Domestic dog

49

Ji Shu wants to try to reconcile with himself, he doesn't want to ask for extravagance anymore.Stimulating with words and fighting with thorns will only make him feel more uncomfortable.

When facing Ji Yuedong, he seemed to have lost his self-esteem, the butterfly in his stomach fluttered and fluttered, and the tiny tentacles reached his throat.He looked at Ji Yuedong's concerned expression, and when he heard him say the word "go home", his stomach was overwhelmed, and his scalp was numb with pain.

Ji Shu was horrified to find that her love and obsession with Ji Yuedong turned into another emotion after meeting Ji Yuedong.

When he was not so paranoid, he would think that even if Ji Yuedong could not be a lover with himself, he was indeed a good person to himself.As Ji Yuedong said, he has grown up, and he can no longer be willful when he grows up. He should understand that some feelings cannot be forced.

But this kind of thought was only for a moment, and after a few seconds, he couldn't help complaining bitterly, why... why Ji Yuedong couldn't like himself, why he had to come back after five years of absence, why did he want him Brought back from Switzerland.

He promised to grow up with him, but he broke his promise.

Why does Ji Yuedong become his family, he has no family and never will.

He passed his hand over, and Ji Shu felt Ji Yuedong's temperature.

Like meeting for the first time, he gave himself to him.

Good and bad moods rolled in this body, he endured the pain, just a few seconds, slowly retracted his hand, he said go back.

They were going back, Ji Shu put the future to death, his heart was stuffed, the time of happiness became less and less, and the unhappiness could be anytime and anywhere.He knows that he is going bad, like the shelf life of food, his taste period has come to an end.

He tried his best to let go of this love, treating Ji Yuedong as an ordinary person, not someone he loved.

The summer in Beijing is very dry. When Ji Shu first came here, he couldn't get used to it and often had nosebleeds.However, he still got used to it later. He could adapt to the unfamiliar weather, strange people, and a love that lasted for several years without a cause.

He no longer forced Ji Yuedong to love himself, he wanted to love himself first.

Ji Yuedong could still feel this change, Ji Shu no longer dodged or hesitated when he saw him, and looked at each other flatly, without any ambiguity in it.This was what Ji Yuedong wanted to see the most. He escaped for five years, and he wanted to see Ji Shu like this, but when this day really came, he suddenly felt lost.

He lived in Beijing for a period of summer, walked into Ji Shu's current life, and watched him take off the chain on his ankle and put it gently on the table.I heard him talk to his classmates, he said he was going to travel to Europe during the summer vacation, and he said, you should go.

Ji Yuedong stood at the window, silent for a long time, he asked, "With whom?"

Ji Shu paused, and replied, "With Lu Xiao."

Ji Yuedong left Beijing, returned to Guangdong, and received a call from Zheng Yuan as soon as he got off the plane.He said Dordo was sick and dying.

Dordo is also getting old, Ji Yuedong rushed to the pet hospital to look at the Angora rabbit, its hair lost its luster and drooped down, as if he could feel Ji Yuedong's breath, Dordo opened his eyes and turned slowly circle, looking at Ji Yuedong.

Zheng Yuan raised Dordo for a period of time, and he developed feelings for him. He turned his head sideways, his eyes flushed.

After a long time, Ji Yuedong came out from inside, and he said to Zheng Yuan, "Euthanasia."

Zheng Yuan sighed and comforted him, "Don't be sad, we're all going to go."

Ji Yuedong shook his head, he didn't know what to say, or couldn't say anything at all.Dordo was buried behind the house, and a small tree was planted on the lawn. Ji Yuedong stood for a long time with a shovel.

At dusk, he put one hand in his pocket, turned and went back to the room.

Throughout the long summer, Ji Yuedong stayed in his old house in Guangdong, and the days when he didn't work lengthened the day.Zheng Yuan would come to look for Ji Yuedong occasionally, and drag him out to drink, and he felt tired before it was late at night due to the lively drinking party.

He looked at the others talking and laughing with disinterest, lowered his eyelashes, and stared at the photos on the phone.

1 minute ago, he asked Ji Shu where to play?

Ji Shu quickly answered him that he was in Paris.

Ji Yuedong stared at the photo he sent, with Lu Xiao smiling.

Ji Yuedong let out a sigh of relief, and suddenly his hand was pulled, and someone next to him came over and called him Mr. Ji.

He raised his eyes and saw a boy who looked very young.Such a child reminded him of Ji Shu, like and not like, Ji Shu would not call him Mr. Ji, nor would he be so flattering.

Ji Yuedong frowned, feeling displeased with this thought.He stood up, and the boy followed suit, calling him Mr. Ji, and raising his voice before him, "My name is Zhaozhao. Because of my faintness, it makes people Zhaozhao."

Not far away, Zheng Yuan sneered when he heard this, "He's still a man of culture."

Zhao Zhao smiled, and said, "I'm a medical student, and I'm going back to Guangdong to earn some extra money during the summer vacation."

Zheng Yuan was taken aback, it was the first time he saw such a straightforward person, Ji Yuedong looked slightly startled, and asked in a low voice: "From Beijing?"

Zhao Zhao nodded, Zheng Yuan became interested and asked him, "Then do you know Ji Shu?"

"Ji Shu?" Zhao Zhao thought for a while, "Is she very pretty?"

"That's right, that's right, she's so pretty that she doesn't look like a human being." Zheng Yuan answered, and Ji Yuedong frowned at him.

Zhao Zhao nodded in agreement, "It's really beautiful, but I heard it's very cold, and I don't know why I took a year off from school."

Zheng Yuan looked at Ji Yuedong, and could see his gloomy expression.Zhao Zhao's eyes fell on the face of the man in front of him. On this occasion, he didn't ask Ji Shu about their relationship.

Ji Yuedong came out from inside, and said to Zheng Yuan: "Give him some money, and tell him not to come in the future."

Zheng Yuan walked to his side and sniffed lightly, "Why does it still smell like peaches?"

"I'm used to it."

Zheng Yuan sometimes really doesn't understand what Ji Yuedong is thinking, the boss is not young, and he likes to hide it so much, he said to Ji Yuedong: "If you like that kid, go after him? Anyway, he has grown up now Now, what worries do you have?"

Ji Yuedong was silent for a moment, and he said to Zheng Yuan, "I'm not good enough for him."

He is an orphan picked up by Ji Guande. He has lived at the bottom since he was a child, and he worked hard to be eligible to become a dog of Ji's family.No matter how well he hides it, his inferiority complex remains.

The cigarette in Ji Yuedong's hand was almost burnt out, this was the last one, he sniffed the faint peach, and took a slow breath while biting the smell of smoke.

Zheng Yuan had a feeling that he was indisputable, he opened his mouth and wanted to say something, when Ji Yuedong's cell phone rang.Ji Yuedong shook off the cigarette ash, looked down at the incoming call, was slightly taken aback, pressed the call button, and said in a low voice, "Lu Xiao?"

On the phone, Lu Xiao's voice was urgent, and he asked Ji Yuedong, "Can you contact Ji Shu?"

Ji Yuedong was stunned, and immediately asked: "What's wrong? Isn't he with you?"

"With me? No, I haven't seen him for several days."

Ji Yuedong took a deep breath, his throat was tight, his phone was pressed against his ear, he lowered his voice and asked, "What's going on?"

Ji Shu lied to them. The photos sent to Ji Yuedong were taken by him and Lu Xiao as early as last year, and he told Lu Xiao that he was going back to Guangdong.

Lu Xiao was about to cry on the phone, he choked his voice and said, "I can't get through to him."

Ji Yuedong comforted him slowly, and he said to Lu Xiao, "Don't worry, I'll go find him."

Ji Yuedong stubbed out the cigarette, his face darkened, and he asked Zheng Yuan, "How many people do you have on hand that you can use?"

"What are you going to do?"

"Ji Shu is missing, maybe in Guangdong."

It wasn't very hot, and Ji Shu was wearing an indigo long-sleeved, knee-length coffee-colored shorts. After the gauze on the knee was removed, there was a freshly healed scar on the knee bone.He stood at the intersection, the sky looked like a winding poisonous snake, people coming and going stood outside the zebra crossing, the red lights flashed and turned green, and the people behind walked forward.

He regained his senses in a trance, was pushed a bit, the scar on his knee seemed to be torn open, and he almost couldn't stand still, someone raised his voice to show him the way.

Ji Shu raised his head, and the green light became a monster with claws and claws in his eyes. He didn't dare to walk over, the people around him pushed him away, and Ji Shu retreated to the other side of the road.

A car braked in front of him, and the people in the car rolled down the glass and scolded him for not having eyes.Ji Shu gritted his teeth and gasped for breath. He apologized bluntly.

On the phone, Ji Yuedong heard Lu Xiao say: "There is one thing that Ji Shu won't let me say, but in fact, he has been in a bad spirit for these years, and he has been seeing a psychologist for a year off from school. He hasn't stopped his medicine. A few days ago, his psychiatrist contacted me and said that Ji Shu was abnormal recently, so he asked me to pay attention, but I..."

Speaking of this, Lu Xiao paused. On the other end of the phone, the tall boy squatted down with his head in his arms. His back was tense. He said it was all my fault.If he didn't want to deal with Ji Shu because of his own selfishness, then Ji Shu wouldn't be unreachable.

Hearing Lu Xiao's choked sobs, Ji Yuedong's breath sank in his chest, and he said to Lu Xiao, "It's not your fault."

It's him, it's all because of him.He once said that he would take care of Ji Shu and accompany Ji Shu, but he left Ji Shu behind. It was his blind avoidance and self-righteousness that hurt Ji Shu.

After finishing the call with Lu Xiao, Ji Yuedong used his contacts to contact other people, found out about Ji Shu's entry and exit information, and learned that he was still in the country, and that the latest bill was placed near Baiyun Airport. A heart that is half-empty is considered half-fallen.He was pacing back and forth, when Zheng Yuan walked over quickly, tugged his arm, and whispered, "Ji Shu has been found."

"He was in the hospital, and people he saw on the road said that he fell down on the road and couldn't get up. After examination, he was not injured, but he was mentally unstable. The hospital gave him a sedative. have gone to sleep,"

They said as they walked, Ji Yuedong sat in the car with an expression like this dull night.

When the car arrived at the hospital, he got out of the car and went straight to Ji Shu's ward.

Standing at the top of the stairs, in the familiar aisle, just like a few years ago, Ji Guande left alone on his deathbed.

What was his mood at that time, pulling the chain around his neck, delusional about freedom, and dismissive of the child who was about to take over, he thought that as long as he took care of him until he became an adult, he would be fine, but he was wrong.

Ji Yuedong stood in front of the door and slowly opened the door.There was a small light in the room, Ji Shu curled up in the darkness, Ji Yuedong approached, and stretched out his hand to cover Ji Shu's shoulder with the quilt.

Someone walked by in the corridor, the unclosed window was blown by the wind, Ji Yuedong looked away from Ji Shu's face, he walked to the window, and the windy gap was gently closed.

He stood in front of the glass, with a faint shadow in front of his eyes, and when he turned around, he saw Ji Shu sitting up.

The blue and white striped hospital gown wrapped him up, making him look even weaker. He stared at Ji Yuedong anxiously, and before he could speak, his shoulders were clasped firmly.Ji Yuedong hugged him tightly, as if to crush him.

Ji Shu was at a loss, he heard Ji Yuedong kept apologizing, he said sorry, he said it was all my fault, he said I shouldn't have left you behind.

Ji Shu shook his head, he didn't blame Ji Yuedong anymore, he blamed himself.He has an ugly and weird body and a shameless heart.He expressed his love, but was rejected again and again, over and over again, he was the one who provoked Ji Yuedong, and it was he who took Ji Yuedong's favor and mistake for him as love.

There was a hole in his heart, and nothing he put into it would heal, he couldn't vent, he was fed up with this involuntary emotion, he could only hurt himself.

He said to Ji Yuedong: "If you don't like me, don't appear in front of me."

He has always shown his sincerity to Ji Yuedong, his bloody heart has never healed, because of the pain and suffering, he, who had not cried for a long time, began to shed tears.The cry was broken, as if a newborn kitten was sobbing. Ji Yuedong held him in his arms and listened to him say: "Don't be so kind to me, you will only make me suffer. For so many years, I finally recovered, why did you come back again?"

"Ji Shu...I..."

"You won't like me, you'll always be like this, do you think I'm ridiculous and pathetic." He smiled, resting his forehead on Ji Yuedong's chest, he said: "That's right, what qualifications does such a body have? To like others, so disgusting?"

"Ji Shu, don't say that about yourself."

"Leave me alone." Ji Shu yelled suddenly, he struggled to get up from Ji Yuedong's arms, pushed Ji Yuedong away, and wobbled on the bed.

He pointed at Ji Yuedong with a pained and sad expression. After the sedative expired, his breathing became short of breath. He grabbed his chest and said to Ji Yuedong: "Whatever is not perfect is perfect, what you are me The little prince, all the treasures, are fake.

You hypocritical liar, why do you say this, why do you want me to like you?I feel so uncomfortable, I feel so uncomfortable every day, I have thought about dozens of ways to die, I am thinking every day, if I really die, will you regret it? "

He raised his hand, exposing his wrist, and pointed to the wound on his wrist with the other hand, "Here...you can definitely die if you stroke vertically, but I dare not do that. I'm afraid that if I really die, I just I can't see you anymore. I stayed in the hospital for a whole month, and I wondered every day, would you come, if you knew I committed suicide, would you come back? But you didn't, you when I cut my wrist You didn't come, and you didn't know when I was taking sleeping pills to wash my stomach."

Tears gathered on the tip of his chin and fell drop by drop. His body was shaking so badly that his whole body was trembling. He cried and talked at the same time, but finally he couldn't hold it anymore and knelt down on the bed.

Ji Shu grabbed the quilt with his hand, and he held on to a corner, he said: "I don't know you, I don't know what love you want?"

In Ji Yuedong's scribbled love, he hopes that he will not become a burden to his lover.

But it seems that the more you think about it, things will develop in the opposite direction.He still became Ji Shu's burden.

Ji Yuedong held that weak shoulder, his cheeks were tense, and after clenching his back molars for a long time, his lips moved slightly, and he whispered: "Your father called me back before he died, your father knows very well Me, he knew that I resented him, and he knew that even so, I would not betray the Ji family, so he told me that he had a child hidden in Switzerland, and he needed me to bring the child back to the country and take care of him until he became an adult .

I came to Switzerland right after your father's funeral, and I still remember eating one of your sandwiches that night. "

Ji Shu raised his head, sniffed, and said, "It's two."

"Yeah, you're not angry after eating two of your sandwiches, so good, so good." He lowered his head, stepped forward slowly, hugged Ji Shu, and buried his face on Ji Shu's shoulder.This is the first time, he showed a fragile expression in front of Ji Shu, he said to Ji Shu: "I am not young anymore, you still have a long time, I used to always think that I can't just because of selfish desire, Just hold you in my hands and confine you to this love."

Ji Shu pursed his mouth and said nothing, the side of his neck suddenly felt wet, his body froze, and he was hugged even tighter.

He didn't dare to move, but opened his lips slightly, and said softly: "I never thought it was a restriction, and I also thought about it a lot. Our future, ten years, twenty years, thirty years... a lifetime."

"I know, I was wrong."

Ji Yuedong raised his head, Ji Shu's eyes were covered, he couldn't see anything, but he could feel the approaching breath.

Ji Yuedong asked him: "If I admit my mistake to you, I tell you, Ji Shu, give me one last chance to pursue you and love you, can you...can you forgive me?"

"Do you know what you're talking about?"

"I know."

"Are you pitying me?"

"No." Ji Yuedong let go of his hand, and they looked at each other.

Ji Shu saw Ji Yuedong's reddish eye sockets, he gritted his teeth, his whole heart was crushed upside down a million times, and finally recovered because of Ji Yuedong's words.

It was impossible for him not to sigh and laugh at himself, but there was nothing he could do.Ji Shu asked him: "Were you crying just now?" Ji Yuedong said yes.

Ji Shu asked again, "Did you cry for me?" Ji Yuedong continued to nod and said yes.

Then there was silence, a few slow breaths, a string of tears drifting away, and a dozen heartbeats. Ji Shu finally spoke, and he said softly, "I'm hard to chase."