Spring Summer Autumn Winter

In April, after the first preliminary examination, a food poisoning incident occurred in No. [-] Middle School.

It is said that there is something wrong with the side dishes in the halal cafeteria. Almost all those who ate in the halal cafeteria during the exam went to the infirmary.

Coincidentally, Yang Siyuan didn't want to waste time queuing in the cafeteria, and basically went to halal.

There were six people in a dormitory, one Qi Ming left, and three people returned home after being poisoned, leaving Yu Fei and another student to depend on each other in the dormitory.

Since it was discovered relatively early, the situation is not very serious, but after leaving the hospital, I still have to go home and rest for a while.When Chen Limei took Yang Siyuan back to the dormitory to pack things, Yu Fei also just returned to the dormitory.

"I can't rest for a few days. I have nothing to bring. Just take the sheets back and wash them." Yang Siyuan vomited and had diarrhea for a few days, and was stabbed in the hospital for a few days. Now his body is still weak and he has no strength to speak. .

"Let me do it." Seeing that Chen Limei was struggling to pull the box, Yu Fei went up to help.

"Hey, thank you." Chen Limei hurriedly thanked her, and climbed to the upper bunk to clean up.

The sheet was ripped off, and a doll rolled over from the pillow.

"What is this?" Chen Limei picked up the doll and asked.

Yang Siyuan was in a bad mood and forgot about it.

Young and ineffective, he has no capital to showdown with his parents.

So when he questioned his heart in the middle of the night for the first time, truly accepted the fact that he was gay, and admitted that he liked Li Yu'an, he was also in a panic, worried that Chen Limei would find any clues.

But now, after Chen Limei discovered his sustenance, he didn't feel any disturbance in his heart.

"A doll," he said.

Hearing this, Yu Fei raised his head and glanced at the doll, as if he understood something, he turned to look at Yang Siyuan.

His eyebrows were slightly raised, and there was a little smile on the corner of his mouth.It's like a compliment, but more like a mockery.

This man is disgusting.Yang Siyuan thought.

When Chen Limei went out to go to the bathroom, Yu Fei sat aside and asked him, "That doll doesn't look like you."

"It wasn't me in the first place."

"Is that...'Li Yu'an'?"

Yang Siyuan leaned against Qi Ming's bed rail, didn't turn his head, just turned his gaze over, and said flatly: "If I want to say 'yes', what can you do?"

Yu Fei sneered as if he had heard a joke: "I have such a big temper, I didn't catch up."

"If you have time to take care of me, you might as well go and see Qi Ming." Yang Siyuan closed his eyes and rested, and said.

Yu Fei suppressed his smile and snorted in disgust.

After returning home, Yang Siyuan eats, infusions, reads, and sleeps every day, and doesn't go anywhere except home and the hospital.

His physical fitness is still very good, but he really can't stand the toss, and his high-intensity study since the beginning of school is really terrifying, which made him lose a lot of weight.

He stood in front of the mirror and looked at the man with a vicissitudes of life.

If she lost any more weight, she would catch up with Li Yuan.he thinks.

Li Yu'an Li Yu'an Li Yu'an.

He glanced at the doll thrown on the bed, and a burst of sadness welled up from the bottom of his heart.

Did I ever do something so obvious that Li Yu'an noticed it?

So he left without saying goodbye?

Otherwise, how could he have changed all the contact information, how could he have the heart to let himself not be able to find him?

He is such a considerate person, it is impossible for him to be so unfeeling so easily.

Unless you guessed it right.

Yang Siyuan lowered his head, closed his eyes, clenched his fists, and took a deep breath.

At least it restrained his tears a little.

……

"Miaomiao said you have food poisoning?" Qin Ziliang sent a message at night.

The lights in the room were not turned on, and the moonlight poured in and sprinkled the floor.Yang Siyuan sat on the bed with his back against the wall.

"Well, there's something wrong with the cafeteria."

"How is it now? Is the problem serious?" The news came back quickly, and Qin Ziliang must be very anxious.

"It's all right. After another two days of fluid infusion, I can go back after rest."

"That's good... Shall I tell you something new to make me happy?" Qin Ziliang tried every means to make him relax.

Yang Siyuan didn't have much energy at first, but he didn't want Qin Ziliang's good intentions to go to waste, so he jokingly said, "Why, did you catch your little girlfriend?"

After a while, a long message was sent.

"Hey, stop talking! I really don't understand her. In our department, there is a brother who has a good relationship with me. We often sit together when we eat, but she keeps saying that we are a couple! Tell me what's going on, that's a man, isn't it disgusting!" Followed by three emoticons of vomiting.

Yang Siyuan read this passage word by word, and finally stared at the three expressions for a long time.

The words and exclamation marks made of pixels appear so clear on the small screen, so clear that Yang Siyuan can't ignore even a single stroke.He didn't even have a chance to deceive himself.

The coldness of the wall pierced his back bit by bit at this moment, piercing his heart and lungs, making his heartbeat and breathing extremely difficult.And the chill crawled to his hands along the nerves and blood vessels, making his fingers stiff, and he couldn't even press the keyboard.

After a long time, he regained his body temperature and uttered a few words with difficulty.

"Haha, she must be joking. Then what, my mother urged me to sleep, good night."

"Oh good, sleep well!"

Yang Siyuan threw the phone aside, as if all his strength had been taken away, his head hit the wall heavily, making a muffled sound.

He tilted his head slightly, looked at the moon outside the window, and stretched out his hand to catch the moonlight, but he in the corner couldn't reach it no matter what, so he had to give up in the end.

"Ha." Suddenly, he laughed.

I can't tell what kind of emotion it is, like a wry smile, like a sneer, and like despair after giving up on myself.

Then he kept laughing like a fool, and when he was tired of laughing enough, he stopped and wiped away his disobedient tears, and curled up under the quilt to sleep.

He recovered and returned to school four days later, but he didn't take the doll back with him.

There were a bunch of papers on the table, and a book printed by the school itself. Yang Siyuan picked it up and looked it over, and found that it was the introduction of various universities.

Yu Fei threw a few more papers over to him and said, "You can choose to do it. You have all the answers, and the lectures are all over."

"So many." Yang Siyuan said casually.

"Just do it. What else do you do if it's too simple." Yu Fei tapped the table with a pen in his mouth.

Yang Siyuan flipped through the papers one by one, remembering that when he was tutoring in summer, Li Yu'an would pick out which papers and questions he was going to do.

"...Mm." He silently responded.

Yu Fei couldn't sit still, took out an apple from the table and gnawed it, pointed to the university introduction and said: "The old director asked everyone to choose three schools, sprint for one, fight for one, and guarantee one. Choose it Then write him a note."

"Oh."

The brochure is full of books, ranked according to the level of level, at a glance, Yang Siyuan only thinks that he has heard of these universities, but he doesn't understand them.

He suddenly remembered that he once wanted to enter the Academy of Fine Arts.

That "once" seems to be an untouchable past.

He has not drawn for a long time.I only drew a little bit last time, and my patience and enthusiasm were exhausted very quickly, and I didn't even finish the draft in the end.

what happened?

Since when... he became like this?

The withering of dreams is too heavy a topic, which involves Yang Siyuan's thoughts, so he can't help but use it as a starting point to search for every loss and abandonment he has had during this period of time.

Arguing with parents, watching parents part ways, becoming awkward with Fan Li, falling in love with the same person as Chen Miao, becoming the gay Qin Ziliang hates the most, losing the dreams he had chased, studying aimlessly, procrastinating broke my body...

Growth is a process, and all kinds of things in the process are hidden in the gap of time, making it difficult for people to detect.And when the person concerned finally realizes, those once owned, consummated, and cherished things are bound by time and rush away, not even a shadow left behind.

Under the bright lights in the training room, Yang Siyuan felt that he had nowhere to escape.

For the first time, he felt that he didn't seem happy.

In the end, he obediently chose three schools he was more familiar with, wrote some high-sounding reasons on paper, and handed them over to the head teacher.

Of course, none of them were art colleges.

Because, when he wanted to make the final struggle that night, he suddenly found that his mind was empty when facing a piece of white paper that could be scribbled on at will.

He couldn't even write a pen.

……

Spring is a warm season, and the flowers in the bookstore bloom very well. Although Li Yu'an is not very good at taking care of them, he can still recognize a few varieties.

Cen Huan doesn't seem to be very good at planting hyacinths. He died a few times after trying a few times, but he had no choice but to give up in the end.

"Ah... am I against it?" After the seventh pot of hyacinth died, she pinched the poor petal and muttered.

Li Yu'an was still tidying up the bookshelves nearby, and said casually, "It's fine if you don't plant them well, other flowers are also pretty."

Cen Huan patted him with a smile: "Yeah, just like you, good-looking is good-looking, but you can't catch up with him."

"...Don't make jokes like this." You have a boyfriend now, Li Yuan complained silently.

"What's the matter, don't worry, I don't mean that to you a long time ago. My boyfriend bakes bread for me every day. Are you envious?"

Cen Huan didn't seem to want to listen to his answer, so he finished speaking on his own, and then trotted out.

Fortunately, she didn't need to answer, because Li Yu'an really didn't know what to say.

Say "envy"?But the bread baked by her boyfriend may not be as delicious as Yang Siyuan's.

Say "not envious"?How can it be.

Humans are greedy creatures. Even a person like Li Yu'an, who has only tasted sweetness once, will have an aftertaste and look forward to getting the same sweetness again.

If he hadn't crossed that line, if he could still be friends with Yang Siyuan now, would Yang Siyuan still bake him bread when he was hungry?

That bread must be oddly shaped, and one side must be burnt and black, but when you bite into it, it has a strong smell of wheat, mixed with a little milk.

Crispy and soft, just like a person who bakes bread.

But he couldn't eat any more.

It was he who broke the way.

Some books were to be temporarily stored in the cabinet under the bookshelf, so Li Yuan squatted down.As a result, he lost his mind, squatted for a long time, and one leg was completely numb. When he got up, he staggered and almost fell down.

After get off work, he took two magazines in which his articles were published, and walked slowly on the street.

A month ago, "Initiation" magazine approached him and wanted to sign him as a columnist.

The magazine is not big, it has not been open for a long time, so the selection of manuscripts is not very strict, and Li Yu'an's writing style is really good, so this magazine published his articles several times.

It is also very lucky, after all, Li Yu'an is not a full-time writer, and the time to write articles is not long.

He just went by chance at the beginning, after all, what he wrote was not in line with the main tone of "Inception".

The market positioning of "Sprout" is adolescent boys and girls, but Li Yu'an's writing, except for some simple compositions, is mostly thinking and discussion. He has never written a single word about the ignorant feelings of youth.

When the editor talked to him, he said that he split a sea with words and hid all his emotions in it.

Li Yu'an thought he was not good enough, so he shirked it several times, but the magazine kept finding him again and again, expressing that he must be signed.

Of course, the treatment of the columnist is much better. Li Yuan has never wavered, but every time he is defeated by self-doubt, as if he is not worthy of this kind of treatment.

However, during the last conversation, Li Yu'an was finally persuaded and agreed.

But he didn't have much impression of those contract terms.

What really made him stay was a sentence the editor inadvertently said.

"When a book writer puts pen to paper, what he writes is actually himself."

……

A month has passed, and the latest issue of "Initiation" opened his column and published his first article as a columnist.

The warming spring breeze blew on his face, caressing like a pair of gentle hands.

The moon is almost full, and the moonlight is bright, overlapping with the colored lights on the street, wrapped in the sound of sirens, hawking, and talking, hugging the shoulders of every pedestrian, and laughing with them on the way home.

Li Yu'an took a deep breath, and many types of aroma slipped into his nostrils.

It's the smell of fireworks on earth.

He lowered his head and flipped through the magazine, gently brushing the name with his fingertips.

He took a pseudonym for himself, called Li Yuan.