Mauritius

A man of insensitive nature like Maurice seems insensitive, because he takes time to feel everything.Such a temperament has an instinct to pretend that nothing good or bad has happened to resist the aggressor.Once caught, there will be a strong feeling, and love makes the passion of this temperament extraordinarily strong.Over time, it has the ability to enter a state of selflessness and impart this quality to others.Given time, it can sink into the abyss of hell.In this way, Maurice's distress began with a little remorse.Sleepless nights and solitary days must intensify this torment, and drive him into a state of frenzy and constant torment.This distress invaded the depths of his heart, and finally touched the root of his body and soul-the "I" he had trained himself to bury in his lethargy.Finally, he realized something, multiplied his strength, and grew into a superman.One after another new worlds disintegrated inside him, and the ruins piled up like a mountain. Only then did he realize what kind of ecstasy and spiritual communication he had lost.

After this, they did not speak for two full days, and Durham hoped that the longer the better.Nowadays, most of the people they associate with are mutual friends, so it is inevitable for two people to meet.Knowing this, Durham wrote Maurice a cold note, arguing that it would be better for everyone if they acted as if nothing had happened.He added: "I would be grateful if you wouldn't tell anyone about my vile pathology. I'm sure you'd do so with the same sensibility you had when you heard my confession." Morris No reply was written.At first he kept the note with the stack of letters he had received on vacation, and then burned them all.

Maurice thought this was the culmination of distress, but any real misery in the world was only just beginning.They still have to meet.When they played tennis the next afternoon, they found out that they were both listed among the four players in the match, and the pain was unbearable.Maurice could hardly stand, and could not look.His arm went numb from the shock as he caught Durham's powerful serve.They were later arranged as partners on the court.Once their bodies collided, Durham flinched, but managed to smile the old way.

In addition, Durham was thought to have returned to the Academy in the sidecar of Morris's motorcycle for convenience.Durham sat down without saying a word.Maurice hadn't slept for two nights, driving the motorcycle dizzily, turned into the alley, and drove away at full speed.Ahead was a wagon full of women.He lunged straight at them and they screamed.He slammed on the brakes and avoided a catastrophe just in time.Durham said nothing.As he had expressed in his notes, he now spoke to Maurice only in the presence of other people, and all other dealings had to be terminated.

Maurice went to bed that night as usual.But no sooner had his head touched the pillow than tears began to flow.He was shocked, a man was crying!Featherston Howe might hear.He stifled his sobs with the sheets, and kicked and jumped.He banged his head against the wall and the pottery shattered.I don't know who it was, walked up the stairs.He immediately quieted down, and after the sound of footsteps disappeared, he didn't make another sound.He lit a candle and looked in amazement at his torn pajamas and trembling limbs.He continued to cry because he couldn't help it.But the moment of suicidal tendencies was over, and he remade the bed and lay down.When he opened his eyes, fellow workers were clearing away debris from cups and plates.Morris thought it was so strange that even the workers were implicated.He wondered if the worker had noticed something and then fell asleep again.When I woke up the second time, I found several letters on the floor.One was from his maternal grandfather, Mr. Grace Sr., about having a party when he came of age.Another was an invitation from the superintendent's wife to lunch ("Mr. Durham is coming too, so you needn't be ashamed.").There was also a letter from Ida that mentioned Miss Gladys Alcott.Then, he fell asleep again.

Not everyone goes crazy.But as far as Maurice was concerned, a thunderbolt of madness drove the clouds away.He thought the storm was brewing in three days, but it had been brewing for six years.It was conceived in the obscurity of life impenetrable to any naked eye, swelled by circumstances.It exploded, but he didn't die.Surrounded by the glorious brilliance of day, standing on the mountains that cast shadows toward adolescence, he understood.

This day, most of the time he sat with his eyes wide open, as if overlooking the valley he had left behind.Everything is clear now.It turned out that he had lived in hypocrisy.He called it "feeding on hypocrisy."But hypocrisy was the natural nourishment of boyhood, and he had devoured it.He first made up his mind to be cautious in the future.From now on, he will behave in a dignified way, not because it will benefit anyone, but because he can act in a fair manner.Stop kidding yourself so much, and stop pretending to be interested in women since the only people who attract him are people of your own sex—this is a test for him.He loved men, always had.He wants to embrace men.Align your life with theirs.Now that he had lost the man who had returned his love, he was willing to admit it.

After this incident, Maurice became a man.If man could be judged, he was not worthy of anyone's admiration.He had been a conformist, narrow-minded, and treacherous man.How can he be loyal to others when he even deceives himself?Now he has the most valuable gift he can give people.The idealism and sensuality that have been flowing in the body since childhood finally combined, and gave birth to the fruit of love.Maybe no one wants such love, but he will not be ashamed of it, because it is "him".It is not just body or soul, nor is body and soul combined, but "himself" acts on both.He was still distressed, but the feeling of victory came from other sources.Pain shows him the proper place, out of reach of earthly judgment, where he can hide.

There was still so much to learn, years to go before he explored the abysses within himself--they were scary enough.But he found a way to never look at the diagrams in the sand again.He awakened too late to achieve happiness, but still had time to increase his strength.He can feel the joy of abstinence, like a warrior who has lost his homeland but is armed to the teeth.

As the semester progressed, he decided to have a conversation with Durham.He has only recently seen the value of language and speaks highly of it.Why should he ask for trouble for himself, and for his friends, when words might arrange everything?He heard himself say, "I really love you as you love me," and heard Durham answer, "Is that so? Then I'll spare you." With the passion of youth, such a conversation seemed possible.Somehow, though, he didn't think it would make him happy.He tried several times, but failed because of his own lack of self-confidence and because Durham was too shy.He went to Durham's room to see that either the outside door was closed tightly, indicating that no visitors were accepted, or there was someone else in the room.If he went in, Durham would go with the other guests when they left.He invited Durham to dinner - Durham always found an excuse to decline.He offered to give Durham another ride on his motorcycle to play tennis, but Durham was bound to decline.Even if the two of them met in the yard, Durham would pretend to forget something and slip past him without a trace.Maurice was surprised that their friends did not notice the change.In fact, few undergraduates are observant.They are preoccupied with themselves, and what is within themselves is enough for them to discover.One of the superintendents did say that Durham stopped courting the man named Hall.

Durham and Maurice were members of the same seminar.After a rally, Morris found his opportunity.Durham applied to withdraw from the society on the grounds of taking the honors degree examination.Before this, he asked the members to hold a meeting in his room, so as to repay the deep friendship of all.Durham had always behaved in this way: he did not want to be in debt to anyone.Maurice went, and sat there patiently through a dreary evening.When everyone, including the master, flocked outside to get some fresh air, he stayed, thinking about his first visit to the house, and wondering if it was possible to relive the daydream.

Durham came in, not at once noticing who was there.He ignored Maurice completely and set about tidying up the room.

"You are too harsh," said Maurice boldly. "You don't know what it is to be insensitive, and that is why you treat me so harshly."

Durham shook his head as if refusing to hear.His sickly countenance made Maurice frantically long to cling to him.

"Don't keep avoiding me, just give me a chance - I just want to discuss it."

"We've been talking all night."

"I mean the Symposium, as the ancient Greeks did."

"Hey, Hall, don't be so stupid—you should know that it pains me to be alone with you. No,