Kidney loss

Shen Yan was awakened by the sound of entering the door. When he opened his eyes, his vision was blurry. His body felt unspeakably sore from the sitting sleeping position. It was more like a heavy stone was pressed on his chest, and he was even a little out of breath... But despite the In this way, he still sat up straight with difficulty while holding on to the armrest, and propped his head in a decent posture.

He sat awake for a few seconds, after thinking about it, he got up and opened the curtains behind him. The sunlight shone in through the glass of the floor-to-ceiling windows, causing Shen Yan to squint his eyes.And at this moment, Su Jianian broke in, the young man who had always been gentle in dealing with things became a little impatient today, he walked to the table with long legs and put his phone on the table, making a lot of noise.

Su Jianian came here by running, and he was still a little out of breath. He had no expression on his usual smiling face. He opened the listening page and clicked play.

Shen Yan didn't have a good rest at all, she was so exhausted, and was so frightened by the sound of the phone being tapped by the other party just now, that she almost had a nervous breakdown.After finally wiping her face and regaining consciousness a little, she said in a hoarse voice, "...what do you mean?"

His mind was in a mess right now, he didn't hear a single note of Su Jianian's song, he just felt noisy: "Turn off the sound first..."

It was rare for Su Jianian to have a stubborn temper. He looked at the elderly superior in front of him, and for the first time showed great disappointment: "...Brother Shen, is this what you mean?"

Shen Yan didn't understand: "What do you mean?"

"...I know that the later stage is very strong now, but this is not the work I want." Su Jianian lowered his eyes and lowered his voice, "If my singing is not good enough, you can tell me, I can practice harder, It's not...not using this kind of thing to deceive people, I don't want to make achievements, I just want to realize a dream..."

He was talking in bits and pieces, but he was actually wronged, and it seemed like an emotional outburst, but in fact, Shen Yan could stop it with just a word of comfort or praise—it's a pity that he came at an untimely time.

Shen Yan is too tired, there are too many things on his body these days, he habitually endures and carries them - the truth is that no one can tell him, maybe Su Jianian is a good choice, but Shen Yan is not willing He asked the other party to worry about it with him, so he didn't say a word.

But no matter how much he can resist him, he is still a human being, and it is not that his body is indestructible. Maybe he could find a corner to repair it a little bit before, but now Su Jianian brought him out, and he took his hand to stand in a wider area. place, but pushed him back today.

Now what Shen Yan wants is not the other party's inexplicable temper, what he wants is a hug, even if it can't change anything, at least he won't feel so uncomfortable.

Until now, Shen Yan found that he was still alone, resisting, crying, and suffering... The person he cared about did not understand him, failed to see his fatigue and boredom, and even poured fire on him. Oil - the brain is messy and dull due to lack of sleep, and the anger caused by complaints is getting hotter and hotter.Shen Yan laughed ironically, grabbed the phone that was chattering on the table, and threw it out.

A loud noise exploded in the closed room, interrupting Su Jianian's grievances and complaints. The latter slightly opened his eyes wide with unstoppable sadness. Unfortunately, Shen Yan, who was too tired to open his eyes, did not see.

He lowered his head, pressed his swollen temples hard, and said in a hoarse voice, "...you came to see me today, just to talk about this?"

"..." Su Jianian bit his lip, and tightly clenched the hem of his clothes with his fingers hanging by his side, "It wasn't originally..." But he was not reconciled, and asked in a low voice with some last hope: " I just want to know why."

The string in his head broke with a "snap", Shen Yan smiled, even though he was dizzy and nauseous at the moment, he was able to lean back on the chair as if nothing had happened, condescending He raised his legs.

"You want to know why? I'll tell you why...Because it's almost unreal to want to debut as a singer at your level. I'm willing to give you a chance. We only signed a one-year contract..." He said here , After all, I couldn't bear to speak too harshly.But this was already a blow to Su Jianian. The young man's tall body shook for a moment, and tears rushed to his eyes almost instantly, but he held back them—he had so much to say, but he knew he didn't With so many qualifications, this relationship has been unequal from the beginning, but Shen Yan has never put on airs, and has always been so doting, which gave him the illusion that "you can be more willful".

Su Jianian admitted that he had a great affection for Shen Yan when they first met, and that's why he said such words as "encouragement" after the first relationship, but he seemed to deliberately ignore one point, that is, when he It seems that the process of chasing dreams by all means is, in the eyes of the other party, a kind of self-sacrificing "degeneration"... So even though he secretly wrote down every clear account, and has the intention to pay back all of it in the future, he still can't get rid of his status. The embarrassment caused by the balance.

The self-esteem cultivated since he was a child made Su Jianian instinctively avoid digging into this issue, but now it is finally because the conflict between the two is on the surface, he is not qualified to judge Shen Yan, but he knows that he still disappointed.

"...I thought you would be different." With a trembling voice, he dropped the last sentence, Su Jianian turned around and fled the room that suffocated him, but he couldn't see the moment when he turned his back, There were bloodshot eyes in Shen Yan's eyes.

With the sound of closing the door, Shen Yan was alone in the room again. Sitting in the soft seat, his already stiff arms were propped up on the table, and his elbows felt slightly numb when they touched the hard table.

He maintained this posture, covered his face, his nose trembled slightly to suppress the surging pain, his face under his palm was slightly distorted by the pain, he wanted to sigh, but his breath was trembling, and the small crying sound came from his teeth Squeezed out from the crack, only to be covered by gasps for a moment.

After sitting stiffly for ten minutes, he stood up unsteadily and threw himself into the bathroom.

In the next few days, Shen Yan devoted himself to his work, maybe he really had nothing else to do, and under his efforts to turn the tide, various projects have improved somewhat.But the day and night reversal and messy meals for a week are endangering his body. If this goes on for a long time, Shen Yan will collapse one day, but he can't stop.

As long as there is a little free time, as soon as you close your eyes, Su Jianian's figure will involuntarily emerge, bringing all the good memories together... It is obviously a matter that happened not long ago, but now it is already happening bit by bit away.

He was even in a trance—did I really push him away?And also quietly held a little hope that Su Jianian would come to apologize.But Shen Yan knew, he knew that the gentle young man was actually more stubborn than anyone else, and stronger than any of his lovers; he was simple and straightforward, with a clear distinction between likes and dislikes, this is what Shen Yan liked about him, and he also I tried to connive and maintain the naive idealism of the other party, but in the end I still lost to reality.

Like a white flower, it cannot bloom in the air for a long time without the dirty soil.

They are fundamentally people of two worlds, from the moment they meet.

What Su Jianian wanted was a dream regardless of the price, but Shen Yan only wanted desire. Now that the dream was shattered, only desire remained.

... But those confessions that reveal their true feelings, those harmonious and warm relationships, are they all transactions related to interests?Shen Yan knew it wasn't, but right now, right and wrong have lost their meaning, and they broke up because of an ordinary misunderstanding, but they didn't have the courage to explain it.

How should I speak?That's right, I just saw your face at first?Or am I really too tired recently, please forgive me for my bad tone yesterday?

But even if you say that, can you make up for the damage caused?What's more, Shen Yan didn't lie, he just revealed the truth hidden under the pink dream - the dream that Su Jianian was chasing was destined to be empty talk, and there was only so much he could give him.

Businessmen will weigh the pros and cons, this is Shen Yan's instinct for many years, not to mention that they have only known each other for less than half a year, and the time from meeting to falling in love is so short, so short that it is a bit unreal.

The brain that was so stimulated by emotions finally ushered in the due cooling-off period, so Shen Yan thought to wait a little longer, maybe it's just the secretion of hormones on her head, and she doesn't like the other party that much?

So he devoted himself wholeheartedly to his work, not daring to relax a bit, for fear that he would bow to Su Jianian on impulse - but why?

He is probably the hardest beneficiary... Not to mention spending money to be punished, but even bowing his head after a quarrel, how can there be such a loss-making business in the world?But even so, Shen Yan still didn't mention the termination of the contract.

He didn't want to let go like this, but he didn't want to bow his head. He didn't even want to think about it anymore, so he could only use work to relieve the emotional pressure. This state lasted for half a month.In the past half a month, Shen Yan's family went to the company at two o'clock and one line, and found a [-]/[-] housekeeper to take care of the coffee, but without Su Jianian's constant reminders, the food is always on the table. I don’t know how many times I turned it in the microwave oven, cup after cup of black coffee, my eyes were flushed from the boil, but I was still awake. When it finally came to an end, I lay on the bed repeatedly and couldn’t fall asleep, so I opened the head of the bed again and found the usual Swallow one tablet of melatonin with water.The cold water dripped into the stomach with the pills, but it was not as effective as the cup of warm milk warmed by Su Jianian himself.

Even Shen Yan didn't realize that he lived and worked so self-torturously, just waiting for a soft word from the other party, but he never got it.

On the other hand, Su Jianian, the matter of the virtual record gave him a big blow, and he was even confused for a while, not knowing whether his desperate pursuit of dreams would continue.But he has also endured the hardships along the way, and if he chooses to give up like this, he will be very unwilling.

But once he thought of Shen Yan's words, it seemed as if all his courage had been taken away—yes, he also knew that he had no talent, so he kept thanking Shen Yan for being willing to give him such a chance, but he couldn't accept it. The other party told the truth.

It was like a basin of cold water poured over his head, and the cold wind blew, freezing to the bone. Even the heart that was not afraid of difficulties and obstacles at the beginning was frosted. He had no motivation to move forward and could only wander helplessly in the same place.

If he chooses to continue, then he will face another problem, which is to maintain this unequal status... Previously, it was Shen Yan who was willing to give in, which allowed his arrogant self-esteem to breathe, but now the other party is not happy. He is unwilling to become one of the many playthings under the knees of the superior.

Because he couldn't bear the way Shen Yan hugged others, couldn't bear the other party's smile at others, even the most basic touch - Su Jianian had Su Jianian's paranoia, like something that was carefully cherished after being fancy, was thrown away. If others take it away, no matter how good your temper is, you will be angry.

Is he too greedy?

Su Jianian also thought about this before. In fact, he has always been a generous person. He comes from a famous family but has no pretensions. He never uses his status to overwhelm others... But Shen Yan is the most independent existence he has ever seen. He wanted to capture him, hug him, possess him—from the first moment he saw him.

Why is there such a strong emotion that cannot be resolved?Because the young master who grew up in the ivory tower was tired of seeing the same scenery at the bottom of the tower, and Shen Yan was the first glass of wine he ordered after entering the world of flowers for the first time. Ice cubes to dilute - but that would destroy the purity of the wine, so he chose to light it with fire.

Looking at the blue flame jumping in the cup, it will automatically extinguish after entering the cup, turning into a spicy hot stream, pouring into the stomach, igniting every blood vessel and cell - this is the feeling Shen Yan gave him, just like that person's name.

Now that the fire was quietly extinguished, and Su Jianian stood in the world with a corner missing, he finally realized that the feeling was love at first sight.

It turned out that I liked him.

Turns out I liked him from the beginning.

Like the first spring thunder that breaks through the glacier - the frost on my heart melts in the spring breeze, colorful soap bubbles are blown all over the sky by the wind, and the memories of their time together are played on each bubble , Half a year can be said to be long or short, but unconsciously he remembers so many things.

Su Jianian didn't want to give up his dream, nor did he want to give up on Shen Yan, this was the first time in his life that he was greedy, even if he couldn't have both, he still had to give it a try...

Because that's who he is.

It's the kind that Shen Yan likes - a simple, paranoid, naive and stupid idealist.