Rebirth: Marry Bai Fumei

There is not much time left for Xu Nanshan to think, and Le Sheng may come back soon.At the critical moment, Xu Nanshan thought to himself... Didn't Ge Gaohan say that he would know when Le Sheng was willing to tell him, which means that he still needs to know about this matter.Besides, Le Sheng put the key here, so he probably didn't intend to hide it from him.

In a blink of an eye, Xu Nanshan managed to convince himself.However, the diary has a combination lock. Xu Nanshan entered Le Sheng's birthday, which was incorrect, and then entered Le Ruyi's birthday, which was still incorrect. Finally, with a trembling heart, he entered his own birthday.

The diary opened with a slight "click".

With the help of the bright light, Xu Nanshan turned to the first page of the diary with anxiety, and saw the contents on it.

"May 2016, 5, overcast.

My study in the UK is coming to an end, I have successfully obtained a doctorate certificate, and I am going back to China soon, my supervisor and senior sister are very reluctant for me to go back, everything in the UK is very good.But my mother said that she missed me very much and hoped that I could go back, so I should go back and help my mother share some. "

Looking at the date, it was the first half of last year, before Le Sheng returned to China.The following is a description of some interesting events that happened that day, and he tried his best to express those trivial things in a humorous tone.

At the end of this diary, Xu Nanshan saw Le Sheng mentioning himself.

"After returning to China, my mother lives in Changshan now. I know his family is also in Changshan. I wonder if there will be a chance to see him?"

Due to time constraints, Xu Nanshan only glanced briefly, then turned back, and accidentally found a diary from last autumn, and got a glimpse of Lesheng's little secret.

"On May 2016, 10, it was sunny.

The weather in Changshan City is really nice, unlike England, it always rains.It's just a pity that I don't have any friends here. I don't know who I can talk to except my mother.I don't know much about the outside environment, it's always difficult to go out alone, and they can't understand sign language.I don't want to go out, but my mother always wants me to go outside more..."

"So today, my mother took me out to Aunt Tang's clinic. Aunt Tang is a friend of my mother. She is a very straightforward and generous person. She is very kind and treats me very well. However, unexpectedly, I I saw him in Aunt Tang's clinic lounge!!!"

At this point, Le Sheng's flat narrative tone suddenly became cheerful and jumpy.

"I was taken aback at the time and thought I had read it wrong! He was sitting on the sofa in the lounge playing games, didn't look up, and probably didn't see me. My heart was pounding, I quietly backed out, and asked my mother who he was, Mom said it was Aunt Tang's son named Xu Nanshan."

"It turns out that Shanshan is Aunt Tang's son! But I dare not talk to him...what should I do?"

"I really want to go in and tell him that I have liked you for seven years, but can he understand sign language? Would it be strange if I wrote or typed it for him? Thinking of this, I dare not go in. Now that I think about it It's a pity, this is the first time I've seen him in person, I don't know if I will see him again in the future."

Seeing this article, Xu Nanshan froze for a moment. He quickly recalled what he was doing on October 23 last year, but maybe there was nothing special that day, and he didn't even think about it.Xu Nanshan slapped his head: I told you to play games!

Unexpectedly, Le Sheng had met him as early as last year. Fortunately, he still thought that April this year was their first meeting, Xu Nanshan thought angrily.On the one hand, I feel that there are so many inner activities under Le Sheng'an's quiet appearance, which is very cute, and on the other hand, I feel a little distressed.

"He is really more handsome than on TV. I hid outside the door and took a few peeks. I held a pillow in my arms, and there was a yellow chicken on the pillow, as cute as him!"

Seeing this, Xu Nanshan felt a little complicated. How did he find himself cute as a big man?

Le Sheng doesn't memorize every day, but just picks out some things that he thinks are important and writes them down, talking to himself, and telling him what's on his mind.

"I saw his photo again at Aunt Tang's house, from elementary school to university. Shanshan was so cute when he was a child...It's a pity that he is not at home, but if he were, I would definitely not dare to come here."

"I want to meet him, but I'm afraid of being looked at with sympathy by him."

This is probably Le Sheng's latest diary. Xu Nanshan flipped through it backwards. It was probably until the first month, but he remembered very little. Maybe it's because he was too busy these few months.Xu Nanshan put the diary back and pulled out another one from the bottom.Looking at the date, it was the year he first went to England.

Due to too much time, the pages of the diary are slightly yellowed, and the font is slightly greener than it is now.Le Sheng just went to England when Xu Nanshan just graduated from high school and entered university.He imagined that Lesheng was alone in a deserted apartment, sitting alone at the desk and under the lamp, writing these words word by word.

"November 2011, 11 light rain

British skies are always gray and it looks like it's going to rain.It has been almost three months since I came to the UK, and it rains most of the time. The air is always humid, damp and cold, like a snake spitting out a message and wrapping around your skin, which makes you feel uncontrollably cold and suffocating.

However, the teachers and classmates here are very friendly. I can read and write English well. Some of them can’t understand sign language, so I write for them. They always wait patiently for me to finish.

I rented a house with another foreign student from Japan. I don't understand Japanese, but his English is very good, he also understands some Chinese, and the Japanese food he cooks is delicious.He said he wanted to eat Chinese food, but I don't know how to cook, and I have never cooked it at home before, so I can only learn slowly.

...I heard that Shanshan held a concert yesterday, but unfortunately I am abroad and cannot go back to watch it... However, even if I am in China, I probably won't go to see it, but I really want to meet him in person.

I am not in a good mood today, I have been playing the song "Promise" on repeat, Shanshan's voice is so nice, thinking about his appearance on the stage, shining, I feel as if I am also there.But I probably can't do what he does.

It's already 01:30 in the morning, but I still can't sleep, can't sleep, can't sleep...how can I fall asleep?I have to get up early tomorrow. "

Xu Nanshan has experienced insomnia, and he can fully understand the mood of insomnia.

However, when I read an article later, the style of painting suddenly changed from a faint melancholy and a forced smile to an overwhelming gloom.

"November 2011, 11 heavy rain

I had insomnia last night and took some sleeping pills, so I got up late today and arrived late.The professor scolded me in front of the whole research room.

I forgot to bring my umbrella in the morning, and it was raining when I went home. After I got back, I took a nap and had a nightmare.After waking up, I had a fever, felt dizzy, and felt like I couldn't breathe, and my chest seemed to be pressed by something, which made me feel uncomfortable.

……

The roommate was next door, but that didn't help either.No one can save anyone, we all fall into the boundless abyss step by step, and die step by step... Death is actually not scary at all, why should I live to bear these things?Since you are not happy, go to die, anyway, there is no point in living, and death is no different.Maybe after I die, I will go to another country, a more beautiful country, where there are all dead souls in this world.

I always feel like those corpses that have lost their souls but are still moving, frantically trying to find something from the outside world to fill their vacant souls.There was nothing in my chest, a strong sense of lack and emptiness, which made me desperately want to do something, or find something, to fill it.I also felt my brain screaming and roaring, as if something was fermenting in my body, about to break through the restraint and tear me apart.

So tired, why is it so tiring to live, why?Numerous times when I stroked my neck with my hand, I would imagine that there was a knife deeply embedded in the skin and flesh, and I pulled it hard, and then the blood dripped.

I can finally say goodbye to this world.

I don't want to be human at all. Does death end all suffering? "

"The cloudy day of January 2013, 1

I'm back in the UK again, and my roommate hasn't come back these days, so I'm living here alone.In fact, I didn't want a roommate at first, but my mother thought that having one more person would be more helpful, but I didn't think so. I just wanted to be alone. It's good as it is now, and he'd better not come again.I'm so tired, I don't want to touch him, and I don't want to see those people in the laboratory.

I just want to raise a few Pomeranians, or Alaska, puppet, and it is much easier to get along with cats and dogs than with people.

……

They all said that when they wake up every morning, they will feel full of energy, and it is another new day.But I just think why is it another day, why am I still alive today?Why am I not dead yet? "

Le Sheng's diary is full of words such as "death" and "tired". Xu Nanshan hastily flipped through a few entries, his nose getting more and more sore.However, at this moment, Xu Nanshan heard light footsteps coming from outside the door.

Lesheng is back.

Xu Nanshan was startled, quickly closed the diary and stuffed it in, then closed the drawer with a "bang", and locked it with a key.The moment Le Sheng pushed the door, Xu Nanshan had already picked up a sketchbook, so Le Sheng saw him looking at his own painting.

When Le Sheng put the key there, he didn't think about whether Xu Nanshan would see what was in the drawer, but when he saw Xu Nanshan looking at those paintings, he still couldn't help feeling like he was caught. A little apprehensive and guilty.He lowered his head and walked slowly.

Xu Nanshan held out his hand to him as he approached.

Le Sheng smiled and held him back, thinking: Just watch it...Anyway, I have seen enough.

But at this moment, Le Sheng suddenly remembered the diary on the bottom floor, and couldn't help looking down, but found nothing unusual.

Xu Nanshan has already hugged him into his arms and let him sit on his right leg. He is wrapping his arms around Lesheng's waist, resting his chin on Lesheng's shoulder, looking down at the sketchbook in his hand, trying to control his emotions, and laughing He asked, "Have you secretly hidden a lot?"

Le Sheng's ears turned red, Xu Nanshan kissed it, and said, "How did you think of drawing so many? No wonder I can draw without looking at me."

Le Sheng explained it as a matter of course: "Because you are good-looking."

Xu Nanshan laughed out loud, but his eyes were a little hot, and his voice trembled unconsciously: "...you are pretty too, why don't you draw yourself?"

The two were so close, the strangeness in Xu Nanshan's voice immediately caught Le Sheng's attention, and Le Sheng gave him a suspicious look with questioning eyes.

Xu Nanshan pushed his face away, and said threateningly: "Don't look at it!" He was afraid that his red eyes would be discovered by Le Sheng.

However, the more he behaved like this, the more suspicious Le Sheng became. He turned around with his eyes closed, raised his head and groped for a kiss on Xu Nanshan's chin, and asked, "What's wrong?"

Le Sheng was so concerned about his mood, obeying his words, made Xu Nanshan feel even more uncomfortable, his voice almost choked up, he hugged Le Sheng tightly, rubbed his neck, lowered his voice to restrain his voice Trembling inside: "It's okay...I'm fine, Le Sheng..."

However, Le Sheng was more vigilant than Xu Nanshan imagined. He immediately asked, "What's wrong? What happened?"

"... Or, what did you read just now?" Le Sheng said, looking at the bottom drawer of the bedside table, and asked, "That one?"

Xu Nanshan's heart skipped a beat, he panicked, and quickly denied: "I didn't."

His reaction allowed Le Sheng to come up with an answer, and Le Sheng said firmly: "Look."

Le Sheng asked the truth in a few words, Xu Nanshan felt that he was quite useless, but he really couldn't help it, his Adam's apple moved, lowered his eyes, and said in a low voice: "I'm sorry... I didn't mean it."

"No... I did it on purpose, but I... I just want to get to know you better."

Peeking at someone else's diary, no matter who the person is, is always wrong.And seeing such a private thing, Xu Nanshan felt ashamed and was afraid that Le Sheng would be angry, but Le Sheng just pursed his lips and showed a very shallow smile.

He even lowered his eyes, with a little dodge in his eyes, and said in sign language stumbledly: "You can read it if you want, but... there is nothing interesting in it. I wrote a lot of nonsense, long-winded."

Not hearing Xu Nanshan's answer, Le Sheng asked nervously, "What did you watch? What did you see?" It seemed that he was the one who did the wrong thing.

Xu Nanshan: "I saw when you just graduated and when you first went to England."

Looking at Xu Nanshan's expression, Le Sheng also knew that he probably didn't see anything good.What's more, although Le Sheng couldn't remember what he wrote, he could roughly infer his state at that time and what he wrote roughly from the time.Especially when he first went to England, it was probably one of the most depressing periods for him.

Le Sheng never showed this thing to others. In the past, only he and Ge Gaohan knew about it, and Ge Gaohan had never seen it.Xu Nanshan was the only one besides Le Sheng who saw his diary.It was filled with all his despair, loneliness and struggles in the past, and filled with his love and care for Xu Nanshan, which was the most secret and ulterior secret in his heart.

But at this moment, when Xu Nanshan saw these things, it was as if the happy life of more than 20 years had been cut open and shown to him bloody.This is unimaginable for Lesheng who is extremely insecure.

Le Sheng's fingers curled up unnaturally, even more nervous than Xu Nanshan, and asked, "You see... I'm not what you think, I'm very bad... Do you hate me?"

Yes, or no, two answers.If it is the former, then it will be considered that his infatuation has finally turned into a delusion for many years, if not, it will not be in vain for his 20 years of ups and downs between life and death.

From being attracted to Lesheng at the very beginning, to learning more about Lesheng from Yu Ning and Ge Gaohan, and to Lesheng's transformation in the past few months, Xu Nanshan's understanding of Lesheng has deepened step by step.Every time he understands more, he loves Le Sheng more.Through the diary, Xu Nanshan has a closer and deeper understanding of Lesheng's inner world. Having fallen into a trough in the past few months, he can better understand the despair of Lesheng struggling between life and death.

It may be difficult for those who have not experienced it to understand.

Xu Nanshan is so lucky that Le Sheng can survive until now, allowing him to meet him.How distressed, Le Sheng has gone from that gloomy child a few years ago to now.In this short period of time, he was full of words brewing in his stomach and wanted to say to Le Sheng, "I will treat you well", "I will take care of you", "I will not make you sad", but the words came to his mouth , but he couldn't say anything, his throat seemed to be blocked by something.

Hearing Le Sheng's question, Xu Nanshan turned Le Sheng around and let him sit on his lap, facing him.He held Le Sheng's shoulders with both hands, and stared at Le Sheng's eyes without blinking.

Le Sheng averted his gaze.

Xu Nanshan said, "Look at me, Le Sheng."

Le Sheng then slowly raised his eyes and looked at him.

Xu Nanshan said word by word: "Le Sheng, you are very good. I think you are very good. You are so young and you have received a doctorate in mathematics from Oxford University. You are versatile, you can dance, play the piano, and draw. .”

"You are so good, why do you still have so little confidence in yourself?"

Le Sheng: "I'm a mute..."

Xu Nanshan: "No one is perfect, everyone will have some flaws more or less, you are already so good, God is jealous of you, that's why you took away your voice."

Xu Nanshan lowered his head and kissed his forehead, and said in a low voice, "You are the best in my heart."

Le Sheng blinked. At such a close distance, Xu Nanshan vaguely saw fog in his eyes, blurring his black and white pupils.Xu Nanshan kissed his eyes.

"Don't cry."

Le Sheng nodded vigorously, and his uneasy mood before was finally appeased. He finally dared to act like a baby to Xu Nanshan for the first time. He said: "Then you must always like me, okay? Don't like others. If you like others, I will It will be unbearable."

Xu Nanshan also imitated what Le Sheng had done, raised three fingers and said, "I swear."

Le Sheng paused, and then said: "You have to treat yourself better, and you can't be like before."

Xu Nanshan smiled and said, "I swear."

It's a pity that sometimes oaths are not as beautiful as they sound. The more beautiful and charming they are, the more deceptive they are.

In the dark and charming night sky, the moonlight is dim and cold, without a single star, and snowflakes are flying down from mid-air one by one, with a light, elegant and lonely posture.

Snowing.

The first and last snow in 2017 fluttered down on the night of New Year's Eve.Winter in the south does not often snow, snowflakes fall to the ground, they quickly melt into water, leaving only a wet trace, proving that snowflakes have visited this land.

A few flakes of snow were blown to the windows by the wind, and the warm room was filled with heating. The snowflakes melted on the glass, and then flowed down the glass like rain and tears.

On the third day of January, Xu Nanshan's ninth album, which only contains three songs, was officially launched, including digital albums and vinyl records. Vinyl records are still sold in limited quantities.However, what is disappointing is that this album did not achieve the expected good results. It is far behind the eighth album, and it is not even comparable to the seventh album released last year.

This is mainly because the level of Xu Nanshan's eighth college is too high, and the eighth college is the concentrated expression of Xu Nanshan's musical accomplishment in two generations.Although some of the songs were written before his rebirth, most of them were written after his rebirth. It can be said that it was his 35 years in the previous life, plus the album with the highest level since his rebirth, bringing the audience Great listening enjoyment and anticipation.

The overall quality of the Ninth Specialty is actually better than that of the Seventh Specialty, but it is completely incomparable with the Eighth Specialty. This will create an illusion that Xu Nanshan's music level has dropped sharply. The higher the expectation, the heavier the disappointment.Therefore, although the evaluation of Xu Nanshan Jiuzhuan in the industry is not bad, among non-professional audiences, the reputation of Jiuzhuan is extremely poor.

The sunspots who were originally suppressed due to refusing rumors found new material and made a comeback. "Xu Nanshan's new album has declined, and the eight majors doubted that he hired someone to write it", "Xu Nanshan's new album has plummeted, and it is suspected that Jiang's talent is exhausted", "Nine specials are slow to sell, Xu Has Nanshan never recovered?" and other topics have become new hot topics.

But at this time, these did not bring Xu Nanshan a huge psychological impact as before.Perhaps when people fall to the bottom of the valley, they don't care about the falling stones.But it did remind Xu Nanshan that he couldn't let himself go on like this.

If he is still stuck in this bottleneck, he may be trapped like in his previous life.At that time, it was because he was too proud to face the reality, and refused to admit that there would be a day when he would not be able to write a song.

After chatting with Si Ziping once, Si Ziping once again suggested going out to relax.Afterwards, Xu Nanshan went home and chatted with Xu Sheng.Although they had quarreled before, how could father and son have an overnight feud?The father and son talked for two hours in the study. After they came out, Xu Nanshan made a decision. He planned to accept Si Ziping's suggestion and go abroad.

Whether going abroad is a deserter or not, only he himself knows, no matter how much the marketing account makes fun of it, no matter how much Heizi makes a scene, it can't change anything.

After the decision was made, Xu Nanshan contacted Wang Aimin. Wang Aimin was surprised when he heard that he was going abroad, but after thinking about it, he also felt very understanding.

"How long do you plan to go out?" Wang Aimin asked.

Xu Nanshan: "I don't know, it's not confirmed yet, maybe a few months, half a year, or a year, it's all possible."

Wang Aimin frowned: "Where did you go for so long?"

"It should be Europe. I don't know where I'm going. It may be the UK, or it may be traveling around Europe." Xu Nanshan smiled and said, "I also plan to visit some musicians and singers in pants, or go to the music academy there Let's exchange and learn. In short, we may not be able to come back in a short time."

Wang Aimin: "However, have you ever thought about the impact on your popularity that you have been there for so long? It is absolutely impossible for the company to allow you to travel around Europe indefinitely. It is fine to relax, but you are like this..."

Xu Nanshan: "So, Brother Wang, I want to terminate the contract."

"What?" Wang Aimin thought he heard it wrong.

Xu Nanshan sat up straight and repeated: "I want to terminate the contract with Xingdong."

The author has something to say: Big pig's trotters still peeked at Le Sheng's diary, but fortunately Le Sheng didn't bother with him, if anyone peeked at my diary, I would fight him desperately!

Thanks to the little angels who voted for me~

Thanks to the little angel who cast [Mine]: Prime Minister 1

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard! ^_^