To my dear Mr. Meng

That night Huaarm Chen and I met for the first time.

Her real name is Chen Bihua. Since she uses the English name Gigi in bars, outsiders generally only call her Xiaoji.She always carries a fake ID with her, because she says her real name is more valuable than her hymen.

Flower Arm Chen is two years older than me, so of course she is not a virgin. She lost her virginity at the age of 14, and she slept with the male teacher who taught her to play guitar in the piano store. "I didn't understand anything at that time. Damn it." Huaji Chen took a deep breath of the cigarette, and the mist escaped from her mouth and nose, turning into a seductive blue in mid-air, and her face with blurred features was like choking on water. little calf.

Although Hua Arm Chen's hymen died young, she has always regarded herself as a virgin.A woman who is pure in soul and spirit is a virgin, and her virginity is not in her vagina, she always said.

There is a veritable flower arm on the flower arm, and the entire left arm is covered with tattoos. I don’t know whether the tattoo is an angel or a devil. The lifelike face is simply a weapon to ward off evil spirits. I can only see that the background is a cross with complex patterns. .Flower Arm Chen was very proud, saying that she designed the pattern herself, and kept asking me to guess what it meant.

I thought for a while, and a woman with heavy makeup happened to pass by. The smell of perfume made me sneeze: "Eighteen Arhats?"

Hua Yichen slapped the wine glass on the table angrily, and reprimanded Mr. Meng for his poor vision in choosing a spouse.

She claimed to have fallen in love with Mr. Meng at first sight, and asked if she would like to let him be her boyfriend at the first meeting.Mr. Meng asked why, Huayi Chen said because you look like my first love.

I didn't know until a long time later that any man who is good-looking, well-educated, and smart-minded, Flower Arm Chen feels like her first love.

You asked Huayi Chen how he knew that Mr. Meng was messing with me, and that means going back to the night we first met.

It's autumn, and the night is cool, but sitting indoors with a coat on feels stuffy.We were sitting in a huge but still overcrowded food stall. The greasy wooden table was so bright that it could be seen in a mirror. Guan Ting was looking at the table to see if the mascara had smudged.Suddenly, a chilly night wind blew into the hall, and in the night wind, Huayi Chen walked in murderously with an acoustic guitar on his back. He took off the guitar from behind, took off his unbuttoned thin shirt, The flower arm was exposed and slapped on the table, and the buttocks with the slender waist sank down. The big horse sat on the empty seat opposite me and Mr. Meng.

The people at the nearby tables were overwhelmed by this style for a short time.She looked at us with the eyes of inspectors on the city tower, and nodded to Guan Ting: "Your friend?"

Guan Ting said yes, and said my and Mr. Meng's names, his tone was like declaring the name of a dish: "This is Stir-fried Shredded Eel with Water Bamboo, and this is Braised Lion Head. Which one do you want to try?"

Hua Arm Chen took a sip of thick tea that was the color of thick urine, looked at me carefully, and nodded; then looked at Mr. Meng, nodded, and after a few more glances, he stopped suddenly and made waves from the center of his brows: "Will you not?" Willing to be my boyfriend?"

Alarm bells were ringing in my heart.

Two hours later, we were completely drunk in the bar where Flower Arm Chen sang.The next day I was completely broken. According to Mr. Meng, I held up a wine bottle and befriended two drunk female alcoholics. If he hadn't stopped me, I would have been dragged into the women's bathroom by them.

Guan Ting said that he wanted to listen to Leslie's song, and Huayi Chen immediately sang "Red", but because he was too excited to play with us, he completely lost tune at the end, as weird as a wild cat crying spring.But no one cares, everyone is drinking, talking loudly, screaming and laughing, the rock music on the other side of the small dance floor is shaking the heart, spleen and lungs, and the sound of drunk people blinking is more deafening than the collision of wine glasses.

Huaji Chen jumped off the chair and ran to our booth. Guan Ting took out the fake rose from the vase on the table and gave it to her. Faint rancid smell.Huayi Chen almost vomited from the smell, threw it away like an electric shock, and said loudly amidst the dense drumbeats that we will come to guess the boxing game, whoever loses will take off a piece of clothing, and if he wins, he will kiss Meng Qiansheng.

I staggered and sat on Mr. Meng's lap, and strongly objected. Mr. Meng hugged me firmly, and agreed that he was already married.Huayi Chen screamed "Fuck me", and turned to Guan Ting, saying that neither of them can be used by you to bring them to display in the window?Guan Ting was so drunk that his eyes were foggy, and he didn't know what he heard, so he also sat on Mr. Meng's lap, and said drunkenly, "I, why don't I dare to soak?"

Mr. Meng didn't know whether to laugh or cry, he pushed her away a foot, and pointed to the dance floor where the demons danced wildly: "Go over there to soak up men."

Huayi Chen shook his head again and again, and pulled Guan Ting to sit down: "There is no good thing over there, I have seen too many."

Guan Ting lay on her flower arm, pointing at us: "These two, good, good things. We are sisters, one for each, and one for each of us, we divided him."

Huayi Chen laughed loudly: "Your heart is quite dark."

Guan Ting nodded furiously: "If you don't have a dark heart, you can't make a lot of money. You, look at my dad, my mom—" She stretched out her hand, gave a thumbs up, and wanted to get another drink, but Mr. Meng said don't give it to me. After she drank, Hua Arm Chen took the wine from her hand and poured it into his mouth.

Guan Ting said that money is not enough, money is a person's guts.Flower Arm Chen just laughed, saying that you still need money?Guan Ting said it was different. Some people count on 10 yuan to start a small business to make ends meet, while others are so desperate that they want to jump off a building with 100 million left. Winning Brigitte Lin" is considered a human being, so let's stop living and line up to jump the moat.

Hua Arm Chen lit a cigarette and said that you were right.

"Look at my mother," Guan Ting said with a belch, "in order to get the 50 yuan from my father, I asked her friend, a lawyer who specializes in divorce lawsuits, to help me. Evidence of Dad's cheating with his girlfriend, Aunt Jane. You said, he and his wife stopped living together a long time ago, and they have been arguing about money for a few years. They usually don't ask each other about anything other than money and business—— My mother didn't even ask me. The lawyer was a bit capable, and in the end the 50 that was awarded really went into my mother's pocket, as well as the suite on Shangqing Road, the two sets of shops on Feinan Avenue... my father and Aunt Jane blew it, but she and the lawyer had a relationship in the same trench, and the two of them even argued about the evidence. Good guy, one can litigate, and the other can make money, it's amazing.

"It's strange to say that not long after we got divorced, my dad's business began to go badly. He lost money here, and there was a problem with the partner's funds... He still had the intention to joke with me, saying that when I was talking to my mother when we were friends, the two People have told their fortunes together, saying that my mother is Wangfu. My father started to borrow money to start a business and made a little money. Later, my mother joined him, and it seemed to be getting bigger and bigger... He is so capable, how come he can't do it all of a sudden? Woolen cloth?"

Flower Arm Chen was bored for a while, staring at the bartender behind the bar with burning eyes the whole time, and said: "If you do business with a clear mind, bad things will happen if your mind is muddled."

Guan Ting patted her on the arm: "You've got the point. People, people, the more you make mistakes, the more anxious you are, the more anxious you are, the more mistakes you make. You said that my dad is so stupid that he spent half his life in business. , Why are you still stumbled. Doing business is a man who changes. Seeing that you are not doing well, you will not communicate. Turning over... Turning over is really harder than going to heaven. He Yujun, you, your dad hasn’t contacted my dad for a long time ?”

I had already fallen asleep in Mr. Meng's arms.

"Please, it's no use begging my mother, she also advised me to be self-reliant earlier, don't let my father hold me back...Mom is a fuck." Guan Ting was in the middle of cursing, sobbing and crying.Everyone was silent, she suddenly stopped crying, grabbed the cigarette case on the table, "My mother also smokes this brand."

Hua Arm Chen squeezed hard and crumpled the cigarette case: "We won't smoke this in the future."

Mr. Meng said it was too late to go back, and Huayi Chen agreed, saying that Guan Ting was going to go crazy with alcohol, don't let her be ashamed outside, otherwise she will kill us with a kitchen knife tomorrow.

So we went back.

I woke up when Mr. Meng stripped me clean and threw me into the bathroom. He turned on the shower, and the mist of hot water rose all over the room, like a fairy cave.I hugged him and kissed him a couple of times, and he asked, "You already knew about Guan Ting's family from your father?"

I hugged him, resting my chin on the back of his neck, watching the mist on the snow-white tiles on the wall behind him gradually climb into fine droplets, and finally gathered into a drop of water, which quickly slid down to the ground and disappeared into a large water shadow Li is gone.

I pretended not to hear, and he didn't ask again.

Guan Ting's father was indeed capable, and he continued to persevere for several months even though he was struggling.Until the winter break in the last semester of my senior year, I came down from upstairs yawning that morning. My dad folded the newspaper and got up from the dining table. My mom was talking about the American ginseng water he hadn’t finished drinking. He glanced at me, and I Put down the right hand that is still rubbing the hair.The tuft of hair on the back of the head is raised again, and I can feel it.

"Are you up?" he said.

I nodded.

He took his bag, went to the door to change his shoes, lowered his head and said, "Are you and Guan Ting still having fun?"

I didn't quite understand what he was trying to say, so I hesitated and didn't answer, just looked at him.After he changed his shoes, he didn't hear a reply, so he looked at me, saw my expression, and said, "Her father's company has collapsed. Do you know?"

I stay where I am.

"You children's family, you can play, don't borrow money randomly, you know?"

Seeing me nodding, he casually muttered a few words about my mother's endless chatter, opened the door and went out.

My aunt suffered from gallstones again, and the pain was so severe that she went to the hospital.The hospitalization fee was paid secretly by my father behind my mother's back. I met my aunt twice when I went to the hospital, but he didn't see me.

My aunt's health is as bad as a 70-year-old man--she is not bad for a 70-year-old man.I peeled apples for her, and asked why she was sick all over her body, and my aunt began to tell the old stories she had told hundreds of times: there was no food in those days, grandparents were busy with their livelihoods, and she and my dad had lived in the uncle’s house in the countryside for a long time Well, my dad is still young, so she has to help my uncle with work, because the two of them are nephews, so they can't eat for nothing if they are not counted as family members.My aunt missed the high school in the city, and she studied late into the night every day. She didn't know that in the [-]s, everyone stopped going to school. Grandpa sent her a letter asking her to work.

She had never seen this acquaintance before, and she brought a letter from a friend of her father, saying that she was entrusted by her father to find a job for her, but the journey was not short, so she asked her former comrade-in-arms— - So-and-so, who is doing shopping now, took her into the city.

Carrying a burden on her back, she followed the man on the long journey into the city.

My aunt escaped in the morning two days later.It was still dark, and the whole world was like a coast that had just ebbed, with thick moisture accumulating.She forced her way out of the small window, and the long iron nails on the wooden window sill tore through her clothes like pitch-black claws, drawing a long gash in her back.

"Now I still have scars on my back," said my aunt.

It wasn't the first time that my aunt heard the sound of the door at night, but she suspected that she was dreaming.Until she woke up with a start, and saw with her own eyes that the big chair at the door of death was shaken violently by the force behind the door, the man's forbearing and honest face flickered behind the crack of the door, and the whites of his eyes glowed with a faint blue light.

Open the door, sister.open the door.the man said.

I walked to the city by walking around. My aunt was proud of her cleverness. It rained heavily for two days on the road. At that time, no one would care about you.

The man went back to the city first, and complained to his grandfather's friend, blaming the daughter of the old He family for being disobedient, running around, and uneducated.This anger made grandpa's friends very embarrassed, and they kept silent about their errands. Grandpa was also furious when he heard about it, saying that it was embarrassing and not my kind.

My aunt did everything and became a primary school teacher.I took the car back to my uncle's house to see my dad during the holidays. He has already been picked up by his grandparents.Grandpa and grandma kept pissing her off and refused to go home. She sneaked back to see that my dad was hungry like a thin monkey, with a surprisingly big head and covered in mud marks, sitting on the ground and chewing leaves.My aunt took pity on him and took him out to eat. When I got home, my dad hiccupped and hugged his sister and wouldn't let go. Grandpa was so angry that his face was livid. In the end, he couldn't do anything and let her come back to live.

The aunt said with a smile: "Your father was very obedient and quiet when he was young, and he never made trouble with other boys. You were exactly like your father when you were young."

I suddenly thought of that girl He Xing. She once said: "I like my father more. My mother will not accompany me. My father will tell me Hans Christian Andersen's fairy tales. Brother, what do you like to hear from your father?"

The sun outside the window was covered by clouds, and the sky suddenly became overcast.

"I'm not like him."

I took the keys to my aunt's house and helped her clean up the utility room in the afternoon.The uncle who came to collect the things is very familiar with the aunt, and the two of them have already set a time.

Passing through the gate of the high school, I saw a few children squatting on the ground playing cards without fear of the cold outside the gate of my aunt's house from a distance. In his pocket, he concentrated on watching them play.

Mr. Meng has just turned 21 years old, but when he frowns and doesn't smile, he looks like an indifferent and tired adult at first glance.

Guan Ting said that it is not a good thing for a person to look too smart and mature than his real age, which means that this person has more bad luck than his peers.Humans are animals that don't stumble and don't have a long memory.

Mr. Meng's family has been living in that building.The stepmother, Auntie Ding, and his father often quarreled. Auntie Ding accused Uncle Meng of being jealous of others making a fortune in business, but she had no ability, so she lost most of the money she planned to use to buy a new house; He didn't ask, but secretly used his money to subsidize his parents. The whole family was in chaos like a pig's nest.

The first thing Mr. Meng does every time he comes home from vacation is to clean up the house.Not to help share worries, because he can't see it being dirty and messy.

I'd rather sleep on the street if I don't clean up, he said himself.

Uncle Meng and Aunt Ding threw cups, bowls and pots at home, except for their hands, probably because Aunt Ding is a tall woman with a stern face all the year round.I went to his house once the year before last, and it became completely like every ordinary house running around for a living. Only Mr. Meng's bedroom still stubbornly maintained the simple and clean appearance that his aunt took care of back then.The house in front of me abruptly coincides with the one in my memory, like a silk bag stretched out of shape by a mace.

But that's the way life is.It’s not right to make aunts like that, too emotional, that’s not called living, it’s called acting, poor and particular.

Adults love such earnest teaching since childhood.

My aunt has to dispose of all kinds of second-hand goods, including old clothes, old newspapers, cardboard, foam boards, old books, and even a few large pieces of rusty iron sheets. She doesn't even plan to repair the broken old TV in the living room, she just sells it.

The uncle who recycled the waste was busy weighing and packing, and Mr. Meng and I moved the paper products out of the room one by one.I don't know where my aunt usually hides these things, it seems to have been drilled out of thin air.Many old magazines and books are covered with fluffy white and green mildew spots, and the dark yellow pages feel damp to the touch.Mr. Meng casually opened a copy of "The Selected Works of Ibsen" and said, "It's a pity."

I said, "All the books my aunt wants to keep are in the big bookcase next door, and they have to be cleaned up. You can take them back if you think about it, but you're too lazy to clean it up, and it's all moldy."

Mr. Meng looked down, only to realize that he had touched a hand of ashes: "Forget it."

I took the book in front of him, and accidentally kicked down a small stack of books next to it when I put my feet away. It fell to the ground like dominoes, and many pages that came off flew out.My toes stood there in embarrassment. Mr. Meng drove me away and squatted down to pick up the loose pages.

I went to the living room to ask people to wait, and suddenly I heard Mr. Meng call me.I probed in and saw him holding a photo, and asked, "Is this photo your aunt?"

I took a look and recognized the aunt in the photo at a glance.Her appearance hasn't changed much, but she's much younger and still looks a little childish, with short hair, a cadre uniform, fat pants, and a pursed smile.Standing next to him was a tall, thin middle-aged man with glasses and a square face, like a teacher or something.I can't tell where the background is, maybe it's a park, and the white cracks on the photo are deep.Turn it over and see that there is a row of vague pen characters written on the back.

"Pang Ruiguo presents He Jianfang, [-]"

Mr. Meng asked, "Who is this?"

"I don't know." I said.

"It's in the book." He pointed to the book in front of him.

"Keep it, I will give it to my aunt when I return the key."

"When we take graduation photos next semester, let's take a picture of the two of us too." Mr. Meng suggested, "In four or fifty years, we can still remember our youth. I think we, He Badger, were so handsome back then."

"Go, stop teasing me."

Mr. Meng smiled and said, "Do you still remember the picture of you crying while hugging a toy tiger when you were a child? My mother washed an extra one and gave it to you. Didn't you also write 'For He Yujun' at the back?"

"How do you get rid of me?" I made a gesture to punch him, "Then you also have to write 'Meng Qiansheng presents He Yujun' on your graduation photo."

Mr. Meng picked up a stack of old newspapers and went out, agreeing wholeheartedly.

Later, when we graduated, the two of us did take a photo alone, but the back of the photo was clean and nothing was written.I don't remember why, maybe I was too busy and forgot.

The author says:

This time the college part is really over.