To my dear Mr. Meng

I was woken up from the bed by Guan Ting.

I rushed to the bar in a hurry, and I hadn't buttoned up yet. Guan Ting was sitting in the booth, and when he saw me, he cried and said, "Du Xun is married."

I sat down next to her and gave her a warm hug first. She liked this the most: "Just for this?"

"Ah."

"If you are not willing, go grab a marriage." I came up with a bad idea.

Guan Ting lay on my shoulder and shed tears: "Fart your fart."

I sighed and said, "You made up your mind to break up, saying that you two have no future together, and now he is married, so let's leave this page open."

Guan Ting was silent, and said after a while, "What if Meng Qiansheng got married?"

I took a slender lady's cigarette from her cigarette case, and after a moment of silence, I said, "It's the knot. You've pulled out the radish, so you can't still occupy the pit."

"Aren't you sad?"

I puffed out my cigarette and didn't want to discuss Meng Qiansheng, so I decided to reason with her: "But life is still going on, it's the same with him or without him. Think about it, when you are old and dying, what will happen even if you have a lover by your side?" No matter how afraid you are of death and pain, who can suffer for you? No matter how much he likes you, he will never be able to truly understand your feelings. Thinking about it this way, it doesn't feel so sad. "

"You said that life is hopeless, and I was even more saddened to hear it."

I asked her to sit up: "The makeup is crying, turn around and mess with my clothes."

She immediately sat up straight and asked me, "Is the make-up too much?"

"The eyeliner is blurred."

She sniffed: "Impossible, my eyeliner is waterproof."

I tilted my head to check the black water stains on my shoulders, and sincerely suggested: "Please strive to use waterproof for the whole face in the future."

When she came out after finishing her makeup, I sent her to the taxi, feeling bored, walking slowly along the sidewalk, always thinking about her words.

Is Meng Qiansheng married?

Also good.

Looking up, I see that today is a full moon.

During the period at the end of the year, Wen Zhuo kept seeing the beginning but not the end, saying that he was entangled by the plague god.

The "God of Plague" is Yan Xiangyu, a 19-year-old comrade who is still in college. Wen Zhuo met him at a bar, seeing that he was clean and pleasing to the eye, he made another appointment.After the spring breeze twice, the kid clamored to be Wen Zhuo's boyfriend, saying that he liked him and wanted to be with him.Wen Zhuo disagreed desperately, taunted the child sharply, and made the child cry. The child said that if he didn't really like him, how could he have slept with him twice without knowing it.

Wen Zhuo was puzzled, what do you mean, you still want a title?Do you want me to come to your house with eight sedan chairs and beat gongs and drums to marry you?

Yan Xiangyu yelled at him as a bastard, and has since disappeared.

Wen Zhuo has been quiet for half a month, and he is in love with the newcomer. Who knows that the God of Plague will come to the door again, and this time he will not mention being Wen Zhuo's real boyfriend. He just follows behind his ass every day, asking about his health, and bringing water and tea , made Wen Zhuo lose energy all over, and ran out to flirt; Yan Xiangyu didn't dare to challenge him openly, so he used some tricks in private to drive him away.

Wen Zhuo was furious, and threatened to beat him, but he didn't hide, and stared at him with wide eyes, tears were rolling in his eyes, Wen Zhuo couldn't do anything.

I laughed and said, "You're quite sympathetic."

Wen Zhuo sighed anxiously, saying that I just wanted to solve my sexual needs, not courtship, and I was too lazy to haggle over every detail with him.

As a result, once I went to the gallery to find Wen Zhuo, and I only wanted to go to the hospital with him for reexamination next week. Yan Xiangyu was sitting in the gallery, and when he heard that I was Wen Zhuo’s friend, he treated me from head to toe Looked at me, invited me to sit down like a hostess, poured water for me, said that Wen Zhuo was busy with work in other places, he had never seen me, please forgive me for the poor hospitality, it made me look like a door-to-door humiliation outer room.

When I was sitting in the gallery, I was not very comfortable, and the more I came out, the more I thought about it, the more I felt wronged. Why should I be wronged like this, so I called Wen Zhuo and sneered at him, and immediately pulled him into the blacklist after hanging up. .

Facts have proved that my move is as wise as Kong Minglong's opponent, Wen Zhuo is out of town, and he has nowhere to vent his anger if he can't get through to my phone, so he can only vent his anger on Yan Xiangyu.The first thing I said when I came back was: "I scolded that kid bloody, can you vent your anger?"

I lovingly stroked his dog's head.

I was busy until the end of the new year. Wen Zhuo hadn’t heard from him since he said he was going to Japan for vacation. Guan Ting was busy dating Xiao Fu. I couldn’t find anything to do. I spent the Spring Festival holiday in Macau. Lost penniless at the gambling table.

At the beginning of March, Guan Ting suddenly said that she was going to get married this year, so she talked with that Fu Yunkai, and the parents of both sides had an agreement.I was taken aback, said so quickly, she laughed and said almost, don't forget that I am one year older than you, you will be 28 at the end of the year, and I will be 29.

I asked, do you still remember hearing that Du Xun got married last year, I watched over you in the bar, and you cried all night, saying that you were jealous of his wife?

Guan Ting gestured to shut up, saying that I won't charge you money, can you forget about it?

I readily agreed.

Guan Ting's wedding was scheduled for mid-October. When sending out the wedding invitations, he specifically told me that the wedding arrangement would stagger me and Meng Qiansheng so that I wouldn't be embarrassed when I met him and his girlfriend.

I said you were quite considerate and didn't let me fight his girlfriend for [-] rounds.

She laughed shamelessly and said that she had planned to do so.

I said that I was invulnerable, but the closer I got to the wedding, the more anxious I became. I didn't go anywhere for a week before the wedding, and I would hang around at home after work.Wen Zhuo couldn't catch me no matter what, so he had no choice but to come to his house to arrest me, saying that he had bought a few bottles of good wine and asked me to go to his house to drink.

We drank all four bottles of red wine in one sitting and sat in the living room smoking.Wen Baorong walked up and down on us, none of us paid attention to it, and it lay in Wen Zhuo's arms again, turning its belly up and acting like a baby.As a result, Wen Zhuoli ignored it, pushed it aside, got up and went to the toilet.

When he came out of the toilet, his face was a little red, and he looked at me with his arms crossed: "Why are you so depressed these days, you don't say a word, are you sick?" He opened the drawer, "Duloxetine, Sertraline , venlafaxine, bupropion... which one do you take? Otherwise, some oxazepam or lorazepam, just sleep twice."

"Drinking so much wine and taking medicine, you want me to ascend to heaven?" Wen Baorong walked into my arms again, and I stroked his long hair one after another, "My friend is getting married next week."

"Which friend," he closed the drawer, "do you have a good old friend?"

"No, but he's going too."

He sat back on the sofa and said with a smile, "That's why people say that rabbits don't eat grass by the side of their nests. It's so embarrassing to see each other after one shot and two breakups."

I said, "Who would have thought of that?"

"That's true." He greeted Wen Baorong, and the big cat immediately left me and ran towards him, "Then go, what are you afraid of? Could he bite off a piece of your flesh?"

"No. I feel a little embarrassed that he took his girlfriend there."

"Girlfriend?" Wen Zhuo came to his senses, "Is he bisexual?"

I'm not sure: "Maybe."

He was overjoyed: "Then you are too miserable, you have twice as many rivals in love, and you are hard to guard against."

I grabbed a cushion and threw it on his face: "You're still gloating, you're the only one who talks too much."

Guan Ting's wedding was set at the Intercontinental Hotel.It has been raining until the day before yesterday. Today's weather is gloomy, the clouds are green, and there is wind from time to time, which is cold, like rows of translucent tall champagne glasses.The grass is green, the off-white tablecloths and decorations seem to have been stained green, and there are white roses everywhere.

The Fu family invited a lot of guests, probably all friends of Fu Yunkai's parents in the business field.As for Fu Yunkai himself, I heard that he originally studied photography and set up a studio, and his friends are all models, makeup artists, and designers.According to Guan Ting, those who have worked with Fu Yunkai, as long as they are beautiful women, have basically been his girlfriends, so the so-called "colleagues and friends" he invited to the wedding banquet can basically be equivalent to his ex-girlfriends.Standing on the grass, I was surrounded by clouds of beauties, and I couldn't help feeling that the ex-girlfriend team was so magnificent that I had never seen it in my life.

Fu Yunkai and Guan Ting can be said to be the embodiment of the essence of marriage, which is to consolidate property.Although Guan Ting is also good-looking, she is definitely not comparable to a model. As for why she was able to catch this diamond king who made countless beauties jealous, according to her words: "I will make money if I don't look good. Those who can make money are not as attractive as me. As long as Fu Yun has a good mind, what does he lose by marrying me?"

I really want to know if Guan Ting and Fu Yunkai also signed the contract in bed.

Just as I was looking around by myself, I suddenly saw someone waving at me. I was stunned for a second before I recognized it was Huaji Chen whom I hadn't seen for several years.She was holding her petite lawyer boyfriend, who should be her husband now, and I noticed the wedding rings on their ring fingers and chatted a bit about the recent situation before I realized that she had given birth.

I laughed and said, "I didn't expect you to be a mother without making a sound!"

"I think it's amazing too, I always thought 'fuck the kid, I want to be free'! Hey, so human, it changes so fast." She laughed, two big earrings peeping out of her hair Come on, I kept swaying back and forth, which made me a little bit back to the rebellious young woman who was hanging out in nightclubs and wandering around the world all day long with a guitar.

People really change so fast.

I turned my gaze away, and through the crowd of people wearing fragrant clothes and temples, I vaguely saw a broken voice of Meng Qian.As the crowd dispersed, he gradually became whole, and only then did I see that Fang Wenqian was still following him.

He hasn't changed at all.

Also, we have been separated for less than two years.It's only been two years, but this is the longest time I've been separated from him since I was born.

For a moment, I had the illusion that the guests walked away just at this time, just so that I could see him.I'm sure he saw me first. Although he has turned away now, Fang Wenqian is staring at me with no smile on her face, as if puzzled and guarded.

My mind suddenly became chaotic, and the whole ceremony was like sitting on pins and needles.I sat in front of them, and I always felt the heat behind them, like a death row prisoner on the execution ground. The executioner with a knife stood behind me, digging out my shameful thoughts from the heart bit by bit, and put them on a plate. , so that everyone can see clearly.

There was sweat on my forehead, I reached out to touch it, but there was nothing, my scalp was blown cold by the wind.

It was easy to get to the banquet, and the lawn became lively and full of people's laughter.I took a glass of champagne from the side of the long table, a hand was stretched out from the side, and when I raised my eyes, I bumped into Meng Qiansheng.

He was slightly taken aback, and I was also taken aback, but in the end he was the first to react and smiled at me.

I nodded stiffly, and subconsciously looked at Fang Wenqian, who was also staring at me.She packed up very well today, holding Meng Qiansheng's arm, but there was no smile on her face, her eyes were like gemstone earrings around her ears, bright and cold.

Has Meng Qiansheng confessed to her about me and him?I was terrified in my heart, but I said, "You guys came here by plane?"

Meng Qian smiled in a low voice: "No, the train will come here very quickly." Then he said, "This is Fang Wenqian." He bowed his head and said affectionately to her, "He Yujun, my friend."

Fang Wenqian shook hands with me politely, and said with a smile, "I often hear you mentioned in a whisper."

If it weren't for the inappropriateness, I really wanted to laugh out loud.

Meng Qiansheng is so smart, how could he take the initiative to mention me to her.Probably because she herself found out about our bad debts, she took a deep breath in her heart, and came here today to demonstrate and declare war.I don't understand what's the point of this, she is the one holding Meng Qiansheng's arm now, so why should she be afraid of me?

I smiled and didn't answer.

Meng Qian quietly changed the topic to Guan Ting's wedding.

I tried not to meet his gaze, and my eyes couldn't fall anywhere, and finally fell on his hand holding the champagne glass.I looked at that hand, and the more I looked at it, the more strange I felt. Suddenly, a hole was pierced by the tentacles in my heart, and I suddenly became enlightened.

It turned out that the ring on his hand was gone.

I looked carefully again, and both hands were empty, not even the white mark left by the ring.

Guan Ting walked over with Fu Yunkai on his arm. We all congratulated the new couple and clinked glasses together.Fu Yunkai looks very coquettish, and he and Guan Ting are like a family.Guan Ting pointed at me and Meng Qiansheng, and said to Fu Yun, "They are my classmates in high school, and I got along well with them in high school! Meng Qiansheng and I are still college alumni, and they have helped me a lot."

Fu Yunkai laughed immediately and said, "Then today is such an important day, you should take a photo together. I'll call the photographer over." He turned his head and waved to call the photographer, took the champagne glass from Guan Ting's hand, and handed over a small bouquet A tied white rose, "Honey, you look better with this."

Guan Ting seemed to deliberately ignore me, turned to Fang Wenqian, and said with a smile, "Hi, can I borrow your Meng Qiansheng?"

Fang Wenqian pursed her lips and smiled, letting go of Meng Qiansheng.

Guan Ting stood in the center, and Meng Qiansheng and I separated to the left and right. Fu Yunkai reminded: "Baby, pull up your skirt. Lao Lin, you shoot from this side—"

There was a turn of the head in the middle, and the eyes of Meng Qiansheng and I accidentally intertwined.The smile evoked by Guan Ting's laughter on his face has not yet disappeared. I received such a small amount of charity, and I actually tasted a kind of happiness similar to cheating.

In the evening Wen Zhuo volunteered to pick me up. Meng Qiansheng and Fang Wenqian were going to stay in the hotel for the night and were talking with Guan Ting.I went to say goodbye, but Guan Ting asked me to play for a while longer, and I said, "No, my friend came to pick me up, but he's already outside the hotel."

Meng Qiansheng cast a glance at me.Guan Ting smiled and said, "Okay then, anyway, we are close, we can see each other every day. Slow down on your way."

Meng Qian also nodded and said goodbye with a smile.

As soon as I got in the car, Wen Zhuo immediately looked at me from head to toe, and smiled maliciously: "How is it? Did you lose a piece of meat?"

I ignored him, he couldn't stop laughing all by himself, I said, "You should take some anti-manic medicine."

He smiled and said, "What's the matter, did you have a fight with his girlfriend?"

"I'm not you."

"I've never fought with my first girlfriend, and she came to thank me. It's almost like giving away Lei Feng's pennant."

I didn't hear him talk about the past, so I was attracted and asked, "What do you mean?"

"Want to listen to me?" He turned the steering wheel, "Light me a cigarette."

I took a cigarette, he stretched out his head to hold it in his mouth, I handed the fire again, he swallowed for a while, and then said: "I think about where to start-oh yes, my first love is five years older than me, I went back to my hometown to get married behind my back. I couldn't get angry, so I ran to his unit and made a big fuss. Everyone knows about the two of us. The girl who is going to marry him is his colleague. Of course it’s so dirty. In a small place, maybe I’ve never heard of homosexuality. He probably couldn’t stay any longer, so he resigned. I couldn’t find him later. I only heard about it two years ago. He’s already a father. .”

I asked, "You shouldn't be that old at that time, right?"

"Well, when I was with him, I was eighteen. I got out of the closet for him and my family." He reached out the window and shook the cigarette ash, "There are a lot of dirty things in the circle, and I have seen a lot, and I can see everything However, only cheating women get married," he sneered, "I hate this the most. This is the most common thing in the circle, more than AIDS. It's rare for people who don't get married."

"Because of your first love?"

"It's not all. My dad is gay. He tricked my mom into getting married and gave him a baby. After that, he has been having sex with men outside. When I came out to my family, my dad put me in a mental hospital. Anyway, he I have money, but I have more relationships. I was born by him, and I don’t have to take responsibility when I die. The doctor will give me some electric shock therapy, saying that it can cure homosexuality and make me like women. Fuck it.

"I still remember the pain, which made me swear all the bad words I could think of in my life. I asked the doctor: 'You are a psychiatrist. Is homosexuality a mental illness? Can it be cured? Don't you? Don’t know?’ He said he would obey my dad’s arrangement, no matter what, the principle is to cure me. I said: ‘He’s a fucking homosexual, why don’t you call him first?’”

"Then you escaped from the hospital later?"

"Get away. I lay on the ground all day and couldn't move. I kept drooling and couldn't close my mouth. My whole body was twitching, and my nerves couldn't control it. My mother couldn't see it, so she went to beg him, in front of my eyes. I knelt down and begged him, let me kneel down for him, and promised him to be a normal person in the future, find a woman to marry and have children, and then study hard, and graduate to take over his class.

"I promised my dad. But at that time, I happened to be with my first love, how could we really separate? My first love was very kind to me, and I never met anyone who was as good to me as he was to me. My I'm still studying and have nothing. What do you think he's trying to do? I really want to be with him, so I went to ask my mother. My mother is a standard good wife and mother, and she never looks like my father. It’s not good to say a word about him. Originally, my dad was going to send me to the United States to study in college, so I cried with my mom all day long, and she relented, secretly gave me 10 yuan, and I ran away with my first love.”

I couldn't help laughing: "Eloped?"

He took a drag on his cigarette and smiled, "Yes."

"At that time, I felt that I was so happy that I believed that this was the person in my life, and I followed him wherever he went. He said that he would pay for me to go to college, and I was going to retake the college entrance examination. When my dad found out, he was mad and wanted to come. Arrested me back, and found someone to beat him up. We had no choice but to change places. I was afraid of being arrested every day, and begged him to tell us to go abroad. I said my mother would give me money. We can live by ourselves abroad. But he doesn't.

"I don't have a degree, so I can only go out to do odd jobs. When he goes to work, I don't think it's okay to have a hard life. Others can live a hard life, and so can I. The first two years were fine, but then they started to quarrel. It’s unrealistic to say I’m childish; once the excitement was over, I cleared my mind and realized that he is not a hero, but an ordinary person who receives a salary. His family doesn’t know that he is gay. Seeing that he is 25-[-], he should be When I settled down, I went on a blind date with him. We quarreled even more. He had a good relationship with his family, but he didn't dare to tell the family.

"I was still waiting for him to come back and tell me that he had confessed to his family, but there was no news. I went to his company, and they said he had resigned a long time ago. He went back to talk about marriage, and I was still working hard to save money. , want to buy him a good birthday present."

Wen Zhuo threw away the cigarette butt, exhaled the last puff of cigarette, and smiled at me: "Is it okay to be stupid? That's why I hate children of this age the most, they are as stupid as pigs in their teens and twenties."

The car was parked on the side of the road, and no one spoke for a long time.

Wen Zhuo cleared his throat and said, "The talk made me thirsty. I've told you all about it. Should you buy me a bottle of water?"

Looking around, there were only cars speeding by on the road.I said, "Who asked you to stop here, and where can I buy water for you?"

Wen Zhuo remained silent for a while, put his right hand on my leg, and touched it all the way up: "Do you want to do it?"

I pressed his hand and reminded: "Shouldn't you go back and feed the cat?"

"Fuck." He withdrew his hand, covered his eyes, and sighed deeply, "I forgot to go back to serve that ancestor. Just let it starve to death."

"I want to go back today, I'm a little tired." I said.

He nodded, I got out of the car, and just two steps away, he suddenly stopped me.

When I turned around, I found that he had lowered the car window, leaned on the back of the seat, and stared at me blankly.A thick shadow fell on him, as if it was going to engulf him immediately.An emotion similar to a depressive attack, but much gentler, soaked out of my stomach. I couldn't help but walked back to the car and looked down at him: "What's wrong?"

He looked at me blankly, as if he didn't expect me to come back, and after a while he said, "It's nothing." He lowered his head and looked away, "I'm leaving."

"Wen Zhuo."

He raised his head and looked at me suspiciously.

I blurted it out somehow, "Can I kiss you?"

His eyelashes fluttered quickly, but he didn't speak.I bent down and put my head into the car, held his side face and kissed him.I didn't pay attention when we parted, and the back of my head hit the car window.

"Hey." He subconsciously stretched out his hand to touch it, then retracted it halfway, and said with a smile, "Idiot."

"gone."

I turned around and walked away, and there was the sound of a car leaving behind me. When I was approaching the corner, I couldn't help but look back at the road, but the car didn't disappear, and it was parked quietly in the distance.

Smoking again.I think.

When I came out of the shower, my phone vibrated on the table. I thought it was Wen Zhuo, so I ignored it.Putting on my clothes and going out, I saw the missed call, and the name of Meng Qiansheng was displayed. I couldn't believe my eyes, my heart beat wildly, and the ringing time was 59 seconds, it must be a mistake.

What's the matter, call back and ask?

I was about to dial the number, but I hesitated again. I stood there holding the phone, and when I came back to my senses, twenty or ten minutes had passed.

It shouldn't be Fang Wenqian calling, I thought mockingly.It seems that I am eager.

Forget it, if something happens, I will definitely call again.

However, until twelve o'clock, I turned off the lights and lay down on the bed, and the phone didn't ring again.

I have insomnia at night.

It wasn't a depression attack, it was just that he couldn't sleep, and his mind was completely occupied by Meng Qiansheng. He held Fang Wenqian's hand without a ring, and inadvertently glanced at the finished champagne glass he put on the table, with a little condensation on the rim of the glass. Moist and round pale gold.

The body was empty, only blood churning lonely like magma. I endured it until midnight, my brows were wrinkled sourly, and finally I got up and locked myself in the bathroom to masturbate.When I ejaculated, I heard Meng Qiansheng's name drilled between my teeth.