[Shenya] Aphasia

When the last yellow leaf fell from the sycamore tree, when a gust of wind suddenly lifted the thin woolen skirt of the girl wearing glasses on the street, the British Isles also ended the refreshing autumn.The southward current of the North Atlantic Ocean and the warm westerly wind from the Irish Sea reached the central mountains and turned into rain. The length of the night began to show its weight, and a pair of invisible hands quietly set back the hour hand of the seasonal cycle.

People in the city began to wrap all kinds of woolen fabrics on their bodies, and schools and companies began to adjust their schedules. The cold seemed to be caught off guard, but they were preparing for it.

Allen packed some out-of-season old clothes and planned to take them out to donate to the community welfare association. After the work, he was out of breath, and his throat was stinging from the rapid breathing in the cold air.He opened his eyes wide and looked at the gray sky, the clouds were thick enough to squeeze out water.

The rabbi called yesterday, complaining repeatedly about the lingering rain and freezing morning fog in London, and at the same time reminding Allen to remember to add clothes and quilts by himself, he is not capable of going all the way to make an appointment for a doctor for him.The chatter on the other end of the phone made Allen, who was already not active, even more dizzy.

Allen was bored by himself, so he took out the account book to budget for Christmas expenses, remembering everything in the book... He tried to keep himself busy so as to ignore the feeling of being cold even when the heating was turned on.

In fact, Kanda once made a phone call.

"Bean sprouts, are you okay?"

"Just open your mouth to ask if others are okay. You are the only one I know. And please call me Allen, Stupid Kanda." Allen held up his mobile phone to express his strong dissatisfaction.

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a long time, and for the first time, he didn't intend to argue with him, and the atmosphere suddenly became a little awkward.

"When does vacation start?"

"almost."

"..." Allen took a deep breath and said loudly, "If you are so perfunctory with my questions face to face, I swear I will stab you in the stomach, just use the tea set I bought two months ago."

"If you threaten me in the face, I'll beat you before you pick up the tea set."

Allen rolled his eyes.

"Go back to Japan?"

Kanda shook his head on the phone, and then realized that the other party couldn't see: "No."

"If you're okay, spend Christmas with me." Allen asked cautiously, "They're all gone, it's miserable living alone, hahaha."

"……understood."

Allen couldn't remember the last year when he prepared Christmas for himself.

It was only when he walked into the Christmas sale area of ​​the shopping mall that he suddenly felt strange.How big should a Christmas tree be?Tree top sticky star or Cupid?How many colors are there for the colored balls and lanterns?Turkey or goose for dinner?What kind of jam should I buy?How far should gift wrapping paper be stretched?Do you want to bring a bottle of spray paint back to renovate your walls? …As if he had never experienced Christmas before, he stood there blankly pushing an empty shopping cart, as if he had been emptied into another world by the buzzing sale area.

After all, as far as the eye can see, the crowd is constantly coming and going in twos and threes, and he seems to be the only one who comes out to purchase alone.Kanda hasn't had a holiday yet, and doesn't even have a partner to discuss with.

In fact, Allen does not celebrate Christmas alone every year as he said. Most of the time he will go to church to participate in singing parties, and then he is too busy to breathe for charity performances.The nuns will prepare dinner and snacks for everyone, and organize the singing of hymns on time, so that you will not be too lonely throughout Christmas Eve.

Since Kanda agreed, he declined the church invitation on the phone.So, he just didn't know how to live at home.

Maybe it's good to experience it once.

Allen rubbed a biscuit crumb he took out from his pocket, thinking with his head down.

In the end, it was a warm-hearted couple who saved Allen—they led him to purchase together, explained to him the types and differences of the products, quietly waited for him to make a decision when he had difficulty choosing, and finally helped him to make the purchase carry things into the car.During the entire purchasing process, the couple did not raise any questions about the teenager who came out alone to buy Christmas, and they forced him half a ham when they parted.

"May God bless you!" Allen was so grateful that he finally finished the purchase successfully.And with their timely suggestions, the cost is much lower than his own random account book.

Allen gave a thorough cleaning and then repainted the entire interior of the house.This process took several days, so when Kanda opened the door with the key and walked into the living room, the first thing that caught his eye was not a clean and new house, but a white-faced man covered in wall paint, holding a brush Allen was so tired that he collapsed to the ground.

However, the moment the white-faced man saw Kanda, his legs stretched and his eyes lit up.

"Bean sprouts, you are so stupid." Kanda stared at the person under his feet, the clothes were dyed so that the original color could hardly be seen, this degree of sloppiness obviously involved the technical level of this person's wall painting.

Allen waved the brush in his hand angrily: "There is hard work without credit, okay? It's as if you are good at painting walls."

"I can't, so I will choose to ask the workers for help instead of making myself so embarrassed." Kanda carried the bag and tiptoed upstairs to the bedroom, without looking at him again, let alone offering a helping hand.

So when he cleaned up the scene and changed into a suit of clothes, it was getting late.After packing up the dinner, Kanda went into the house, and habitually turned the lights in the living room to the darkest setting. The room was filled with warm light yellow lights, and in the middle stood a dark green fir tree, pruned into a standard cone shape.

Allen came out from behind the tree carrying a ladder, and looked at Kanda with a strange expression.

"Come here and help me decorate the Christmas tree."

The young man looked at the man standing in the shadows, his body was covered with lantern ribbons, and he seemed to be thinner than a ladder, he shook his head helplessly.

The neon lights of the store flickered, forming fluffy balls of light through the tulle curtains of the floor-to-ceiling windows.The children in the next door house practiced the song "When Christmas Comes to Town" from "The Polar Express" for community activities, and the immature children's voice echoed intermittently on the street.

"Let's go shopping for gifts tomorrow." Allen raised his head and tied a doll elk to a branch.

Kanda raised his eyebrows and stopped what he was doing. He was holding a bunch of tangled bunting, and there were two neatly arranged strings hanging around his neck.

"I thought gifts should be bought separately."

The hand tied to the doll paused: "I mean, we can go the same way, and then choose and pack separately, and then come back together."

Kanda rolled his eyes without comment, and the young man bit his lip from the corner of his eye.

When hanging the lanterns, Allen set up a ladder. He stepped on the ladder, clinging to the light rope, and wrapped it round and round at the top of the Christmas tree.Kanda squatted in the corner and installed the power supply, turned the switch, and the crystal clear LED lights glowed in brilliant colors, and the five-pointed star on the canopy also lit up.

Allen stepped on the ladder and looked down, and the Oriental man just raised his head with a question. The light reflected his face red and green, and Allen couldn't help but burst out laughing.

"Kanda, you look so stupid."

Kanda frowned: "Bean sprouts, are you looking for death, where do you think you are better?"

Allen giggled and climbed down the ladder: "I'm going to make coffee."

What a weird feeling.

As he turned on the tap to rinse the cup, Allen thought silently.

He could easily find that since returning from vacation, Kanda was not very happy to quarrel with him, and even when he bickered occasionally, he used an understatement tone, which was completely different from the strong dissatisfaction hidden in the past.A certain emotion is stagnated in my heart and has nowhere to vent, it is really uncomfortable to scratch my heart.

Where is the mistake?He was puzzled.This confusion lasted until the next day, when he waited for Kanda to come over at the appointed street garden with the exquisitely packaged gift box in his arms.The man was wearing a long black coat, and his ponytail was tied behind his head with red tassels, but he didn't look tacky at all.The thing he was carrying was bigger than even the one in his hand, and it was wrapped in a dark cloth bag, as if he was afraid of being seen as what it was.

"A stern guy." Allen curled his lips and whispered to himself.

Kanda's angle of view can only see the side face of the boy. He is sitting on the wrought iron bench beside the gravel road, holding the gift box on his lap with both hands. He is wrapped in a thick woolen scarf, half of his face buried Inside the scarf, something seemed to be muttering, certainly not a good one.

"What did you say?"

Allen squinted at him: "Nothing."

Kanda sat next to Allen indifferently.A flock of white pigeons gathered in the open space in front of them, they seemed to be regular visitors here, because they could get rich food from passers-by.Sure enough, the people around saw the group of greedy white birds bouncing towards him, took out a small bag of cornflakes from his pocket like magic, and sprinkled them one by one.

"You..." Kanda was tongue-tied, "What a strange hobby." He thought of the scene when the guy was feeding swans by Lake Windermere when he first met, and the two figures gradually overlapped.

Allen shrugged and explained: "I thought I might prepare food for some stray cats and dogs when I came to the city, but now... since there are no cats and dogs, the pigeons are fine."

The rabbi's words echoed in Kanda's ears again, and he was suddenly a little irritable.The people around him seemed to be having fun, so they simply picked up a handful and approached the ground, and while the pigeons were pecking at his palm, they secretly touched their silky satin-like necks with their fingertips.

"The plane crash two months ago," Kanda said suddenly, "your father was in it, right?"

Allen's eyes widened, and he slowly straightened up.

Kanda was pleased with the response.The young man looked over with a mixed expression of doubt and surprise, so he had no choice but to explain: "You called out a name when you were drunk. There is a person named this in the lost contact list, surnamed Walker."

"..."

Kanda sneered: "So your concealment is useless at all, isn't it? It can't be watertight. Your self-righteous protective shell only protects your self-esteem."

"What are you talking about..."

The white pigeons surrounded on the ground obviously got a little impatient to wait, and they spread their wings and flew up, landed on Allen's arms, shoulders, and gift boxes, and pecked at the cornflakes in his palm, and flapped their feet all the time if they couldn't stand still. Wings, soft feathers suddenly fell down.The suddenly reduced eating space made these white birds very dissatisfied, and one even took Allen's loose white hair as an unfriendly kind, and opened its mouth to pick up a pinch, which made Allen's scalp hurt.

Seeing this situation, Kanda couldn't help but slow down his tone after being surprised: "He's dead, you will feel uncomfortable no matter what, a guy like you who can't even bear to hurt an ant."

Allen froze.

"It has nothing to do with you." He tossed the remaining corn flakes into the distance, shook off the pigeons on his body and stood up, with a cold flame clearly burning in his lead gray eyes, "You are the one who thinks right, Kanda, why bother?" Private matters that others are unwilling to say, and even draw irrelevant conclusions arbitrarily."

After the white dove flew away in all directions, Kanda finally saw the person in front of him clearly. He seemed very angry, and his whole body was trembling with anger.His scarf, hair, and coat were covered with white feathers, making him look distressed.

"I'm telling you," Kanda's face darkened, "You regard all life as treasure, but hide yourself. This kind of stupid behavior will only hurt yourself twice."

Allen's face turned cold, and he swung his clenched fist with the sound of howling wind.Kanda frowned, grabbed his wrist accurately, and clasped it behind his back.Allen heard his joints click, and the pain spread from his shoulder.

"You can't beat me, Bean Sprouts." Kanda's voice came from the top of his head, colder than the wind in the square, "I haven't been forced like this in 20 years, won't I be suffocated? No wonder my brain is not good make."

A sense of fear overwhelmed me.

In his heart, a door that he thought was tightly closed was roughly pried open, and dazzling light rushed in through the gap. The strange tingling sensation made Allen want to escape.

A few strands of white hair drooped to cover his face, Kanda couldn't see his expression clearly, he could only clearly feel the guy's resistance.It probably hurt him, Kanda thought so, and let go of his hand.

Allen staggered back a few steps, breathing heavily.

"If there's anything I owe you, it's probably because I didn't cook enough noodles to satisfy your taste." He smiled self-deprecatingly, "The rest has nothing to do with you."

"Christmas is over, you should find another place to live, I don't want to live with a person who prys into my privacy at any time. This is my unilateral breach of contract, double liquidated damages and this month's boarding fee, I will transfer to your card in time superior."

What a failure.

Kanda looked at the back of the boy running away, thinking in a daze.

Since birth, Yu Kanda has been warned by his family that no matter how close he is with people, he should keep a distance.Everyone has their own private space, sacred and inviolable.

However, all these warnings came to naught in front of this man.

Kanda disagrees with Allen's mode of survival.A beggar will not feel humiliated by the ridicule of the rich, and puts himself in an absolutely humble position, so he can tolerate any attack and therefore does not feel pain.It was a [-]% inequality, and he was full of confidence in his ridiculous survival mode, and he did not allow anyone to be left behind.Kanda was furious about this, and frantically tried to destroy him to prove him wrong.

Allen did what any normal person would do—banished and fled.

Perhaps, he struck too hard and did the damage.Because until dark, Allen did not go home.

Not knowing how many calls came from that number, Allen walked to a familiar apartment and was stunned.

The rabbi is obviously in London, why is he here?

He sat on the ground leaning against the wall of the corridor in frustration, grinning and rubbing his still red and swollen shoulders.The surrounding families seemed to welcome distant relatives, and the laughter of children and adults came and went at the other end of the door, which was very lively.Allen pricked up his ears and listened for a while, then hugged himself tighter, his shoulders twitched slightly.

The phone vibrated briefly in his arms, and he opened a new message.

"return."

The corridor was damp and cold, and he kept staring at those two words, and he didn't delete the text message. The mobile phone kept going to black screen, and he kept pressing it to turn on.Like a cold and hungry little girl staring at the firework of a match in her hand.

Allen didn't eat dinner, it was almost late at night, but he was really cold and hungry.When the number flashed on the screen again, he sniffed and pressed the answer button.

There was also silence on the other end of the phone.

"I'll be alone for a while, and I'll be back tomorrow."

"what time tomorrow?"

"……afternoon."

Kanda took a deep breath on the other end of the phone, trying to calm down the violent emotions: "Tomorrow is the 24th."

"I know," Allen said wearily, "I'll be back."

After hanging up the phone, he moved to a corner where no one passed by, curled up, and buried his head in his arms.

Allen woke up from the cold in the early morning.

The phone has run out of battery and is turned off, so I can't check the time.Rubbing his hands and cursing what he did, he looked up to see a thick layer of mist outside the ventilation window at the end of the corridor.

He stayed for a while, then ran out of the apartment.

The eyes are pure white, flying catkins all over the sky, and a thin layer has accumulated on the street, which shows that it has been falling for a long time.The cold air pouring into his nasal cavity made Allen wake up a lot. He put his frozen hands into the scarf and covered his neck to keep warm, but he shivered from the cold.

It was still dark, and there were no shadows of motor vehicles on the street, only the dim light of street lamps.Allen gritted his teeth, raised his legs and walked home, leaving a series of wet footprints on the sidewalk.

Kanda, who has always been sensitive, was awakened by the noise of the door downstairs and thought he had encountered a thief. He asked through the door, "Who is it?"

The movement on the other side of the door disappeared for a while, and a weak voice came: "It's me... my hands are frozen, and I can't open the door."

Kanda opened the door, met Allen just looking up, and said apologetically, "I'm sorry for disturbing your sleep..."

Before he finished speaking, he was dragged into the house, Kanda grabbed his hand, and when he touched the cold side, he retracted as if being shocked by an electric shock.

"where did you go!"

Kanda yelled angrily, and before he could answer, he pointed at his nose: "You change my clothes and wait, don't sleep." After saying that, he rushed into the kitchen.

Allen froze for a moment, nestled on the sofa, feeling like being in a swaddling baby with the heating, and his limbs felt comfortable.Seeing that he was about to fall asleep, he suddenly remembered Kanda's roar, so he had to brace himself up and go back to his room to change out of his snow-soaked coat and pants.

Back in the living room, Kanda was already sitting on the sofa with his arms crossed, and there was a large cup of steaming milk on the table.He raised his chin: "Drink."

Allen knew he was wrong, and his stomach twitched from hunger, so he obediently picked up the cup and drank.The hot steam from the milk steamed his eyeballs, and he almost wanted to shed tears. He blinked vigorously, and from the corner of his eye, he saw the beautifully decorated Christmas tree on the balcony and the gift boxes piled under the tree, and suddenly felt guilty: "I'm sorry."

Kanda just looked at him with a frown, watching his dark blue lips gradually turn bloody.

After drinking the milk and being given a bowl of anti-cold medicine, Allen was allowed to sleep. On the morning of the 24th, Kanda, who had prepared breakfast, tiptoed into the bedroom on the first floor, looked at the sleeping boy in a daze for a long time, put his hand on his forehead to test it, and then let out a long sigh of relief.

Everything today was as usual, Allen slept until noon, and when he woke up, the snow outside the window had already accumulated a thick layer, the sky and the ground were completely white, and there were sporadic figures walking inside.The music came from nowhere, playing Christmas songs sung by various popular stars, but the stereo was worn out, and the sound was intermittent, as if it had melted into the snow.

Kanda was bored in the living room, drinking wine and flipping through TV programs. When Alian saw the bottle of Prosecco on the table, he couldn't help laughing: "I didn't expect you to drink bubbles."

"You drank half of it and put it in the refrigerator, okay?" Kanda glanced at him, "I just don't think it's necessary to open a new bottle."

Allen rubbed his nose, sat next to him, and took out a glass: "Give me some too."

Kanda quickly patted his hand holding the wine bottle: "Have breakfast."

Allen stared at his empty glass in displeasure, stood up and walked to the dining table. In addition to a small plate of fruit, two slices of bread and a poached egg, there was actually a cup of cheesecake on the table.

"You did?" He was surprised.

The people in the living room ignored it.

Allen sat down and took a sip, the corners of his mouth curled up: "It's so sweet. How do you know that I like cheese the most?"

"I don't know." Kanda replied casually, seeing Pantomime in a strange costume on the TV, and changed another channel, which was broadcasting local news.

Allen narrowed his eyes and couldn't stop smiling.

As soon as the sky turned dark, Allen couldn't wait to turn on the lights of the Christmas tree, carols were sung on the TV, Kanda was busy in the kitchen, and by the way, he drove out the guy who was about to go in to help make things worse.The smell of mince pie and roast goose gradually wafted from the kitchen.

"It would be nice to have a Christmas dinner every day."

Allen ate happily at the table.

"That will tire you to death, idiot bean sprouts."

"You bastard..." Allen picked up his wine glass, the red wine in it glowed seductively.He cleared his throat and said seriously, "Thank you, Kanda."

Kanda lightly clinked glasses with him.The crisp sound of glass colliding always echoed in the ears, lingering.

Intermittently on TV, a Christian being interviewed recited his lines: We are full of goodwill, full of faith, we cherish each other, God will take care of us, clothe us, love us, give us hope, and the pain will always be buried in yesterday , Tomorrow is a better future.

When the midnight mass in the church began, the snow on Christmas Eve was still falling quietly, just like God washed the world, burying all the filth in such pure whiteness.The glass of the floor-to-ceiling windows was covered with white mist, on which a mischievous smiling face was drawn with fingers.

Allen gave Kanda a pen and a notebook with a calfskin cover, while he received a pair of fleece leather boots.

"These shoes are thick and heavy, do you want me to die from walking?" he complained, frowning.However, there was no one in the living room, and his complaints could only be to himself.

"Where did that guy go?"

Allen grunted, and sat down on the floor to unpack the box, leaning against the Christmas tree, and put his boots on his feet.At this moment, the lights suddenly went out.

"The power went out?" He subconsciously touched the radiator, just in time to hear a click, and a candle was lit in front of him, reflecting a cream cake covered with fruits.

"Hello," Kanda Yu's flat and awkward voice came from next to his ears, "Happy birthday, bean sprouts."

-TBC.