before and after

In the rain, a kind of anticipation suddenly surged in his heart.He wants to see the real light after the rain.No matter how insignificant it was, he wanted to stand upright in the sun again.

The pillow is wet and sticky with tears of waste.Ye Ruixin turned her head to the side and wiped away the tears on her cheeks, then set her eyes on Liang Xiao, quietly waiting for him to wake up.

The gentle sound of rain enveloped them, slowly leaving the track of time.Ye Ruixin's brain has never been empty before, he didn't think about anything, just stared like that.My mind was slowly sucked in by the boundless silence.It wasn't until Liang Xiao trembled his shoulders that he hurriedly closed his eyes.What followed was an uncontrollable rapid beating in the atrium.

Liang Xiao woke up, he didn't know that Ye Ruixin had been watching him for a long time.Liang Xiao carefully used his injured arm to relieve the numbness of the other hand.After feeling a bit more comfortable, he stroked Ye Ruixin's forehead.Check his physical condition.

The sudden touch caused Ye Ruixin's eyes to tremble, and Ye Ruixin wasn't sure if Liang Xiao had noticed this.After a moment of hesitation, Ye Ruixin slowly opened his eyes.Ye Ruixin looked at Liang Xiao again at the moment when too many details changed.

Seeing Ye Ruixin woke up, Liang Xiao withdrew his hand.He also looked into Ye Ruixin's eyes, but didn't speak.Liang Xiao was afraid that after breaking the silence, things would turn into the result he feared most.

"Liang Xiao."

"Ok?"

"Next time, you just tie me up."

Ye Ruixin's words were a possibility that Liang Xiao had never thought of, and he suddenly didn't know what to respond.Just nodded slightly.

Even though he had pretended to be cute yesterday, Liang Xiao did not have any doubts about Ye Ruixin's behavior at the moment.He knew that with his current situation, he couldn't force Ye Ruixin to stay by his side, if he insisted on leaving.Liang Xiao only opened the door.

But Liang Xiao trusted Ye Ruixin again, trusting him for no reason.

Liang Xiao began to untie the restraint belts that bound Ye Ruixin one by one.The arm injury hindered Liang Xiao's movements, and every time he was pulled, there would be a burst of pain.

Ye Ruixin stared at Liang Xiao, but lowered his eyes every time they met each other.

A feeling of anxiety and depression is gradually controlling Ye Ruixin.As a person wakes up from sleep more and more, he no longer has the mood to experience a certain kind of emotion quietly growing.

When a person is enduring great pain, a slight relief will feel like a relief.After the plane crashed that year, fragments from the explosion penetrated into Ye Ruixin's waist, almost spanning the entire lower back.The back injury made Ye Ruixin very familiar with the current feeling.The torture is terrible, it won't kill you.It will be relieved at the moment of death.Like a breath of air taken in time by a drowning man.

Let you live so that the cycle can continue.

This kind of experience may be rarely experienced by ordinary people.But for Ye Ruixin, this was something he had to face every day.

The physical transmission of sensations was similar to the situation of pain relief at that time, but the difference was that although such relief allowed him to survive, it did not bring relief.Heroin does far more damage to the nerves than to the body.The trauma can be overcome by mental strength, but now, the mental depression caused by the lack of drugs cannot be resisted by willpower at all.

After the rope on her body was untied, Ye Ruixin got up and walked into the bathroom.He tried his best to divert his attention and prevent himself from being suppressed and buried.

"I'll go get your luggage." Liang Xiao said.

Ye Ruixin nodded and looked forward.The image reflected by the mirror made Ye Ruixin see the blood on her body more clearly.Dark red blood, dry and hard, clotted on the white shirt.He thought of the blood that Qiao Jiang had left on his body, and of the terrifying warmth and stickiness.

"Give you the toiletries first?"

Liang Xiao lay down the suitcase while talking, and waited for a while but did not get Ye Ruixin's answer.Liang Xiaoxiao raised his head and saw Ye Ruixin holding on to the basin, trying to control his heavy breathing.

Liang Xiao put down the box and stood up, walked behind Ye Ruixin, and comforted his back.Liang Xiao's hand was generous and warm, Ye Ruixin suddenly hoped that Liang Xiao's hand would never be taken away, he hoped that that kind of gentle and reassuring power would always be with him.

I don't know if he felt Ye Ruixin's attachment, but Liang Xiao has been slowly stroking Ye Ruixin's back like this.It wasn't until his mood stabilized that Liang Xiao stepped aside and turned on the bathtub faucet to store water.

Liang Xiao returned to the suitcase, took a set of clothes from it and put it beside him.And Ye Ruixin's daily necessities, Liang Xiao put them on the sink one by one.

People's emotions are extremely delicate, and they can receive hints of many messages.For example, if you put your own things in an unfamiliar place, even if it is just a razor that you often use, you will feel much more at ease.Liang Xiao hoped that Ye Ruixin could settle down a little bit and stop being anxious.

The last thing Liang Xiao put down was a bottle of perfume that was only a third left. He took a look at the bottle, and there was an amber light flickering inside.Liang Xiao has an impression of this, no matter the smell or the body of the bottle, they all carry familiar memories.

"Did you use this when you were studying?"

"Ah."

"You take a shower first, and I'll go downstairs to get some food. You need to take medicine after breakfast."

"Liang Xiao."

Ye Ruixin suddenly interrupted Liang Xiao's words. He looked at Liang Xiao, but couldn't finish the rest of the sentence.

Looking into Ye Ruixin's eyes, Liang Xiao knew what he wanted to say.Ye Ruixin's blue eye circles appeared on his haggard gray face, only those eyes still had some of their former appearance.But just look into those eyes, and all the love buried deep in my heart will spread from the spine.

"The wound is not deep."

Liang Xiao smiled, comforting Ye Ruixin with his smile.

"The hardest part is over. With the help of medicine, I will get better day by day."

Liang Xiao's words were not consolation, but the process was still arduous and lengthy.

Even with the control of drugs, Ye Ruixin's state is still very ups and downs.Emotional depression and body aches tormented him endlessly.Liang Xiao's company will make Ye Ruixin feel better, but once the drug addiction becomes severe, he will inevitably hurt Liang Xiao.The pain that could not be vented passed from Ye Ruixin's tightly clenched hands to Liang Xiao's body.Such scars brought Ye Ruixin great self-blame and guilt after he woke up.

So later Ye Ruixin asked Liang Xiao to lock the door from the outside, and he told Liang Xiao to leave, no matter what he heard, don't worry about himself.Although Liang Xiao was worried about Ye Ruixin, he knew how to protect Ye Ruixin's self-esteem better.He knows that those invisible and intangible things that belong to the spiritual world must not be ignored.So Liang Xiao locked the door and left with clear footsteps.

But then, Liang Xiao would carefully return to Ye Ruixin's door.There to guard him.

Liang Xiao never went far, never.

Through the door, there would be the sound of Ye Ruixin's restless footsteps back and forth in the room, his low growls and groans, and at the most painful moment, he would knock on the door and beg him to open the door.And Liang Xiao could only stand behind the door, pretending that he was not there.A heavy and desperate knock came through the wooden door, hitting Liang Xiao's back.The feeling of powerlessness was infinitely magnified, and the bitterness was like chewing a stone in his mouth.

And all Liang Xiao could do was wait until the room was quiet.Finally, after a long torment.No more sound came out.Liang Xiao really wanted to open the door immediately, but his hand holding the doorknob stopped.

Liang Xiao's hand rested on the metal handle, and he held it tightly.He told himself to wait, he wanted to protect his ego as much as possible.

When he finally opened the door, what Liang Xiao saw was Ye Ruixin who had been tortured to the point of exhaustion.He curled up on the cold winter floor, drenched in cold sweat, so thin and fragile.

Liang Xiao knew that the pain did not go away completely, it just tortured him so that he was no longer able to resist.

Liang Xiao picked Ye Ruixin up, and there was a clear spine joint in his palm.Let Ye Ruixin lie on the bed, and Liang Xiao massages his muscles.Liang Xiao tried his best to make him feel more comfortable.Just keep pressing it until Ye Ruixin's frown gradually relaxes and recovers from the tense state.

For Ye Ruixin, this winter is so slow that there is no end in sight.

The soreness persisted in the bone marrow, and the bones were about to fall apart.With the recurrence of the back injury in the cold season, he couldn't sleep for several days.Liang Xiao's careful company is Ye Ruixin's spiritual sustenance, but his body can only be slightly relieved during massage.

Ye Ruixin cared about Liang Xiao's hand, so she asked Steward Liu to invite the masseuse over.Other than that, he has no interest in doing anything, and every day is an anxious torment.

This kind of torment finally faded slowly along with this winter.

The Chinese boil down winter into nine nine days.There is an old saying: three nine four nine walk on ice.After it's over, it's the Spring Festival.

After taking a nap for a long time, when Ye Ruixin woke up in a daze, it was completely dark.He got up and walked out of the room, looked towards Liang Xiao's room, the door was open but no one was there.The light from the living room downstairs passed through the stairs, from far to near, so subtle that it seemed to come from another world.Then it was projected into Ye Ruixin's heart little by little, illuminating it again.

Liang Xiao is not far away, within reach forever.

Ye Ruixin walked down the stairs, just as Liang Xiao was untying the bandage on his arm.This was the first time Ye Ruixin saw this wound, and it was much more serious than Liang Xiao's understatement.

"Shall I help you?" After a moment of silence, Ye Ruixin walked up to Liang Xiao and said.

"it is good."

Ye Ruixin took the bandage from Liang Xiao's hand and carefully began to bandage it.Liang Xiao looked up at Ye Ruixin. When he noticed Liang Xiao's eyes, Ye Ruixin tried to cover up his trembling with a smile, but he was caught.

Since when did Ye Ruixin's mind become so simple and clear?It is so clear that you can count the sparkling rays of the sun.

"You're so badly wrapped."

It would be unfair to imagine Ye Ruixin as a clumsy person based on Liang Xiao's words, but for a professional heart surgeon.Ye Ruixin's movements were unfamiliar and stiff.Facing Liang Xiao's "mocking", Ye Ruixin deliberately tightened the bandage in his hand, as if to pull it hard.

Liang Xiao quickly said: "Calm down! I just healed up, I can't stand you pulling me like this!"

After speaking, the two laughed at the same time.

Liang Xiao looked at the knotted bandage, shook his head and put on the sweater.At this time, the phone on the side rang. Liang Xiao looked at the name on the screen, and hesitated for two seconds before answering it.

"elder brother."

Ye Ruixin deliberately went to the kitchen to pour water, but Liang Xiao's embarrassing tone was still heard clearly in his ears.

"I've been busy recently."

"It's a little personal."

"I know I know……"

"I will definitely go back on New Year's Eve. Well, I will tell you then."

After hanging up the phone, Liang Xiao walked into the kitchen and said:

"I warmed up the soup for you to drink."

Accompanied by the sound of pots and pans, Liang Xiao asked:

"Next week is New Year's Eve, Uncle Liu, are they on holiday?"

"Well, three weeks. There will be no one at home from tomorrow."

Liang Xiao nodded clearly, but did not speak.

"On New Year's Eve, can I have Xia Yang come here?" Ye Ruixin added, "A child in my orphanage."

"Okay!"

Liang Xiao readily agreed.After bringing the hot soup to Ye Ruixin, he said:

"On New Year's Eve, I have to go home and have New Year's Eve dinner with my parents. I will come back as soon as possible."

Ye Ruixin stirred the hot soup with a spoon, and the steam rose up under his stirring.

"Then can Dr. Liang make an exception and accompany me to have supper that day?"

Putting down the spoon, Ye Ruixin looked up and said:

"How about a side stove?"

Ye Ruixin's warm Cantonese has not sounded for a long time.The world is full of hints, and his accent is a vibrating string.He was calmly telling Liang Xiao that something was lost and recovered little by little.

During the recent period, Ye Ruixin's life pattern has finally stabilized.Liang Xiao also had time to do some things of his own.Especially when Ye Ruixin was taking a nap, Liang Xiao would review the past cases and study some new topics.

In the afternoon sun, the music of the piano suddenly came.

"Csardas".

This is an ensemble of piano and violin. Ye Ruixin asked Liang Xiao to ask him to play the piano part on a whim.He taught Liang Xiao to play the violin part.

These two musical instruments were not at the same level of difficulty. Naturally, Ye Ruixin learned it, while Liang Xiao failed.This became the only piano piece that Ye Ruixin knew how to play.

He said, how fast can I learn the piano!Unlike you, you are simply sawing wood!

[How fast I learn the piano, unlike you!It is simply sawing wood! ]

The voice pressed the time pause button again at this moment, overlapping the trajectory of time.

Liang Xiao's gaze stayed on a word for 15 seconds.During the long 15 seconds, Liang Xiao stared at the six-letter word motionlessly.

The awe-inspiring fragrance left in Liang Xiao's nasal cavity made the composition of the sun different.The pressed black and white keys move the tapered mallet inside the piano, and then strike the steel strings to produce sound.The sound is transmitted to the ear through the medium, and the paper leaves a dry touch on the fingertips.

The eyes, ears, mouth and nose are all restricted by something, and there is a faint fragrance that has never been floating in this world of static world.

Ye Ruixin still has an indwelling needle on the back of his left hand, which is convenient for daily infusion.So he can only play the piano with one hand.When Liang Xiao walked down the stairs, Ye Ruixin looked back at him.His right hand didn't stop and continued playing.Some things are imprinted in the mind and will not be forgotten.

Liang Xiao sat down beside Ye Ruixin, and followed Ye Ruixin's rhythm to fill in the missing part of the chord.The music becomes complete, past and present flow together at their fingertips.

From the beginning to the end, Ye Ruixin didn't look at Liang Xiao, his eyes were always on his right hand, watching his fingers rise and fall on the piano keys.

"Csardas" is originally based on the violin, and the piano is only used as an accompaniment.If there is no indwelling needle, Ye Ruixin should play the violin.But this time before reaching the main melody, Ye Ruixin stopped because she played a wrong note.

Such a mistake was not because he memorized the score wrongly, but because of his trembling right hand.This is the aftermath of drug use, especially after getting off drugs.Ye Ruixin's hands often tremble uncontrollably.And he never intentionally controlled the trembling hand, let it recover and stop, he always looked at it indifferently, and it was the same this time.

The feeling of emptiness is like a shower, falling on Ye Ruixin's heart without warning.He was like a bird that got wet in the rain, not knowing what to do or how to do it.

Ye Ruixin's depressed state often appeared during this period, mostly because of the impact of drugs on the body.Liang Xiao can help him a lot, but the only thing he can't do is his mental state.It might be better to go out to relax, but Liang Xiao didn't dare to take the risk of letting Ye Ruixin go out as he was not sure that Ye Ruixin's body was really free from drug control.Because any detail that can be associated with drug use may induce relapse.

An injection needle or a piece of tin foil may cause trouble in the spiritual world of drug addicts.This so-called mental addiction is much scarier than the physical addiction, which is why many addicts relapse.So Liang Xiao has been observing, but today, he felt that he could go out with Ye Ruixin for a walk.

"The weather is nice today. Shall we go shopping later?" Liang Xiao suggested.

"buy what?"

Ye Ruixin's hand finally calmed down, and he didn't continue playing.Instead, he tapped a black key repeatedly with his index finger.The monotone echoed in the room with a fixed rhythm, blending into his faint tone.

"I don't have anything for hot pot at home, so I have to buy it."

Ye Ruixin's fingers stopped on the black key and did not press it down.

"Then I think about what to buy."

"Well, I'll give you an infusion first. You can think about it slowly, I remember you like to eat beef cubes."

As he spoke, Liang Xiao injected the medicine into normal saline and fixed it on the bracket.When she took the bracket to the side of the sofa, Ye Ruixin sat down habitually.Although the indwelling needle is somewhat inconvenient on the back of the hand, all the inconveniences can be ignored compared to having a new needle on the back of the hand every day.

I don't know if it's the temptation of food, or the hope of the new year.Ye Ruixin's mood gradually eased.Thinking of Liang Xiao's habit of eating hot pot, Ye Ruixin said:

"Do you need two more pots? Oh no, three."

"Buy a big pot! It's lively."

After adjusting the speed of the infusion, Liang Xiao met Ye Ruixin's surprised eyes.

"My father doesn't eat mutton, but my mother likes it. That's why everyone in the family is used to one pot."

"Liang Xiao, how many things do you have that I don't know?"

Liang Xiao thought about it seriously, and replied, "Not much more."

"Going home for the new year, what presents have you prepared for your uncles and aunts?"

"Gift? I have prepared two red envelopes."

"No, you have been like this for so many years?"

"Well, my brother sometimes buys something for my parents. I don't know what they like, so I always give red envelopes directly."

Ye Ruixin frowned and said:

"Of course it should be a gift! You really don't have any intentions in giving money!"

"Wouldn't it be more convenient for them to buy whatever they like?"

"It's really troublesome to tell you!" Ye Ruixin muttered in Cantonese, and then said, "I'll help you choose when you go out."

This was Ye Ruixin's first contact with Liang Xiao's family, even if it was only indirect.

"Okay." Liang Xiao smiled and nodded.

"Do you have any photos of anty, uncle?"

"Huh?" Liang Xiao didn't understand Ye Ruixin's intention.

Liang Xiao's question was of course useless, but most men of this age would not keep a photo with their parents by their side.Finally, Liang Xiao went to the room and took out an old photo album, and handed it to Ye Ruixin.

Liang Xiao and Ye Ruixin sat very close.When Ye Ruixin opened the photo album, Liang Xiao could admire his young appearance together with him.But the behavior of appreciating the photo album with others is really incompatible with Liang Xiao, so he casually took the book Ye Ruixin put on the coffee table and flipped through it.

"Is this you? It doesn't look like it!"

Hearing this, Liang Xiao raised his head.Ye Ruixin happened to hold up the photo album, and compared herself with the boy in the photo who was sitting on the recliner and wearing a cotton diaper.Liang Xiao glanced at the photo and laughed.But he didn't speak, he deliberately sat upright and looked back at Ye Ruixin.Ren Ye Ruixin's eyes flicked between Liang Xiao's eyebrows.

Originally it was just a simple comparison, but Ye Ruixin suddenly noticed the tenderness in Liang Xiao's smile.It was as if he was the child in that photo, and he was looking at him with the eyes of an adult.All the thoughts are at a glance, and he caresses gently.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

When speaking, Ye Ruixin had already moved his eyes away.He looked at the album again, but he could feel Liang Xiao's gaze more than before, Liang Xiao was still looking at him.

"This is my brother, of course it's not like me."

Looking at Ye Ruixin's rare shyness at the moment, Liang Xiao said.

"Not counting! Of course I thought it was you in the first photo in your album. How could I have thought you were brother!"

In fact, this reason is very reasonable, not far-fetched.But Ye Ruixin cannot allow her wisdom to be questioned.He needs a unique insight to bring this sentence back.Soon, he discovered a special place.

"Are these photos specially taken for someone to see?" Ye Ruixin asked intuitively.

The reason why Ye Ruixin said this was because Liang Xiao's appearance in the photo didn't look like a daily life photo.It's more like a record, a record of his growth.Judging from the background and action, it looks more like it was shot specially.

"Well, when I was young, my grandparents and I were in China. These photos were sent to my parents. At that time, the cameras were all film, and it was not convenient to print them, so I simply printed two copies."

Liang Xiao was not the only child in his family, his parents were both senior intellectuals at the time.After giving birth to his elder brother Liang Xiu, he encountered the first wave of studying abroad in China.After much discussion, the two resolutely decided to pursue their ideals, resigned and entered a well-known university in the United States.At that time, Liang Xiu was only three years old, so he didn't follow him.And Liang Xiao was pregnant when they were about to graduate from graduate school.

No matter what era you are in, working hard in a foreign country is hard work.So Liang Xiao was also sent back to China after half a year.Parents continue to struggle in the United States.It wasn't until Liang Xiao graduated from elementary school that his parents' jobs finally stabilized.Liang Xiao settled in the United States with his parents at that time, and his elder brother Liang Xiu had just entered high school at that time.He insisted on staying in China. After graduating from university, he started a business and stayed in China.

"really!"

Ye Ruixin was obviously satisfied with the answer and continued to read.Liang Xiao had to admit again that Ye Ruixin was still so smart.Just like when he was studying, the sharp-edged kind.

Ye Ruixin, who had won a round, continued to watch.There was a huge gap between the mainland and Hong Kong back then.Looking at Liang Xiao's photos, Ye Ruixin will have a feeling of experiencing different cultures, and experience that era from those clothes and objects.

Liang Xiao in the photo grew up slowly, and something Ye Ruixin couldn't understand appeared on the photo.He thought for a while but couldn't think of a use.

"Liang Xiao, what is this?"

Liang Xiao didn't read the book anymore, but looked at himself in the photo with him.So when Ye Ruixin raised this question, he answered casually:

"Red scarf!"

"red scarf?"

Seeing Ye Ruixin's puzzled face, Liang Xiao realized that this object did not exist in Ye Ruixin's childhood.And the other sentence, the words that merged with the red scarf, came to Liang Xiao's mind.

"The red scarf is dyed red by the blood of the martyrs."

After growing up, all children know that this sentence is just a metaphor. The red scarf is not the corner of the red flag, let alone the blood of martyrs.But for an adult like Ye Ruixin who does not have the same cultural background, this metaphor seems... indeed a bit scary.

Looking at Ye Ruixin's widened eyes, Liang Xiao couldn't help laughing.He knew what the picture in Ye Ruixin's mind was, and explained with a smile:

"It's a metaphor! A metaphor!"

How did Ye Ruixin know why Liang Xiao was laughing, he thought Liang Xiao was laughing at him again.and laugh so much

"When did you become so weak!"

[When did you become so bad! ]

"I mean it!"

The angrier Ye Ruixin was, the more Liang Xiao found it funny, almost crying.Of course, the result was that Ye Ruixin became even more ashamed and angry.The failure of words made Ye Ruixin want to find another way to fight back, but because of the inconvenient movement on the IV drip, she was unable to retaliate.

"Hey! Be careful that the indwelling needle falls out."

Liang Xiao grabbed Ye Ruixin's hand and told him not to move.

The indwelling needle was still on the back of Ye Ruixin's hand, because the force brought him a slight pain.But Liang Xiao's dry and strong hand, the temperature of his palm is slowly seeping into the cool back of his hand.It made the pain so soft.

Liang Xiao put Ye Ruixin's hand on his lap, but didn't let him go free, still holding it lightly.

"Be obedient! Just look at it like this, don't move around."