I'm still doing fine

Si Jian is always ashamed to admit the past, and he is also very bad at dealing with complicated tender feelings. Most of the time, he goes straight and a little presumptuous, as if he doesn't care about anything except what he cares about right now.

But in fact, the brothers who have been with him for many years, everyone knows that he is a long-term and dedicated person with a lot of taboos, and he once had a boyfriend.

That was the only person who had settled down in his heart for a long time.

Reluctantly thinking about Li Jian's unrecyclable humanoid garbage, Si Jian frowned and pushed the door into his room, turned around and fell into the quilt, with his mouth and nose stuck in the soft fabric.

He was filled with warm carbon dioxide between breaths, which made him a little dizzy, and he was probably angry.

Li Jian is a straight man, of course, before meeting this man, Si Jian himself was also.

He still remembers at the beginning of high school, when he was listening to the weekly psychological counseling class, the young female teacher stood on the podium and concluded, "In our psychology, homosexuality is just as normal as heterosexuality. Phenomenon. But that’s not the case with bisexuality, which falls under the category of abnormal psychology.”

At that time, Si Jian was holding a ballpoint pen in his mouth, and the nib of the pen was raised as he clenched his teeth. He kicked the leg of the stool at the same table, and said casually, "What's the use of this inexplicable class?"

He thought that these things would never have anything to do with him.

But the operation of the world may indeed follow Murphy's Law. The more certain something will not happen, the more likely it will hit him on the head. Si Jian was soon slapped in the face.

As he snorted and held the bowl, drank the last sip of the longevity noodle soup, marking the day when he officially entered the age of 15, there was a lot of noise outside the door, and the noise of metal collisions came from time to time.

Si Jian turned off the TV, pulled on the slippers and opened the door to look out, unaware that the calm and broad figure a few steps away was about to blend into his life.

At the age of 27, Li Jian moved into the opposite door of Si Jian's house with his thin and short mother.

There are not many residents in the old family home, and each building has only 6 floors, so there is no elevator installed. His mother Zhang Xiaoying was uncharacteristically enthusiastic and straightforward, pushing him to give some small things to the neighbors. She said with a smile, "A distant relative is not as good as a close neighbor. Everyone gets along well and takes care of each other.”

When Si Jian knocked on the door of Li Jian's house with a basket of eggs, he was still a little puzzled. He didn't understand why his mother looked so happy.

Until the door opened in front of your eyes, revealing a stooped figure in the smoky kitchen, a greeting came out clearly, "Mom! You are busy, I will open the door!"

He suddenly vaguely understood that the mother who married far away, apart from the father's family, had never had a very considerate companion, and she was probably a little lonely.

So Si Jian opened his mouth, and the first sentence he said was not self-introduction, "Auntie just moved here, and she is not familiar with the place. If you need any help, just go to my mother. She is at home every day."

Li Jian was taken aback for a moment, and pushed the door further open, "You are..."

"Oh, I live at the opposite door." Si Jian blinked, came back to his senses, pointed in the direction of his home, and raised the bamboo basket in his hand, "I'll send you something."

Li Jian bowed slightly, without hesitation, took the things from his hand, pushed the door to get out of the way, and the corners of his mouth were slightly curved, "Thank you. If it's convenient, come and have a meal together, call on Uncles and aunts together."

So the "egg diplomacy" brought a simple moving dinner, and the only son, Si Jian, seemed to have a big brother from that day on.

Zhang Xiaoying sometimes chooses dishes to gossip with Li Jian's mother, and always says, "You Li Jian are very capable and can manage my family. You haven't seen it, this kid has a big temper at home!"

Si Jian didn't like to hear his mother arrange himself like this, but one time he happened to go upstairs with Li Jian, Li Jian patted his head when he heard this, and said "Really?" with a smile on his lips, he softened his attitude, Dissatisfaction and awkwardness all flew away without a trace.

He shook his head, his hair rubbed against Li Jian's palm, and he didn't realize the reason why he obeyed Li Jian's words.

In fact, Zhang Xiaoying was right. Si Jian did not obey discipline during his rebellious period. He went to a very good high school, but he was impetuous and unwilling to study steadily when he entered school.

He grew up to that age smoothly and never suffered setbacks, so he had to pretend that he didn't care, as if he could change the facts by being careless.

When he was caught in the vicious cycle and couldn't extricate himself, he saw a poem by Xi Murong, and felt like it was a diary written by himself-sitting at the desk and looking out the window, thinking that no matter what he did, it was more interesting than reading.

At that time, Si Jian was on the tip of his horns. He hid a small MP4 in the class that he couldn’t learn. He kept it in his pencil case and watched movies. He comforted himself by imagining himself. .

Fortunately, he is just a little reckless, but on the surface he seems to be obedient. He has a heart that wants to roam the rivers and lakes, fight and fight, but he does not have the courage to be sworn brothers and join gangs. He can only be the spiritual Chen Haonan .

Before meeting Li Jian, the only man he recognized was Brother Tao from the school.

Brother Tao always wears a pure black T-shirt in his school uniform jacket. He goes to school every day and rides a rough and minimalist painted motorcycle. Every time he ignites and starts, it feels like a thunderbolt has exploded in the engine. Even the arrogant Uncle Wu from the Security Section Blocked at the door, he could only speak a few words if he had more energy than he wanted.

At that time, Si Jian was still wearing a blue and white face pocket with the same polyester short-sleeved shirt inside. Standing in the sun in summer, he could sweat all over his head and face. He rode a bright yellow folding bicycle to school every day Every time it rains, I always splash myself with mud. When I go to school humming, if I forget to get off at the school gate, I will yell a few words at Maimang with the needle tip of Uncle Wu.

He thinks Brother Tao is a ruthless character, but after all, he has some bones and doesn't want to be a dog licker, so until Brother Tao was taken away by the police car that drove into the school and completely disappeared from the students' sight, no one knew that Si Jian once admired a "" terrorist".

Except Li Jian.

The most unpromising moment in Si Jian's life was the day when Brother Tao was tortured and tortured by the police. The life in the rivers and lakes he had longed for came to an end with a bang. The majestic Brother Tao has become a despicable, wretched, uneducated and inferior person.

For the first time in Si Jian's life, he was cautious in his words and deeds.

He pursed his lips tightly, and only waved his hands loudly in the crowd, "That's right! Those who are fooling around can have nothing to do, they are all fools!"

In the evening self-study, his ears were burning red, and in retrospect, he felt that those words were like slaps on his face, his unspoken ideals completely collapsed, and he even doubted his outlook on life.

Si Jian asked the teacher for leave, lied that he was dizzy and palpitated, hastily packed his schoolbag and left. When he returned to his downstairs, he met Li Jian getting out of the car, "Didn't you go to evening self-study?"

Si Jian stopped and sighed, "I asked for leave."

Li Jian just put on his coat, stretched out his long arms to reach his forehead, and pressed the back of his warm hand against it.

Si Jian jumped away, as if touched by something dirty, and wiped the touched place fiercely, "I don't have a fever!"

Li Jian couldn't say how good-tempered he was, his hand came down and grabbed Si Jian's hair at the back of his head, forcing him to look up, his face was as calm as a pool of stagnant water, "What's wrong with you?"

There was a night light hanging on the awning at the entrance of the unit, and it came on in response to the sound, reflecting a scar on the arch of Li Jian's right eyebrow.

Si Jian used to like this the most. He thought it was a man's romance, and he thought that Li Jian was probably a tough guy who escaped from the wind and rain and went out from the shadow of swords and swords.

But now the situation has changed, Si Jian feels uncomfortable all over, always feels that this person is probably also the target of sweeping up evil, and he can't get on the stage, he struggles to lower his voice and roars, "Don't fucking touch me, let go!"

Li Jian laughed at the inexplicable repulsion. He was never very talkative, but instead took a few steps, opened the car door and threw Si Jian into the back seat, "Get in."

Si Jian knocked on the handle of the rear door, his head was buzzing, and just about to get angry, he was startled by Li Jian's slamming of the car door and choked back.

Li Jian was two rounds older than him, and he was already a mature man. Si Jian knew that his arms couldn't twist his thighs, and he would suffer a loss if he tried his best, so he shrank in a corner, clutching his schoolbag and pressing his lips tightly.

"In a bad mood?" After panting for a long time, Li Jian calmed down and looked at him, "Tell me."

Si Jian stared into his eyes, and suddenly felt aggrieved. The corners of his mouth trembled, but he couldn't suppress it in the end. A huge teardrop swirled down the eye socket, but refused to fall. , I feel ashamed!"

Silence pervaded, the dome lights dimmed, only the breathing light on the front window of the car was still flashing, in the blurred shadows, Li Jian raised his eyebrows and looked at him, "Say you? If you screw up again, I'll drive you home. "

Hearing the words, Si Jian came back to life, stared at him, grabbed Li Jian's forearm, and shouted, "Aren't you the big brother? You can't even borrow a place to cry for a while, why are you so picky!"

"Slow down." Li Jian pressed his ears, smiled with his lips curled up, and fumbled in his pocket for a cigarette, "It's so big outside, there's no place for you to cry?"

Si Jian wiped his eyes and stiffened his neck, "All the TV shows are fucking lies. The rooftops are all locked. I've swept the buildings all the way, and I can't even blow the wind. Forget it, at this time Shouldn’t it be raining, I’m embarrassed to cry when there’s no one on the road, people come and go, shouldn’t I hold back?”

Before the words fell, the dark sky suddenly lit up for a moment, and the rumbling thunder was long overdue, with a cloudy cloud pouring down the rain, and the transparent car windows instantly turned into foggy glass.

Li Jian glanced out, laughed hoarsely, and suddenly trembled with joy, dropping the cigarette in his mouth on his lap.

Si Jian endured it, and finally kicked him, "What are you doing? You are so fucking happy..."

Li Jian grabbed his ankle with one hand, stretched his hand upwards, pinched Si Jian's cheeks, his eyes were unpredictable, "I know a lot, let me see how old you are?"

The suddenly approaching body brought a scorching breath, the back of Si Jian's head leaned against the cold glass, and his cheek touched the rushing breath. He was suddenly a little nervous, and he struggled to purse his lips, hiding his protruding lips that were squeezed out.

The atmosphere became a little ambiguous.

Li Jian is not interested in looking at his teeth anymore. What he can touch is Si Jian's soft, smooth and delicate cheeks. What he sees is Si Jian's thick eyelashes that look like a fan, and Si Jian squinted his eyes and lowered his eyelids. Revealing clear and soft double eyelids, it is a bright red mole on Si Jian's tall and straight nose...

Full of heart and eyes, he became the person in front of him, as if an unknown spirit haunted him to bewitch him, Li Jian exerted force in his hands, forcing Si Jian to open his mouth.

He did it, Si Jian hurriedly opened his mouth like a frightened cat with its hair standing on its head, "Brother, I, I'll tell you!"

Li Jian stopped, let go and sat back, pressed the lighter and lit it three or four times, finally sparking the cigarette, "Sorry."

It's probably been a long time since I saw my girlfriend, so he gave himself an explanation at that time.