【Taizhong】Desperado

Chuya Nakahara eavesdropped outside the door, while Osamu Dazai remained silent inside the house.He didn't answer any of the questions Akutagawa Ryunosuke raised, as long as it was about Nakahara Chuya, he found that he would habitually bury himself and wrap himself without revealing the slightest trace.

He didn't know what was affecting him, and most of the time he didn't sleep well enough, and had dreams again and again.At first, I thought I was overly worried about Chuya's personal safety, but after seeing him come back and nothing happened, I should have breathed a sigh of relief, but I didn't get better.

He began to frequently recall those things from a long time ago—those bloody past and pity that lingered in his long years.

Death is, without incident, the end of a person's life on earth.

Osamu Dazai believed in this before.

He looked at the boundless night outside the window. In his memory, it was the moonlit night hundreds of years ago. He thought that he would never forget those things that night. He still clearly remembered every conversation with Chuya Zhongyuan, Every breath, every tear and every pool of blood.He wished that he could only have a three-second memory like a goldfish, but the fact is that no matter how long it has passed, the slippery feeling of Zhongyuan Zhong's blood-stained hands touching the back of his hand will never go away.

The dagger used to stab Fyodor in the fierce resistance was thrown into the pool of blood by the other party with a sneer. Compared with the blood race, the power of human beings is weak and vulnerable. Chuya Nakahara must have been calmer than him at that time. Nakahara Nakahara He also found that only one of them could survive, but he calmed down. He knew very well that if he also died, it meant that Osamu Dazai, who had just been forced to become a blood clan, would not be able to survive. ?So he picked up the blood-stained dagger, held it firmly in his hand, and walked over to Dazai, covering his eyes, and whispered in his ear with a rare chuckle:

The living one will always suffer more, so let's get to you this time.

Osamu Dazai was delirious in the pain of constant anxiety, but he was still aware of Nakahara Chuya's intentions.He opened his mouth and uttered a few dry tones, but they were pale and weak, unable to change the other party's determination.

In the next second, the sweet smell of blood spread from the tip of his nose. Osamu Dazai licked the slit on Nakahara Chuya's wrist almost following the instinct of a beast. Blood flowed profusely from the deep opening. He couldn't wait to accept the opponent's The gift, the only remaining sliver of reason in his heart told him that it was too late to stop all this, but Zhong Yuanzhong also pressed him hard, not letting him leave.

He said, you are better suited to live, Dazai.

The feeling of watching Nakahara Chuya gradually lose his vitality around him made him almost go crazy with despair, but the pleasure of sweet blood pouring into his throat made him ask for more like an unknown devil.He has always hated the existence of the blood race, but now he lives on the blood of his lover like a blood race.Murder, blood sucking, and looking for the next target became the inescapable curse Fyodor gave him.

But the other party thought it was a generous gift and transformation of the human body, and even said in a crazy laugh that everything would be perfect, and Osamu Dazai would grow, become stronger, and take on a new look, becoming Fyodor Dostoev The crowning masterpiece of Ski's career.

He saw that Chuya Nakahara's life was slowly frozen in his own greed. He will never forget this incident, and he will never forgive him. Chuya Nakahara protected Osamu Dazai with death, and their positions were reversed from the very beginning. However, as the ruler, he was protected by his subordinates with blood.

Osamu Dazai's hands clenched and then loosened, and his nails sank deep into the palm of his hand again and again, and any deeper would cut through the skin and ooze blood.He felt pain, even if the wound would heal soon because of the blood race's excellent recovery ability, he would still feel pain.

This made Osamu Dazai taste the pain of death for the first time, so to some extent he hated Chuya Nakahara, a selfish coward.

In addition to this, it is a love that can never be forgotten and cannot be returned.

In the long and endless years of life to come, Dazai Osamu is alone, and can only be alone, carrying this memory and walking on, just like Nakahara Chuya's dying instructions in the blood.

He became a shameful deserter and a desperado condemned by his conscience—walking through the trees, seas and mountains on a full moon night, walking across the headlands of islands when the half moon came, and walking through the streets of the deserted city when the dawn followed the waning moon.

He always remembered the eyes of Nakahara Zhongya lying in his arms, those blue eyes seemed to have [-] words to say to himself, but in the end there was only a never-ending sigh lingering in his ears. smile.

……

Until one afternoon, he caught a glimpse of the man who had come to this world again standing beside him in front of the cashier counter of the cafe, reaching out his hand to casually take the hot coffee and sandwiches.

Nakahara, who was standing next to him again, didn't know him, but Osamu Dazai's dead soul came alive at that second.

Since then, he has hesitated whether to tell the past of the two of them in the Arabian Nights to this brand-new Central Plains Zhongye, but he finds that he cannot do it.Once they stand side by side again, it also means becoming each other's weakness again, and the pain of the past will repeat the same mistakes at any time.

What's more, he is still a complete vampire now, Dazai Osamu can't and can't selfishly tie Nakahara Nakaya to himself, he must cut off all the possibility of tragedy to ensure that each other is safe.

It wasn't until later that he discovered that he wasn't always right either.What made him feel enlightened from his self-consolation was the only one who knew his past, Oda Sakunosuke—the only one who knew told him with a smile before dying that since there was no excuse, it would be easier to live without the mask .

So Osamu Dazai carefully and tremblingly tried to take the first step, and Nakahara also agreed.But he deliberately kept the distance between the two of them, and he often sensed Nakahara Chuya's anger and disappointment at him for setting the distance.But he couldn't say what he said frankly. He was afraid that if he was controlled by hormones, the two would soon make the same mistakes, and one of them would perish.

He had known better than anyone for centuries that Fyodor Dostoevsky had never let him go.

Only this time Osamu Dazai wanted to take the initiative to avoid a miserable passive situation, but even so the most worrying thing still came.After Nakahara Zhong didn't show up in the office, he felt uneasy. He rushed to the apartment immediately, but there was no one there, and it was spotlessly clean. The bathroom glass had already been replaced with a new one, which clearly reflected that he was terrible. Extremely complexion.

Then things went all the way in the direction he feared the most.

Four hours after No.20 couldn't find anyone, Mori Ogai included Nakahara Chuya on the missing list, so he begged Mori Ogai to let him handle the matter alone.After repeated conflicts between the two, Nakahara was unwilling to open the connection channel between the two so that they could communicate with each other, but Osamu Dazai still forcibly followed the faint clues and found some clues—unfortunately, Nakahara Nakahara really It fell into the hands of the cunning vampire of Fyodor Dostoyevsky, the second time.

The only thing to be thankful for in misfortune is probably the self who deserved to die long ago.Fyodor made his pain, but also his extraordinary ability.Osamu Dazai brought the man back with scars and healed his wound with his own blood.Next, without hesitation, he entered Chuya Nakahara's consciousness with ease, penetrated into his nerves and senses, absorbed his memory, and pulled away everything related to him in Chuya Nakahara's life on his own initiative—even for a second Chung's common memory is not left to him.

He hoped that Chuya Nakahara's spirit and consciousness would no longer have the existence of "Osamu Dazai".

Fortunately you are still alive.

He lost a lot of blood that day and thought as he kissed the forehead of Nakahara Chuya, who was unconscious.

Good dream, Zhong Ye.

Then he completely severed all the connections between the two of them, even the broken pieces were cleaned up.

Raindrops fell in the late sky, taking away the familiar voice, taking away the familiar temperature, and wet the glass windows of the apartment.The rain-soaked weather is suitable for their farewell after reunion after a long absence.

……

"However, does Senior Central Plains know?"

Akutagawa Ryunosuke asked again.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke would not understand what Chuya Nakahara meant to him, just as he could not imagine how Chuya Nakahara chose to let him live a hundred years ago.This past was hidden by Osamu Dazai for years, and now even the only insider is dead, and Nakahara will not remember their previous two entanglements that could not be settled.

The Osamu Dazai that Nakahara Chuya knew now was just the Osamu Dazai who was like a blank sheet of paper in front of him.

That's enough, he thought with a smile.

"He doesn't know, and won't know."

How could he put the person he cared about most in danger again?The one who always had that proud look in his eyes, the one he'd kept in his heart for so many years.

to be continued.