my love letter is always guilty

Fang Ze's school is really far away.

Along the way, with bumps and bumps, Tian Dong watched from the window the continuous sound-screening fence on the expressway, tears streaming down his face.

He likes jelly, and Huang Lihua can make it.

Dong Hai used Huang Lihua's feelings for him to pursue himself, exactly the same as when he was used by Fang Ze to pursue that rich girl.

Worse than Fang Ze, Dong Hai doesn't even act personally... Letting a girl who likes him pursue a boy he likes, what is that...

Suddenly, Tian Dong lost expectations for everything.

I also feel disgusted, and what right do I have to criticize Dong Hai? At most, they will not interfere with each other.

During those few days at Fangze School, Tian Dong followed him to meet his friends, eat, drink, and open a room. All the expenses fell on Tian Dong's head. For some reason, he seemed to be willing and regardless of the consequences. .

After having sex with Fang Ze, Tian Dong will still wake up in the middle of the night, as if he can't go back, such as that 17-year-old mood.

He is still a wandering soul, staying by Fang Ze's side like this, the lost soul is still wandering in the wasteland.

"Youaremysoulmate..." That sentence can't be put together again.

In the early hours of the morning, Fang Ze was sound asleep by his side, his face remained the same, his appearance and temperament had not changed, he still liked the elegant dining environment, Tian Dong held his stomach and ate Western food with him for a few days.

Fang Ze still didn't want to be 0, and it was Tian Dong who gave in.

Tian Dong's appearance is not weak, like all boys, except for admitting it himself, it is difficult for normal people to believe that he is gay.

Because Fang Ze, for the so-called belief in emotion, he is always below. He thinks that what he bears is love, but in fact he doesn't know what he is bearing.

At dawn, I smoked half a cigarette, found it in Fang Ze's pocket, and passed away with the smoke. Before dawn, like a lonely soul flying in the sky, in silence, a few tears dripped from my cheeks trembling , like a prison bird of humble love.

What are you crying about...

Could it be that he still stubbornly thinks that Fang Ze is his companion.

The next day was Sunday, and I had to go back to school after lunch. It was more than 100 kilometers, and I had to take a bus for more than an hour.

This was the third time he came to Fang Ze's school, and Tian Dong gradually felt numb. After Christmas, Fang Ze had never been to his school.

For lunch in the western restaurant next to the school, Tian Dong ordered a 50 yuan piece of spaghetti, which was the only one with chili.

He came here three times, and he has spent all the living expenses for the next month. Fang Ze said he could do AA, but Tian Dong said forget it, AA is like a nondescript monster.

Is it really that difficult for Fang Ze? Tian Dong doesn't want to judge, and he doesn't want to expose it. He never asks when he bought that pair of limited-edition sneakers, doesn't care that he spent a lot of money on a new guitar, and even more so. Don't be picky about how he plays and misrotates too much.

"This is a western restaurant, don't eat noodles and make noise, I've said it several times." Fang Ze frowned and reminded Tian Dong, it was a look of reproach and vulgar contempt.

"..." Tian Dong didn't speak, and raised the corner of his mouth, not to show him a smile, but to laugh at his cheap work.

What is he obsessed with? Is this boy in front of him really worthy of his obsession?Obsessed with what?When we broke up back then, I knew those disgusting truths, and even the love letters that I had had heart-to-heart communication were not written by this boy himself, and because he suffered an earth-shattering scandal, this situation is so clear, but why are you still persistent? ...

Simply ridiculous...

Love letters... Those who agree with each other, those who understand each other, those who have similar interests, forget it, what is written is nothing but a scam.

Thinking of this, Tian Dong grinned, and asked if Dong Hai would be more suitable for his like-mindedness. With a light smile, he put down his silver fork.

The moment the fork and the dinner plate made a slight sound, like the bell of parting, he let go of a certain paranoia, and personally cut into pieces the creed of staying together under the paranoia.

Fang Ze was satisfied with Tian Dong's performance and continued to eat noodles. He would never find out Tian Dong's emotions, because he never wanted to find out.

Turning his pale face away, Tian Dong looked at the street scene outside the glass window, facing the side entrance of the school.

In the midwinter season, a few male and female students, wearing thick down jackets, with flushed red faces from the cold, laughed freely in such a cold outside, and gathered around the food stall of an old couple.

Folding small tables, plastic benches, no dining environment at all, but it is very lively in the cold winter.

It is the heat from the human heart, the turmoil born of freedom.

A girl was chomping on the noodles and sucking it into her mouth vigorously. Although she couldn't hear it, Tian Dong knew that the voice was free and easy.

This picture seems familiar.

It was one of the many days when Dong Hai came to look for him, and it was raining lightly.

Tian Dong ate noodles at the noodle shop in the shed, ignored what Dong Hai was talking about, and finally stopped talking, and ordered a bowl of noodles, and with Tian Dong, he smoked and made a louder noise than him.

They roared and sucked in the bowl, one after another, Tian Dong couldn't help laughing, Dong Hai also laughed, smirking.

I don't know if it's too late, but at this moment, Tian Dong deeply felt the warmth of Dong Hai's smile...

Some strong feeling rolled in my mind.

Why run away from people who are willing to eat at roadside stalls with me?And... I don't bother him, not at all.

Like lightning hitting him, Tian Dong suddenly stood up, took out 100 yuan from his bag and threw it on the dining table.

"I'm going back."

Fang Ze didn't say anything. He checked the time and got up. They were like two strangers who had never met each other. Fang Ze went back to school, and Tian Dong left to the station.

Fang Ze never sent Tian Dong to the station.

Their meeting was a summoning, and Tian Dong seemed to be able to turn magic, appearing wherever Fang Ze asked him to appear.

And this time when he left, he finally lost the shackles on his feet and lost Fang Ze's magic wand.

Fang Ze still couldn't detect Tian Dong's emotions... So, he thought he could still summon that book-like boy at any time.

Not long after arriving at school, Fang Ze sent a text message, saying that he wanted to find a girlfriend, just for chatting, because he felt lonely.

Looking at the phone, Tian Dong sneered, it turned out that he had never been able to solve Fang Ze's loneliness.

Another message: I will still be with you, I hope you agree, don't worry, I will not have physical contact with girls, just chat, I still love you.

Just glanced at the text message.

The mobile phone card was completely discarded and thrown into the black hole of memory.

It was a good night, the moon was round and big, Tian Dong looked at the moon with a lot of mood, and gave himself a comment: "There are eyes but no pearls."

It was a good night, he didn't feel sore, he fell asleep on a dry pillow, and said to himself: "I hate the moon."

Tian Dong changed to a new card, and the first call was Dong Hai.

"I'll go find you," he said.

"Okay." Dong Hai replied, but his tone was not as enthusiastic as before.

In the final analysis, it was Tian Dong who left Dong Hai too far away. Tian Dong's alienation and rejection, as well as his stubbornness, brought harm to many people.

But Tian Dong was still grateful, Dong Hai did not give up, he was grateful for his persistence.

Tian Dong spent another sum of money that day. He spent it in a happy mood. He bought a new down jacket, as well as shoes, a short down jacket, thin and black, which would go well with Dong Hai's clothes, he thought.

This mood of anticipation brought him back to the age of 17, and he came alive at the age of 19.

When the roommates saw Tian Dong's attire, they almost thought he was bewitched, but they were happy for Tian Dong, and they were also happy for themselves. They didn't have to feel the depression of a boy in the middle of the night.

"Bring your girlfriend back and meet my brothers!" Chen Ming urged me before I went out.

"It must be Sun Fang, the queen of that prestigious school..." Cai Xiaofeng said with a thief, "Stinky boy, you have a lot of luck!"

"No, it's not her." Tian Dong said loudly, stepping on his new shoes and slapped downstairs, leaving the duo behind.

The down jacket was indeed a bit thin, and his legs felt cold, but Tian Dong firmly believed that the heat in his heart could burn through the whole winter.

On the way, the scenery outside the car window became inexplicably brighter, it was because of the bare tree branches, perhaps because of the few sparrows flying among them, Tian Dong thought the picture was cute and interesting.

Turn on the music on your mobile phone, and the music is in your ears: the sparrow outside the window is talking on the telephone pole, you say this sentence, it feels like summer...

They made an appointment to meet at the west gate of Wubei University. This is the back gate of the campus. Even the back gate still loses the majesty of the famous school. Two stone lions stand on both sides of the school gate, and there are several flower beds next to it, which are brightly blooming in winter.

Tian Dong watched with palpitations as Dong Hai's unchanging black body came towards him.

Dong Hai was taken aback for a long time, but couldn't pull a smile on his face.

Why doesn't he smile, what's wrong?Like cold water being poured into his stomach, Tian Dong's heart sank.

Dong Hai walked in front and took Tian Dong to the less-traveled street opposite the campus. There was a sales office there, and behind it was a semi-finished high-rise building under construction, which reminded Tian Dong of the construction site inside the school.

The outside of the sales department is very clean, with benches for public rest, leaning against trees.

Dong Hai sat down on the bench with his head down.

Tian Dong also sat down and said, "Dong Hai...I think I can have a new start with you."

Dong Hai lowered his head, still not looking at him.

"Then you..." Tian Dong's voice was trembling for an unknown reason: "Are you with me?"

Tian Dong would not feel embarrassed now because he rejected Dong Hai in the past. He confessed so directly, but it was not the kind of situation he imagined. He didn't know if it was better to appear humble.

He stared at Dong Hai closely, and Dong Hai raised his head slowly, but his eyes lost the brilliance of the past, as if he had experienced several centuries of vicissitudes, he said: "I am not worthy of you!"

This is what Tian Dong asked Sun Fang to tell Dong Hai before. Could it be that he hated him because of this, or was hurt.But he feels that Dong Hai is not such a fragile person, and he can still feel Dong Hai's feelings until now, but his emotions are very wrong...

"...I apologize for what I said before, don't be like this." Tian Dong's tone became more and more scattered: "Dong Hai, you are different from Fang Ze, don't play this game of respecting me, okay?" ?”

Don't you like me?After chasing for so long, day and night, adding up to a whole semester, how many kilometers have I ridden back and forth by bicycle, did I give up because of my last few words of rejection...

Tian Dong thought about it for a while, and was shocked: "Is it because I got back together with Fang Ze and hurt you? I'm sorry, I have a knot with him, and no one can solve it except myself. I have to clean myself up before I dare to face it. Seeing you, I know that everything you say is self-justification, but, Dong Hai, I thought you wouldn't care, if you cared..." The soreness at the tip of the nose was finally suppressed: "If you care... I don't care. There is something to say."

Tian Dong confusedly felt that he was not qualified to say these things, and he was not qualified to ask Dong Hai to accept him. He was actually unclean, especially unclean. Once he drank through a dirty ditch, he would never have anything to do with cleanliness again.

"I don't care..." Dong Hai shouted, emotionally, he took Tian Dong into his arms and hugged him tightly.

Tian Dong felt that his back was about to be embedded in his chest, and his heart was beating fiercely.

Dong Hai's head rested heavily on Tian Dong's shoulders, Tian Dong couldn't see him, but he heard his rapid breathing, which was getting heavier and heavier, it was depressive and heavy breathing, and the breath he exhaled was tearing.

"Tian Dong...forget it, forget it, forget it." He kept thinking about it.

This is a stubborn refusal, an absolute refusal.

"for……"

Tian Dong choked up in his throat, without asking why, all of his strength was exhausted at once.

Parting...like fragments after drinking, unable to remember the steps clearly, Dong Hai left without leaving a word, and Tian Dong's ears still filled with the words "Forget it".

In the winter fog and frost, his vision blurred slowly, until the black figure disappeared in the school gate of the ivory tower palace, tears welling in his eyes, like the last grain of sand hanging from an hourglass.

Dong Hai has the absolute right to reject him...

Standing by the bench, Tian Dong couldn't help putting his hand on the shoulder he just leaned on. On the fabric of the down jacket, his fingers were wet. It was Dong Hai's tears, but he never saw his eyes.

In a daze, he suddenly felt that Wubei University had become a forbidden city, and Tian Dong returned to the school, which was like a prison.