Spring Summer Autumn Winter

In the quiet dormitory, only Yang Siyuan's incessant sighs, and the sound of frequently shaking the chair because of impatience.

"Ah... what is this..." It's been an hour and a half, and he hasn't finished writing these pages of calculus.

He used to be terrified of mathematics. In high school, he relied on Li Yu'an's tutoring to get his grades. Now that he is in college, the teacher's lectures are not as careful as in high school. A few calculus problems can torture him for a long time.

He sat in another position, scratched his head, frowned and said to himself: "What is this, did you tell me? I fell asleep again?"

He had indeed fallen asleep in a few classes, and there was no way he could do that. Before he fell asleep, there were already snoring noises in the dormitory one after another.Luo Fang was fat and fat, and when he turned over, his bed would shake, and he couldn't sleep well.

If he doesn't sleep well at night, it is inevitable that he will fall asleep in class, but the teacher doesn't care, he sleeps until the end of get out of class.

He originally thought about self-study, but this calculus theorem is like a bible, why is it not human?Yang Siyuan raised his head to the sky and screamed, dropped his pen and lay down on the table, like a cat that has been ravaged.

It happened that when Xu Linshuang came back, seeing his listless look, he couldn't help laughing and said, "Can't do it again?"

"That's right..." Yang Siyuan said sullenly. "I'm going to be cold at the end of the semester, I guess."

"I don't know how either." Xu Linshuang came over and said after bending over to look at the exercises.

Yang Siyuan rolled his eyes at him: "Fart, don't talk to me if you got 98 in the midterm calculus test."

Xu Linshuang laughed again, and then asked in bewilderment: "But your math scores in the college entrance examination should be very good. You can save yourself a lot of pressure, and our major is stuck with math scores. How much did you pass in the math test for the college entrance examination?"

Yang Siyuan thought for a while and said, "146."

Xu Linshuang gave an exaggerated "Wow".

"Wow what wow... that's because I made up the class, my teacher..." Yang Siyuan blurted out, then realized what he said and then lost his voice, and poked his head down again.

My teacher is great.He wants to say.

"Huh? What's wrong with your teacher?" After getting along for so long, Xu Linshuang is too familiar with this reaction. This is Yang Siyuan's shy and evasive way.He joked casually: "Why, are you still in love with a teacher and a student?"

He said the words unintentionally, but Yang Siyuan reacted greatly, and raised his head all of a sudden: "What kind of teacher-student relationship, he is my tutor! We are only one year apart!"

Seeing this reaction, Xu Linshuang raised his eyebrows with an "I see" expression on his face: "Oh——"

Realizing that Xu Linshuang had set him up, Yang Siyuan stabbed down angrily again.

Seeing him like this, Xu Linshuang didn't provoke him anymore, and smiled back to his seat.

Since the two of them met, Yang Siyuan would ask some questions about LGBT groups from time to time, and Xu Linshuang would do his best to give him popular science. He could feel that Yang Siyuan was a blank slate in terms of emotions, and he didn't understand his own at all. What is the attribute of that liking, so I panicked and wanted to know more.

But Yang Siyuan never said who he liked, and Xu Linshuang didn't bother to ask. This is good, he can get the words out of the way, and he doesn't know whether Yang Siyuan is naive or too stupid.

But Yang Siyuan didn't mean to hide it on purpose, he just felt that if they were in love, then he would definitely tell others what treasure Li Yu'an was.But the problem is, in his cognition, this is just his own unrequited love, and he has no right to talk about Li Yuan with others.

But he still misses him, the kind of miss that can make him think all day long as long as he can have a little relationship with him no matter what.

For example, now, when he was doing math problems, he would think of Li Yu'an.

If only Li Yu'an was here, he would definitely sit beside him, push his glasses, read these few questions carefully, and then he would be able to explain clearly to him fluently and clearly without writing a draft.

He will use a peaceful, patient, and gentle voice to explain every knowledge point and every step to him.

Yang Siyuan just thought about Li Yu'an in this way, and then the whole person would quiet down, and the sound of his heart was deafeningly set off against it.

"Li Yu'an. I've already agreed not to miss you..." He whispered, then rubbed his forehead on his arm.

He often fell asleep thinking about it like this, and when he woke up, it was already night.

Then I practice guitar for a while, read a book, do my homework, and sleep.

He has no social activities, no department tasks, and no competitions, as if he has not yet stepped out of the high school learning rhythm, he is still a well-behaved test student.

Maybe it's really because he hasn't figured out college life yet, so he has been like this without feeling stressed.

Until December, Xu Linshuang asked him if he wanted to apply for the project.

"A begging cup? What's that?" Yang Siyuan wiped his mouth and asked after finishing his meal.

"You really..." Xu Linshuang shook his head helplessly. "You really don't care about anything. The Qiushi Cup is something similar to a competition in the school. A few people form a team, then find a topic, write a project proposal, apply, and after the application, the project can be completed. In the future, scholarship selection can add points, which should also be of some help to the resume."

"Oh...then you want to pull me into the team?" Yang Siyuan nodded, understanding a bit.

"Well, I feel that you are very serious and reliable." Xu Linshuang said.

Yang Siyuan shook his head quickly: "Don't, don't... If someone else says I still believe it, forget it, you are so good, can I get into your eyes?"

"You're just outstanding. You speak very well when I usually ask you about microeconomics." Xu Linshuang said.

Yang Siyuan: "..."

He speaks well because he has worked hard to learn.He is not interested in economics, but since he has accepted his fate, he has to study hard in order to work.If you are not interested, it will inevitably be more painful to learn. He has forgotten how many times he has been patient to read those nouns and wants to give up.

Those words are tall, powerful, and can bluff people, but he doesn't find any fun at all.

When Chen Limei was telling the stories of those financial bigwigs to the teachers, he didn't feel it either.He doesn't want to make millions every year in the financial world, he just wants to have a hut where he can paint quietly, and the income is enough for him to live on.

Of course, on the train of his life, Chen Limei was still the driver. He said it wouldn't work how the train would go.

"What about the others, who else did you find?" After a while, Yang Siyuan asked.

Xu Linshuang said a few more names. Yang Siyuan didn't know any of them, but he had heard of one or two people, and they were all very powerful and motivated people.

So many excellent people come together to do a project, it must be a success.

Yang Siyuan thought for a while, and then said: "The ones you mentioned are all very powerful. I'm afraid I will be delayed."

"Why are you holding back?" Xu Linshuang frowned. "Do you have such a big misunderstanding of your own abilities?"

"Uh..." Yang Siyuan smiled. "Then...then count me in, I'll do my best."

Seeing that he agreed, Xu Linshuang stretched his brows, nodded and said "yes".

Yang Siyuan said that he would do his best, but when he really started looking for a project, he realized that he didn't even know the direction of his efforts.

It's terrible. This kind of research originally requires people to have a sensitivity to the profession and be able to perceive some problems in the industry, so that they can propose good topics.But Yang Siyuan didn't have the slightest interest in finance, and usually didn't pay attention to relevant news at all. Now, when others discuss topics, he doesn't know what they are talking about.

What kind of credit model, financial traps, reasonable tax avoidance... He completely, completely does not understand.

Because the discussion took a long time, they took a break in the middle. In just ten minutes, he saw someone turn on the computer to look at the stocks.

It's only the first half of the semester of freshman year, and there are already people who know how to trade in stocks.Yang Siyuan couldn't help being surprised.

The discussion lasted for four hours. From dawn to dusk, there were three or four topics left, and the team unanimously decided to send them to the instructor to let the teacher see which one was suitable.

When he went back, Yang Siyuan was in a daze, and then a wave of panic swept over him, which immediately made him tense up.

It's different...it's not the same as his usual life.

When he checked the information with Xu Linshuang, he realized that he didn't understand too much.In terms of this major, he knew too little and too little, and he didn't have the slightest thirst for knowledge. He didn't want to explore the so-called mysteries of economy at all.

In the dead of night, he would seriously think about his future.

Yes, I am not interested in this major at all, and even feel disgusted.But he has already walked this path. If he doesn't do this business, what's the use of him going to this university to learn these things?Besides, his major is finance, even if he wanted to do something else, would he?

He already decided that he had to take this path, but subconsciously he couldn't accept this major, and he couldn't mobilize his enthusiasm. Except for the tasks assigned by the teacher, he didn't even want to look at them.

But such a depth and breadth of learning is definitely not enough.

It seems that he has unknowingly fallen far behind others... It is only his freshman year, and the gap has already become apparent. He doesn't know how many people he will be left behind after another year.

In this way, at the end of the first half of his freshman year, he finally understood what a university is and what a college student is.

He was forced to move forward by the competitive pressure of the academy, he was tortured, but he couldn't help it.

One day after the topic was decided and he started writing the project proposal, when he and Xu Linshuang were searching for information in the library, he asked, "Do you usually read financial news?"

"Of course, you need to accumulate knowledge little by little to prepare for future work."

"During the first discussion, I saw people looking at stocks." He added.

"It's normal. Many people who study finance will learn to trade stocks." Xu Linshuang said.

But I don't want to.Yang Siyuan said inwardly.

"Oh, by the way, the next time we discuss whether Chen Qi will come, she is going to participate in the final of the audition competition."

...to participate in the audition competition in freshman year?Or the final?

The familiar pressure and tension occupied Yang Siyuan's brain again. He let out an "oh" and then looked down at the book, but he couldn't see anything.

……

Li Yu'an's arm was completely healed, he had been Yang Guo for three months, when the doctor said it was all right, he let out a long sigh of relief as if seeing Xiao Longnu.

It's not because he recovered from his health, but because he can finally go back to make money, and money is his little dragon girl.

After returning from Xiaofeng's house two or three months ago, he began to write manuscripts day and night. He just decided to eat well, and now he was slapped in the face by himself.

But he can't take care of it for the time being. He wants to make more money, at least guaranteeing that he can pay back part of it every month.

He also thought seriously about Xiaofeng's words - about whether he should bear this crime, but after so long, there is still no clear answer.But one thing he was sure of was that he had to pay back the money, and if he didn't, who else could the victim go to?

He was always responsible for the blood running through his body.

December, the last month of 2009, Li Yu'an thought he would never think of the special things of this month, but when that day came, he still panicked.

December 12rd is Yang Siyuan's birthday.

At zero o'clock on the 23rd, he hadn't fallen asleep yet, lying on the bed and forcing himself to empty his mind, forcing himself to forget the date of the day.

Of course, he definitely couldn't do it.

He lived alone for 20 years, like crawling and rolling in the abyss of the valley, his whole body was covered with injuries, and all he could see was darkness. At the end, a beam of light suddenly appeared, illuminating his whole world. How could he forget This beam of light?

Not only was it impossible to forget, but he would miss it even more frantically because he was plunged into darkness again.

If I hadn't seen the sun, I could have endured the darkness.He thought he probably understood what this poem meant.

As long as he closes his eyes, he will think of the steaming heat a year ago, the conversation they had lying on the same bed that night.

At that time, Yang Siyuan praised him earnestly, while he was clutching the bed sheet tightly, his heart beating wildly.

Presumably, at that time, he had already been moved.

Li Yuan closed his eyes and let out a breath.

But he still couldn't sleep.

Although Yang Siyuan is cheerful, he doesn't seem to have many friends. He doesn't seem to like making many friends.

Now...is there anyone celebrating his birthday?

He must be eating cake, right?After all, who would eat hot pot on their birthday?

It's been a year, will he think of his birthday last year?

Does he remember what he said that night?

he……

All the conjectures and unanswered questions were all based on that unspeakable name as the subject. It seemed that the things emanating from this subject had a magical power, which firmly locked Li Yu'an's mind, making him unable to think of anything else. matter.

He actually tried to forget him, it was a fantasy.

On the 23rd, he spent a whole day in the bookstore, and felt a little more relaxed when he came back at night. After writing the manuscript patiently for a while, he found that there was no manuscript paper, so he got up to buy it.

The winter in the north came quickly and quickly. It was already very cold at the end of December, and the northwest wind whizzed and slapped on the glass, making a shocking sound.

Li Yuan had very few clothes, only one was thicker, which could resist the cold wind.

He flipped through the closet, his eyes rested on the navy blue coat, and then stared at it for a while, and finally resisted touching it, and settled his mind to look for something else.

The other ones were not as thick as that coat, of course, but he didn't want to wear that one.

Not only do I not want to wear it, I don't even want to see it, I don't want to touch it.But he didn't dare to throw it.

If he throws it away...what else is there to prove that Yang Siyuan has appeared in his life?Only those memories that cannot be touched.

Perhaps he will die wearing this coat.he thinks.

He put on a cotton coat indiscriminately, and went out to buy manuscript paper against the cold wind.

Although the metaphors in those compositions are vulgar, they are really vivid.Li Yu'an was walking on the road, when the cold wind hit his face, it really cut like a knife, as if his face had been cut with many dense wounds, which made him feel stinging constantly, and then his face became stiff as if he was paralyzed.

The cold wind kept drilling into his clothes, sticking to his skin, seeping in through the pores, and then eroding the blood to the bone marrow.

As expected, not long after returning home, he developed a fever.

He was also used to it, and he didn't pay attention. He took the medicine and continued to write the manuscript as usual. After finishing writing, he fell down on the bed in a daze.

The 23rd is coming soon.Li Yu'an held the phone in his right hand, staring at the clock with his eyes open, motionless.

There are two 10 minutes.

15 minutes……

10 minutes……

Immediately.Be patient, this day will pass soon.He clenched his hand on his forehead slowly, his nails digging into the flesh, and there was a sharp pain.But he didn't dare to relax, he was afraid that if he relaxed, he would collapse and admit defeat.

5 minutes... It's gone, it's going to go.

Finally, when the date changed to 24, he was so relieved that his right hand quickly lost strength and fell down while holding the phone.

passed.I didn't wish him a happy birthday.I hold back.

He still opened his eyes, but this time he lost focus, staring blankly at the darkness in front of him, as if his soul had been absorbed.

After a while, suddenly, he laughed.

There seemed to be only a second of laughter, followed by a few minutes of silence.

After the silence, it was his suppressed cry.

As if he didn't dare to be heard, he tried his best to keep himself silent, but the gasping and sobbing were more heart-wrenching than crying.

What is he crying for?

His heart suddenly shrank and then bounced back suddenly. He curled up like a conditioned reflex, and pressed his fists tightly against his left chest.

What's the use of getting through this day...it's just deceiving yourself...

Miss him so much, miss him like crazy.

The abnormality of the heart did not stop, it was still twitching one after another, and it finally returned to the normal frequency when he was tired from crying.

It turns out... the heartache in the physical sense really exists.