green shell

No matter who you are, there is always a time when you say "I used to...".Whether true or false, glorious or unbearable, there has to be something about everyone's past that makes that person who they are now.

Xiangyang's past is a bit long to tell, and it cannot be summed up in a few sentences.

He has been what his parents call "other people's child" since he was a child. He is fair and juicy, has excellent grades, and is obedient.

Sometimes he really can't figure it out, is obedience really used to praise others?He was asked to sit on the piano bench and in front of the study table when his peers in the yard outside the window were still flying kites with big noses.He studies day and night, learning this and that, even sports are planned.

It is because he is obedient that he has never flown a kite; it is because he is obedient that he has never had a snowball fight; it is because he is obedient that he can't even understand what other children say.

He hovers outside every circle.

"Look at Xiangyang, how outstanding he is!" "Look at him, how obedient and obedient he is!" "Look at..."

happy?

Now that I think about it, the most rebellious thing I ever did was probably lying to my parents and teachers that I felt unwell and learned to ride a bicycle for a day.

In the end, although he learned how to ride a bicycle, he was injured and couldn't stop it. He was caught by his mother when he returned home, and he was beaten up. If his father didn't stop him, it would have been a matter of minutes to wait for the clothes hanger belt.

He also hated his mother when he was a child, probably because the pain in his flesh was unforgettable and unforgettable.At that time, he was more inclined to cling to his father. His father gave him what he wanted, but he was always blocked by his mother.

His father, Xiang Yuan, was a little-known little painter at the time. He liked to eat, drink, and paint for a while.

Thinking about it now, how could his father not be angry, but he just didn't show it.

When Xiang Yang was a child, he couldn’t understand why his neighbors told him that his father was a softie. He thought his father’s paintings were world-class, but he later found out that it was because his father couldn’t earn money and his mother was very good. He started a small company and made a lot of money, and a lot of the money he earned was spent on his father. He also set up a gallery and promoted it.

It can't be said that his father eats soft food. His father cooks excellent food. With his father around, he doesn't want to go out to eat.

Then the neighbor said again: "A man who cooks is worthless."

Why is it worthless?Xiang Yang didn't understand again.Isn't it the same who is in charge of the inside and who is in charge of the outside?What's more, that neighbor doesn't work or do housework, and spends all day at home like an uncle. Why can he say such things without blushing?

He told his father this, his father was taken aback, and told him to ignore the neighbor: "He is full."

For Xiangyang, his father was much more than his mother in his childhood memories.

Mother has been very busy, like a spinning top.After returning from the company, he had to mop the floor. After mopping the floor to see how he was studying, he went back to the study and continued to work hard.His father said that he would help his mother mop the floor, but after mopping once, he was fired because his mother thought his father did not mop it cleanly.

There are many things that Xiang Yang doesn't understand. At the beginning, he wanted to understand everything, but later he didn't take it seriously.

Not necessary, everyone has their own way of living.

It's just that a heavy rain came, and a wound was destroyed on his still immature heart. This wound later turned into a scar. After so many years, it still hurts when it is opened now.

Just after Xiang Yang's seventh birthday, and two days later when the Chinese New Year comes, his father will become famous.The people who come here are like ants pushed by the tide, coming in groups and leaving in groups.His father flirted with those "friends" in the living room, drinking tea with a smile.He was locked in the house and was supervised by his tutor to do his homework, and he was not allowed to make a sound or move around at will.

At that time, there was probably a crack in the relationship between his parents.

Because of his education, his parents began to quarrel more and more.His father wanted him to go abroad, or study casually, and live freely; his mother wanted him to work hard step by step like this, to enter a good university in the future, and grow up without any mistakes under her care.

His father's ideas are too idealistic, and his mother's ideas are too conventional.

Like this, Xiang Yang understood something amidst the quarrel between his parents.But he pretended not to know, but he no longer resisted practicing piano and doing homework.He thought, as long as he is a little better, as long as he is more perfect, his parents will stop fighting because of him.

Wang Yaya, who was at the same table, secretly told him that the parents of xxx next door were divorced: "I think she is so miserable. Her parents don't love her when she is young."

After hearing what she said, Xiang Yang asked her: "Then how do you know this?"

"My parents told me," Wang Yaya said with a strange look on her face, "Didn't your parents tell you this?"

Xiang Yang shook his head, blinked and didn't speak.Wang Yaya sighed, pretending to imitate her parents' tone deeply: "It's a pity, a woman can't bring up children well after divorce, and xxx will be ruined in her mother's hands."

Why?Why?

Xiang Yang didn't understand again.But when he saw Wang Yaya saying such things in a serious manner, he didn't refute or ask.But he took it to heart.

He suddenly became frightened, afraid that his parents would divorce, that he would become a gossip among others if he didn't care about his mother or love him.

Unfortunately, his efforts could not reverse anything.The cracks were created because something went wrong with the core many years ago.

His father set up a separate studio, Xiang Yang went there once during the summer vacation, she was a beautiful model sister, wearing a floral dress, smiling softly: "Is it called Yang Yang?"

Holding the strap of the schoolbag, Xiang Yang nodded: "Sister, who are you?"

"Oh, me," the model sister rolled her eyes, "It's your father's exclusive model."

Xiang Yang blinked, feeling uneasy in his bones.He looked at the model's sister's shiny lips, and always felt that she was smiling maliciously, like a man-eating monster in Journey to the West.

Xiang Yang's intuition is very accurate, he should have sensed it, he should have understood it.

But instead of trusting his instincts, he trusted his dad.

His father said that he thought too much: "That model sister is a very good person, very gentle."

Since then, his father didn't go home very much, but his mother had more time to spend with him.Xiang Yang sat at the dining table, eating the mediocre dishes cooked by his mother, looked at the empty seat across the table and asked his mother, "Where's Dad?"

His mother's hand holding the food paused: "...he is busy with work and won't come back."

Xiangyang saw the reflection in the corner of his mother's eyes, and the ominous premonition emerged in his heart again.He heard the sound of heavy rain hitting the glass, thinking that the rain was really heavy.

Later, this conversation became a daily conversation between Xiangyang and his mother.

In the second half of the year when Xiangyang was seven to eight years old, the relationship between him and his mother eased too much.He started from the way he didn't say anything when he was with his mother before, to the way he can watch comedies and laugh with his mother later.

On the contrary, his father became strange to him.But the trust he had cultivated since he was a child has not diminished. He still hopes to see his father, and asks where his father is from time to time.

When Xiang Yang was eight years old, only his mother accompanied him to the amusement park.He was waiting for his mother to buy ice cream, but when he turned around, he saw his father—the model sister holding his father's hand.

He turned his back and stopped looking.It happened that his mother came back and handed him the ice cream: "Eat less, if you can't eat it, give it to mother." He took the ice cream, looked at his mother's smiling face, said nothing, just pulled his mother to the other side.

It started to rain.

It rained continuously and on and off until March.His mother said to him that day: "It's rare that it's not so dry here. It rains a lot this year."

That's a lot, he propped his chin and looked out the car window.A light drizzle drifted onto the car windows, drawing white lines.

I don't know how long the rain will last.

"Xiang Yuan!" The thunder exploded, and the lightning made half of Xiang Yang's mother's face pale: "Who is she?!"

Xiang Yang got out of the car quietly, walked into his father's studio, stood at the door of the studio, listened to his mother's yelling from inside, and looked at the ground with his mouth pursed.

"Who is she?" His father sneered: "She is the one who gives me tenderness and sets me free!"

Xiang Yang heard his mother's broken cry: "Then what am I? Ah? Tell me, Xiang Yuan, then what am I?!"

He clenched his hands tightly, listening to his father speak strange words in a strange tone he never knew: "The past has passed, and it's meaningless to mention it again."

"Nothing interesting?" Xiangyang's mother picked up the scissors and scratched the naked female statue on the shelf: "It was me! I was the one who accompanied you through those years! It was me! It was me who helped you set up the studio from the beginning! It was me! it's me!"

Xiang Yang's father frowned and looked at the calm and self-confident woman and yelled, "What's the matter? We're not suitable, so let's forget it. If you can accept it, you don't need to divorce, and each has his own life. If you accept... ..."

"The court will give you a summons at that time." Xiangyang's mother took a deep breath, wiped her face, and looked at Xiangyang's father firmly: "Divorce. You don't want to take any of my property."

Xiang Yang twitched the corners of his mouth sadly.He thought that he might become able to recognize the gossip in his mouth, and he might become a parent who doesn't love his mother.

Xiang Yang's mother opened the door, and saw Xiang Yang standing with her head down, stunned for a moment, but she immediately reacted, squatted and stretched out her hand: "Yangyang, let's go home with Mom."

Xiang Yang raised his head, tears ran down his face, when his mother saw it, she reached out and wiped it away for him: "It's okay, let's go home."

He took his mother by the hand and only glanced back at his father.His father was busy checking whether the model sister was injured, so he didn't even look at him.

Xiangyang was sad for a long time.He sat in the classroom, feeling like he was on pins and needles.He didn't dare to answer Wang Yaya's talk to him, for fear that others would know that his parents were divorcing.

He was scared.

What are you afraid of?

I don't know, but I'm afraid.

When he got home, he saw his mother was getting more and more haggard, but she still smiled at him, feeling very uncomfortable.

Why did things become like this?

He began to miss the very beginning, when he was very young, what his family looked like.At that time, his mother hadn't started a business, but was just a small manager, and his father was also a small art teacher. He didn't have much money, but he was happy every day.

At that time, there was always laughter, the smell of rice, and light in the house.

Xiang Yang's mother handed him a bowl of rice: "Do you want to eat lotus root ribs?"

Xiang Yang nodded, staring at the tears on his mother's face and blinking: "Mom, are you tired?"

Xiangyang's mother was stunned for a while: "...It's okay. Mom is not tired."

Xiang Yang didn't say a word, looking at his mother's trembling palms, he wanted to "lie".

Xiangyang's mother stared at the dishes on the plate and thought for a while, then suddenly asked Xiangyang in a low voice: "Is mother really that bad?"

Xiang Yang bit his chopsticks and shook his head.Xiangyang's mother squeezed out a smile and patted Xiangyang's head: "That's good."

The raindrops outside the window were still pounding on the window frantically.Xiang Yang looked back and saw the dense raindrops scrambling to hit the window, feeling sore in his heart.He quickly lowered his head, letting the tears disappear on the dark tablecloth.

It's still raining.

The author has something to say:

Please don't believe what Wang Yaya said in the article. This is a very flawed and sexist statement, so please don't learn it.

Everyone should not be polluted by such dirty water.