami, Rei..."

"you are not!"

He really asked the question knowingly, why did he still ask?Everything is back to square one.

This Ayanami is just a mass-produced doll and doesn't understand anything.

Time was standing still, the girl still maintained the same posture and sat upright on the chair, she did not say a few words before leaving like in the past.

Shinji sat on the bed blankly.

Don't come to anyone, don't see anyone, just be it, be it, it doesn't matter, just being in this ward is enough.

In the cold ward, there is a sense of comfort in my heart.

"Yesterday, it was my birthday, I forgot. He just looked at the file and remembered it." Shinji didn't know who to tell, he just felt happy.

"He spoke a little strangely. I didn't ask him why. He couldn't help but tell me that you forgot your birthday until it was time to go to bed at night." After a pause, he continued: "He sent A new Walkman for me, a little black square, nothing like the one Dad left."

There was a smile on his face nestled in his legs, Shinji seemed to miss the happiness of last night, and said: "Let's use the new Walkman to listen to music together, and he even put on the earphones for me with his own hands."

Ayanami didn't speak, Shinji's curled up legs were reflected in his crimson eyes, without any emotion.

The silence was like a ebb and flow of water, once again about to drown the entire room.

Suddenly, Shinji said coldly: "He's gone, I killed him with my own hands. I've been deceiving myself and others for such a long dream." Mu Ran's heart was instantly shaken, as if torn apart by invisible hands.

No one saw its blood and tears.

"Is there reincarnation?" He looked forward to the day of birth.

Year after year, reincarnation and reincarnation, until we meet again.The day when the person I love is born will also be the day that heralds my rebirth.

The man said so.

"I don't know." Ayanami replied.

She stretched out her finger and silently pointed to the door of the ward: "Outside, there may be what you want."

"I am useless, the apostles have been wiped out." Already, there is nothing that needs him, and he has nothing to need, including EVA.

Child, whose Child is he?

"Death?" the girl asked softly.

Shinji shook his head indifferently: "I don't know. I just want to be with everyone, ordinary, like a person."

"Only after the end will there be a new life." Ayanami's tone was firm.

In the midst of destruction there remains hope.

You need hope.

Death for me is the only absolute freedom.

I am very happy to meet you.

"Rebirth? Reincarnation?"

"I don't know." Her hand was still pointing at the door.

Reincarnation and reincarnation until we meet again.

If that despair-like destruction is pain, then I think so, it is pain.

At that moment, I was thinking, can I really give happiness and the future to Shinji-kun?

I like you, Shinji-kun.

I want to live, for you to live as a human being, what I need in my heart is just a little bit of you, Shinji-kun.

Shinji looked up at Ayanami hesitantly: "Dream?"

I like you, can you tell me this sentence every night?The man did it, and he could feel the fresh love in his sleep.

"I don't know." The puppet replied without moving.

"Really?" Shinji slowly moved to the edge of the bed, trying to put his feet on the ground, he didn't care about the coldness coming from the flat ground, he stood up straight, and moved forward step by step mechanically.

He walked towards the gate: "Thank you, Ayanami."

"We'll be waiting for you there." The puppet actually smiled sincerely.

The boy suddenly turned his head, and there was only a small round chair beside the bed.