He is not worthy

I was very excited. I took down the painting and told him that I don't want money for him.

Then he laughed, and he said, that's not okay.

Later he invited me to dinner and I invited him to a movie.He probably has never been to a movie theater. The first time I asked him if he wanted popcorn, he asked me what popcorn was.

We ate five meals, watched four movies, shared five or six playlists, and talked about the whole tomorrow.At the end of the date, he tilted his head and kissed me.

I'm in love, I'm in love, totally in love with him.

But in the end, I am not so lucky. He lost his memory, forgot about me, and hated me by the way.

He threw the painting I gave him at the auction house.

I heard someone quote, once, twice, thrice, and that hammer tapped softly.I couldn't help but look at him. In the dim light, his place was already empty.

There was a party after the auction and I bought my painting of a businessman who does architecture.

They called me over. I have encountered this kind of scene once, and it is unforgettable.

I called Bowen and told him to come pick me up.He said he was stopped outside and couldn't get in at all.

I wanted to glue myself to the chair, but someone came over, so I had to stand up and go to the box.I don't quite understand why those businessmen who are pursuing art want to know the painters behind the paintings after they buy them.

I thought that Shen Yan told me before that they would find it more exciting to play with artists than to appreciate works.

The door of the box was opened from inside, it was very dark inside, I was pushed a little, I heard someone laughing, they said, "Look, here comes the great painter."

I walked over, there was a table full of wine, men and women sat together, and my painting was thrown in the corner.

"Ms. Zhao, you are here, come and sit here."

I was pulled over and squeezed between the two, and the strong smell of perfume gave me a headache.Someone squeezed over, and a glass of wine was placed on my mouth. I looked at him with a strange face, and said in a low voice, "Hello."

"Have a drink, your painting is really expensive."

It was useless for me to refuse such a light sentence, my mouth was filled with alcohol.

I don't hate drinking, I just hate socializing.

I failed to heed Bowen's advice, and drank a lot of alcohol. Later, when I got excited, someone smoked marijuana and asked me if I wanted it. I took the cigarette and secretly threw it away.I took the microphone and started singing, and everyone looked at me, probably amused, that profane art satisfies their vanity, as long as they have money.

I was drunk again, lost the microphone and went to the sofa, looking for a place to rest.

Before I could sit down, my arm was pulled. I opened my eyes and turned to look.The dim light converged, Shen Yan's face flickered, and he stared at me.I felt like I was dreaming. I rubbed my eyes and moved closer, but my shoulders were pushed away. I was shocked, and then I heard him say: "Zhao Wenjia, what are you doing?"

When I came back to my senses, I felt chills all over my body, and my spine gradually stiffened. I might be turning into a living fossil.

He was here all the time?He's been watching since I came in?

I couldn't believe it and turned into anger. Those emotions filled me up. My body reacted before my brain. I shook his hand away. I stood up and said to him, "Don't worry about it."

He laughed, and sat back, "I didn't want to bother you, it's just that you look so ugly."

Shen Yan is indeed different from what I understand.

Maybe Shen Yan is such a person in essence, ruthless and mean.

But the former him, the one who loved me, would put away these edges and corners in front of me.He likes to be coquettish, likes to stay in bed, and will get up early to make breakfast for me, although he is not a good cook.When it rains in summer, we move a chair and sit at the gate, the rain is very cold, I hold the drawing board, he curls up in the chair, and I secretly draw him.When he woke up, I showed him the painting. He didn't like it when he said it was ugly, so I took a pencil and wrote the word "handsome" on my face.We both laughed together.

I love him so much, I love him who remembers me so much.

I fled from the party in a panic, and Bowen managed to come in. I asked him to wait for me outside the men's room door. I pushed open the stall door and threw up on the toilet bowl with my stomach throbbing.I didn't eat at night, and after throwing up, my stomach felt like it had been burned, with bursts of pantothenic acid.I lost my strength, turned over and sat on the ground, covering my hot face with my hands.

Bowen called me outside, my throat was dry, I grabbed the skirt and unbuttoned it, I opened my mouth, but no sound came out.

I tried to stand up by myself, and pulled the handrail with my hands on the ground. My legs seemed to have been discounted. I staggered and fell, and fell after taking a few steps.I lay on the ground, and I was glad that there was no one else in this place, otherwise it would be embarrassing.

I feel a bit miserable, the wine I drank has made my brain confused and my stomach is almost useless.I lay down on the ground, my whole body became lazy, and I didn't want to get up. It would be fine if I just kept lying down like this.

I closed my eyes in a daze, and I don't know how long it took. I felt a chill on my face, my wrist was squeezed hard, and I opened my eyes.

Shen Yan squatted in front of me, I looked at him dully, he saw my stupid look in his eyes.

He sighed, "Zhao Wenjia..."

He called my name, but with just three words, tears filled my eyes. I looked at him expectantly, thinking that his memory-lost head had recovered from being hit by a meteor.

He said to me, "Stop drinking."

My eyes greedily copied him, and I was about to cry with joy, so I said excitedly, "Okay."

Then he let go of me and my back hit the ground and I yanked my eyelids open and I watched him disappear from my sight and Bowen came in.

I was helped up by Bowen, and he asked me what's wrong?

I lowered my head, I was useless and I didn't live up to it, tears fell down, I shook my head and refused to speak.

Maybe Shen Yan still has feelings for me. After all, I have been with him for two years, and I have been tirelessly teaching him the poignant love story of how he loves me, how I love him, and how we love each other.

That's why he was worried and came to see me.

Thinking about it this way at least made me feel less sad.

Hope is like the gap in a clogged sewer through which trash emotions slip through.

I decided to quit drinking.

Alcohol makes me happy, sobriety makes me cranky.

Bowen was deeply touched by this, and he told me that I should go to a psychiatrist.

It's not that I haven't seen a psychiatrist, it's just that I'm a little resistant to telling another person my privacy. I tried it before but gave up.I bought some counseling books on coping with the stress of depression, and I tried to be the negotiator of the settlement myself.

In June, I moved an exhibition of my works in the Red Art Museum.

There were a lot of people on the first day of the exhibition, including the builder who bought my painting at Sotheby's.I don't remember his face, it was only when he revealed his identity that I remembered.The smile on his face disgusted me, and I asked Bowen to say hello for me and sneaked away by myself.

The exhibition is divided into four halls. When I walked in, there was only one painting in the innermost one, which was a piece of blue.

I went inside, stood outside the blue, and then slowly stopped.

I saw Shen Yan.

I didn't dare to go up, so I just stood a few steps away and stared blankly at him.

I couldn't help wondering why he came?

I was very excited, and my whole body was shaking.Probably because I was panting too loudly, he noticed something and turned around to see me.He walked towards me, Shen Yan was a head taller than me, I looked at him with my neck slightly raised, I restrained my emotions, smiled, and asked him: "You...why are you here?"

He lowered his head, "Just passing by."

I held my breath, he paused, and said to me: "I have something to tell you, I'm getting married soon, so please, don't tell us about our past. If my fiancée finds out, it will be very troublesome. "

I feel that I am not far from death.

Shen Yan had two relationships with girls before me.He was with me, came out with his family, was cut off financially, and lived with me in a rented house. He threatened his own future in life. Later, his family couldn't hold him back, but they never really accepted us.

If he hadn't been with me, he would have been married and had children in his 30s.He is the person who is inlaid in the certificate, and he has a smooth sailing and a bright future.Now that he said that he was going to get married, I seemed to see the cracks in him that were deviated because of me slowly closing, and he became an indestructible shield, and I couldn't get in anymore.

I said to him, "I won't bless you."

Not only do I not bless him, but I also curse him for an early divorce every day.

He smiled, as if he didn't care, and said to me: "I have an agreement, are you free, come and sign it when you are free."

"What agreement?"

"Non-disclosure agreement," he said.

He wanted to give me a large sum of money, and asked me to promise that I would dig a hole somewhere to bury my past with him and rot in it, so that I would never mention it again in my life.

After listening to him, anger suddenly took over my body.I clenched my fists, stepped forward, put my fingers against his chest, and stared at him fiercely, "You can forget all this, but I can't."

Shen Yan said nothing, I was panting, I was so angry that I was about to cry, I choked up, and I said, "You can't bully people like this, Shen Yan, you can't bully me like this. I promised you everything, what am I... I promise you everything."

He held my hand lightly, with a very gentle grip, the feeling almost made me think that what he just said was a joke.

But he said to me, "Zhao Wenjia, forget me too."

I searched for "how to forget a memory" and got the answer, if you don't love it, you will forget it.

A few days later, Shen Yan came to the studio to look for me.he