dizziness

After moving the painting to Shen Lixin's home, Owen didn't plan to stay here for a long time, but when he realized it, he had already taken the teacup from Shen Lixin.

How could he be sitting here facing the back not far away? Owen seems to have suddenly lost his memory about it. He was clearly thinking about going back as soon as possible one second ago, but the next second unknowingly turned into the current situation , just looking at Shen Lixin's familiar appearance when making tea, the short process in that second almost instantly became blank.

He sat down, took a sip of tea, and said it was instinct rather than habit.

Shen Lixin went into the room again and looked at Xiaojia. The child was so happy and noisy all the way, and he went to bed exhausted when he got home. Owen even complained about Xiaojia, always falling asleep when he shouldn't time to fall asleep.

Staring at the few tea leaves in the teacup standing firmly on the water, Owen touched the cigarette in his pocket a little anxiously, scanned the room, and just put his hand down with a secret sigh, he heard the sound of approaching footsteps, followed by a puff of ashes The cylinder is placed in front of his eyes

Owen looked up, and Shen Lixin was already sitting opposite him, holding his teacup, sipping it lightly, without looking at him.

Perhaps the relationship between the two has always been like this, never needing to say anything, Shen Lixin knows what Owen is thinking and what he wants with just one movement or look in Owen's eyes.

Shen Lixin doesn't smoke, but he doesn't interfere with Owen's smoking. Even if the room is full of smoke, he will just silently empty the ashtray full of cigarette butts, while Ruan Miaomiao will snatch the cigarette from Owen's hand with a frown and put it out in the ashtray. middle.

If we use Aiwu and Wu to explain these two different feelings, then Shen Lixin's tolerance undoubtedly allowed Owen to raise the crow comfortably, but for Ruan Miaomiao, Owen couldn't wait to drive the crow away, because only he, unexpectedly For the first time, Owen had the urge to quit smoking.

His eyes fell on the ashtray next to his hand again, and Owen even wondered whether Shen Lixin had expected this day to come. Maybe Owen didn't dare to guess, because he had never left in this person's heart.

"I didn't expect that time flies so fast, and we haven't seen each other for more than ten years," Shen Lixin sighed in a steady tone, and glanced at Owen, "How are you doing?"

"It's just like that, living an ordinary life."

It may be that I haven't talked to this person so alone for a long time, Owen felt a little nervous unconsciously, Shen Lixin smiled bitterly: "You seem to have changed a lot, the old you will never be content with being ordinary."

"People will always change." Owen looked at him and said expressionlessly, his tone was mixed with indifference. He was far from one-tenth of what this person had changed at the beginning. What qualifications does Shen Lixin have to talk about him now.

"Yeah, you're right, people will always change," Shen Lixin nodded after hearing the irony in Owen's words, and looked at the painting "Vertigo" thoughtfully, " Just like I will no longer appear in your paintings, everything has changed..."

"..."

Seeing that Owen remained silent for a long time, Shen Lixin drank a sip of tea tremblingly, pretending to be relaxed and said with a smile: "It's good, I often hear Xiaojia mention you, he is a good boy, not only handsome, but also so... young .”

Shen Lixin lowered her eyelashes and looked at the teacup in her hand. Although there was a smile on the corner of her mouth, the tear mole in front of her eyes always made Owen feel that he was crying.

"And you," Owen took a deep breath, looking away from his face, "how have you been all these years?"

"What else, as you can see, I gave birth to Xiaojia with her, divorced not long ago, and came back here with my son."

Although Owen had never seen the "she" Shen Lixin was talking about, he was no stranger to it. This incident caused a sensation in the entire university back then. Shen Lixin specialized in art education, but she fell in love with the daughter of a big businessman. , after the two got married, Shen Lixin abandoned literature and went into business and followed this woman's family to develop in other places. People who knew him talked a lot, but most of them were not good. After hearing it for a long time, even Owen believed it. Shen Lixin left his own The reason is nothing more than the words "bright future".

"why?"

These three words of Owen may contain too many things, why did he get a divorce, why did he come back, why did he leave him so cruelly and marry another woman.

Shen Lixin took a deep look at him, didn't speak, just shook his head with a smile, and said after a long time: "You should also know that I am a child who walked out of that mountain, I have no background at all, and I want to be in the big mountain. It is really difficult to take root in the city and change your destiny from now on. Many things are not achieved if you are willing to suffer more than others and work hard. I have no other way.”

"I've never heard you say this, so why didn't you tell me earlier then?"

Yes, Owen once thought that they were transparent to each other, and he would tell this person everything, but thinking about it now, Shen Lixin never mentioned his family background. It was impossible to imagine that Shen Lixin was a child who grew up in that kind of difficult countryside. In Owen's eyes, he was such a clean and refined person.

"Tell you?" Shen Lixin sneered, "Even if I told you, so what, how much did you understand my feelings back then? You were so proud, so confident, and even so arrogant that you never noticed that I was facing you At that time, my heart was almost as humble as the dust, Owen, I am also a person, I want to defend the minimum dignity, is it wrong?"

Owen took a few puffs of cigarette anxiously, and the images of the past kept intertwining in front of his eyes, which made him throw away the cigarette and said loudly: "Yes! You are right! But what you want, can I not give it to you?" you?!"

As soon as the words came out of his mouth, he felt a little regretful, things were different, so what's the use of arguing about these things, Shen Lixin also stared at him in a little surprise, unconsciously touching the teacup repeatedly with both hands.

"How will you give it to me? That's right, you are a son of a wealthy family. You can spend your whole life worrying about food and clothing. You can paint as you like all day long. For you, painting is not a tool for making a living, but a kind of pastime," Shen Lixin He paused unsteadily and said, "But this is not enough. Can we get married? Will your family recognize us? If not, we will always be sneaky. With your strength alone, you can what's for me?"

"..."

Owen pursed his lips with a pale face. He didn't say anything. He didn't dare to say it because he knew that there were some things he couldn't say. Yes, he was really rebellious when he was young. Relying on his old man's power and power, everyone except Shen Lixin I didn't pay attention to it, but as long as this person is honest with himself and loses those inexplicable self-esteem, Owen will work hard for him, even if the six relatives deny him in the end, no matter how hard and tired he is, Owen is willing to give him everything he wants .

"Owen, I know your character too well, I don't want you to regret it one day and blame me, really, I really don't want to ruin your life..."

"How the hell do you know that I will regret it?!" Owen slammed his palm on the table angrily, stood up and stared at him, "Since you left, why did you come back?! Isn't this ruining my life? What?!"

Shen Lixin looked at Owen's blood-red eyes calmly, lowered her head, said helplessly, "I'm sorry... I didn't expect that I would cause you such a big trouble when I came back. I didn't mean anything else. If I had known earlier, maybe I wouldn't have came back……"

The tear mole was still damned dazzling, so dazzling that Owen still felt that he was crying. He was not blaming this person, but hated not finding out that the ending between himself and him should not have been like this until now.

But now it's too late, 17 years too late, making everything meaningless.

Owen let out a trembling breath: "I'm going to the bathroom."

He really should be calm and calm. Today, he really said too many things that he shouldn't and can't say.

If it was Owen a year ago, he might still be able to do whatever he wanted unscrupulously, but he can't do it now, because he is no longer alone, and every word and deed he has must be responsible for another relationship.

"Wait! It's not there..."

Shen Lixin's urgent stop came to an abrupt end. Owen was not familiar with this place when he came here for the first time, but after he intuitively opened a door, he completely froze in place.

The room in front of him was not big, crowded but not messy. What shocked Owen so much was not something strange. On the contrary, he should be very familiar with it. As far as he could see, the room was covered with oil paintings of different sizes. The ones that couldn't be hung were neatly placed in the room. There were nearly a hundred of them, but each one was painted by Owen himself, and the people in the paintings were all Shen Lixin from more than ten years ago.

The strong visual impact almost made Owen forget to breathe, and even the blood in his whole body was flowing back quickly, back to that period of youth, back to the past made up of thousands of brushstrokes and colorful paints.

The thumb and index finger of Owen's right hand rubbed secretly. The rough touch was the calluses left by holding the paintbrush for many years. He had indeed forgotten how many of these calluses were left by Shen Lixin.

It was as if every painting was silently shouting, reminding him that he once loved this man so, so much.

Immersed in broken memories, I didn't even hear the footsteps behind me, until Owen's back warmed up, and Shen Lixin hugged him and buried her head on his shoulder.

"It's me, it's me who asked Xiaojia to write a letter back to the mountain, asking you to come and see him, I guess it's probably you, Owen, it's me who wants to see you...I really miss you."

Feeling the embrace of the person behind him getting stronger and stronger, Owen lost his mind and remained motionless.

"What's the point of saying this now..."

"I know! I know it's meaningless to say anything now!" Shen Lixin shook her head excitedly and said, "I just wanted to take a sneak peek at you, and that's enough to see that you are doing well! But... I was wrong... I'm not reconciled, I'm so reconciled, I was really wrong...I was wrong 17 years ago...Owen..."

“…………”

"Forgive me, forgive me for everything I did wrong, okay? Since I left you, I live like hell every day. Facing a woman I don't love at all is a thousand times more painful than I imagined..."

"Stop it, please...don't go on..." Owen spoke weakly, trying to push him away, but he didn't have any strength.

"No! I want to say! Owen, look at me!" Shen Lixin forcibly turned Owen's body and cupped his cheek, "It's been 17 years, have you really not thought about me, have you really forgotten me? Well, I know that I am not qualified to ask you anything, change you anything, but at this moment, I just want you to know that I have never changed you..."

"Li Xin..."

Owen couldn't even look at this person directly, he never forgot, never forgot the joy when he was with him, and also couldn't forget the despair and pain that Shen Lixin had given him.

Ruan Miaomiao's clear face flashed before his eyes, as if two different emotions in his body were tearing his whole body to pieces, bloody and bloody.

"Owen, I love you."

Shen Lixin had already kissed his lips.

Owen found it funny. The three words he was waiting for should not have come from this person.

Looking at Shen Lixin's face in a blur, this person's fragile appearance is Owen's most fatal injury, and people can't help but want to protect him. The tear mole in front of him is still so painful that Owen It felt like he was crying, even tears streaming down his face, but this time it was not his illusion.

Owen closed his eyes, despite the bitter touch between his lips and teeth, swallowing the last afterimage of Ruan Miaomiao in his mind, Owen responded shallowly, and finally raised his hands to hug him back.

The stars outside the window were messy, and the bright white moon exuded a bleak light, refracted into the dark room under the same night sky.

Ruan Miaomiao sat here without turning on the light because when he came back, the sun was still shining brightly in the sky, and then it gradually became dim until it was pitch black in front of him.

By the moonlight, Ruan Miaomiao stared blankly at the ashtray on the table, thinking about something, maybe he didn't dare to think about anything at all.

There was still Owen's unfinished cigarette on the ashtray. Ruan Miaomiao listened to the noisy movement of the clock, took the lighter next to him and lit the half of the cigarette. He didn't smoke it, but just put it quietly. The cigarette butt was brighter than the stars, even a little dazzling, and the white smoke still made him frown, as if he felt that the person was still there.

This night, he couldn't wait for him.