Mulberry elm twilight

From the first time she saw Alice, Shen Mu could feel that she was special.This kind of special is not because of her outstanding facial features, nor is it because of her perfect figure, and it has nothing to do with her wise and intellectual temperament, but that pair of blue eyes, which are as boundless as sea water, are so deep that one has a kind of feeling The feeling of being sucked in.

Her difference is also reflected in her speech. After greeting them when they met, Alice said bluntly to them: "I think the problem always lies in your past. When I say this, please don't think that I am casually speaking to you. Your private comments, but as Sang Jingyu's mentor and friend, and for the treatment after the sinking, I think it is necessary to say these things first."

After deciding to come to New York, Sang Jingyu talked about Alice.He told Shen Mu that he had confessed to Alice everything that happened between them when he was looking for him, but Sang Jingyu didn't expect that Alice would bring up the past just after meeting him for the first time.He never dared to talk about the past in front of Shen Mu, Shen Mu was hurt deeply enough by him, talking about the past was tantamount to exposing scars, even though he knew that Shen Mu was not that fragile, but in the final analysis, he Knowing that it was because he would feel sad for Shen Mu, he never wanted to mention it.

"Alice, you..." Sang Jingyu wanted to stop Alice, but was stopped by Alice. She still faced Shen Mu and said, "Shen Mu, you don't believe that your illness will be cured, do you?"

Shen Mu was taken aback when he heard the words, and Alice looked straight at him with her pair of blue eyes, as if she had looked into his heart all of a sudden.This made it impossible for him to deny that he had never been optimistic about his illness.

Alice didn't wait for Shen Mu to answer, and seemed to know Shen Mu's thoughts for a long time, she continued: "Are you unwilling to believe it, or can't you believe it? Or are you afraid that you will be disappointed if you believe it? Just like falling in love with Sang Jing Yu was the same at that time, he rejected you again and again, so nearly ten years of disappointment made you finally develop the habit of not daring to have any hope? Your subconscious is not willing to let you believe, although you may want to believe, but you Always can't."

What Alice said immediately stunned Shen Mu and Sang Jingyu. They looked at each other. This was the crux of the problem that neither of them had thought of. Sang Jingyu saw self-blame in his eyes.

"This is the main reason why I said 'the problem still lies in your past', but this is the most important condition for whether you can be cured. Shen Mu, you must truly believe that you can be cured, in order to be cured , do you understand?" Alice stared at Shen Mu firmly, every word she said was like her eyes at this moment, it seemed to have weight visible to the naked eye.

Alice's words were like a slap in the face to Shen Mu, although to Sang Jingyu it was a stab at his heart, but he had to bear all this, and at the same time he had to help Shen Mu to believe again, even if Shen Mu He doesn't care much about feelings anymore, even if Shen Mu has no love for him, it doesn't matter, he has to tell Shen Mu with his own actions, what he has given, the love he has given to himself, in the end, he never refused again , but in exchange for more love, whether he wants it or not.

It's just that the two of them were lying on the bed that night, and Sang Jingyu couldn't help but said to Shen Mu: "Can I...can you give me a hug?"

Shen Mu didn't refuse, so Sang Jingyu hugged Shen Mu tightly.Shen Mu only felt the warm liquid dripping down his neck and the trembling of the person hugging him, he sighed and hugged Sang Jingyu back.He knew that Alice's words made Sang Jingyu extremely uncomfortable, and he also knew that it was not fair for Sang Jingyu, who had fallen in love with him now, to suffer. Obviously, he also had to rethink how to get along with Sang Jingyu in the future. Because Alice finally said to him: "Believe where this thing is lost, you have to get it back, because the conditions are ripe, isn't it?"

But now even though he is holding Sang Jingyu, his heart is just like what Alice said, he habitually does not believe it, maybe the throbbing revives, but he is snuffed out by himself after 13 years of constant disappointment, Even if he wants to get it back, he doesn't know where to start.

When meeting Fernandi, he said something similar to Alice: "Shen Mu, believe, believe, believe, this is very important, we will only do what we believe in, and only when we do it Only then can you succeed, try to recall, which one thing can be done successfully even if you don’t even believe it?” He said.

Indeed, people only do what they believe can be successful. They may experience failure, but they will always succeed in the end, because if they choose to give up halfway, then there is no belief at all.

Just, can love and disease get mixed up with this?

In this regard, Fernandi's answer is also very subtle: "If you love with despair, you will not get back the results. It is precisely because your love has hope that you have given him this hope. Just imagine if you bring hope. All you gave him was love with negative emotions, how could he approach you in turn? Not to mention after many years?"

Shen Mu reflected on this sentence, and he found that the despair was not absent at the beginning, but he swallowed it all by himself. He did not let Sang Jingyu see his despair even once, but he still believed that love and disease It's different, but Fernandi said: "It's actually the same. There are completely hopeless loves, and there are also completely hopeless diseases. However, once the heart starts to change, hopeless love will eventually become willing to let go, and hopeless love will eventually let go." Illness, I will accept it wholeheartedly. If my heart is at peace, everything will be perfect. You can’t deny that everyone is going to die, no one will be an exception. A hopeless illness is just an early death, but if you blindly reject it, you will eventually die. Just leave the pain in vain."

Shen Mu can understand this sentence, and it has similarities with Buddhism, but it’s just a matter of saying it, really want to believe it, let the subconscious break the state of unbelievable, still can’t stay on the surface of "saying", but You have to really believe it. True belief means not having the slightest doubt, leaving no room for doubt in your heart. Shen Mu doesn't know how to do it. He has such a serious illness, what should he use to believe that he is true? can heal?

Shen Mu continued to accept the treatment given by Fernandi for seven consecutive days. As a pioneer in the field of energy medicine, Fernandi certainly didn't just talk to Shen Mu, he also wanted to repair Shen Mu's chakras and restore his body To rectify and open up the unbalanced energy, and teach Shen Mu the breathing method to deal with the body energy persistently, and other techniques, so that he can continue to maintain himself after the treatment. When Shen Mu is receiving Fernandi's treatment, Sang Jingyu was waiting outside.

Fernandi has an exclusive treatment studio in New York, which is located on a university campus with an elegant environment. Sang Jingyu has been sitting on a bench outside the studio and waiting for the past few days. When he was waiting for Shen Mu, he made an appointment with Shen Mu The next patient will also come earlier. She is an elegant woman who matches the temperament of the surrounding scenery. Every time she comes, she will first nod and say hello to Sang Jingyu, and then sit down beside her.

"You are so kind to him."

On this day, after the woman greeted Sang Jingyu, she suddenly added such a sentence.

Sang Jingyu was taken aback for a moment, then heard the other party say again: "You love him very much, don't you?"

Hearing this, Sang Jingyu didn't hide it: "Can you see it?"

The woman nodded, smiled and said: "Your eyes told me, how should I put it, the way you look at him, he is special, unique, and irreplaceable in your eyes. There are worries and concealments in your eyes. I'm afraid I don't want him to know my worries."

Sang Jingyu didn't know what to say, so he smiled and said, "Indeed, he is the only one."

After hearing this, the woman suddenly changed the topic, and sighed softly: "However, I feel that sometimes loving someone is not happiness, but pain, and sometimes not loving someone is happiness."

This sentence shocked Sang Jingyu, but he didn't know why she said that.

The woman lowered her head, and after a while, she said in a low voice: "I don't want him to know, so I came here for treatment without telling him, if I can't live, I hope he doesn't know, I just want to leave him happy , I don’t want to leave sadness and despair to him.”

Sang Jingyu couldn't help but understand what she said, but he couldn't help asking the woman: "But, if he still knows in the future, what should he do?" Just like when he suddenly learned about Shen Mu's The illness was the same, he couldn't understand the heartache and regret, the pain that almost tore him apart...

"He will know why I chose to leave him, because he fell in love with such a person." The woman said firmly.

Sang Jingyu was taken aback for a moment, but said, "I can't help it, I want to be with him, anytime."

"What if he doesn't want to?" the woman asked again.

Sang Jingyu was taken aback for another moment, and suddenly rejoiced that Shen Mu was not unwilling, maybe it was because of the special circumstances of the two of them, or maybe it was because they had never loved each other synchronously.

"All I can say is, I'm glad he's not you."

The woman was taken aback, but when she turned her head and saw the smile on Sang Jingyu's face, she suddenly understood, and couldn't help saying: "So that's the case, being with him is not all about pain, because you also feel happy."

"Yes, I am happy enough now." Sang Jingyu said.

When Shen Mu came out, she nodded with the woman beside Sang Jingyu. After the woman entered, Shen Mu said to Sang Jingyu: "She is also a cancer, terminal."

Sang Jingyu looked at Shen Mu. Under the setting sun, Shen Mu's figure was lightly shrouded in a warm orange-red light. There was a peaceful but real brilliance in his brows. Appeared in front of his eyes, and then left. When he really left, he realized how much this real existence meant to him. Now that he grasped it, he never wanted to let go of it. hand, he wanted to hold him to the end of the world.

Looking at it, Sang Jingyu suddenly spoke, calling Shen Mu's name:

"Shen Mu, don't worry, I will never force you, I will just accompany you like this, we will face it together, you believe me again, because you once loved me for ten years and made me fall in love with you, you saw me By your side, please try to believe this, and then, you start to believe that you will be healed, because no matter what, I will be there for you, until you are healed, you just watch, and slowly you will believe, I will Use my actions to make you believe again."

Shen Mu looked at Sang Jingyu, without saying a word for a long time, he knew that Sang Jingyu had been working hard, the crux of their problem was that he was unwilling to believe with confidence, and always had the mentality of pulling away at any time, now that he heard Sang Jingyu With such serious words, he nodded and said, "Okay, please stay with me like this for now, and I will do it and believe it again."

Hearing this, Sang Jingyu stretched out his hand to Shen Mu, and Shen Mu also raised his hand, the two of them clasped hands, Sang Jingyu held them tightly, and then took a step forward to hug Shen Mu.

I won't let go again.He said so to himself.