Institute diary

Doctors are not always easy.

After checking all the patients who needed me in the morning, I spent all my free time today, so I had to secretly take off my gloves and hide on the roof behind the hospital.

The midday sun was high and skyrocketing, and the light disorder blurred the horizon, but it was not warm.When you look up, you can see the pure to transparent sky.

In fact, Xu Qi also often comes here.

But not now.

That time period has passed—seems out of reach by something that doesn't fit.

At that time, when we were young and ignorant, we didn't know the uneasiness and chaos in the world. We only knew what strange and shy things to be curious about, and we only had some literature and friends in our heads.

But it's a thing of the past.

"Doctor, the work schedule has been arranged." There was a knock on the door outside.

Going home, drinking water, taking a shower, going to bed, ringing the bell, getting up - time will pass very quickly and without a trace - but the busyness will only increase.The patient's lifeless entanglement made me very busy.

"it is good."

I sighed, calmed down properly, raised my hand and pushed open the operating door, which was covered with the rotten smell of disinfectant, and the dumbness of survival immediately rushed to my face wrapped in despair.

"The doctor is here!" the patient screamed.

"Here we come! Here we come! Save me, save me first! Doctor!"

"Doctor, I am 0... My illness can still..."

The sound was mixed.

"Shut up! Be quiet!" The staff on the side knocked on the door frame with their hands, making a "boom-boom-" echo, as if yelling at the patients curled up on the hospital bed and the black hard stone floor, and then forced them to stay still .

I took the medical form and glanced casually at their pale faces.

How would you describe their expressions?self-abasement?fear?Panic? ...

No, neither is correct.

I still can't find the answer.

——They just want to live.For me, thinking about or worrying about this kind of stuff is boring and a waste of time, not even worth mentioning.

"Operations are performed in sequence." I threw the medical sheet to the staff indifferently, put on the hoodie of the medical uniform, and prepared to sterilize myself first.

"Doctor Fu Yan!" The clear voice behind stopped me from taking a step.It was a girl who looked fifteen or sixteen years old.

I turned back and looked into her eyes politely.

She smiled slightly, showing four white teeth, "I remember you, you have performed three surgeries on me, Dr. Fu Yan."

It turned out to be... Zheng Yiran.

"In order to prevent your virus, surgery is inevitable." I tried to make the answer sound neutral and reliable.

She still squinted her eyes and smiled at me, "Dr. Fu Yan has really worked hard, isn't the experiment very tiring? Hmm... must be tiring! After all, our disease is very special."

I frowned slightly.What is she saying?She didn't say "surgery"—she said "experiment."Did you notice something?

I stared at her gray eyes without changing my expression, trying to see something that could be called an answer.But only my cold-cut outline is seen in the iris.

"Go back. I'm busy, come find me when you're here." I didn't want to face her, so I turned around and put my hand on the door that couldn't be seen as messy, opened the door and left.

The girl stood behind, motionless, as if sending me away.

Close the door, I almost feel relieved.

"Doctor Fu, what's the matter? Are you too tired recently?" Li Na sorted out the files and relieved my pressure with a warm smile.

I sat on a black leather swivel soft chair, propping up my tired brain with my right hand. "Li Na, how long has Zheng Yiran been in the research institute?"

"Ah? She..." Li Na rolled her eyes towards the ceiling, "It's been six or seven years. You haven't been here yet at that time."

Six or seven years!I was really shocked.That proves that she came in at the age of nine.

So small.

"Her life is long." Li Na still smiled unchanged, "I heard that the family has a lot of influence after being able to stay in the research institute for so long. It's no wonder, after all, she is an only child."

I looked at Li Na's bright red lips, and suddenly felt very glaring.

Head hurts.

I was so exhausted that I dropped my head on the table and closed my eyelids.Zheng Yiran's thin body covered my mind.

"Doctor Fu Yan, there shouldn't be my experiment today, right? I mean - I can 'go home' tomorrow, right?"

When I turned around, the little child was all smiles, and the look in his eyes was the same as when I saw the patient.

After a long time, I raised my head, stood up and walked to the window sill. I felt that my body wanted to shake violently, but I controlled it.I spoke, trying my best to be calm and not appear difficult, "Li Na."

"Ok?"

"Just today, give up Zheng Yiran."

I looked at myself in the window, my lips parted and closed.

***

Looking back on that day now, I seem to think about it all night.

I couldn't understand how a girl could have that kind of expression—full of eyeballs, even the bloodshot lines refused to let go, and the dense virus tortured me all night.

I tossed and turned.

It feels like her eyes are still glued to me, carving me and the filth into one.

Yes, it is dirty.