triumphant sister

It will turn yellow to turbid, black hair will change to white hair, from clean, fresh and soft to dull, dry and ugly dying body, we are synonymous with tragic freshness, we are all walking on this road , it is necessary to fight a hopeless battle, then let’s define it in another way.

Liu Xingnan recalled a text that Gu Chengen sang in Chinese class. Everything was fine until the tone started to turn high.

Gu Chengen: "Turn to Zhuge, a lowly Qi household, and sleepless nights."

Everyone: "Turn to Zhuge, low Qihu, Zhaowuwu~~~"

Gu Cheng'en: "There should be no hatred... Puff! Wow ha ha ha ha ha!"

Everyone: "..."

She couldn't hold it back, she just couldn't stop laughing.

The libretto is called "May I Live Long".

Chapter 3

The third letter:

The temperature is 99 degrees, the moon is shining brightly, and hysteria occurs in the middle of the night, only because the love is Qing.

Xingnan, the moon this summer is round and big, not reserved at all, it doesn’t look like a moon at all, it still stops by my window and refuses to leave, the last time I saw such a non-reserved moon was when I was a child, a power outage At night, the brothers and sisters of the neighbors went to the development zone to have fun. At that time, the so-called development zone was just a few stalls with mutton skewers, but they always had a way to have fun. Now think about the neighbors and sisters at that time It’s just a group of eighteen or nineteen-year-olds, the ones who know how to have fun the most, as old as I am now, but at the age of eight or nine, I was lying on a mat on the still warm white cement platform, Next to me are the big and small slippers I stepped on, and there are probably a few tender watermelon seeds stuck to my body. In my hand is a cold flashlight with AA batteries. Its beam can pass through my hands, turning my hands like A piece of transparent red jade, and moved his hand away, its beam of light disappeared into the black night sky not far away.

Dad sat on the table next to him, holding a large bowl in his hand and eating a bowl of noodles super loudly. He would say the stars in the sky as "Xuxiu". , is more beautiful than the stars, peanuts are "long fruit", coriander is "coriander", he is not like me, there is a small fault of the Milky Way, what he said is true, long and long, and every word has its source of.

At that time, the moon was as big as a quilt, and it got bigger and bigger as I looked at it, and my eyelids were covered when I looked at it. The smell of cement, watermelon, bamboo mat, and palm sunflower made me sleep soundly.

This kind of sleep is no longer an extravagant expectation. Now I just hope that I don’t wake up at three o’clock in the morning, listening to the snoring of my classmates around me, and all the incompleteness of today floats up in my mind again, and then I am overwhelmed by a feeling called despair. Cover, I hope you will never have such a night, I am really afraid of the moon at three o'clock in the morning.

A recent high school mental health test organized by the school seems to have found the answer to this dominant sleep problem. My test results are: adolescent depression, severe maladaptation.

Since then, another male classmate and I have become the key "case" that the female doctor is particularly concerned about, and I contacted the parents. After the weekly mental health education class, the doctor left us a private conversation time. The female doctor has a double look The eyes are very smart, the hands crossed on the table are steady, confident and confident, telling us that we can talk about anything, but unfortunately, most of the time I keep silent and I can’t give the doctor too much A sense of accomplishment, fortunately another "sissy" who is always squeezed by other students, he quickly leaned towards this pair of eyes that were so smart that I thought they were burning, and became a confession that suddenly exploded after being suppressed for too long. We talked about it all the way to the anal expander, and he couldn't wait to fit the classification that the doctor had already made for us, which became a perfect case.

After another class, he finished talking again and walked out with a face of satisfaction and hope. His mother was left by the doctor to talk alone. I sat on the sofa in the distance with a cup of scented tea given by the doctor. All good, the mother is very grateful to the doctor for taking special care of her son, saying that the son is willing to talk to her more now, and they went shopping last time, and while they were talking about shopping, the mother suddenly broke down and started crying, and then The words are broken and messed up.

"I tried hard...I accepted him, just as I re-acquainted with my son, let him be what he is, we go shopping, look at a T-shirt, I let him choose a color, he carefully followed me Said, 'Mom, I think pink suits me well', he told me very carefully, I know what he meant, but I... felt sick, I felt sick in my heart at that time, I couldn't help it, I couldn't help it …Doctor, I didn’t expect this to happen to my son, I don’t understand why?”

I looked at my mother who was crying so hard that she couldn't straighten up at the table, and put down the tea in her hand. I'm not used to drinking roselle here.

When I went out, I saw him waiting alone in front of the mirror at the corner of the stairs, raising his feet in front of the mirror, walking gently like a cat, as if he was practicing something, he saw me in the mirror, I smiled at him Then he said to him who turned his head: "Do you think that God is very naughty. He once struck a man seven times with lightning, but he didn't kill him. In the end, he scared the man to death."

He looked at me inexplicably, opened his mouth in bewilderment, and raised his hands to grab the sparse hair that could barely cover his high sideburns. His raised elbows were slender, which made me feel distressed.

God is so naughty, he will put the chromosomes in the wrong order, and put a woman's soul into a man's body.

My question needs to be contextualized, not handed over to damn probabilities.

That was the last time I walked into that conversation room, the first time I hated blue so much, there was a lot of blue deliberately, I want to ask the doctor, do you know what it is like to really calm down?It's the kind of calmness at three o'clock in the night, where even the soul is settled, and there is real blue.

Xingnan, don't worry, I think the only person who can dissect himself clearly is himself, and the only person who can make himself invulnerable is himself. Maybe this invulnerability will become invulnerable in the eyes of his father and doctors, but I Know that I will heal in my own way.

You are just not happy, I am afraid that the word depression is also weighing on you,

If there is a little qi stagnation and liver stagnation, come, touch the small heart with your hands, take a deep breath, and ventilate;

Don't think about the permanently damaged brain nerves and the side effects of Traserline,

Don't think about how many years you've been swallowed and covered or how you can get it done without pain,

Don't think about this big black dog, I can't drag it anymore, pet the dog more, dry the quilt, and smell the oranges;

Don't identify with the low self that "you" identifies with, don't let it dictate you;

Don't be afraid of loneliness, you can not only eat alone, but also eat five people alone;

Don't think about why you are so wronged, because the more you think about it, the more wronged you become.

Don't think oh my god!Mommy God!Why only give me milk and not honey?

Don't think that the world is full of wind or paranoia in this era, my life will not be long,

write something,

For example, your "God", TA has a cloudy temperament but will always look at you, TA suppresses you and waits for you to understand clearly before hoping for you to bounce back,

For example, TA will not create such a cute you for no reason,

Like, Mephisto fuck your nihilism, it all must make sense.

How to deal with anything, don't worry, knowledge and action should be one;

Both civilization and madness take time, don't just look at the back of the moon,

Don't stare at the shore with your eyes open in the middle of the night, this time let the consciousness come first,

Say "It's not your fault" eight hundred times,

Then, wait for the day of recovery;

You may be out of the valley, but you can't get out of the valley for a while,

Don't give up, look at these signs of courage, encouragement, chirp chirp;

Worst of all, let the gene guarantee the end, this is really not just you,

Assuming that you have cultivated the public philosophy of "acceptance" in advance,

You beat me up, you can't beat me~

Together we will,

take it easy

I'm not insincere, pretending to be relaxed,

I want you to take it easy,

There is really no absolute in this world, there is a corner of life,

And after that there is no end to life.

How about it, this is Gu Chengen's story of killing dogs at the bottom of the valley.

2011.6.29

Zhou Xu and his father were chopping scallions to make stuffing. Each of them held two kitchen knives and took turns to serve them. Even so, they were still teary from the heat. Liu Xingnan and Aunt Qin were in charge of making stuffing.

"Aunt Qin, you pack really fast, and your hands are much more skillful than mine."

"You have been going to school outside, and the more you practice, the faster you will improve. I can make bags, but I can't roll the skin. After so many years, I'm fifty, and I haven't learned how to press the scorpion with one hand."

"I remember the first time I made dumplings. I was at school when I was in junior high school. The school organized it during the winter solstice. In the end, it was a pot of soup."

Aunt Qin's laughter was hearty. Liu Xingnan had an impression of this laughter. When her parents were divorcing in the third year of junior high school, she went to see this woman secretly. She had heard people say that her father met Aunt Qin when she was buying electrical appliances. Yes, she went to that shopping mall, and when she arrived at the electrical appliance sales area, she recognized Aunt Qin without much effort. She was wearing a string of southern reds that her father had bought. If you don't like it, just put it in front of the Buddha head sculpture on the incense table.

It must have been a while since my father gave it to this woman, because the bracelet is much brighter than before, and it fits well on the woman's chubby forearm.

After watching this incident, Liu Xingnan came to the conclusion that, apart from being a little fairer than her mother, that woman had no advantage over her mother.