out of print lover

Can a woman love a woman?

This question is really scary, just passing through Lin Xing's mind, it has already startled her into a cold sweat.

Love is a sad and beautiful movement, but once the word "same sex" is added, it almost becomes a death knell that everyone can't avoid.

Even if Lin Xing wanted to fall in love with Xu Xiwan, so what, even between opposite sexes, the probability of them falling in love with each other was pitifully low, not to mention that she and Xu Xiwan had the same gender.

Lin Xingsi thought a lot, tossed and turned all night, and never fell asleep again. When he woke up the next morning, his face was pale and his eyes were blue, his spirit was listless, his head was drooping on his neck, and he ate breakfast feebly.

Xu Xiwan thought she was sick, so he touched her forehead, but it didn't feel hot, but he was worried that other parts of her body were uncomfortable, so she asked with concern.

Lin Xing already had some other thoughts about Xu Xiwan, and she lamented that such thoughts were hopeless. Seeing Xu Xiwan's face close at hand, full of concern and worry, she thought of Xu Xiwan's final I will definitely leave myself and go to a stranger. The sadness in my heart is even worse, the root of my tongue begins to feel bitter, and I no longer have an appetite for a table of rich breakfast.

"Why don't you take a day off today and don't go to school." Xu Xiwan said, "I'll take you to see Dr. Sun later."

"I'm fine, really." Lin Xing said gruffly, in order not to worry Xu Xiwan, his tongue was sore, he still swallowed a sandwich, and tried his best to smile at Xu Xiwan, "Wanwan, I just didn't sleep well yesterday, it's not that I'm not feeling well, you don't have to worry about me."

"Is it really okay?" Xu Xiwan obviously didn't believe her lame excuse.

"Yeah, Wanwan, I've finished eating, let's go, or we'll be late for school again." Lin Xing didn't dare to face Xu Xiwan's probing eyes, and finished the remaining milk in the cup, borrowing the bag with his schoolbag Chance escaped from the restaurant, leaving only Xu Xiwan looking at her back thoughtfully.

Sure enough, when I grew up, I learned not to tell adults about my concerns.Xu Xiwan thought lightly and regretfully, this child was very obedient when she was a child, she had no secrets at all, everything about her could be shared with Xu Xiwan without reservation.After growing up, no matter how close the relationship between Lin Xing and Xu Xiwan was, Lin Xing began to divide a private territory to hide her secrets, and even Xu Xiwan could not enter.

Xu Xiwan didn't know that she herself was Lin Xing's secret.

At Lin Xing's age, Xu Xiwan couldn't understand the torment in her heart.Lin Xing's troubles, as powerful as Xu Xiwan, could no longer solve them.

The three words "homosexuality" are really too scary words. Lin Xing didn't sleep last night, and got up in the middle of the night to check relevant information. The more he searched, the more frightened he was. Most of those who came were gay, and there were also many news about children who had no choice but to commit suicide because their parents did not accept that their children were gay.

There are also a few positive comments, such as "choosing who to love is a natural freedom", "homosexuals are also normal people", "everyone is equal and against discrimination", etc., but such views are completely inconsolable Lin Xing is not the slightest bit.

If it is really like those high-sounding articles, freedom|freedom and equality, then everyone should turn a blind eye to it, and there will not be so many related articles, as if homosexuality is a monkey standing in the crowd, although wearing clothes, learning People can speak, but people can still tell it is a monkey at a glance.

If I'm really gay, will Wan Wan hate me?If I am not only gay, but also have bad intentions for Wanwan, will she leave me forever?

These questions will never be answered unless Xu Xiwan is asked personally.With no answer to the question, Lin Xing had no choice but to think about the worst outcome. The more he thought about it, the more he felt that the road ahead was a cliff, hopeless.

Lin Xing was lying on the desk, looking out the window, there were two little birds standing on the branches of a sycamore tree, cuddling each other and grooming each other intimately. dont see.

How did that happen?Lin Xing thought, before last night, there was still a bright and smooth road in front of her, as long as she strode forward along that road, she didn't have to worry about anything, after only one night, when she came to her senses, the smooth road became A steep and narrow mountain road between the cliffs, if you take a wrong step, you will be smashed to pieces.

No one could save Lin Xing, even Lin Xing couldn't find anyone who could confide in the entanglement and depression in Lin Xing's heart.

She thought wildly, and didn't listen to a word of the teacher's lecture all morning. When it was time for lunch, she lost her appetite and didn't want to move a bite of the food on the plate. She just used her chopsticks to poke the rice unconsciously.

In all fairness, the food in the cafeteria of No. [-] Middle School is very good, and it is considered top-notch among all the middle school cafeterias in Jinling. All kinds of noodles are moderately priced, so most students are willing to eat in the cafeteria.

Lin Xing was spoiled by Xu Xiwan, but he usually eats in the cafeteria, and eats as much as possible to avoid wasting food. Today, he didn't touch a single bite. Feng Yu sat across from her, and saw her in a trance. Looking at her, he asked her: "Lin Xing, do you have something on your mind?"

Lin Xing was so distracted that he didn't hear what Feng Yu said, so Feng Yu had to kick Lin Xing lightly under the table.

"Huh? What's the matter?" Lin Xing came back to his senses, "Have you guys finished eating? Are you leaving?"

Zhou Xiaohui was so hungry that she raised her head from the gorge, "Huh?"

"It's none of your business, eat yours." Feng Yu put the untouched chicken leg on her dinner plate to Zhou Xiaohui, and then said to Lin Xing: "I'm done eating, I'm going to the stationery store in front of the school to pick it up." My mobile phone, Lin Xing, can you go with me?"

No. [-] middle school has strict management. Students are forbidden to bring mobile phones into the school, but they can’t stop the students from taking them secretly. Anyway, as long as they don’t get discovered, everything will be fine. However, there are no plugs for charging mobile phones in the classrooms and dormitories. There are policies and countermeasures. I don’t know which one The student opened the door and greeted the owner of the stationery store in front of the school, asking him to help charge his mobile phone for [-] cents a time, so this business opportunity was developed into a business by the shrewd boss. Since then, many students with mobile phones have Take the mobile phone to the boss to charge it. Anyway, it only costs [-] cents a time, which is still affordable for middle school students.

After hearing this, Zhou Xiaohui hurriedly said: "There is also my mobile phone, remember to get it for me too, anyway, the brands we both used to pick up the mobile phone are kept by you."

"Understood." Feng Yu said, "Go back to the dormitory for a lunch break after you've finished eating. I'll talk to Lin Xing about something, and then I'll go straight to the classroom. I won't go back at noon."

"Row."

Feng Yu and Lin Xing left with the plates.

After leaving the cafeteria, Lin Xing was very quiet along the way. Feng Yu took his and Zhou Xiaohui's two mobile phones, put them in his bag, and walked back slowly with Lin Xing.

Lin Xing thought they would go back to the classroom directly, but Feng Yu dragged her to sit in the grove next to the playground to enjoy the shade.

At this moment, many students were still having lunch, and there were only a few scattered people in the grove. The basketball court next to it was lively, and there were already several groups of boys playing under the sun.

Feng Yu didn't make a sound for a long time, Lin Xing couldn't help asking: "Feng Yu, you found me, what's the matter?"

"Should I ask you this?" Feng Yu chuckled, "Lin Xing, you've been out of your mind all afternoon, do you have something on your mind? Or did you not tell me what happened?"

"Ah?" Lin Xing's complexion changed, he hid it in panic, smiled awkwardly, and said as if nothing happened: "No, I, I'm fine, why do you think so?"

"It's so good, why didn't you take a bite of lunch? Your plate of rice was almost smashed into rice paste by you."

"I... Isn't it hot? I have no appetite."

"Lin Xing, are you hiding it from me?" Feng Yu said seriously, "We said we would be good friends for life. Although we spent less time together after entering No. [-] middle school, the relationship between us will never be the same. It will change, I know, there are some things you can't tell sister Xu, she is an adult after all, but you can't keep it in your heart, Lin Xing, you might as well tell me." Feng Yu changed the subject, "You still don't believe me , think I can't keep a secret for you?"

"No! I definitely didn't mean that! I just..." Lin Xing almost wanted to tell Feng Yuquan all the troubles in his heart, but he couldn't get it out of his mouth.

This kind of thing is not acceptable to everyone, what's the use of telling Feng Yu?On the contrary, it may make her more worried about herself.

"If you don't want to say it, I won't force you." Feng Yu sighed softly, "I just want you to know, Lin Xing, that you are never alone. When you want to say it, I can be your audience anytime."

Lin Xing was in a situation of isolation and helplessness. With Feng Yu's words, it seemed that there was a rope suddenly added to the steep mountain road in front of her. She clung to that rope, and finally she was no longer so afraid. Her heart became hot and she even choked up: "Feng Yu..."

"Yes, I know what you're going to say." Feng Yu interrupted her, "We don't say thank you between us."

"En." Lin Xing nodded vigorously.

With Feng Yu's words, Lin Xing finally felt a little more relaxed. She was overwhelmed by a heavy boulder before, but now the stone has loosened a lot. With a lot of vigor, it was only then that she felt that she was completely scaring herself before.

There is no need to be so afraid. Lin Xing is just too possessive of Xu Xiwan, and he can't stand Xu Xiwan being snatched from him. At best, he is selfish, and love is not at all. Can't stick to the edge.

How can I be sure that my feelings for Xu Xiwan are purely possessive, or if I really have some ambiguous thoughts about her?

Lin Xing didn't know, but it was much easier than forcing her to accept that she was gay. She let go of the burden in her heart, and then she felt hungry. After bidding farewell to Feng Yu, she bought a piece of bread at the canteen to fill her stomach.

Although her depressed and entangled mood has decreased a lot, Lin Xing still dare not be careless. She began to consciously distance herself from Xu Xiwan. In the past, she wished she could stick to Xu Xiwan 24 hours a day. At home, Lin Xing would also find reasons to lock himself in the room to read and do homework, and no longer take the initiative to go to Xu Xiwan's side to cling to her.

Sometimes Lin Xing and Xu Xiwan were in the room and the living room, and they could say no more than five sentences a day, including meaningless modal particles like "um" and "ah".

Xu Xi pressed the remote control boredly at night, looking at Lin Xing's closed door, feeling very empty in his heart.

She thought, the child will leave when he grows up, it really is nature, in the past Lin Xing cried and said that as long as Xu Xiwan is not grown up, it turned out that Xu Xiwan had already started to push Xu Xiwan away from her before he had fully grown up. of life.

The third year of junior high school was a very important year. Lin Xing put aside his messy thoughts about Xu Xiwan for the time being, and devoted himself to preparing for the senior high school entrance examination. He also discussed problems with monitor Gao Yuchen more often. Gradually, rumors arose in the class that Gao Yuchen Chen and Lin Xing are dating.

Youthful boys and girls are most sensitive to this kind of hidden gossip. At first, this gossip was only spread among a group of small groups in Lin Xing's class, and soon spread to the next class. Going to the bathroom, I overheard two girls in my class gossiping in front of the sink.

"Hey, I heard that the monitor of the second class is in a relationship with Ban Hua of their class."

"They are classy flowers? Who are they?"

"It's the girl who performed the piano solo on stage at the cultural festival last time. She seems to be called Lin Xing. You don't even know?"

"Oh oh oh, I remember her! She looks so good-looking! I know that there are several boys in our class who have a crush on her. Hey, they will be so sad now..."

"Cut, just those crooked melons in our class? They are so good-looking, how could a girl like them? But the class monitor of the second class is really nice, gentle and good-looking, they are also considered together. She's a talented girl..."

Their voices gradually faded away until they could no longer be heard, and Feng Yu came out of the toilet cubicle.

Lin Xing?fall in love?Feng Yu frowned, a little unbelievable, right?Is this what Lin Xing didn't tell him life and death that day?Feng Yu felt that he had to find another chance to chat with Lin Xing.

But before Feng Yu could find a chance to chat with Lin Xing, this rumor reached the ears of Teacher Chen, the class teacher of the second class. Teacher Chen didn't dare to delay, and directly reported it to Xu Xiwan by phone.

That day Xu Xiwan was reading documents in the office. After hearing what Mr. Chen reported to her, she stood up and knocked over the coffee cup in front of her. The coffee spilled all over the table, and even the expensive woolen carpet was polluted. The secretary was taken aback, and hurriedly cleaned up for Xu Xiwan.

Xu Xiwan thought with a gloomy face, no wonder Lin Xing had become less and less talkative to him recently, and also had a lot of secrets that he refused to tell him. It turned out that he was secretly dating other boys outside.

Xu Xiwan considers herself an enlightened parent and never objects to her child's puppy love, but when she found out about it, she couldn't help being furious the first time.

Even Xu Xiwan herself didn't have time to think about where the fire started. She almost decided in her heart that it was a male classmate full of bad taste, glib, sneaky and cunning. Lin Xing was simple and was deceived by him.

In Xu Xiwan's heart, this is a matter of course. Lin Xing is so good-looking, how could he not be coveted by tigers and wolves? If he is really a boy with a sense of responsibility, he would never be able to resist hitting on her when she was so young. , who can't wait now, will only be a little hooligan!

Little did she know that she had previously thought that puppy love was a beautiful memory in the life of a teenager or girl, but now, the innocent teenager has turned into a hooligan for no reason.

That night, for the first time, Xu Xiwan personally picked Lin Xing up from school.

Lin Xing was a bit late for her self-study that night. When she was about to leave get out of class, she was stumped by a real math problem. Gao Yuchen happened to be meeting, so Gao Yuchen took the initiative to stay and explain to her. After the lecture, the people in the classroom had already left one after another. That's it, there are only a few on-duty workers who are preparing to take out the garbage.

Lin Xing and Gao Yuchen hurriedly packed their schoolbags and left the classroom together.

Gao Yuchen was a boarding student, and logically he would not travel with Lin Xing, but he insisted on sending Lin Xing to the car. Lin Xing didn't want to refute his face, anyway, he agreed after only a few steps.

So that day, when Xu Xiwan was sitting in the car, he saw Lin Xing and the "little hooligan" male classmate he had identified in his heart walking out of the school side by side, talking and laughing.

Xu Xiwan recognized at a glance that this boy was the monitor who asked Lin Xing to watch a movie for no reason some time ago.

Veins popped up on Xu Xiwan's forehead, and his knuckles were clenched, wow, I thought this brat had given up, but I didn't expect it to be a secret, and he went underground, calm and composed.Xu Xiwan's eyes seemed to be covered with ice, but he could still smile on his face, what a boy, he's quite smart.

But this smile was too ugly, even the stray cat passing by was so frightened that it whined, slipped into the grass, and disappeared.

It's hard to say how many dark thoughts flashed through Xu Xiwan's mind after seeing this pair of talking and laughing young men and women. One of the thoughts was to lock Lin Xing up and let no one covet him. , this thought flashed by, Xu Xiwan didn't even have time to think about whether such a thought was right or not, she just felt that she was burning with anger.

According to common sense, Xu Xiwan should have waited for Gao Yuchen to leave, and waited for Lin Xing to get into the car alone, and then had patience with Lin Xing, talked to Lin Xing, and told Lin Xing that she is still young, so there is no need to worry about the relationship between men and women. It's not too late to say it, but Xu Xiwan couldn't wait any longer. Without the slightest hesitation, she got out of the car, walked up to the young couple who were talking and laughing, and stared coldly at Gao Yuchen with frozen eyes.

Gao Yuchen froze on the spot, the smile on his face was replaced by astonishment, and soon turned into bewilderment as if someone had caught him.

"Wanwan?" Lin Xing didn't have so much mental activity, she just felt very surprised, "Why are you here? Where's Uncle Wu?" Uncle Wu is the driver responsible for picking Lin Xing up from school every night.

"He... is going back to celebrate his son's birthday today." Xu Xiwan said with a dry throat.

"Ah? But isn't his son's birthday in June? Has it passed long ago?"

"That's my daughter!" Xu Xiwan showed his impatience to Lin Xing for the first time, "Get in the car first."

"Oh..." Lin Xing heard that Xu Xiwan's tone was not kind, so he didn't dare to say more, got into the car obediently, and didn't forget to turn around and say goodbye to Gao Yuchen, and gave him a smile.

Xu Xiwan's face turned dark.

It was just a very simple, polite and courteous smile, but Xu Xiwan just felt that he saw a little affection in Lin Xing's eyes!

When Lin Xing got into the car, Xu Xiwan stared at Gao Yuchen with a frosty face.

Gao Yuchen couldn't bear the eyes of the superior person who came over from the most dangerous situation. Poor Gao Yuchen wiped his sweat and thought, if he could, he would kneel down and sing conquest to this sister!I just beg her to stop looking at herself like an ant...

"If I remember correctly, student Gao?" Xu Xiwan finally spoke lightly when Gao Yuchen couldn't help but collapse.

"Yes... it's me... hello..." Gao Yuchen felt his legs start to shake uncontrollably.

"Classmate Gao, Lin Xing only wants to focus on his studies at this stage. If you don't understand what this sentence means, I don't mind talking to your parents face to face."

"Don't tell my parents!" Gao Yuchen panicked, "There is no relationship between me and Lin Xing that goes beyond friendship! Really! It's all rumored by them! I...I admit that I like Lin Xing, but I never thought of disturbing her life, please believe me!"

In other words, Gao Yuchen knew the rumors about him and Lin Xing that were spreading among his classmates, but instead of clarifying them, he even enjoyed the spread of such rumors among his classmates.

Xu Xiwan narrowed his eyes, as if weighing the truth of Gao Yuchen's words.

"Don't worry! I'll clarify with them tomorrow! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry!" Gao Yuchen repeatedly apologized to Xu Xiwan, for fear that Xu Xiwan would tell his parents about his puppy love.

Gao Yuchen has always been the pride in the eyes of his parents since he was a child. He has both good character and learning, and is well-educated. He cannot let his parents be hit because of this incident.

He was waiting for Xu Xiwan's final trial, but he heard Xu Xiwan say: "No need to clarify."

This result really surprised Gao Yuchen, he was stunned, "What?"

Xu Xiwan added: "You don't have to clarify your relationship with Lin Xing, but you have to assure me that you have absolutely no wrong thoughts about Lin Xing, not now, and never will in the future."

Gao Yuchen nodded, "I promise! I promise!"

After being frightened by Xu Xiwan, Gao Yuchen's secret love for Lin Xing has long since disappeared, even if Xu Xiwan let him have it, he dare not have it.

"Okay, remember what you said today, otherwise I don't mind contacting your parents at any time." Xu Xi said in the evening: "It's getting late, you can go back."

"Thank you! Thank you so much!" Gao Yuchen heaved a sigh of relief and ran away.

It's pitiful that he fell in love with a girl secretly for the first time, and he was so frightened. He didn't know if it would leave a psychological shadow in the future.

Xu Xiwan's idea is also very simple. The longer Lin Xing grows, the more beautiful and dazzling. Attracting bees and butterflies is essential. She can't really be willing to lock Lin Xing up so that no one can see her, so she has to erect a piece of paper in front of Lin Xing. The shield blocks most of the bees and butterflies.

This is called a slow-down strategy.

After Gao Yuchen disappeared, Xu Xiwan smiled wryly.

It's true that the more you live, the more you go back. The head of the dignified Xu family even got angry with a junior high school student, which made people laugh out loud.

Lin Xing was wearing earphones on the co-pilot and reciting her English words. She had no idea what was going on outside. It wasn't until Xu Xi got in the car at night that she asked, "Wanwan, what did you talk to the squad leader? Why is it taking so long?"

Xu Xiwan's complexion was no longer so gloomy, but he was still not very good-looking, and he said "nothing" casually, and only cared about driving, ignoring Lin Xing.