you are with the light

"I said the wrong thing." Gu Jinbei said, his eyes were wet and looked like a puppy, "forgive me please?"

No matter how sullen Chen Ke was, he couldn't calm down. The other party was just a child, so maybe there was no malice in saying that sentence.

"Let go first." Chen Ke said, "You don't want to lose face."

Gu Jinbei didn't let go, he still looked at Chen Ke, his pitiful tone made Chen Ke feel like a rascal: "Forgive me first."

Chen Ke said: "Cheng Chengcheng, let go first."

Gu Jinbei climbed up the pole and made an inch of it: "Then you still take me out to play?"

Chen Ke nodded: "Okay, okay, let go first."

Gu Jinbei threw up his hand and stretched out his little finger towards him: "Then let's pull the hook."

Chen Ke lost his temper because of his coquettish operations, and he followed him to pull the hook, and the guy was willing to let go of his leg and go to hold his hand, with a cute face.

"Can I go to your house?"

Chen Ke opened the door, and as soon as he walked in, Gu Jinbei followed up. Chen Ke glanced at him, and he smiled shyly at Chen Ke.

Chen Ke said, "Close the door."

Mrs. Chen was sitting on the sofa watching TV with her voice turned up very loudly. The door of Chen Wanran's room was closed, and Chen Ke knew that she was sleeping.

He went over and turned off the TV.

Mrs. Chen immediately jumped up to express her dissatisfaction: "What are you doing!"

"It's too noisy." Chen Ke said, "If you want to watch TV, watch it carefully. Are you deaf and the pitch is so high?"

Old Mrs. Chen took a deep breath and planned to fight him for [-] rounds. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a familiar child standing by the sofa, and she froze for a moment.

She couldn't hold back and asked, "Why are you still in?"

Gu Jinbei glanced at Chen Ke, and Chen Ke also looked at him, with a half-smile in his eyes, and Gu Jinbei looked at Mrs. Chen again, her eyes were full of surprise.

Gu Jinbei said in confusion: "Aren't you very close?"

"No." Chen Ke said firmly, "It's just a guest staying at our house, not close at all."

Mrs. Chen sneered: "Guest?"

Gu Jinbei blinked, he knew how to read people's faces, and he could tell the disagreement between Chen Ke and the old lady Chen at a glance. In this way, what the old lady told him today was not a good thing at all.

"Then, she lied to me." Gu Jinbei pointed at Mrs. Chen and said.

Mrs. Chen didn't react: "What did I lie to you?"

"You said, Brother Chen grew up with a woman..." Mrs. Chen interrupted Gu Jinbei before he finished speaking.

"You bullshit!"

Gu Jinbei shut his mouth, and looked at Chen Ke with some panic.

"Go on."

Chen Ke's face was bloodless. He stood beside the TV, holding the TV with his hands, as if he could not stand still and was about to fall down.

Gu Jinbei suddenly panicked.

"Don't say it!" Mrs. Chen roared, full of anger, she didn't look like an old man at all.

"She said, she lied to me, I don't believe it." Gu Jinbei wanted to cry, his voice was choked up, and he didn't know if he was scared by the old lady's voice or for some other reason.

Chen Ke nodded, his scalp was a little numb, and his body was so cold that he seemed to be thrown into the water and trapped for three days and three nights, and he couldn't even catch his breath.

"I see." Chen Ke said, his tone was a little calm, and his calm was a little scary, "Then why don't you go home first?"

Gu Jinbei wanted to say "no", but looking at Chen Ke's almost ashen face, he could only swallow the "no" back and said, "Okay."

He walked to the entrance and took another look at the living room. Chen Ke's eyes were wandering and out of focus.

He opened the door and went out.

But Gu Jinbei didn't go back immediately. He stood at the door of Chen Ke's house, with his ear pressed against the door to listen to the movement inside, but there was nothing. After a while, there was the sound of the TV, which was very loud.

Gu Jinbei squatted down at the door and poked the ground with his hands, killing ants one after another.

Chen Ke entered the room and lay on the bed. He opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling. The white paint on it was a little peeled off, and some walls were bulging due to damp. The ceiling looked messy.

His heart is also very messed up.

He just stared at the ceiling in a daze, and he didn't move when Chen Wanran came out to ask him to eat: "I'm not hungry."

"What's wrong?" Chen Wanran walked in, reached out and tried on his forehead, "Have a fever?"

Chen Wanran's hands were cold, and Chen Ke's forehead was warm. Such a temperature difference made Chen Ke's tears flow out all at once.

He yelled aggrievedly: "Mom..."

Chen Wanran was taken aback by him, and hurriedly asked him what was wrong, Chen Ke covered his face and cried, tears flowed down his temples into the bed sheet.

Chen Ke didn't like to cry very much. He always felt that crying was a sign of cowardice and embarrassment, but at this moment, he still shed tears of cowardice and embarrassment.Although I have persuaded myself countless times in my heart, it seems that I can't reconcile with my deformed body no matter what.Sometimes he also gets confused: Am I a boy?or a girl?

He doesn't want to be a human/monster, and he doesn't admit that he is a hermaphrodite. It's not his fault that he has an extra organ. Why do he have to suffer so much?

"Mom," he cried, "I don't want to be the only angel beside God, I just want to be a normal person."

Chen Wanran told him when he was a child that his body is different because he is an angel beside God, and because of his unique identity, his body is also unique.

He is an angel lost in the mortal world.

This was a white lie, but it did make Chen Ke feel better.But no matter how nice a lie is, it is a lie in essence, it is nothing more than self-deception.

Chen Wanran said, "What did grandma tell you?"

Chen Ke cried for a while before sitting up slowly, wiping away the tears bit by bit with his hands, he opened his mouth, his voice hoarse: "She told the kid next door about it."

Chen Wanran's expression seemed to freeze, she couldn't believe it, but it was expected, she reached out to touch her son, but she retracted halfway.

"Sorry……"

Chen Ke lowered his head, his voice was muffled: "Is she not right? She has a mouth, on her own face, if she wants, none of us can control her. Not only the kid next door, she can tell her everyone who ever lived."

"No, she is your grandma..." Chen Wanran lowered her head as she spoke.She herself didn't believe this. If the mother didn't love her, she wouldn't love her son either. The son's body was the mother's best capital to talk to others.

"If you send her back, your uncle will definitely not want it..." Chen Wanran was in a dilemma, with her son on one side and mother on the other, which made her vacillate.

"Then let's let her stay at home." Chen Ke said abruptly.

Chen Wanran didn't understand for a while: "What do you mean?"

"Don't let her go out, let her stay at home." Chen Ke said, his tone was very serious, it didn't sound like he was joking at all, "If she wants to go out, let's stay with her, okay?"

Chen Wanran looked at her son. Her son looked like her. He was very good-looking. He had been very good-looking since he was a child. If he looked so good, he would subconsciously look down on him, just like looking at a fragile vase. After admiring it, he would dismiss it. Gu.

But there was a wolf in her son's eyes, which reminded her of that man from her long-lost and terrifying memory.

Every time that man hit her, his eyes would sparkle with green light, and he would open his drooling mouth to devour her.

Chen Wanran swallowed subconsciously, she nodded and said, "Okay."

Gu Jinbei stayed at home in torment for a few days, hesitantly ran to the next door and knocked on the door.It was Chen Ke who opened the door, and when he saw Gu Jinbei, he smiled at him: "Xiao Bei."

This intimate address relieved Gu Jinbei's heart, and he couldn't help laughing, showing his cute little tiger teeth: "Brother Chen."

Standing at the door, Chen Ke also smiled at him: "Want to go out to play?"

Gu Jinbei nodded expectantly.

Chen Ke said, "Then wait for me."

Chen Ke closed the door, and he came out after a while with a bag in his hand.

"The weather is fine today, do you want to go swimming?"

"Swim...swimming?" Gu Jinbei looked forward to it but hesitated, "But I can't."

"I'll teach you." Chen Ke raised the bag in his hand, "There are swimming trunks and a life buoy inside, don't be afraid."

Along the way, both of them tacitly did not mention what happened that day. Chen Ke was thinking about something in his heart, and he didn't speak much along the way. Gu Jinbei secretly watched his face, not daring to act rashly.

The two walked to a place that they hadn't been to that day. It was a place similar to a pool. The water flow was very slow, and the place near the slope was very shallow, suitable for beginners in swimming.There were not many people at noon, only a few scattered in the water.

"Chen Ke, is this your brother?" A clean-looking girl with short hair came over and looked Gu Jinbei up and down.

Gu Jinbei shrank away from Chen Ke.

In this town, children at the age of three or four can run all over the streets, and children at the age of eight can jump up and down like monkeys, but Gu Jinbei is very quiet and shy, and looks soft and waxy. Like a bully.

"The neighbor's child." Chen Ke explained.

"Wow, so cute." The girl asked Gu Jinbei coaxingly, "Little friend, what's your name?"

Gu Jinbei looked at Chen Ke.

The girl just laughed.She smiled brightly and with a loud voice, she smiled and asked Chen Ke: "Hey, he is very clingy to you."

Chen Ke smiled: "His name is Gu Jinbei, Jin from Jinzi, Bei from Peking University."

"Gu Jinbei, can I call you Beibei?" The girl squatted and asked Gu Jinbei, the broken hair behind her ears fell down because of her movements, drawing a small arc in the air.

Gu Jinbei stared blankly at this small arc, and said, "No."

The girl's smile froze on her lips.

"Call Beibei like a girl, and you call him Xiaobei." Chen Ke said, "We're going to swim, we'll talk later."

There is a shabby house surrounded by wooden boards in this place, and a dirty bed sheet that cannot be seen in its original color is hung at the door. This house is used for changing clothes.Chen Ke brought Gu Jinbei in and pumped up the swimming ring while he was changing.

After Gu Jinbei changed his swimming trunks, he couldn't help but feel a little strange seeing Chen Ke still in his previous outfit: "Aren't you going to change?"

Chen Ke opened the curtain with the swimming ring: "No change. Come out."

Chen Ke was as nimble as a fish when he got into the water, but Gu Jinbei stood by the water and hesitated for a long time without making up his mind.He seemed to be more afraid of water than he imagined, even if he just put his hand into the water, the cold and nothingness made him feel scared.

Chen Ke swam around in the water and found that he was still hesitating by the water, so he stepped on his feet firmly and walked towards him.

"what happened?"

Gu Jinbei smiled weakly at him, apologetic: "I... am a little scared."

Chen Ke reached out to him: "Grab me, huh?"

Gu Jinbei stretched out his hand tentatively, but when he was about to touch Chen Ke's hand, he retracted it. After dawdling like this for a long time, he still didn't make up his mind.

Chen Ke was not in a hurry, he just stretched out his hand and waited for him.

Gu Jinbei made up his mind and finally made up his mind.He shook his hand and handed it over.

Chen Ke held his hand.

The next moment, the world spun, and he fell into the icy cold water.Time seemed to slow down at that moment, and everything around him was cut off by water. With his eyes closed, he couldn't hear or see.This feeling of nothingness frightened him, and he struggled frantically, trying to get out of the water.

When looking at the water from the side, the water seems to have color and shape, but only when you are in the water, you will understand that water is colorless, odorless and invisible, invisible, but it can penetrate into every hole and kill people.

The water squeezed away the little air he had left, Gu Jinbei instinctively opened his mouth to breathe, but took a sip of water, choked him up coughing, and spit out a few strings of bubbles in the water.

Gu Jinbei's memory flashed back to a long time ago—actually not too long ago—his ex-stepfather pushed him into the pool, making him feel the pain of dying from suffocation.

Chen Ke watched Gu Jinbei struggling in the water with cold eyes. At this moment, he was calm like a child.

Gu Jinbei knew his secret.

"Chen Ke!" The short-haired girl called him on the slope just now. Chen Ke glanced at her and reached out to pull Gu Jinbei who was struggling in the water.

Gu Jinbei struggled hard, and Chen Ke was dragged into the water by him. Fortunately, the water was not deep, and Chen Ke knew water, so he quickly reacted and surfaced to fish Gu Jinbei out.

Gu Jinbei coughed several times, until tears came out of his nose.Chen Ke patted him on the back hypocritically.

The short-haired girl ran down and asked what happened with concern, and Chen Ke replied naturally: "I'm choking on water."

It's natural for beginners to choke on water. The short-haired girl didn't ask any more questions. She changed the topic to another topic. Chen Ke replied very perfunctorily.

"Goodbye." Chen Ke waved to her in a rude manner, the short-haired girl gave him a glare, turned around and left without looking back.

Gu Jinbei slowed down after coughing, his hair stuck to his forehead wetly, and when he closed his eyes, drops of water slid down his cheeks, like tears.

Chen Ke originally thought that Gu Jinbei would get angry and yell, but he didn't.Gu Jinbei smiled shyly at him: "Brother Chen, can we go home?"

When Gu Jinbei went ashore, his legs were weak. If it wasn't for Chen Ke's sharp eyesight and quick hands to help him up, he would be able to kneel straight down and kowtow by the way.He was quite frightened, as if it was not shallow water that nearly drowned him just now, but deep water.

Chen Ke thought, why is he so fragile, as if he could be crushed to death with one finger easily.

It's like squashing an ant.

On the way back, Gu Jinbei still held his hand, and the two walked for a long distance in silence.

Until Chen Ke thought that Gu Jinbei didn't realize that he wanted to kill him just now, Gu Jinbei spoke up.

He has not yet reached the stage of voice change, and his voice is soft and thin, like the meowing of a kitten: "Brother Chen, I won't tell your secret, please don't kill me."