Fugue

"Once, there was a time when I was very resistant to the outside world, for no reason... No, I don't know if there was a reason, I don't remember much, about this matter, I can only think of it now, at that time, I wore it all day Wearing a sheet, wrapping myself tightly, from head to toe, wearing nothing, leaving only a thin slit on the face, which is used as a necessary channel to communicate with the outside world, most of the time, I hide in the sheet... …I remember, it was an old quilt I found in my parents’ room, facing inwards were some dark blue stripes, rolled up with white waves, like the sea, and the outward side was painted with a story, colorful patterns, let People are dazzled and can't count the total number of colors, and I found out later that the story is exactly the same as the story of the colored glaze in the Shuta in the back mountain."

In the line of sight, except for the black tabletop, half of his chest was buried by the tabletop, because he lowered his head. This posture is not conducive to spreading the line of sight but is conducive to memory.Therefore, within sight, there is only a chest covered in a loose white coat, a neck wrapped in a dark brown turtleneck, and... There is a pocket on the left chest of the white coat, with a pen and a cap pinned to it It is metallic, and the man hides his hands under the table, within sight, his arms including the shoulders, without ups and downs, like prosthetics, and the person opposite, like a dummy, but when the body shakes, the metal pen cap has light It crossed, causing him to squint his eyes slightly.This matter is very true, as true as his words.However, the range of sight is only so narrow, so narrow that it is hard to breathe.

"What kind of story?" He thought about the other party's question: "It's a memory of a teenager."

"Call me now, and I can't tell the specifics. It's been too long... I just remember some very beautiful pictures, a family of four, the children are twin brothers, well, they are very similar, it seems that they are not It's very similar, in short, it's easy to see who is the older brother and who is the younger brother, that's for sure. Because the younger brother always follows the older brother...you ask whose memory is this? It's the older brother's, no, it's the younger brother...I I can’t remember. Yes, it is clear at a glance who is the elder brother and who is the younger brother, but it is difficult to distinguish whose memories are depicted in the painting. I’m sorry.”

"Why do I have to apologize?...Because, I seem to have forgotten something very important, which makes me feel very guilty, so serious that I want to apologize. But what's the use of apologizing..." Nausea, intense A sense of nausea surged up, like a tide, rolling high and high, taking heavy shots, deafening, the entire field of vision was covered with a layer of mist, and the loud rumbling sound was far and near...

When I opened my eyes again, the turtleneck sweater on the opposite side was gone, the brand new white coat was still creased, faintly reflecting the stripes of the summer thin shirt, and the metal pen cap was still dazzling.He still bowed his head, but he heard himself say, "Thanks, I feel better."

"Yes, during that time I have been hiding in the quilt. When there are people around, I only leave a gap to communicate with the outside world. When there is no one, I will come out to breathe, but I still only wear that quilt."

"Should I continue to tell the story about the front side of the quilt?...It's okay, I'm fine, um, but I don't remember much about that story." He smiled: "It should be just some daily life, plain and simple. My family of four, husband and wife, brothers and sisters respectful. Looks very happy, but there is a fake smell of soap bubbles. This is the real smell of that sheet, when I found it, it smelled like that, soap And sunshine, and clean breath." It's my dwelling place, and I'll decide right away.

"Why do you say false?... This is my fallacy. There is no pure happiness, only comparative happiness. What to use for comparison? Use pain. Happiness and pain go hand in hand. When positive and negative balance, happiness is emptiness. To say that there is happiness, there is no .You can disagree, but you can't convince me to change."

"I'm not pessimistic, I'm just realistic."

"Yes, during the period when I lived under the sheets, I learned to identify wild vegetables and make them edible. During that time, I was a herbivore." He took a deep breath: "Because I Think all food that comes from other people is poisonous."

He didn't open his eyes, but the light penetrated his eyelids, making him feel a layer of faint red covering him.

What a long enough dream... he thought.He still has his eyes closed, the red color has temperature, it is warm, holding his eyelashes, and slowly extending them upwards.Ye Jing's smiling face appeared in front of his eyes, he was looking at him, his black hair moved a little between his eyebrows as he leaned forward, "You're awake." His voice was very soft: "Gan Luan."

"Hmm." The voice was unexpectedly clear.Gan Luan only turned his eyes away, and his neck did not move: "How long did I sleep, and when did I start?"

Ye Jing looked a bit embarrassed, but finally he said: "Withoutu...do you remember?" He carefully watched Gan Luan's expression, as if he was worried and prepared, like a guard waiting for battle.

"Remember." Gan Luan turned his gaze back to the ceiling: "Xiao Yuji opened his 'head curtain'... since then?" He hooked Ye Jing's black hair from the corner of his eye: "I just slept caught?"

"Yes, almost." Ye Jing breathed a sigh of relief: "I counted the time and thought it was time for you to wake up, so I turned on the light. It is already 11 o'clock in the evening, and you have slept for nearly 8 hours."

"You know how long I'm going to sleep." Gan Luan closed his eyes again, "Forget it." He said, "Where's Gan Lan?"

Ye Jing stood up suddenly, the chair leg was wiped back, and there was a slight friction sound. Visually, Gan Luan could see Ye Jing without shifting his eyes, so he immediately caught it from Ye Jing's face. A trace of panic.

"It's here." Ye Jing moved away and appeared behind him.This is not the range of vision that can be reached by bending the neck and eyeballs. To be able to see that place, the minimum movement is to tilt the head slightly towards the outside of the bed. Gan Luan tried it, and as expected, she felt dizzy. I played with bumper cars with several ceiling lamps, and Gan Lan saw a few more shadows.Those shadows were like scattered souls, being sucked in by the main body's breath, swaying around, so that Gan Luan could hardly see the side face lying on the stomach.Gan Lan was wearing his black windbreaker, and turned his face to the head of the bed at this moment, his brown hair slowly fell down the profile of his face, and the corners of his eyes were staggered, revealing a faint blackness under his eyes.Ye Jing said softly, "He just fell asleep."

Gan Luan stopped looking at people, I don't know how long it took, until he felt better, he said: "Why does he guard me."

"There are so many whys."

"Let me put it another way, did someone teach him to do this?"

"He's most worried about you fainting, he almost killed Xiao Yuji."

"Oh." Can't get an answer - after clarifying this matter, Gan Luan gave up, he always doesn't like to make a fuss or waste energy.He withdrew his left hand, and saw that the arm was bandaged, fresh and spotless, but a dull ache testified to a new wound.He said, "Something comes to mind. I was sick. It lasted maybe over a year, didn't I?"

"It is precisely because I was sick that the Ye family sent you to my side ahead of time. You studied medicine and you followed me because of that illness. Although I was cured at that time. Since I recovered, I no longer remember that illness " Gan Luan smiled miserably, like wrinkled milk, his face was pale: "Why didn't they give up on me?"

"Your little problem, with me here, it's no big deal." Ye Jing shrugged: "How do you feel now, what do you remember?"

At the same time, Gan Lan at the end of the bed rubbed her face against her arm and snorted slightly.The windbreaker fell back a little, revealing a fair neck.Gan Luan looked at Ye Jing: "Move him to the bed to sleep."

Ye Jing smiled and said, "Is it on your left or on your right?" Gan Luan didn't have time to play with him, so he closed his eyes and said, "His bed is inside."

At first, Gan Luan's monologue caught the sound of Ye Jing's returning footsteps.He kept reminiscing about the darkness, recalling the past that was "healed" and dusty.Talking while recalling, Dao and Ye Jing also told themselves.He relies on statements, slowly perfecting the details.Like a stream slowly flowing through the years, his confession has the veins and clues of time.

"On the night when Gan Xu took Xu Li away, I threw that piece of cake away. Then, at midnight, the moonlight was very bright that night. I didn't turn on the light. I found a sheet in my parents' room."

"There's a story on that sheet that I think should belong to me."

"I put the sheets on me and I started to be an enemy, and I felt that everyone was mean to me. They took my story."

"I don't eat anything because I think anything that comes from other people is poisonous."

"I started gnawing on grass and had diarrhea... Then I found a kind of grass that I could eat, and I ate that... I climbed over the wall to the back mountain, ran all over the mountains, and found a copy of "Chunqing Caomu Zhi" (Note) in the book tower 1), compare the books, dig out all the edible wild vegetables and wild fruits on the mountain, and then make them for yourself according to the above recipes."

"So I can cook."

"No wonder I feel familiar when I see kitchenware."

"To be honest, what I learned at that time is more than enough for me to set up a table full of vegetarian banquets... I actually forgot all about it. In addition to the spring "Chunqing Vegetables and Trees", I also conquered other seasons, a total of four .I follow the seasons. Those books are very old. I saw them occasionally, but I can’t remember when they were lying in my palm. I thought those creases and fingerprints belonged to others.”

"Like I thought that story was mine."

"Both things I thought were true, but both were false."

"I am not in the story on the sheet. The one who was imprisoned by hunger and devoured those four books is the real me."

I have walked through the seasons and seen nothing; as I sleep day and night knowing nothing; my reality is nothingness; the only thing I have is nothing.

##

It turns out that "remembering" is such a dizzying thing.Sleeping so darkly that he felt like vomiting when he saw the bed, after a few days, Gan Luan was finally able to stand firm.Because he has already recalled those years of gnawing grass, the first thing he did after he stood firm was to resign from the permanent cook, leaving only a few hourly workers on the phone.It was rare to have a clear mind, so he asked Gan Lan: "Is there a supermarket?"

"Well... okay, then I'll go alone."

Gan Lan threw away the pen, hugged Gan Luan who stood up, and said from bottom to top, "Where are you going brother!"

"……supermarket."

"The supermarket... oh that's the one, the supermarket?"

……

"I only have the impression of going to the supermarket once, and that was when I was very young, and I didn't even know the words." Insignificant memories, occasionally Gan Lan is also willing to express: "I remember that there was a big cage at the entrance of the supermarket. ..." He paused: "The small vendor in... sells some small pets, such as blue ducklings, snow-white little rabbits, fat little fragrant pigs, and hamsters."

Gan Luan said "hmm" to show that he was listening. Today he is in charge of driving, so he can't do two things at once, such as studying Gan Lan's expression for flaws while driving.

"I immediately fell in love with hamsters."

"Why?" He felt that with the monster's brain circuit, a suspicious alien species like the blue duck would be more compatible with the radio waves.

"Because that hamster has been running."

"Oh... hamster running wheel."

"What is that? What's that called?" Gan Lan pointed out the window, and Gan Luan took a look: "Ferris wheel?"

"Oh yes, the Ferris wheel. I've seen it many times, but I always forget its name."

"What's so hard to remember?"

"It's not difficult..." Gan Lan shrank towards the window, "I just want to know if you can see it." Gan Luan gave him a glare.

"When I saw the hamster, a Ferris wheel suddenly turned in the distance." He opened the car window, and the wind came in. In the rumbling echo of the wind, Gan Lan's hair was flying, and her words were broken, as if in a dream , The old man who can't put together the clues in his memory, the old man who has been separated by time.The old man said the old saying: "I just asked... the person next to me, 'that', and I pointed to the Ferris wheel, 'Are there many hamsters running in the middle of that'."

Gan Luan laughed twice, Gan Lan closed the window, the wind was really noisy.In the suddenly silent space, he said: "And he said 'yes'."

"Deception...is the person next to him the Demon King?"

"You guessed it right, and I won't deny it even if you guessed it right."

Gan Luan: "..." This strange person.But he is no longer surprised.

"Hamsters and ferris wheels, both are fun. That's what I thought at the time. It's funny to see stupid people find it funny."

"It's fun to see why a fool."

"Because fools are cute fools."

"So it's cute credit."

"You won...lovely credit."

Feeling bored, Gan Luan snorted boredly.

"Later I found out that it was because hamsters like to run like this. But at the time, I didn't think so. I thought it was stupid, it could never get out, as long as it was running, it would never get out. It's very interesting."

red light.

Letting the car stop, Gan Luan also looked at Gan Lan: "You want to say... If you want to go out, just stop. If you stop running circles, you can get away from the round wheel. But once you want to go out, you will keep running stand up."

Gan Lan nodded vigorously, wrapped his hand around the beard of the front pendant, and moved it casually, his fine fingers like peeling onions: "That's the feeling: I want to go forward, but I'm retreating. Once I retreat, I will go back." Before. This law of helplessness covers most of the encounters that human beings come into contact with. For example, liking will make people unable to open their mouths, lose confidence, and dare not touch, but once it involves loss, liking just doesn’t want to let go.”

"It seems that your life experience is richer than what you have shown."

"why?"

"Who taught you what 'like' is?"

"... Isn't this human nature?"

"I don't. I don't think it's natural for you to."

"Then you're a pompous delusional."

"why."

"I'm not you." Gan Lan said, "So simple...and beautiful."

Gan Luan threw him a word viciously: "Get lost."

When they went to the supermarket, Gan Lan didn't understand anything, so Gan Luan said to him, "Take whatever you like. Put it in the cart."

Looking around, Gan Lan pouted, "I don't know what I like."

Whenever there is a distance, Gan Lan looks very thin.Gan Luan was separated from him by a shopping cart, so he could look down at his face.Gan Lan, who was standing there, was a little confused.Empty shopping carts, criss-cross grids...it's cold.Gan Luan heard himself say:

"Then take whatever you're curious about."

Half an hour later, Gan Luan was pushing a big mountain, and Gan Lan followed behind like an old cow. He couldn't bear it anymore and asked, "Do you have any misunderstanding about curiosity?"

He pulled out a long pole stuck everywhere and said, "This thing is called a feather duster. It is used for dusting. Why do you take ten? Just because of the different colors? Are you doing wholesale? Do you want to open a store? Or do you think the feather duster can be used?" As a magic wand? And this," he tapped the pink box in Gan Lan's arms: "Why are you holding her so tightly? Are you going to marry her back home?"

"It's not that you won't let me go." Gan Lan was aggrieved.

"Classmate." Gan Luan plunged a stick into the mountain, pointed to the top of the mountain and said, "It's already full. Besides, what is that? Barbie doll, suitable age: three to ten years old. Are you illiterate or don't know how old you are?" ? Xiao Gongju?"

"When you are curious, do you care whether the age is suitable for the sex or even yourself? When you are curious, you have already overcome these difficulties and obstacles. It can be said that when you are curious about something At that time, you are invincible in ethics. Although there are so many things to say, but those declarations can't lie to yourself. "Heart" will always be ahead of "reason". This is shared by all human beings. And the worst weakness."

"Isn't it just a very ugly doll, you can buy it if you want, you don't have to talk to me about ethics, human weakness... I know you are hopeless." In short, on the normal road, don't even think about it. Then I saw Gan Lan's shadow.Now that the matter is over, he will stop trying to reverse this rough brain circuit.Still the same sentence: no matter what you are.

The mountain of cars was piled higher than Gan Luan, Gan Lan couldn't reach it, she tried to put his pink daughter-in-law on it, but Gan Luan couldn't see it, so she reached out to take it.When the mountain was stabilized, Gan Lan grabbed the side of the cart: "Aren't you ever curious?"

Gan Luan gave him a sideways glance: "No."

"I think like it, first of all it is curiosity. I have no misunderstanding about curiosity." Throwing down these words, Gan Lan turned around and walked out of the cashier.Gan Luan: "You don't want the Mountain of Curiosity anymore!"

In the evening, Gan Luan showed his hands, four dishes and one soup, ordinary side dishes, but full of color and fragrance: the so-called beauty can be photographed, and the deliciousness can be gluttonous.The cold assorted vegetables are uniform in color, smelling minced garlic and sesame oil, but not visible, the green onions are yellow and fresh green, slightly purple and orange, all of them are delicate and charming, as if they have just been picked from the vegetable garden; the iron plate tofu squeaks, and the soup The juice is bubbling and swollen with bursts of meaty fragrance, which is due to the smoldering meat in the sauce; sweet and sour lotus root slices are clear and pleasant, paired with red and green pepper slices, fresh and beautiful, and appetizing; carefully cut into slices Small pieces, one bite at a time, deep-fried first, wait until the fat meat is scorched into skin, and then braised in soy sauce. There is no distinction between fish and white jade, only the tongue can taste the mysterious and delicious fragrance.

It was Gan Luan's first attempt at cooking meat, but the degree of completion is not bad, just look at Gan Lan.This guy can't close his mouth from ear to ear. It's the first time he didn't talk nonsense with you. His mouth looks exquisite, but it's actually a black hole. Sweeping the food into it, it disappeared immediately, so Gan Lan kept on whistling Hoo, hoo hoo, I'm so busy.Of course, for the cook, this situation is the most satisfactory.After admiring the wonderful scene above, Gan Luan suddenly said, "How do you write the word genius?"

Gan Lan whimpered and stared blankly, "...?"

"How do you write the word genius? Look in the dictionary for me, and then look at my face. Is that the word hanging on it?" After speaking, Gan Luan poked his own face with a smile.

"Brother... are you bewitched?"

I owe it to anyone who thought that Gan Lan would have something good to say.Gan Luan: "Then spit out all the dishes I've cooked!"

After the meal, Gan Luan took out the heavy cheesecake that was baked in the afternoon from the refrigerator. Its surface was burnt brown, and under the light of the bright ceiling lamp, it was as bright as a bronze mirror.Presentation is perfect.Gan Luan cut a small piece first: "My taste is stronger..."

Gan Lan: "It's delicious, it's delicious, it's delicious, it's delicious, it's delicious, it's delicious!" Gan Luan: "Are you a black hole pig! Eat slowly!" Then the whole plate of cakes was placed on this pig.Gan Lanzhu knelt down, shed tears and ate wildly, and said, "Brother, please be my daughter-in-law, I don't want that ugly baby anymore."

"Dare you really want her to be your daughter-in-law?! No, what does it mean to be your daughter-in-law? Are you ill?! Damn, I don't know where to complain." Finally he said: "After eating this last bite, Go to hell. I approve."

"I won't die, I won't die." Gan Lan rubbed her whole body over, her pretty face buried in Gan Luan's waist, her voice muffled inside: "If you kill me, I won't die."

"Oh?"

"I want to eat... for the rest of my life..." intermittently, unclearly.

"Go away, stay away from me." Pushing out the brown fluffy hair on his waist, Gan Luan suddenly came to his senses: "You are wiping your mouth with my clothes again, you are really ill!"

……

On the bookshelf, the "Four Seasons and Five Seasons Copy" series of grass and trees essays that were once unattended have regained favor. "Autumn Forgetting Xuanzhilu" has added new marks and annotations. Although the handwriting has changed subtly, the book remembers that the cold and gentle palms back then have returned.

Autumn forgetting is infinitely good...

Just can't forget.

#Note 1: "Chunqing Vegetables and Trees", fabricated, there is no such book.There are four books in this series, and the remaining three are "Book of Leaf Extraction in Xia Kong", "Record of Xuan Zhi in Autumn", and "Writing on Deep Trees in Winter", and will not be noted in the future. #Renote: Now that there are four seasons, the name of the series came into being (...), "Four Seasons and Five O'Clocks", the day and night of the four seasons are different, but the midnight is the same, it is four seasons and five o'clock; copy, a story a part of.

#饿了，我真的饿了（目前才2017年5月4日08:50:09（……（我想吃红烧小仔排呜呜呜

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The most difficult time in life is to mistakenly think that you have met someone who is easy to conquer, and then you are constantly defeated by this person.