Dawn is coming

Jian Chengqi didn't want to commit suicide as much as before.

In his dead life, there is one hope that does not appear on the stage, and that is to make love back to others in a serious manner.After all, self-help is a human instinct, and this idea supports Jian Chengqi to continue to live and stimulates his desire to survive.

He has also been looking for Gao Xinye.

He hadn't found other mbs before Gaoxinye, but he knew the market more or less.With the hourly fee he gave, let alone Gao Xinye with such good conditions, he couldn't even find an alpha.But Gao Xinye is always on call, even if he is late, he will not refuse, and he will bring Jian Chengqi a packed meal every time.The ointment he gave was very effective, like some kind of special agent. Within three days, the old wound on his wrist healed, and the new wound recovered seven or eight percent.But after removing the gauze, Gao Xinye still tried to prevent Jian Chengxi from doing it himself, feeding and bathing others.Jian Chengxi felt embarrassed, but Gao Xinye didn't take it seriously, saying that the business has been really bad recently, Jian Chengxi is one of his few repeat customers, of course he has to take good care of it.

Of course Jian Chengxi didn't believe this, and he also didn't believe that Gao Xinye was really mb.The first time he saw this alpha, he even thought that the secret police had finally found him.

But he was worthless, and he was not even wanted for leaving the capital without permission.This is his third month in the East Fifth District, and there is a record of going to the bank to withdraw money every month. If those people are still afraid of him, they won't delay it for so long.

And Gao Xinye doesn't look like a policeman, every time he and Jian Chengqi lie on that shabby little bed, they really hope that the other party can be comfortable and happy.He also tried to say that if a strong alpha was not willing, he would never do this to a glandless and unresponsive omega.

He really took care of Jian Chengqi, no matter what his purpose or status was, what he did well was sincere.Jian Chengqi never asked this question, he has nothing, and the company of this alpha is the only reason why he still has the courage to live for the time being.

He didn't make up his mind to cheer up, and he was still confused, but he didn't go to buy wine every other day like before.His money is only so little, and the part for Gao Xinye can only be diverted from the wine money.It was only after he really started to quit drinking that he realized that he was indeed addicted, especially at night, his throat was itchy like ants crawling, and the back of his neck was also numb and hot.He seldom goes out for a walk, and the dark basement makes his skin sickly white, so every time he rubs his neck, that piece of skin will turn red, especially the place where the glands originally grew. It left red marks, which looked particularly hideous.Of course, Gao Xinye also noticed, so he suggested that Jian Chengqi quit slowly, and allocate the original three-day drinking amount to a week or even longer.Jian Chengqi didn't notice it himself, but Gao Xinye said that he would cough badly after falling asleep—yes, Gao Xinye spent the night in this basement, and Jian Chengqi didn't have a wallet for the night, but he would still stay, and he also brought a Some sugar, which is as unscripted as that magic tube of salve, but has a calming and soothing effect when eaten.

Jian Chengxi didn't realize that he was getting better, but the quitting of alcoholism did make his mental outlook no longer sluggish. He couldn't see it himself, but Zhu Zhihua, who saw him once a week, could clearly see it. Variety.

"I'll just say it works," Zhu Zhihua thought that Jian Chengqi had gone to receive psychological counseling, "I'll just say, there's no obstacle in life, as long as you're alive, you'll be bright."

Jian Chengqi gave him a very shallow smile. He had no strength and no need to refute the vision and hope of a boy who was not even 20 years old. His thinking and hand movements were still slow. Originally, he only wanted to buy oranges. With that, his hand suddenly fell into the fruit basket next to him.He watched helplessly as the hand picked up a glowing red apple and stuck it to his hot cheek. He took a deep breath, turned his back to Zhu Zhihua and blinked, and suddenly heard his own heartbeat.

——There was a trace of longing in his heart, and he decided not to buy wine today.

Jian Chengxi took the bag of oranges and apples to weigh, and Zhu Zhihua closed the book he had been reading, and walked over to pay him the bill. It was a coincidence that someone came in to buy wine at this time, and it still needed to be adjusted. So, Zhu Zhihua went to pour wine for that person first, and asked Jian Chengqi to wait.Jian Chengqi was not in a hurry, standing in front of the counter and waiting quietly, the wine placed in front of him was still attractive to him, but he still wanted to save the money for other uses, Gao Xinye stayed here four or five times No, he still only pays the hourly fee in a shabby way.

Gao Xinye may not need it, but he still wants to give it. It seems that their simple relationship will be stronger.For some reason, when he thought of that name, his face burned even more, and he looked around awkwardly and shyly, and his eyes just fell on the book.When he saw the title, he opened his mouth, and his mouth was dry.

He let go of the apple.

He also smelled the smell of wine, and heard the trickle of liquid being poured into the glass. When Zhu Zhihua came to him again, he raised his finger and pointed to the wall full of wine behind him, and said anxiously like a relapse of drug addiction: " want."

"Why..." Zhu Zhihua said angrily, "Don't—"

"Just one bottle," his hands that weren't on the counter trembled, "I'll buy a bottle today."

"Okay." Zhu Zhihua hesitated for a few seconds before taking down the bottle.He was really warmhearted, and besides the wine, he put the book in the bag too.

"I do not want…"

"You take it." Zhu Zhihua firmly insisted that he accept the book. It was an autobiography by a European Union author. It was published in the West five years ago, but the Chinese version was only released last month.

"You don't know this author. I didn't know him before he won the New Century Literature Award at the end of last year. As soon as he won the award, those works were translated immediately. I think this author is really inspirational. His young At that time, that country was under the rule of the Russian Federation, and his articles were not appreciated by the authorities. He was imprisoned, imprisoned, and exiled. Later, the country broke away from the Russian Federation and was divided into the European Union, and he resumed literary creation. This author has experienced all kinds of hardships, but he still has not lost hope. Not only has he survived, but he has also written so many excellent works. You can take a look at it. Seriously, after reading it, you will also feel that he has experienced His suffering is the real suffering, compared with him, we are really happy..."

Zhu Zhihua babbled on a lot of words of encouragement, but Jian Chengqi was out of his mind and didn't listen to anything.After returning to the residence, he sat on the bed with the biography on his lap, his back arched like a boiled shrimp.

He opened the book, flipping aimlessly from back to front.Zhu Zhihua made some marks with a pen, and Jian Chengxi stopped on one of the pages, and he saw such a passage was drawn——

【I am all grateful for those years of imprisonment. The creative theme of my life was reborn in those years.Yes, I also felt destroyed in the first year, but when I stepped out of the confinement of the physical body, there was a peace in my heart that I had never had before.

I gradually realized that, before being imprisoned, I had never experienced real suffering, and that the suffering I had written about was so artificial and unreal, and that it was imprisonment that gave me the opportunity to merge with the real suffering of all human beings. as one.I died and I was born again.

Those were the best times of my life, my soul was freed from prison. 】

"That was the best time in my life..." Jian Chengqi touched the line of words, and he didn't realize how many times he read it.He stood up suddenly, went to the closet in a panic, took out the clothes one by one and threw them on the ground.He buried his head in it, and he saw the books.

He took out the book whose cover was about to be torn, squatted down in despair, his hands were shaking all the time, as if suffering from Parkinson's syndrome, he couldn't hold it steady at all.

But he turned to that page very precisely.There was no mark on the book, but the muscles in his fingertips had memory, and he flipped through it.The language used to write this book is a small language whose number of speakers is decreasing year by year, and it is also the native language of the writer-one writes an autobiography, of course, in one's native language.

Jian Chengqi got this book three years ago.According to regulations, this kind of reading materials that have not been reviewed by the book inspection agency of the United States of America cannot be circulated, but at that time Jian Chengqi had no desire to survive, and anyone with a discerning eye could see that if he continued like this, he would not be able to get out of prison alive.An omega who has suffered and suffered can always attract the pity of a certain important person, and the book and dictionary finally reached Jian Chengqi's bedside.Before that, Jian Chengqi knew nothing about this writer and this language, so he turned it word by word, and pieced together most of the life of this Latin American writer.He has successfully taught himself the language, and plans to translate the biography of this writer into Chinese, hoping that more people will know about this little-known but profound writer and his spiritual pillar in prison—he has no Pen and paper, but the biography lingered in his head, as well as those creative inspirations welled up from their wells, rescuing him from his physical distress.Later, he received a commutation of his sentence. He was only 24 years old when he was released from prison. He was so young and still had the desire to create and write.

He still had a certain sincere hope then.

He still remembers how he translated that sentence, not "That was the best time of my life", but "That was the golden age of my life".

"That was supposed to be the golden age of my life..." he muttered, holding the book, gasping for breath.He was sweating all over his body, and his heart was beating violently, so violently that it wanted to break with his thin body.That bottle of wine became his life-saving straw, like a terminally ill addict, he gulped down, what was too late to drink flowed from his cheeks to his neck and into his collar, he coughed violently, and as soon as he dropped his hand, the bottle Falling to the ground, shattered like hope.

He began to vomit, and lay helplessly on the ground. He vomited convulsively, and the unfinished wine also dripped away, staining his hair and cheeks like snot and tears, making him embarrassed and muddy.His hands gripped the ground, feeling no pain at all, the fingernails were about to be lifted off, and he touched broken glass.

Suddenly he saw a ray of light.

Beyond all possibilities of relief, he frantically stabbed the sharp point at the artery in his neck without hesitation—

Someone grabbed his wrist suddenly, the piece of glass fell off by itself, Jian Chengqi didn't let go, and that person didn't snatch it either.

It fell by itself.

Falling to the ground, like Jian Chengqi falling into that embrace.

He opened his mouth, and for a long time, he made a hoarse cry.As if he had lost his ability to speak, he could only cry dryly "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" and instinctively want to break away from the hug.He's just an omega, what strength does he have, he struggled, but couldn't shed a single tear.

He was in hysterical despair.

He is also in Gao Xinye's embrace.