On how to pursue a Buddhist teacher

Xu Baibi wasn't supposed to be named Xu, and his first name wasn't Baibi either. When he was just born, when he was still an unconscious, fat, soft baby in his infancy, he was called Lin Huan. Lin Jiayan, the biological mother of her son, chose the name in advance, and she hoped that her son would live a safe and happy life.

Of course, if she had a spirit in the sky and saw Xu Baibi's turbulent life like duckweed, she would probably know that life would not always go as she wished, and all the mistakes she made would be retribution on Xu Baibi, and she didn't even have time Hug him, she did not raise him for a day, did not feed a drop of milk, but she gave Xu Baibi all his life.

On the same day that Xu Baibi was born, Lin Jiayan died of dystocia.

After Lin Jiayan died, another pair of slightly old women took him over and gave him a new name, "The Xu family made their fortune in jade, I hope this child has no blemishes in his heart and no resentment, so let's call him Bai." Bi."

This woman's name is Jiang Yuqin, she is the old lady in charge of the Xu family, and Lin Jiayan's sister-in-law. Xu Baibi should call her "Auntie".

She was not very close to Xu Baibi. She believed in Buddhism, so she gave her child to the temple to be raised by trusted monks, and took her back to Xu's family when she was ten years old.

At this time, Xu Baibi could already tell that he was not liked in this family. His innate sensitivity and delicateness told him that Jiang Yuqin didn't like him, even though she took care of everything about Xu Baibi well, Independent and spacious room, sufficient living expenses, but she never asks about Xu Baibi's study and life, she seems indifferent to it, what kind of person this child will grow up to have, what kind of character he will have, she doesn't care at all.

There is a fundamental difference between conscientious care and genuine affection.

Xu Baibi began to live in school when he was 13 years old, and he would only go home on weekends. Before leaving school that day, he folded the monthly exam papers that had just been sent and stuffed them into his schoolbag. He won the first place in the class and the fifth place at the same table , was happily calling his parents: "Dad, the grades are out, promise me that the new sneakers are ready!"

Adolescent teenagers already have vanity, and learned to compare without a teacher. Xu Baibi has no shortage of new sneakers. The driver at home will prepare a new shoe cabinet for him every quarter, but he just took the first place in the exam. Knowing that this is something to be happy about and something to show off, but he looked around blankly, not knowing who to share the good news with.

He stood silently for a moment, then picked up his schoolbag and walked out of the school gate.

The driver called him to say that something happened and he would be late to pick him up.

When school is over, the school gate is bustling with people. Cars, battery cars, and tricycles with the stickers on the glass windows saying "only pick up and drop off your own children" are competing at the intersection. Parents see their children from a distance, stretch their arms to signal, and the boys wave casually. He bid farewell to his companion, and then moved over step by step. While arranging his hat, the parent asked casually, "The results are out, how did you do?"

The treetops are dyed yellow at dusk, the curly birds return to their nests, the wanderers return home, and the sprinkler slowly passes by with the clear and loud bells. In this most trivial and lively daily scene in the world, Xu Baibi suddenly realizes the future He consciously understood the concept of home, and in an instant, a huge sense of loneliness flooded through his internal organs like a tide, leaving only a void of no one to depend on.

For the first time in his short 12-year life, he had a crazy and insatiable longing for the word "love". For someone who I really care about, or even just like a little bit, it is enough to be able to casually ask him "how is the score" after the exam.

The sun slanted to the west, and the crowd at the school gate dispersed at once. Xu Baibi pulled the falling schoolbag back to the original place, took a look at the sky, and walked towards the bus station alone.

He was preoccupied and dazed, and he didn't recover until he was knocked down by a rampaging bicycle.

Rolling up the trouser legs, a long and thin gash was drawn on the leg, dripping with blood, and it hurts when you move it. The student riding the bicycle kept apologizing in fear, Xu Baibi waved his hand, took out a disinfectant wipe, and wiped off the blood , limped alone on the bus that arrived in time.

The boy's irrational self-esteem overcame his inner weakness and longing. Xu Baibi returned home without saying a word, and treated the wound by himself without telling anyone. Like a book that no one cares about, it went into the dustbin during a certain cleaning.

Bored, Qi Liang took a science magazine from the bookshelf, flipped through two pages, and then dropped it. He couldn't stand the boredom, and ran back into the kitchen restlessly, hooking Xu Baibi's neck.

"Chef, do you really want me to help you?"

After Xu Baibi poured the shredded potatoes into the pot, he pushed Qi Liang's hand away and looked at him with a smile:

"Are you here to help? Which one do you know about cooking?"

This ancestor, thank God for not blowing up the kitchen.

Qi Liang hooked Xu Baibi's apron resolutely: "At least I can wash the vegetables for you."

Xu Baibi took his hand, sighed, turned off the fire, turned to look at him,

"You don't have to do anything. The WiFi password is Xu Wang's birthday. Go online for a while, and the food will be ready in no time."

"Forget it." Qi Liang rolled his eyes, "I'm not going to do anything, just watch you here, the head office."

Xu Baibi: "What's so interesting about me?"

Qi Liang gnawed the tomato on the cutting board, and said vaguely: "It's delicious."

He wrapped his arms around Xu Baibi's waist, wiped his dripping hands on his apron, leaned into Xu Baibi's ear and said lazily: "Didn't I tell you that you are so beautiful, looking at you and me I am satisfied."

"I don't mean to say that I am superficial, but mainly because you are you. I thought, even if one day we are all seventy and eighty, with wrinkled faces and bare gums when we smile, we can't speak clearly , Soup would leak out when eating, and as time went by, it became more and more sloppy."

"Even at that time, living in a nursing home, compared to the beautiful scenery of mountains and rivers, I'd still like to stare at you."

"No matter how glamorous the world is, I like you the most."

Xu Baibi's heart skipped a beat, and he felt a cavity of spring water passing through his limbs and bones in his chest, making him light and bright. He dropped the spatula in his hand, turned around and hugged Qi Liang with his backhand.

He was two or three centimeters taller than Qi Liang, and now he was propping one hand on the smooth tiles of the kitchen wall, lowering his head to look carefully at the person in his arms.

This is my boy, he is like a little beast that has got its prey, contentedly enclosing the other party in its own territory, never seeing enough, staring at the other party intently.

They were so close that each other's breath came to their faces, the mint flavor that Qi Liang ate just a moment ago mixed with the faint tea fragrance that Xu Baibi had all year round, and gradually blended together.

Qi Liang heard his own violent heartbeat, and there was a bang, but he didn't care about anything, his reason and decency were all thrown aside, Xu Baibi's cold palm seemed to carry a raging flame, igniting every touch he touched. An inch of smooth skin.

He is like a drowning person, but he is willingly indulged in desire, Qi Liang can't help panting, the bright and dark in front of his eyes are intertwined, and the colorful light is reflected on the retina, forming a kaleidoscope-like scene.

In the midst of extreme joy and pain, he vaguely remembered a sentence he had read in a book:

"If you love me, I'm your whole world."

He has found his world.

The author has something to say:

"At the age, find the right person to marry, have a normal sex life" and "fall in love with someone" are completely different things.

——Wang Xiaobo