mirror and text

I.

sick.

It can be said to be a very serious disease.depression.

I don't know when I started doing this.Just look up at the blue sky every day and feel that every day is different.It becomes depressing day by day.

You see how nice the weather is today.But I am not good, the bluer the sky is, the worse my mood will be.

I want to be a white cloud in the sky.Carefree.Unlike now, my feet are on the ground, and every step I take is closer to death.

To be honest, in fact, I can't wait to step on the line of death in one step.I hate the world and the people in this world.I think either the world will perish, or I will perish.

Of course I can only die.

nausea!It makes me sick!

Seeing them laughing every day makes me want to throw up.What's so funny, what's so funny!Why should you laugh at me!

Am I funny when I say I'm sick!What's even more disgusting is that they came to comfort me after laughing.That face is really ugly.So ugly that I don't want to live, because to live I have to see them.

I tried cutting my wrist with a paring knife, but the knife was blunt and the wound was superficial.

pain!Under this abnormal self-mutilation, I remember this word.It hurts, it hurts so much that I cry.

Oh, I forgot.I still remember a face and a sentence.That face was my mother's face, and that sentence was said by my mother.

"are you crazy!"

yes.I'm just sick, depression!You don't take it seriously!Even if I self-harm, you think my children are childish and disobedient.

I listen to you the most, and under your arrangement, I went to work that you think is promising.He even fell in love with a girl against his sexual orientation.

Because of my obedient appearance, even that girl looked down on me.He also blackmailed me in my unit, so that every time I go to work, someone points at me behind my back.

I'm done with that feeling!

After all, my depression was forced out by you.my dear mother.

Later, I stopped self-harming.Because no one cared about me, the cut in my wrist was like a joke.I even felt like the wound was grinning at me.

I don't want to hear from you anymore.

But I have to listen to you. If I don’t listen to you, where do I live? I’m a small employee who hasn’t gotten up yet. Your monthly salary is controlled by you.where should i go

So I have to listen to your arrangement, sit in this high-end western restaurant and go on a date with the blind date you arranged for me.

The lights in the restaurant are dazzling and brilliant, but my heart has always been dark, from the time when I was doomed not to get the person I love, not to be with the person I love.I have long been like dead wood, lifeless.

"How much is your monthly salary?" The girl on the opposite side asked me casually while cutting the beef.

This is a necessary topic, but I avoid it very much.All the money I earn is from my mother, so what kind of monthly salary can I have.

I was a little nervous, and the hands holding the knife and fork were trembling, "Six thousand."

"What?" The girl opposite didn't seem to hear clearly.I've always had a low voice, especially when I'm reluctant or ashamed to answer certain questions.

I rarely talk to girls, and I even hate touching them.I mustered up some courage and amplified my voice slightly, "Six thousand."

The girl on the opposite side barely heard it, but seemed a little dissatisfied.

I feel like my face is a little red and I hate it.I even felt uncomfortable all over my body, and my stomach should respond.

"Do you have savings? After marriage, the man must buy the house. I don't live with my parents."

I also...don't want to live with my mother.But I have no money, I don't have any funds that can afford me, even today's meal was specially given to me by my mother.

Why can't my money be with me, just because I'm cowardly?A word that I can be independent is choked in my throat.

"I...have no... savings. My mother took all the money." When I finished saying this, the girl was obviously stunned.

Sure enough, it didn't take long before she found a lame excuse and left.And I slowly chewed this hard-won meal.

The beef was very tender and very flavorful.It can't compare to the meal that my mother fooled me every time I came home from get off work.Probably the only benefit of being forced to go on a blind date is such a meal.

The steak was gone in no time, and I wiped my mouth.When is the next meal?

I looked up at the window, the rain was pattering outside the window, when did it start to rain.People on the road are holding umbrellas.There was a look on my face that I longed to have.

Why are they happy?Is there any joy in living in this world?

I also want to have... happy.. ah.

But this thought was instantly squeezed out by another thought.I see a man in the rain.He didn't open an umbrella, just drenched like that.He walked very slowly, like an old man entering old age.

He looked back frequently, wondering what he was looking at.I followed his eyes and didn't see anyone suspicious.

My breath was stagnant, our eyes met but quickly drifted away.I know he's not looking at me, but I'm nervous.

I could hardly breathe, and one look from him told me to drown.I even gripped the tablecloth tightly with my fingers so I wouldn't fall.

I saw the fear in his eyes and the horror of wanting to kill a person.He really wants to destroy a person.I kind of envy the guy who is going to be ruined.

My eyes followed his direction until he was no longer visible.I stared at the rain outside the window, the glass on the window was shining, and I saw my hand covering my mouth.

Hands cannot hide.

I couldn't hide the weird smile that overflowed from me.

I want to be bitten to death by him fiercely and lingeringly.

I want to be destroyed by him.

The author has something to say:

Never hurt yourself by being unhappy and other psychological factors.Please do not! ! !

I hope everyone is happy every day.

Good night, good dreams!