Bayberry popping beads

Two years later, Yancheng International Airport.

"Tanned and thin!" Xu Qingjia took Chen Qian's suitcase and put it in the trunk of the car. "I've been out for several years. Will I fly around the world after I come back this time? Why don't you leave?"

Similar conversations seem to have happened, but the protagonist is not himself, Chen Qian smiled: "For the time being, it will be in Yancheng."

Xu Qingjia opened the car door for him: "Still working as a public interest lawyer? I remember the animal and environmental protection you engaged in before. This road is not easy to walk. If you don't pay attention, you will offend a lot of people."

"I think it's very meaningful." Chen Qian said, fastened his seat belt, and didn't want to talk about his own affairs, and turned to Xu Qingjia, "By the way, I haven't congratulated you yet, you are a father."

"Ah...thank you." The young man in the driver's seat mentioned this and rubbed his nose in embarrassment, as if he was the same 17-year-old kid who was being trained in the office. "I just took Ji Yue to Yancheng some time ago, although She said no, but I can't leave for work, I always feel panic when I can't see her... super nervous."

"It's normal." Chen Qian comforted him.

Xu Qingjia started chatting about his pregnant wife and his family, not at all aloof, and Chen Qian occasionally responded with a few words.He looked out of the car window, and the changes in the place after a one-year absence would not be too big for people to recognize, but when he saw the tail clouds in the sky, he still lamented that he had been away for too long for no reason.

In the past few years—to be exact, since he broke up with Yi Jingxing—he has spent less and less time in the country, coming and going in a hurry, like a bird resting for a while, leaving the city where he stayed for several years. as a transfer station.Xu Qingjia once joked that he didn't miss this mountain and river at all. Chen Qian never denied it, but he didn't admit it either, just kept laughing.

How could he not miss it?

It's just that I don't know how to face it now, so escape has become the only exit.

From the age of 18 to now, the familiar faces are still there, but they have become strange again.When Chen Qian recalled everything he experienced when he was abroad, he couldn't help but lament how time flies every time he ends his memories.

Among the group of classmates with good relationships in high school, Xu Qingjia finished her doctorate and made an exception to stay at her alma mater to teach because of her excellent subject. Ji Yue was promoted and sat in an office with a decent income.Wen Yu's job-hopping failed, and he has been in the position of Jinglong's vice president for five years. Cui Shican recently got his doctor's license and has a side job as a pet blogger.

And Yi Jingxing...

Chen Qian closed his eyes.

In the information age, it is impossible to really shield a person, especially if their circle of friends has already been mixed together.Chen Qian learned a lot from the circle of friends, the chats of mutual friends, and the news that popped up from time to time in the group. Yi Jingxing's job has not changed after marriage. He was just promoted to a level a year ago and is currently working as a deputy in the head office. He is the youngest in his class.

How outstanding he is, Chen Qian thought, he already knew that Yi Jingxing would always be.

The airport was vast and unobstructed, and the sunlight filtered through the window glass into a cool and transparent color, shining on the back of his hand.Chen Qian looked down, and the ring mark on the middle finger of his right hand was too faint to see clearly.

At that time he said he wanted a ring, but Yi Jingxing was reluctant because he was afraid that others would ask more questions, so he quarreled with him, and ended up buying one a few days later.The platinum men's ring with a simple style was just the right size to put on. The first thing Chen Qian did after getting it was to show Yi Jingxing his middle finger, and he was severely retaliated against.

He still wore it for a while after they broke up, and didn't take it off until Yi Jingxing got married.

A few days ago, Chen Qian traveled to Paris to visit a client he had helped before. After leaving her house, he was rubbed by a car on the side of the street.At that time, he didn't pay much attention to it. After returning to the hotel and washing up, he suddenly found his empty middle finger in the mirror.

The ring was lost just like that, Chen Qian didn't look for it, just thought it was worthless.

After a while, he can't see the ring mark, and he can forget that it ever existed.

The first meal after returning to China was at Xu Qingjia's home. Chen Qian first went to the hotel to drop off his luggage, then packed up briefly, connected with some work matters, and then took a taxi to Xu Qingjia's rented house.

He couldn't understand this. If he planned to establish a foothold in Yancheng, even if the housing price was very expensive, Xu Qingjia and Ji Yue would not be unable to afford it. Why would they rent it?He asked once, and Xu Qingjia said that because he had to go back sooner or later, he planned to post a few more articles before returning to work at the university in his hometown.

Chen Qian was standing in front of that door, cleared his throat, and rang the doorbell.

It was Ji Yue who came to open the door, holding a handful of melon seeds, and said that Xu Qingjia was cooking.There was no embarrassment between them that they hadn't seen for two years, and they quickly chatted. Chen Qian caught a glimpse of the ashtray on the table and felt a little itchy.

"Sister Yue, can I smoke?" He took out his cigarette case and showed it to Ji Yue.

Ji Yue didn't have the slightest sense of being pregnant, and lay down on the sofa casually: "Smoke it, smoke it, the cigarettes you smoke, just a little nicotine, are not as good as me."

Chen Qianqian laughed twice, and really ordered one.

Creamy, cloyingly sweet, tart with a hint of plum, and very lightly smoky.

The brand he bought when he was studying in Germany, Chen Qian pinched the filter. He didn't smoke for a long time, but he smoked a lot for a while. Later, he changed to this brand and it was much better.

"...Then Shi Can told me, 'It's okay, I'll raise the cat for you, we still have one at home', so I brought him strawberries and pineapples, and I brought him home when the baby was born, it was all right Okay." Ji Yue chatted here, and suddenly smiled, "Ah Qian, I feel so unreal, it seems like I got married yesterday, and now the child is about to be born."

With a cigarette in his mouth, Chen Qian spoke vaguely: "It's okay, you are as beautiful as before."

Ji Yue applauded: "I love to hear this, but you still know how to say it!"

Chen Qian said humbly: "Of course he is smarter than them."

At this time Xu Qingjia came out of the kitchen and saw Chen Qian's smoke, as if facing a formidable enemy, almost picked up the fire hydrant and sprayed him on the spot.He scolded Chen Qian and said that he would punish him for washing dishes, but Ji Yue sprayed him back.

The three of them finally sat down to eat. Xu Qingjia inherited his mother's craftsmanship. Hard dishes were difficult to serve, but the home-cooked dishes were excellent.He will adapt to Ji Yue's taste, and he has to worry that she is pregnant with a child, so she puts less chili than usual, even so, Chen Qian hasn't touched home-cooked Chinese food for a long time, and he is very happy to eat.

Xu Qingjia poured wine for Chen Qian, and in the middle of eating, Chen Qian suddenly put down his chopsticks.

"I just decided on one thing." He said, with a serious look on his face. "It wasn't just now, but after I decided on this matter, I decided to go back to China for development—I, I'm going to let him go."

Chen Qian didn't say who it was, but Xu Qingjia and Ji Yue instantly understood who he was referring to.

After a long silence, Xu Qingjia touched him with a cup: "Congratulations."

Chen Qian said thank you, and his eyes began to hurt again. Fortunately, he has been in the dusty North Africa for half a year, and the symptoms of dry eyes have not been relieved, so he did not shed tears.He rubbed it, thinking that this person is really poisonous.

Even if he didn't deliberately mention that name, just thinking about it made his heart twitch.

"Although I don't think you can do it, it's good to have determination." Xu Qingjia took a sip of his wine, "Can I ask something?"

"Tell me." Chen Qian looked at him with his chin resting on one hand.

Xu Qingjia asked: "Qian'er, you want to let him go just because he is married, right?"

"Otherwise?" Chen Qian asked back.

These words seemed to be exactly what he expected, Xu Qingjia sneered: "It's not like you're dead after you're married, you can let it go—take a ten thousand step back, even if he dies, you won't be able to let it go."

The food on the table was suddenly tasteless, Chen Qian picked up the cup and drank it down.

"Then it's dead."

Sometimes Chen Qian didn't like Xu Qingjia's appearance as a bystander, but he had to admit that Xu Qingjia was right.

When he was with Yi Jingxing, it was Chen Qian who confessed his love. He had just finished the college entrance examination that year.

He made thorough preparations for this, first came out of the closet, secretly made Yi Jingxing feel that he was different from him, and guided Yi Jingxing to understand that liking the same sex is not a shameful thing—Chen Qian was sure that Yi Jingxing and himself It's a kind of person, but he didn't realize it himself, and it turned out that he was right.

That night he said that his parents were not at home and took Yi Jingxing away.After the college entrance examination, I felt relaxed and full of novelty and exploration spirit, as if I dared to do anything all of a sudden.

They drank a case of beer, Chen Qian said he was a little drunk, Yi Jingxing smiled very nicely, and asked him: "Really?"

Chen Qian didn't answer, he boldly grabbed Yi Jingxing's shoulder and leaned over -

That was the first real kiss between them, childish, green and tender.

On a June night, the wind still had the last trace of coolness left. Chen Qian remembered that he caught a glimpse of a man-made stream in a distant community from the balcony, which was shining brightly by the street lamps.

He later asked Yi Jingxing if he had a premonition, and Yi Jingxing said, "That's right."

He asked Yi Jingxing again, if he didn't tell, would he confess first, he knew that Yi Jingxing liked him.This time Yi Jingxing was silent for a longer time, and he kissed him after a while: "Don't think so much about 'if'."

Chen Qian will get the answer after the period of passionate love is over, but Yi Jingxing will not.

Yi Jingxing would not want to be with him, would not come out of the closet, and would not take the initiative to confess.Because these are against the plans he has always been proud of, they can't give him a decent family, the pride of his parents, and can't give him external satisfaction. He can only hide and be a shady homosexual.

But what does it matter?Yi Jingxing loves him so much.

Chen Qian never doubted this, just like Yi Jingxing never asked him if he loved him, it was also because he had the answer in his heart.

Until their real breakup, Chen Qian remembers that it was also in June-this season has been extremely difficult for him since then-he returned to China after studying and was preparing to participate in an interview for a certain environmental protection project of the United Nations.

It was raining that day, it was rare for Yi Jingxing to ask him out for dinner.

After finishing the materials, Chen Qian drove to the bank where Yi Jingxing worked to wait for him, and then went to the restaurant he had booked.He stopped by the side of the road and saw a girl beside Yi Jingxing when he came out, she looked a little familiar, maybe he had seen it before, but Yi Jingxing didn't talk to that girl, walked over and opened the car door.

"Senior, remember to call me if you are free!" The girl chased to the car, her hair was drenched by the rain.

"En." Yi Jingxing said perfunctorily.

"Do you want an umbrella?" Chen Qian took out an umbrella from the driver's seat with a smile. Yi Jingxing gave him a strange look. The rain is not good."

Yi Jingxing handed it over with a cold face, the girl was very pleasantly surprised, thanked Chen Qian many times, and stood on the side of the road holding an umbrella.At the first traffic light, Chen Qian could still see a figure in a red dress from the rearview mirror.

"She likes you very much." Chen Qian said, flicking off the cigarette ash with a smile.

"Let's drive, I'm very tired." Yi Jingxing leaned against the co-pilot, closed his eyes, and rubbed his temples vigorously, "When is the interview?"

"Number 12." Chen Qian said, "I'm fine."

There was no surprise in Yi Jingxing's voice, as if he should have said so: "You must be fine."

At that time, he was so happy that his heart beat faster, he took advantage of the red light and leaned over to kiss Yi Jingxing's ear.Chen Qian was dazzled by happiness and felt that they would have a stable and prosperous future.

"Why are you eating out suddenly today?" While waiting for dessert, Chen Qian lit a cigarette.

Yi Jingxing booked a western restaurant, which focuses on high-end French dishes and requires reservations. It takes about two hours for each meal from appetizers to desserts.Chen Qian didn't understand why he had a whim, but he was still in a good mood. He thought it might be to celebrate his upcoming successful interview.

The meal was quite pleasant, until near the end, he half-jokingly teased whether Yi Jingxing had too much money.

Yi Jingxing said, "There is something I want to tell you."

Chen Qian frowned: "Where is the difference?"

Yi Jingxing was noncommittal, playing with the lighter at hand.This was a sign of his nervousness and panic. Chen Qian extinguished his unfinished cigarette, and the creamy sweet taste remained on his lips and teeth: "What's wrong?"

"Let's break up, Ah Qian." Yi Jingxing said with a calm face and slightly pale lips.

"Are you kidding?" Chen Qian asked with a smile, he wanted to have another cigarette.

Yi Jingxing shook his head: "No."

At that moment, Chen Qian suddenly found that he did not collapse as he imagined, perhaps because he had guessed that there would be such a day between them.He thought a lot in his mind, from "how did I provoke you again" to "does it have something to do with that girl today?" "Did your parents say something?" "Did they know?" ...

He didn't say many things, such as: "We have been together for eight years, you want to break up, there is no need for such delicate steps."

The violin trio in the restaurant was still going on, Yi Jingxing lowered his head and his lips were drawn into a line.He obviously didn't want this result, but in the end he said the words, crisp and light.

In this relationship, Yi Jingxing seldom took the initiative, but when he proposed to break up, he walked ahead of Chen Qian.

Chen Qian smoked a cigarette silently, and he pressed the cigarette butt on the table, leaving black ash on his fingertips.

"Okay," he said, getting up to leave.

From then on, his life fell into confusion. The rented house was signed by Chen Qian's name - he joked that he was afraid of Yi Jingxing's loss - Yi Jingxing didn't come back that night, and he came to pack his things the next day.

Chen Qian packed with him, they didn't live together for a long time, and Yi Jingxing's things were simpler.They packed in silence, occasionally interspersed with a few conversations such as "Do you want this?" "Throw it away", and finally packed two suitcases. Yi Jingxing took them and left, while Chen Qian leaned against the door to see him off.

"Drive the car away." He said, throwing the key over.

Yi Jingxing subconsciously reached out to pick it up, and Chen Qian said, "After the interview is successful, I will often go abroad."

Yi Jingxing said, "Okay."

This was Yi Jingxing's last conversation before they got married.

Just as Yi Jingxing knew him well, there were no surprises in carefully preparing for the job.From then on, Chen Qian ran around with aid organizations, lived a life of chaotic jet lag for several years, and was finally about to get better. Yi Jingxing's wedding disrupted everything, and he left as if fleeing, and returned to Africa the next day— - How ridiculous, he regards Yancheng as a scourge.

Then his insomnia came back, and it got worse for a period of time. He couldn't sleep at night, so he walked out of the bedroom every night and sat on the narrow balcony to watch the magnificent starry sky that seemed to have no boundaries on the prairie.

Every time he would recall the "The Lion King" he sat with Yi Jingxing to watch after the college entrance examination. Yi Jingxing's English was very good and he could repeat many lines verbatim.

"I'll love you forever." When Simba was lying on the grassland, Yi Jingxing said suddenly.

"Where did the lines come from? I didn't hear them." Chen Qian leaned in his arms, a little sleepy.

Yi Jingxing lowered his head to cover his lips and kissed him for a long time.

"This sentence is not a line."

The position of every star in the starry sky is recorded in his mind, but it can't relieve his trauma.Later, Chen Qian visited Yale for half a year, consulted a senior local psychiatrist, took medicine and had regular conversations. He intentionally closed the past, which was very effective, and finally he no longer had trouble falling asleep.

Now he thought he had cleaned up all the negative emotions, but he didn't expect to suffer a second injury from Xu Qingjia's mouth.

Chen Qian defined PTSD after a long breakup.

It may take half a lifetime to heal.

But it doesn't matter, anyway, he doesn't plan to find anyone else.

As long as Yi Jingxing doesn't come to provoke him, he will be able to recover sooner or later.